On the edge of night

I’ve had a suspiciously upbeat week, which may very well be breaking finally. Maybe it’s because I haven’t drank in nearly a month, but I have felt more positive, and even my gaming has been improving. But, yes, in the last twenty-four hours, I’ve felt a little low again, so I’m concerned I’m about to crash.

My week has mostly been spent playing Rainbow Six: Siege multiplayer, which I used to only be able to play either drunk or with a “wing-man” AKA my old gaming buddy, so it’s quite shocking that I’ve felt brave enough to enter the often-unfriendly arena of multiplayer gaming by myself. I have turned the game’s party chat volume down, and changed my privacy settings so I can’t receive messages from people I haven’t friended on PSN, so that’s blocked the usual verbal abuse I get from people (and my fear of it), and I think my confidence has increased as a result. There have been a few incidents that have upset me though, but their impact usually fades after a good night’s sleep. Here’s an example of some of the unpleasant people you can encounter:



I’d literally just met that guy and already he was being awful to me. I had hardly said anything, and that’s what I got. You can tell he’s a classic school bully type, abusing others just so he can impress his mates. Sigh.

My sleep pattern has generally been back on track and healthy, with me regularly waking up around ten in the morning. That’s the perfect time for me. I did get up after only five hours sleep on Saturday, but I really needed to go out to pick up my antidepressants and purchase a gas meter top-up. I’ve been without hot water for a few weeks, as I lost my top-up card. Well, after I went out to the shop, I managed to stay awake until ten that evening, thus tiring myself out with a seventeen hour day. Needless to say, it didn’t take me long to drift off to sleep that night. In fact, I was so out of it by the end of the day that I forgot to add to my creative writing project, which I’ve managed to stick to my “write something, even if it’s just a paragraph, a day” rule.

The weather was getting me down, as it just didn’t seem to want to stop raining, which is odd for July. Apparently, we’re due a heatwave this week, which I’m not looking forward to. Oh well, I’m sure it’ll be autumn soon enough. Never has a year gone so quickly as this one, I guess because we’ve hardly had anything to do. While life seems slow in the moment, days without incident do tend to fly by. If you cram your time with experiences, each day can feel like a lifetime. In a good way. 2020 has just been an agonising river of nothing.

My regular pub is finally opening back up but, after a perusal of the new guidelines they’ve published that customers have to abide by, I think I’ll hold off paying them a visit until this is all over for good. I was very downhearted. They’re not even opening in the afternoon during the week, which is when I prefer to go. I’d have thought that that would be the best time to test this all out, given how quiet it is during that period. It’s usually just single, middle-aged dudes like me who frequent the establishment, so why they want to start off with times where groups of people usually go is beyond me. There’s nowt so queer as folk. I was so disappointed by the new guidelines that I put in an order for a case of beer form that independent brewery I I’ve found during these quiet months. I think I’m about to take a break from sobriety. My sudden dip in mood certainly seems to be beckoning for a drink. You know, because alcohol really helps depression.

Oh, wait, I meant the other thing.

Anyway, yes, due to submerging myself back into gaming, the days have flown by. Shockingly so. I’ve not watched any new films as a result. Even my Planet of the Apes season has taken a backseat. I was only a few episodes into the TV series when I stopped. It was a pretty good run though, for me. I’m sure I’ll pick up where I left off soon enough.

I’m still working my way through the core first three seasons of Arrested Development which, when I’m in the right mood, is an absolute joy. I’ve even been trying to get my old gaming buddy into it, as I managed to get him addicted to Parks & Recreation. I think I’ve started annoying him though, so I’ve stopped my hard-sell tactic. I’ll forever be jealous of Ellen DeGeneres for bagging the truly wonderful Portia de Rossi. I can imagine even gay guys and straight women fall for her. She’s just that awesome.

So, yeah, that’s about it, culture-wise. No new films. No new books. No new music. Just sinking into pointless gaming. It’ll just be another one of my phases though, so I’m sure I’ll be back enthusing over new stuff soon enough. Never fear!

My old gaming buddy managed to get a television sorted, so he’s been back online. We’ve had a couple of chats, which has been nice. Here's one of my favourite moments from our recent sessions:



Mainly we’ve been texting though. I think he actually flirted with me the other day, which took me by surprise. I was describing the manager of my local chemist who I have a crush on, and my old gaming buddy was all like “Oh, that sounds like me!”, in a coquettish sort of way. I’ll try not to read too much into it, but it’s the first time that’s happened. Maybe he’d had a large bang on the head earlier that day. Who knows.

Well, folks, I think I’ll call it a day here. I’m sure I’ll post again once I’m back at the bottom of a bottle, where I belong. Fun, fun, fun.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!