Me, me, me

Hiya, just thought I’d drop by to clear up a few things about what’s been going on with me lately. It does get a bit graphic, so approach with caution.

I’ve still not seen a doctor about the medical condition I originally feared was HIV/AIDs. The two have similar symptoms, so you must forgive me for my melodramatic outbursts over the past month or so. The STI blood tests came back negative, but a skin specialist at the sexual health clinic theorized I may have diabetes and a related chronic skin condition. The latter keeps me in agony every day, and by the sounds of it there’s no cure. I’m popping ibuprofen like nobody’s business. The former is scary, as I don’t know how it’ll affect my body and personality. I feel spaced out a lot and don’t feel like me, which is my ultimate fear. It’s also rather embarrassing as it comes with the “fat people disease” tag. Sigh. I’m not sure how I’ll handle more medical conditions on top of my visual impairment and depression. It’s like the last thing I need right now. Still, I’ll talk to my doctor about all of this and get advice. It’s taking so long to see him because I’m waiting to see my regular GP, who should know my history and might be a little softer with me. He did warn me a few years ago that my blood-sugar level was rising, so I guess I only have myself to blame for not getting checked regularly. Hope he doesn’t rub that in.

I’ve had bouts of suicidal thoughts while all this has been going on, which I’ve diva-like hinted about on social media. A friend did notice and called me up on it, which I feel bad about. When you get so wrapped up in your own neurosis you tend to forget about other people. I’ll be sure to tell the appropriate people in future. I don’t wish to upset anyone, and I appreciate your patience.

In slightly more positive news, a friend at my local pub has mentioned he might like to meet up with me next week for a few beers in town. Meeting new friends after trying to cut ties with my ex has been a priority recently. Networking during lunchtime pub sessions is 100% easier than on a Saturday night. I heartily recommend it to anyone who’s socially awkward like me.

This friend has a girlfriend, so I don’t believe there’s any chance of romance. I don’t find him particularly attractive anyway, so I certainly won’t be making a pass. I’m curious to see how it goes. It’s been a while since I’ve been out alone with someone who wasn’t my ex. You never know though, maybe he might know somebody who might suit me. He has a rather large friend-base.

My sex drive is certainly healthy at the moment, despite my woes. I can generally masturbate in bed without the aid of porn in the morning, which is even easier now that I’ve lost a bit of weight. Turns out the weight loss is probably linked to the diabetes and NOT me coming off my antidepressants, which is why the symptoms went by unnoticed for so long. Sexy, huh? But, yeah, I’ve started to enjoy staying on my back and shooting over my stomach and chest. I can’t get to my mouth yet, which is a shame, as I like the taste of cum. Shall keep trying though.

This afternoon I used an improvised, but protected, dildo. Halfway through I thought I might try DPing myself, which went quite well. These improvised dildos were a lot bigger than that vibrator I bought a few posts ago, so I was very much in anal heaven. It got a bit messy, but I’ve learnt to plan a head and have disposable towels at the ready. I’m a professional! I usually imagine that I’m a girl with two nerdy twinks wanking over me when I destroy my asshole. This all ties in with my fluid sexuality and gender. I’m quite a fan of threesome videos and would like to try the real thing someday. Doubt it’ll ever happen though. DPing myself will just have to do for now.

Anyway, with that vision in mind, I’ll leave y’all to your own devices.

Do stay in touch.

Toodles!