Weakness

I’m not sure what’s wrong with me, but I think it’s the flu. I woke up with a sore throat yesterday, then proceeded to feel rough all over until I crashed on the bed. Things have just gotten worse since then. I’ve just had to get up early for a grocery delivery but, had that not been due, I’d probably have stayed in bed until… erm… what month is it? Anyway, I did want to go out for a drink yesterday, as it’s supposed to snow this week, but I cancelled due to this. I’m glad I did, as it clearly wasn’t a false alarm. I was keen to get out for some “fresh air” before potentially being shut in for ages but, well, you’ve got to chose your battles sometimes. The grocery order was meant to be the second best to going out: a shitload of beer. While I’m not really in the mood to drink now, I still may, as there’s the very real chance the combination of the flu and alcohol may kill me. Not that I’m feeling melodramatic or anything. Alas!

Oh, it took me less than twenty-four hours after my last post to snap and buy a new acoustic guitar. It’s a brand I’ve never heard of before, but it was the right body shape, finish, price point and the demos on YouTube left me in tears. Good tears, of course. Plus I wanted something unique. It’s a beautiful instrument, although I may change the strings to something lighter, as they’re pretty hardcore. I’ve found the type that are on my Gibson acoustic, so I’ll try ordering some of those. They’re only, like, a fiver, which is great. I thought they’d be fifty quid or something. Crazy days.

So, yes, I’m managing to burn through that back-payment pretty quickly. It’ll probably all be gone by my birthday, but at least I won’t get used to having a sense of financial security for too long. That isn’t the way for a poor disabled homo to feel.

I’m writing this post as I really can’t decide what to do with myself. Should I continue gaming in my pjs (actually just an old t-shirt), or take a bath and maybe start drinking. Sigh. Why is life so complicated?! This paragraph should go at the top of the post, but I’m too sick to copy-paste stuff around.

I’m onto Season 7 of Modern Family now, and still laughing! I have a rule/theory that most sitcoms start getting unwatchable around the fifth season, but this is still working for me. I have three rules a sitcom shouldn’t break: don’t change the core concept AKA situation of your SITUATION comedy (otherwise you may as well just start a new show with a different title); always stay true to the characters (when your actors stop trying and just start doing whatever they want, you’ve got problems); and keep it FUNNY and LIGHT-HEARTED (resorting to births, deaths and marriages is the stuff of soap operas, not comedy). SEE: Red Dwarf for the first point, Friends for the second, and Will & Grace for the third. Thankfully though, Modern Family is avoiding most of my no-nos, although the inclusion of a cute dog and a new baby is pushing the third one a bit.

Golly, I’m getting very profound for someone who feels like they’re about to keel over.

And I’ve not even started drinking.

Yet.

I finished all the stops in the Assassin’s Creed: Origins educational Discovery Tour, so I’m onto the one set in ancient Greece now. Should “ancient” have a capital A? Who knows. Anyway, I’m also downloading the Viking one, so that’ll all keep me busy for a while. Speaking of which, I also bought the complete series boxset of Vikings, which is the usual modern grimdark bollocks, but it’s something to watch, I guess. I do need to expand my pallet a bit.

I’m still in text communication with my old gaming buddy, but unfortunately we’re still on the maybe-once-a-month gaming schedule. If I upload a bunch of clips to YouTube of us both chatting, that’ll just be from about two hours of gameplay. And that’s it. Oh well.

Speaking of gaming, I got really upset the other day when, due to another gamer accidentally having his microphone on, I overheard a mother screaming verbal abuse at her daughter, which I felt crossed the line. The mother sounded just awful. Anyway, after briefly hesitating (and texting a couple of friends to ask if I should), I saved the gameplay footage and sent it to the police. They do say that you should report it if you overhear domestic abuse going on but, as you can probably guess, the police just got back to me to say that there was nothing they could do. I spent the rest of the day in bed, due to feeling disturbed by what I’d heard and powerless to help someone. It’s made the world a little darker for me. I just don’t get people anymore. I’ve uploaded the clip to YouTube, although it’s set to Unlisted, so you can only watch it if you have a direct link to it, such as below. Warning: it’s very upsetting, but apparently not upsetting enough for the police to do anything about.

