Sketches of isolation

Just a quick update. Life’s been pretty quiet of late, so it’s more internal stuff that I have to report.

I’ve been on my new antidepressants for about three and a half weeks now, plus one and a half weeks on the higher dose. Dosage? I’m never too sure how to word that. Anyway, I feel that I am over the worst of the initial negative side effects, and am now waiting for the positive effects to take hold. I am feeling some changes, but I try not to take them for granted. They may just be natural daily emotional shifts. The waiting is always the worst. Regardless, I’ve still been keeping myself indoors mostly, only going out to see my doctor or to take rubbish down to the wheelie bins. I do get a little fed up of these four walls, but I think it’s safer for everybody if I keep myself isolated for now. I did go out to the pub last Monday, which was pleasantly uneventful. I didn’t stay for too long. I went to the pub at the train station where nobody knows me, which made a nice change. Anonymity is nice, sometimes. I’m feeling a little more inclined to go back to my old regular pub now, so maybe that’s a sign that the medication is working. Who knows.

I was concerned that we were about to get a heavy snow fall, but that doesn’t seem to have transpired. I think it may have snowed one night, as I heard light precipitation hitting the window but, if it was snow, it didn’t settle. Apparently the weather is going to improve from now on, but I shall keep my cupboards stocked regardless.

Contact with other people has been minimal. I’ve played video games online with a couple of friends, and I’m in regular text communication with the ex, but that’s about it. Again, it’s probably for the best. Unless it’s not. Maybe I’m getting a little weird. I guess I’ll find out if I do return to my regular ale house. That friend I thought was “moving on” has assured me that they’ve not forgotten about me. They’re just a bit busy. I hadn’t said anything about it, but I think they were aware that we hadn’t spoken lately. I don’t want to be clingy or anything. I understand that friendships can come to an end. I also understand that I can be a bit of a handful, so it’s fine if people need a break from me.

I’ve been watching some new films, which feels healthy. It’s good to exercise the mind. I should be exercising my body too, but that’s just not been happening. I don’t feel too inclined to go into great detail about what I’ve watched, but I have been collecting films about artistic people, including Mr Turner, Love is the Devil and Vincent & Theo. The latter I’m in the midst of watching this afternoon. If you know of any inspiring biographical films about creative people, of any kind, then do get in touch.

I’ve also started listening to one of those Great Courses audio lectures on the history of China. I know next to nothing about Chinese history, so it’s been quite interesting. It’s amazing how much information there is about their BCE era. I suppose Britain is quite unique in having historical “dark ages”. I’m also finding that learning about history is often a lesson in how horrible people can be to one another, but there are some nice stories in there too. It’s not all bad.

Well, since I’m feeling a little emotionally muted today, I won’t keep you. Maybe I’ll post something more detailed over the weekend.

Do stay in touch.

Toodles!