Well, that’s a bit of a concern – a vehicle has just driven around the estate blaring what sounded like an air-raid siren. Erm, are we at war now? I guess it could be some prankster having some “fun” at the expense of everyone’s anxiety, but I’m not sure. Perhaps I should read the news, which I’ve been actively avoiding for weeks.
Hmmm.
Anyway, I had that telephone chat with the counsellor at the surgery, which went well. It was more like an introductory session to what we’ll be doing overall, rather than jumping into deep existentialism. My mood has improved since I took part in their registration questionnaire, where my answers to the questions mostly scored ten-out-of-ten for negativity, so I think the antidepressants are finally starting to take a positive effect. I did stress “I think” over the phone, as these are rather surreal times we’re experiencing right now, so I’m not in my usual headspace. I’d like to think I’m getting better, but I’m keeping an open mind.
The pubs are still shut, unfortunately, so I’ve mostly been sat playing games or watching DVDs. It’s not a great shift from my usual routine of playing games and watching DVDs, but the motivation for not going out has shifted. That woman at my local pub finally got in touch about picking up some stuff from the supermarket for me, which is awesome. I’m still fine for food, but I asked today if she could pick me up some booze. I really feel like getting out of my head. She hasn’t responded yet, but she said she was going to the shops tomorrow. I might need to have a quick clean and tidy up before she arrives, as I haven’t done any housework in months. At least I’ve got an excuse not to at the moment – I’m on pay-as-you-go energy meters, so housework means a drain on my electricity, thus I’ll have to venture out to the shops sooner. I really don’t want to have to do that. I’m socially awkward and anxious enough as it is, and now there are all these new rules about how I’m supposed to act when I’m outside. I’m not sure how I’ll cope. I’ve got two weeks’ worth of medication left, so I’m hoping the craziness will have passed by then, or by the time I need energy meter top-ups. We shall see.
At least the takeaways are still delivering, so if I need the taste of fresh food (instead of tinned crap), I can just ring up one of them and order three days’ worth of junk. This isn’t panic buying, it’s just what I usually do when I order out.
I did start watching that Motown documentary, but I wasn’t in the right mood for it. I’ll circle back around to it eventually, but I’m still a bit off my music at the moment. I did finally watch Quentin Tarantino’s The Hateful Eight, which is a wonderful movie. As always, I found things got a little dull once the guns started firing, but that’s just a testament to how riveting Mr Tarantino’s talking scenes are. I really liked the fact that he seemed to be channelling Martin Scorsese for his narration. He got the jittery inflections down perfectly. I wasn’t too fussed about Jennifer Jason Leigh’s performance, for which she apparently won an Oscar, but she was solid as always. I do have a soft spot for her, even though she seems to have made a career out of mumbling for the past forty years. Not bad going.
I’ve just put a £90 Amazon order in for some more DVDs. You know – essential household items! I also added a disc cleaner to the basket, as my PS4 is struggling to load stuff. I had to switch over to my bedroom DVD/Blu-ray player halfway through The Hateful Eight, which meant a smaller television. I hope the cleaner sorts out the problem. I really don’t want to have to buy a whole new console. Sigh.
I’m still working my way through the Home Improvement boxset, which I’m still enjoying. They’ve noticeably reigned in Tim Allen’s ape-like grunting, which they kinda overdid in the first two seasons. I think I’m on the last disc of season three now. I’ll hopefully have King of the Hill arriving in the post soon, so I’ll start on that once Home Improvement becomes unwatchable. Most long-running sitcoms do after a while, usually around the fifth or sixth season.
I've fired up the motorbike stunt video game Trials Fusion, which I've had for years. It's both really fun and really infuriating. I guess all the best titles have that kind of variety in their gameplay. Here's me going crazy trying to get past one particularly annoying section:
I should give the follow-up game, Trials Rising, another go, but I found its lighting and colour pallet clashed with my eye condition, so I gave up after a few sessions. Shame really, but that does happen a lot. I'll have a think.
I rang my mum the other day, just to see how she was coping with all this in the news. Even though she lives alone, one of my two older brothers lives just around the corner from her. It sounds like she’s been able to get the booze in. At the end of our conversation I did say “I love you”, but she didn’t reciprocate. She has issues with intimacy, which is why I don’t get in touch very often. Think Leonard’s mother in The Big Bang Theory. She mentioned that my eldest brother did criticise her for dismissing him just as they were getting into a good conversation, which she does to me. She claims it’s an age thing, but old people aren’t generally known for having a problem talking for long periods of time. It’s something that obviously won’t change, so I won’t bother bringing it up. Still, it does create a distance between her and her loved ones.