And, yes, that is my voice at the end asking the player if they're alright. They never replied.

I feel like I should type something more uplifting to lighten the mood. I’m breaking one of my sitcom rules here, aren’t I?

Urgh, no, I’ve got nothing. I think I’m gonna go run my bath before drinking away how miserable everything is all the time. Then maybe order some Chinese food. I do like grilled dumplings.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

Contemporary Strangers

Two major life-changing events have happened to me since my last post: I finally got my act together and bought a new washing machine, and I’ve started and finished a twelve-hour history lecture on ancient Mesopotamia.

Things will never be the same again.

Well, by that hyperbole I mean that my flat will smell better and, erm, something relevant about the Middle East. Still, it’s nice to finally have clean sheets and clothes and towels. It’s the little things.

I cancelled that acoustic guitar order, as I really was annoyed how at long it took them to inform me it was out of stock. It was a mistake they’d made, and they should have called me on the phone immediately to give me other options, not leave it three days until late on a Friday afternoon to tell me by email I’d have to wait a few months. That’s not acceptable. When I ordered my new washing machine from a local, independent electrical company (who I assume are busier than a music shop), they rang me by the end of the day to confirm my order and discuss delivery. They didn’t have to, as I’d put in the order at about 1630 that afternoon, so I wasn’t expecting any contact from them until the next day. Now that’s customer service. Luckily, that music shop hadn’t taken any money off me yet, so it’s all cool. I bought an electric guitar from a trusted supplier instead. Suckers!

Speaking of bad customer service, I’ve missed nearly a week of antidepressants and diabetes medication due to how slow my pharmacy works these days. To give myself some credit, I did try ringing them every day this week, but they either didn’t answer, or just hung up on me. I’m getting pretty bad withdrawal symptoms now from both tablets, including the battery acid dizziness from the antidepressants. I also nearly cried during an episode of Modern Family, which ain’t right. I did try picking them up yesterday morning but, of course, they apparently stopped opening on a Saturday morning a few months ago. I mean, why the fuck wouldn’t they?! Am I right?! So I’ll pop out tomorrow, then come home and change my nominated pharmacy (that my GP automatically sends my prescriptions to). I hate going to my local shops anyway, it’s infested with semi-retarded adult chavs and feral street urchins. Yesterday was particularly bad.

Oh yeah, I’m really enjoying Modern Family, by the way. I think I’m into season four now. I was worried that things were starting to falter when they introduced a cute dog for Jay, Gloria and Manny, but things still seem pretty steady. I think Luke is my favourite character. Nolan Gould’s comic timing is flawless, plus I think his relationship with his immature dad is adorable. Second in line for favourite character is Gloria. I don’t think I need to give a reason. I’ve even started talking like her in my head. Seriously, she’s typing this post, not me. I believe Sheffield is twinned with Bogota too, which is convenient.

Belief is a powerful thing.

Since we’ve starting talking again, I send my old gaming buddy daily clips from Modern Family that I find particularly funny. I checked he was ok with it, and he enthusiastically said “yes” and asked for them more frequently. That’s good. Although, he does seem to have gone quiet on me the last few days, as he does. As mentioned in previous posts, he’s very hot and cold in terms of friendship. I’m not expecting much contact with him now for a few weeks. At best. Sigh. My heart just isn’t strong enough for this.

I’ve still not heard anything form my guitar guru either, even after posting a guitar amp demo on YouTube yesterday. I did get a like for it though, so maybe that was from him. He hasn’t left a comment or texted me about it though. Who knows. I had felt he was going quiet on me too, so I’ve steered clear for a while.

