Rendezvous with college

I’ve spent the whole week at home as my girlfriend was struggling to come off her antidepressants. I ended up going to the doctor with her where she broke down crying… then I reluctantly joined in. I’d not brought down my own antidepressants as I thought I was going to be away for one whole day so I ended up missing about four or five tablets. Tuesday I had to go to the doctor myself as I was getting withdrawal symptoms and feeling quite low.

I’ve spent the week not doing much as I wasn’t sure when I would be leaving. I think I’ve put on an extra bit of weight, which doesn’t help my confidence. Perhaps it’s all the toast I’ve been eating. No, it is all the toast I’ve been eating. Oh well at least there are only two weeks of my college course left. I get the feeling I’ll pack up and leave this week though. I feel so pulled apart by different forces right now.

I’ve found a way of being able to read, but I’m wondering how long it will last. I’m using the DIY magnifying visor I bought a while back but taking off my glasses as the two layers of magnification seem to blur things a little. I’m reading the Arthur C Clarke Novel Rendezvous With Rama which is written in an interesting style... it’s more like a Wikipedia article than a novel (which works well for me).

I had a bottle of wine last night and it’s really numbed me this morning. That’s probably not a bad thing though as it’ll probably make it easier for me to leave. My girlfriend said she’d come into town with me so we could have lunch together but I get the feeling she’ll bail on me again.

My tutor rang on Friday and we had a chat. He’s an ok guy but I do wonder whether he bothers to address my concerns about the college course. I get the feeling he just bins the notes he makes after I leave our weekly sessions. I will write a complaint to somebody about the music department wasting my time… I’m just not sure who to send it to and who will listen. Perhaps the government department which funded my being there.

I think I’ll carry on recording music in an amateur capacity but would like to focus more on writing as I think it’s the most economically viable creative outlet for me right now. I think I’m finally getting the travelling bug too as I was talking to my girlfriend last night about some of the places I’d like to visit. Am I finally waking up? I’ve felt so contained for so long.

It’s still very early down here in the living room. Still very quiet…

More monkey business

I wish I could say things are improving at college, but they aren’t. At the end of each week I feel tempted to pack up my gear and leave for good. Part of me thinks I should stick it out until the end… but another part of me doesn’t want them to have the money. What they’ve taught me in three and a half months could have been done in a fortnight and, with two and a half months to go, I just don’t think there’s any more they’re prepared to teach. Shame on them.

I’m staying at home for a few extra days this week because my girlfriend is still having problems coming off her medication. I think she’s finally come to the conclusion that she needs to stay on them for a bit longer/permanently and so today I’ll be going with her to the doctor to try and explain things. She needs to be signed off work for a while too as she seems to be hitting the same career wall I did back in 2007/8… and it’s not a nice place to be.

We went to the Arctic Monkeys’ homecoming gig on Saturday at the Don Valley Bowl in Sheffield. It was more like a mini-festival than a regular rock concert as the band had erected a gargantuan tent the size of an aircraft hangar and provided an array of food and drink stalls outside to keep all us growing rock buffs sustained throughout the evening. Luckily I had listened to their new album a lot since it was released last week so I was able to get excited when they played the new stuff live. I was surprised how gleeful I was when they played the odd tune from Humbug… they seem to work better live. The whole event was great fun and the staff were very helpful with me and my visual impairment. My girlfriend and I had access to the disabled platform which was beneficial as I would have struggled being amongst the crowd.

I’ve made a list of people I need to call while I have these extra few days off. I might even call the Jobcentre about finishing my course early. There are probably local colleges better set up and more inclined to teach than the institutionalised mess I’m currently stuck at.

What a palaver!!

I might post again later.