Either too much fluid... or not enough!

So my balcony is definitely filling up with water again. I’ve just managed to convince the council repairs line that my balcony flooding isn’t the same problem as water leaking into downstairs. In fact, them reflooring the balcony has only made the flooding worse. If you get me. It took some convincing, as the person on the phone line couldn’t quite understand what I was trying to convey. I should have used the example of: if a tile fell off my roof and hit my neighbour’s car, their car would be damaged, sure, but there’d also be a hole in my roof. If they get their car fixed straight away, my roof will still needs doing. The leak downstairs is the car, my balcony is the roof. Does that make sense? Yeah, I should have said that. Sigh. Anyway, she kept semi-sarcastically saying that she’ll send a bricklayer out, as they have the “sticks to poke it down the balcony”. She actually said that. I really don’t care who they send out. It could be Sooty and Sweep for all I care. I just want somebody from council repairs to look at my balcony and see how bad the flooding is. Maybe it was a bit of reverse sexism, in that she assumed that I’d be able to sort it out myself because I have a penis. How wrong she was. I’m pretty fucking useless at… well… everything. Apart from sitting still in a pub lifting a glass of beer up to my mouth. I'm pretty good at that. But, even then, I still manage to spill some down my bum crack.

Oh and I think my washing machine has finally died. The last two times I’ve tried to wash something, it’s taken a few plug-ins-and-plug-outs-and-jiggles to get it connecting to the electricity. I just tried a different outlet and, nope, the machine’s digital readout is still flickering. I have had it ten years now, and it was second hand in the first place, so it’s had a “good innings”, as they say. I’ll put a hold on buying my next guitar until I’ve ordered a replacement washing machine.

Know any good brands?

I seem to have shaken off my four-day binge completely now, and I think I’ll knock that kind of behaviour on the head for a while. I’m just getting a bit bored of it, plus it costs money. I’m not going on a health kick, but I have ordered lots of vegetables to make a soup with. I thought that’d be a good way of getting my “five a day”. So, instead of snacking on crisps, salted nuts and/or chocolate, I’ll have cold vegetable soup! I’m sure I’ll be back on the booze and ready to kill myself by the end of the week. Good times.

I’m already craving snacks. Maybe I’ll crack open a tin of chopped tomatoes. Those are usually nice as cold a snack.

My guitar Yoda emailed me. I think he saw that video I posted of the car fire outside my building and remembered I existed. I replied to his message but, again, things have gone quiet. I have no idea what’s going on there. Maybe I’ll post a video of the flood and see if that jogs his memory once again.

It feels really mild at the moment, plus the rain that’s just started is making things feel all humid. Not the kind of weather for slow-cooking soup, I must say. I’m guessing I’ll be pretty sweaty by bedtime. I was going to clean my sheets just before I started typing this but, erm, see the paragraph above.

I’ve still not opened my post, so maybe that’ll be an extra bonus problem to deal with. You know, people sending me things I have to deal with. Don’t they get that I don’t like doing anything?!

Oh, I saw the trailer for that new Matrix film. It looks like Lana’s directed it herself this time, so maybe Lilly was tired of the whole series. It kind of looks like a reboot, which wouldn’t surprise me, as pretty much everybody in the universe, even aliens who have no understanding of human behaviour, will agree that Reloaded and Revolutions were poo-pants. Well, there was that twenty minute fight and chase scene in Reloaded which was cool, but the rest was just awful. Maybe, in the years since the original trilogy, Lana has committed herself to coming up with a better story arc for a replacement trilogy. I hope so, as Reloaded and Revolutions did feel half-baked, and the return of both Neo and Smith just didn’t work. Their characters were done.

I was going to go for my shower after typing this, but I’ve bought Quentin Tarantino’s Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, so I might start watching that first. I never look forward to watching his new films but, once I do, I’m always glad. I find the dialogue scenes more thrilling than the violence. Although I certainly don’t mind the violence. If you can make Kurt Russell and Samuel L. Jackson quietly chatting in a stagecoach the most thrilling thing in a movie where somebody’s head explodes, then you’re a pretty good writer.

Righty-ho, I best go nervously stare at my balcony, washing machine and pile of post.

Don’t wait up.

Do stay in touch.

Toodles!