Oh yeah, I bought an actual vintage 1954 amplifier last week. It’s lovely! I’m a bit concerned that it may burn my flat down, but I’m always careful to switch my gear off after I practice. The music shop assured me they’d PAT tested it anyway. Hmmm. After I had a really bad fall on the steps leading up to their entranceway, I’ve got my doubts. The steps are a pre-health & safety set of concrete slabs with no railing. Very disability-unfriendly. I also managed to break my white cane in the fall, which really upset me. The impact to my knee, which still hurts, wasn’t much fun either. Oh well, at least I got it done, plus I handed in a guitar I bought last year for a setup. It’s a nice guitar, but it just feels indefinably not-quite-right. They’ll know what to do. I think they’ve had to get a whole new bunch of staff in since the lockdown, and the new repair guy is an absolute sweetie-pie. The last one was very cocky and intimidating, like he knew how irreplaceable he was. I guess the shop sure showed* him.

*Quite the little tongue-twister, huh?

I think I’m going to ease off on my Brewster’s Millions-esque spending spree until my birthday in May. It’ll be nice to treat myself around that time. I’ve still got until the end of November to get rid of this government back-payment (otherwise I’ll actually have to start paying rent on this shithole). I think it’ll be a dreadnaught acoustic next, mainly because the word “dreadnaught” is really cool. In reality, it just refers to its body shape.

I’ve started playing the non-combat mode of Assassin’s Creed: Origins recently. It’s a terribly boring title for a game that is wowing me on a daily basis. It’s set in Hellenistic Egypt, and you basically go around learning stuff about the region and period, rather than just getting into fights with random NPCs. I do a few tours each night, and I’m not bored yet. It’s been a good way to test what Bob Brier’s been teaching me in audiobook form. Being able to climb the Lighthouse of Alexandria is pretty sweet too. The mode is called “Discovery Tour”, and I’ve done one live stream of it, just to feel out interest. Spoiler alert: there is none. Oh well, I’ll just keep playing it offline. Here’s the one stream I did:

Social services dropped off my new cane the afternoon after I’d spoken to them, which was really cool. She literally stopped off on her way home from work. How awesome is that? It is a pretty important piece of mobility equipment, to be fair. She also showed me the Seeing AI app, which scans and reads hardcopy text for you. It even reads the text on DVD/Blu-ray discs, which I always find nearly-impossibly to read (due to the busy artwork in the background). My mind has, officially, been blown. It’s a piece of technology that will definitely improve my life. I actually said that to the social service woman, and she seemed genuinely touched that she’d made a difference. Bless.

She did keep asking me whether everything was ok and if I needed help with something else though, which concerned me. I should have asked “Why, does there seem like there is?”, but I didn’t. I have had a lot of bangs and falls lately (sometimes to do with my eyesight, sometimes to do with alcohol), so maybe I have bruises on my body that concerned her. Or maybe she was just being thorough. Who knows.

I’m still going down to the train station pub once a week for drinks, instead of my regular down the road from here. I’m still feeling a bit paranoid about how some people were treating me in there. It’s fine, and nice to have a change. Hopefully my mental state will strengthen so I can make a glorious return, but it doesn’t feel like that’ll be anytime soon.

Well, I think that’s all for now, folks. I can year the supermarket delivery guy coming up the stairs, so I best go deal with that. I hope you are all well and getting less injured than myself.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

P.S. Yes, I did have to look up what the capital of Columbia was. Give me a break, I grew up in the 80s and 90s. The UK didn’t do education back then.

P.P.S. The title of this post is meant to be the sort-of opposite of "Modern Family". Did you get it? Does it work? No? Never mind. DON'T LOOK AT ME.

Let's face the music... and dance

A fair amount has happened since my last post. The council finally got back to me about my finances, but not before asking me to resubmit my evidence to clear up the payment conflict. Two week’s previously, I literally went down there and handed it to them in person. They even gave me a receipt (which proved worthless). But, well, apparently it got lost in the system somewhere/how. Or… did it?! No, it didn’t, it was just delayed, but they asked me to trapse down there again anyway. So I did. Whilst perfectly polite to the staff myself, I did nearly insight a riot by gossiping with the other poor saps waiting in the queue. Oh wait, this was all after three days of ringing the council’s call centre and sending emails, none of which the correct department ever replied to. I genuinely felt like I was stuck in some Kafka/Gilliamesque bureaucratic nightmare. Actually, forget the word “like”. There was a point where I was shaking with stress and pent up rage at the wall of silence I was experiencing. I felt like they were stonewalling me on purpose. Conspiracy-like. It was the darkest hour I’ve faced for about twelve years.