Well, I best go find a film to finish the evening on. I did start on Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead on Saturday, so maybe I’ll crack on with that. I might move through to the bedroom to watch it, as it’s quite a soporific number.
I hope you are all managing to stay sane. Let me know if you ever fancy a chat, as I’m sure we’re all feeling a bit of cabin fever at the moment.
Regardless, do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
Tuesday, 31 March 2020
Monday, 23 March 2020
The bigger they are, the harder they fall
I’m very relieved today, as on Thursday I tragically broke the power lead to my laptop, and was even more concerned that, in doing so, damaged the input socket on the machine itself. Critical stuff! After the replacement lead refused plug in, I was all ready to give up, sigh deeply, and reluctantly order a new laptop altogether. I really couldn’t be bothered to seek out a computer doctor (especially without my laptop to do the necessary research) and, to be honest, Windows 10 is so slow that I’ve recently been thinking about going Mac for the first time in my life. So, with nothing really to lose, I risked doing some DIY. Please note: I am one of the least practical people on this planet. Anyway, I unscrewed the plastic base to the laptop so I could get closer to the input socket and had a poke about. I guessed correctly that the lead connector had actually broken off INSIDE the socket, so I spent about two hours trying to pry it out. What ended up working was the pointy end to a nail file that I managed to wedge into the jammed nib and simply pull it out. After that, the replacement lead fit fine and I now have FULL POWER! I was so relieved that I nearly did a little dance. Well, swap “nearly” for “definitely”. I felt useful for once! A broken laptop, a key link of mine to the outside world, was really the last thing I needed.
The change I’ve made since my DIY session has been to take the laptop off its stand, which is how I managed to break it in the first place. It’s very good at slipping off my coffee table with the slightest of nudges. Especially if I’m staggering around drunk with the lights off. But that’s another story.
Anyway…
I was rather distraught this week as, due to a bit of a cough that’s going around, the government has decided to shut all the pubs in the country. You can only imaging the look on my face when I heard THAT news. My local is my other key link to the outside world. I only go once or twice a week, but I soak up all the society (and booze) I need in that four hour session. The last day I was in was Thursday (which may have contributed to me knocking over my laptop), and it was a genuinely moving experience. It kinda felt like the world was going to end. I nearly cried, and really wanted to hug people as left. Later that night, I was going to post a short blog post about it all titled “Last night on Earth”, but I was worried people might mistake it as some sort of suicide threat. AND my laptop broke, of course. But I’m here telling you the story now! I hear the pubs will only be shut for two weeks (while the nation’s kids are off school), but who knows. I’ve been avoiding reading the news more so than usual, so I’ll just keep checking the pub’s Facebook page every day until I get the all clear to go back and make a public spectacle of myself again.
My supermarket’s refusing to deliver, so I’m surviving on all the tins and dried goods I bought for the snow this winter that never came. I was nervous about going out on Thursday in case I ran into some crazies panic buying around the local shops, but it was generally fine. I needed to pick up my brain meds anyway, so it wasn’t like I had much of a choice. A woman who works at my local pub has offered to run errands for me (since I’m disabled and live alone), but she’s not been in contact since I gave her my number. Who knows. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see. It was very sweet of her to offer though. She’s a very cool person.
So, yeah, some ups and downs this week. I bought the Home Improvement sitcom boxset to keep my spirits up, which arrived surprisingly quick. It’s a show I’ve not seen in, like, twenty years, but it still stands up. It’s not laugh-out-loud funny, but there’s a really fun, easy-going spirit to it. All the actors feel like they’re having a blast making it, and that’s really helping me right now. It’s nice to see people enjoying their work.
I started playing Shadow of the Colossus this week. I did have it for the PS3, but I gave up after I realised it was a game filled mostly with boss fights. I’m not really a grind-for-hours-to-kill-the-big-boss kinda gamer. However, after mulling it over for a few years (and recently being able to download the game as part of my monthly PS+ subscription), I began to think that maybe climbing up giant stone monsters and hacking away at them for ages until they fall over might be some fun after all. And it is! I’ve killed two colossi so far, which has amazed even me. Once I figured out that I just needed to find the small shiny patch on the big dark thing, I was on my way to success! I’m sure the game will throw me some curveballs as I go along but, for now, this is good fun for while I get used to more solo gaming.
Speaking of which, if you find yourself stuck indoors with a PlayStation 4 and don’t have anyone to game with, just drop me a line and I’ll ping you my PSN username!
