Rendezvous with college

I’ve spent the whole week at home as my girlfriend was struggling to come off her antidepressants. I ended up going to the doctor with her where she broke down crying… then I reluctantly joined in. I’d not brought down my own antidepressants as I thought I was going to be away for one whole day so I ended up missing about four or five tablets. Tuesday I had to go to the doctor myself as I was getting withdrawal symptoms and feeling quite low.

I’ve spent the week not doing much as I wasn’t sure when I would be leaving. I think I’ve put on an extra bit of weight, which doesn’t help my confidence. Perhaps it’s all the toast I’ve been eating. No, it is all the toast I’ve been eating. Oh well at least there are only two weeks of my college course left. I get the feeling I’ll pack up and leave this week though. I feel so pulled apart by different forces right now.

I’ve found a way of being able to read, but I’m wondering how long it will last. I’m using the DIY magnifying visor I bought a while back but taking off my glasses as the two layers of magnification seem to blur things a little. I’m reading the Arthur C Clarke Novel Rendezvous With Rama which is written in an interesting style... it’s more like a Wikipedia article than a novel (which works well for me).

I had a bottle of wine last night and it’s really numbed me this morning. That’s probably not a bad thing though as it’ll probably make it easier for me to leave. My girlfriend said she’d come into town with me so we could have lunch together but I get the feeling she’ll bail on me again.

My tutor rang on Friday and we had a chat. He’s an ok guy but I do wonder whether he bothers to address my concerns about the college course. I get the feeling he just bins the notes he makes after I leave our weekly sessions. I will write a complaint to somebody about the music department wasting my time… I’m just not sure who to send it to and who will listen. Perhaps the government department which funded my being there.

I think I’ll carry on recording music in an amateur capacity but would like to focus more on writing as I think it’s the most economically viable creative outlet for me right now. I think I’m finally getting the travelling bug too as I was talking to my girlfriend last night about some of the places I’d like to visit. Am I finally waking up? I’ve felt so contained for so long.

It’s still very early down here in the living room. Still very quiet…