But it all worked out ok!

Some miserable sounding jobsworth called me at 1659 last Friday to say everything was fine and I just had to spend the large back-payment by the end of November. I still haven’t received a confirmation by post, so I’ll chase that up next week. Another delay will not surprise me.

Speaking of delays, I ordered a new acoustic guitar on Tuesday, but they’ve only just gotten back to me, just like the council, at close of play on a Friday afternoon, to say that they’re out of stock of the guitar I asked for. FFS. If they say they’ll have to order it special, I’ll cancel it. I haven’t even paid for it yet. I clicked on “pay by credit/debit card”, thinking that would be easier, but it then said that the store would be in touch either by email or phone to sort out payment. Double FFS. So now I’m pissed about that. Sigh. Fuck is wrong with people?!

As I type, I’m waiting for a Chinese takeaway to turn up. If this is delayed, or they refuse to come upstairs to my actual door, I swear I’ll… erm… well… you have to be careful what you joke about these days, don’t you? With that in mind, I’ll just say that I’ll just “hug them extra hard until they painlessly lie down and go to sleep”. There, isn’t that nice.

I haven’t been back to the pub since my stress-induced blackout two weeks ago. I’ve actually been enjoying going for drinks down at the train station. It’s a lovely pub, and I imagine it’s my house when I’m sat in their big, ballroom-like back seating area. I think I’ve just enjoyed being anonymous, especially while I’ve been super-paranoid. I might put a grocery order in tonight and stick some shitty lagers in the basket. I’m not much in the mood to go out anywhere. I just want to sit at home, watch crappy movies, and lose my inhibitions and self-loathing. Just for a few hours.

My takeaway’s here already! I only ordered it, like, half an hour ago. Right, I’ll continue this in a few minutes after I’ve had a few bites…

…brb…

…back! Damn, this new place really knows how to do chips! Don’t worry, I ordered some actual Chinese food too. I’m not that kind of a guy. Anyway, I think I’ve had enough for now.

I had some boxsets delivered earlier – Modern Family Seasons 1-11 and the Tim Burton Blu-ray set. I’ve just watched Pee-wee’s Big Adventure, which is very cute. While I don’t believe Pee-wee is technically gay, it still feels like an LGBT film. He’s very flamboyant, and everybody in that world just seems cool about it. It’s very inspiring. Plus it co-stars Elizabeth Daily, who is literally one of my all-time favourite people. I’ll try watching some Modern Family later. I’ve not seen it before, but I’ve heard good/so-so things. Guess I’m just a sucker for middle-of-the-road American sitcoms.

I’m still listening to a lot of history reference audiobooks/lectures in bed at night. I started on the Etruscan civilization this week. The lecturer is a little one-note, but not as dull as the Mesoamerican guy. I’ve also started on the Vikings, but that guy’s so enthusiastic that I’ve had to take a break. He’s a bit like Dave Van Ronk… but really, really, really fucking into history. You half expect him to cry “Yeah, Vikings, bitches! Woo!” at the end of each lecture. It’s a slightly different high-energy to Bob Brier, but it’s just as infectious.

I’m back in fairly-regular communication with my old gaming buddy, but we’re still not back to a good voice chat place yet. We did talk last week, but that’s been it. There’s a few clips from our “first chat back” on my YT. It was just like old times. I’ve not spoken much to my guitar guru, but he, like most of us, tends to go through quiet times. I’m sure he’ll be back.

Hmmm, I best go fire up the supermarket’s website in preparation for the usual 1900-ish opening-up of new delivery slots. They must get confirmation of casual drivers around that time. Or a load of people cancel their orders. Who knows.

Right, I’ll leave you here and, hopefully, my stress levels will be back to “normal” by my next post. And I’ll have a new guitar. And washing machine. Speaking of which…

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!