Good times.
I’ve also just downloaded Mortal Kombat XL, which is a type of game I just don’t have. I thought something different (and on sale), might further brighten my spirits. If you have any fighting tips, let me know!
Well, I think I’ve covered everything for now. I’ve got my first counselling session next week (that’s now having to be a phone consultation due to you-know-what), so I’ll let you know how that goes.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
P.S. Yes, I did have to look up what the plural was for “colossus”.
The change I’ve made since my DIY session has been to take the laptop off its stand, which is how I managed to break it in the first place. It’s very good at slipping off my coffee table with the slightest of nudges. Especially if I’m staggering around drunk with the lights off. But that’s another story.
Anyway…
I was rather distraught this week as, due to a bit of a cough that’s going around, the government has decided to shut all the pubs in the country. You can only imaging the look on my face when I heard THAT news. My local is my other key link to the outside world. I only go once or twice a week, but I soak up all the society (and booze) I need in that four hour session. The last day I was in was Thursday (which may have contributed to me knocking over my laptop), and it was a genuinely moving experience. It kinda felt like the world was going to end. I nearly cried, and really wanted to hug people as left. Later that night, I was going to post a short blog post about it all titled “Last night on Earth”, but I was worried people might mistake it as some sort of suicide threat. AND my laptop broke, of course. But I’m here telling you the story now! I hear the pubs will only be shut for two weeks (while the nation’s kids are off school), but who knows. I’ve been avoiding reading the news more so than usual, so I’ll just keep checking the pub’s Facebook page every day until I get the all clear to go back and make a public spectacle of myself again.
My supermarket’s refusing to deliver, so I’m surviving on all the tins and dried goods I bought for the snow this winter that never came. I was nervous about going out on Thursday in case I ran into some crazies panic buying around the local shops, but it was generally fine. I needed to pick up my brain meds anyway, so it wasn’t like I had much of a choice. A woman who works at my local pub has offered to run errands for me (since I’m disabled and live alone), but she’s not been in contact since I gave her my number. Who knows. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see. It was very sweet of her to offer though. She’s a very cool person.
So, yeah, some ups and downs this week. I bought the Home Improvement sitcom boxset to keep my spirits up, which arrived surprisingly quick. It’s a show I’ve not seen in, like, twenty years, but it still stands up. It’s not laugh-out-loud funny, but there’s a really fun, easy-going spirit to it. All the actors feel like they’re having a blast making it, and that’s really helping me right now. It’s nice to see people enjoying their work.
I started playing Shadow of the Colossus this week. I did have it for the PS3, but I gave up after I realised it was a game filled mostly with boss fights. I’m not really a grind-for-hours-to-kill-the-big-boss kinda gamer. However, after mulling it over for a few years (and recently being able to download the game as part of my monthly PS+ subscription), I began to think that maybe climbing up giant stone monsters and hacking away at them for ages until they fall over might be some fun after all. And it is! I’ve killed two colossi so far, which has amazed even me. Once I figured out that I just needed to find the small shiny patch on the big dark thing, I was on my way to success! I’m sure the game will throw me some curveballs as I go along but, for now, this is good fun for while I get used to more solo gaming.
Speaking of which, if you find yourself stuck indoors with a PlayStation 4 and don’t have anyone to game with, just drop me a line and I’ll ping you my PSN username!
Good times.
I’ve also just downloaded Mortal Kombat XL, which is a type of game I just don’t have. I thought something different (and on sale), might further brighten my spirits. If you have any fighting tips, let me know!
Well, I think I’ve covered everything for now. I’ve got my first counselling session next week (that’s now having to be a phone consultation due to you-know-what), so I’ll let you know how that goes.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
P.S. Yes, I did have to look up what the plural was for “colossus”.
Monday, 9 March 2020
Mist over a mill pond
I’m feeling a strange stillness today. It’s like the universe is holding its breath, for some reason. I didn’t get up until three o’clock this afternoon, which is frustrating. I initially didn’t sleep very well, to the point where I had to ring up and rearrange an eye check at the hospital but, after a bacon sandwich, I managed to get more than my minimum eight hours sleep.
I had a nice gaming session last night with a different gaming buddy. They usually can only manage coming online once a week, but it was still nice to talk with someone. It cheered me up greatly. My other gaming buddy, the one I used to get together with nearly every day but has now changed consoles, said during a brief text message chat last night that they find it “weird” not playing with me anymore. I’m not sure what “weird” is supposed to mean, but I feel different too. We didn’t always get on that well, but having a friend in your life so consistently, then having them suddenly go, is quite a shock to the system. I’m not sure how much it has been affecting me. I don’t want to actually tell them that I miss them, as it might seem, well, too intense. I’m trying to be as casual as I can about it.
I have an appointment with my doctor in the morning, at which I’ll bring up the fact that my new antidepressants don’t seem to be improving my mood. Afterwards, I might go down to the pub. I’ll see how I feel. I hope I don’t have to rearrange this appointment too.
I’m currently watching The Sky Crawlers, a 2008 anime by the director of Ghost in the Shell. It has his signature mill pond calmness, which is very haunting. There are short bursts of adventure but, overall, it’s a very sombre affair. It’s not what I was expecting, for some reason (given that I’m familiar with the director’s work). I’m not exactly sure why I should care about what’s going on, as the film deals with an alternate history where humans have bloody air battles just for the hell of it. There’s no war, so society engages in these tournaments just to satisfy its innate bloodlust. Since there’s no real outcome from the war games, the whole thing feels passionless. The focus is more on atmosphere and building up a mystery. I’m admiring its stubborn pace, but it’s not helping my state of mind. I’ll try and get it finished by the end of the night though.
I’ve got a bowl of egg mayonnaise in the fridge that I made earlier. It’s very nice. I added some paprika this time, just as an experiment. I can’t taste much difference. I used four eggs. I also added some oregano, ground black pepper and olive oil, as well as the mayo, of course.
That person I gave my PSN ID out to in the pub the other week still hasn’t sent me a friend request. They mentioned, on a different day, that they will add me eventually, but I don’t know what’s taking them so long. Nobody’s that busy, surely. I’ll take the hint and stop waiting for it. Sigh.
I’m wondering whether to put an Amazon order in. There’s a few boxsets I fancy having in my collection. I’m not that bothered though. My passion for my hobbies is pretty low at the moment. I’m really just existing from day to day. I’m not sure how much longer I can last like this.
Perhaps the universe will take a deep breath soon. Who knows. Anyway, I shan’t keep you.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
I had a nice gaming session last night with a different gaming buddy. They usually can only manage coming online once a week, but it was still nice to talk with someone. It cheered me up greatly. My other gaming buddy, the one I used to get together with nearly every day but has now changed consoles, said during a brief text message chat last night that they find it “weird” not playing with me anymore. I’m not sure what “weird” is supposed to mean, but I feel different too. We didn’t always get on that well, but having a friend in your life so consistently, then having them suddenly go, is quite a shock to the system. I’m not sure how much it has been affecting me. I don’t want to actually tell them that I miss them, as it might seem, well, too intense. I’m trying to be as casual as I can about it.
I have an appointment with my doctor in the morning, at which I’ll bring up the fact that my new antidepressants don’t seem to be improving my mood. Afterwards, I might go down to the pub. I’ll see how I feel. I hope I don’t have to rearrange this appointment too.
I’m currently watching The Sky Crawlers, a 2008 anime by the director of Ghost in the Shell. It has his signature mill pond calmness, which is very haunting. There are short bursts of adventure but, overall, it’s a very sombre affair. It’s not what I was expecting, for some reason (given that I’m familiar with the director’s work). I’m not exactly sure why I should care about what’s going on, as the film deals with an alternate history where humans have bloody air battles just for the hell of it. There’s no war, so society engages in these tournaments just to satisfy its innate bloodlust. Since there’s no real outcome from the war games, the whole thing feels passionless. The focus is more on atmosphere and building up a mystery. I’m admiring its stubborn pace, but it’s not helping my state of mind. I’ll try and get it finished by the end of the night though.
I’ve got a bowl of egg mayonnaise in the fridge that I made earlier. It’s very nice. I added some paprika this time, just as an experiment. I can’t taste much difference. I used four eggs. I also added some oregano, ground black pepper and olive oil, as well as the mayo, of course.
That person I gave my PSN ID out to in the pub the other week still hasn’t sent me a friend request. They mentioned, on a different day, that they will add me eventually, but I don’t know what’s taking them so long. Nobody’s that busy, surely. I’ll take the hint and stop waiting for it. Sigh.
I’m wondering whether to put an Amazon order in. There’s a few boxsets I fancy having in my collection. I’m not that bothered though. My passion for my hobbies is pretty low at the moment. I’m really just existing from day to day. I’m not sure how much longer I can last like this.
Perhaps the universe will take a deep breath soon. Who knows. Anyway, I shan’t keep you.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)