The hateful wait

Well, that’s a bit of a concern – a vehicle has just driven around the estate blaring what sounded like an air-raid siren. Erm, are we at war now? I guess it could be some prankster having some “fun” at the expense of everyone’s anxiety, but I’m not sure. Perhaps I should read the news, which I’ve been actively avoiding for weeks.

Hmmm.

Anyway, I had that telephone chat with the counsellor at the surgery, which went well. It was more like an introductory session to what we’ll be doing overall, rather than jumping into deep existentialism. My mood has improved since I took part in their registration questionnaire, where my answers to the questions mostly scored ten-out-of-ten for negativity, so I think the antidepressants are finally starting to take a positive effect. I did stress “I think” over the phone, as these are rather surreal times we’re experiencing right now, so I’m not in my usual headspace. I’d like to think I’m getting better, but I’m keeping an open mind.

The pubs are still shut, unfortunately, so I’ve mostly been sat playing games or watching DVDs. It’s not a great shift from my usual routine of playing games and watching DVDs, but the motivation for not going out has shifted. That woman at my local pub finally got in touch about picking up some stuff from the supermarket for me, which is awesome. I’m still fine for food, but I asked today if she could pick me up some booze. I really feel like getting out of my head. She hasn’t responded yet, but she said she was going to the shops tomorrow. I might need to have a quick clean and tidy up before she arrives, as I haven’t done any housework in months. At least I’ve got an excuse not to at the moment – I’m on pay-as-you-go energy meters, so housework means a drain on my electricity, thus I’ll have to venture out to the shops sooner. I really don’t want to have to do that. I’m socially awkward and anxious enough as it is, and now there are all these new rules about how I’m supposed to act when I’m outside. I’m not sure how I’ll cope. I’ve got two weeks’ worth of medication left, so I’m hoping the craziness will have passed by then, or by the time I need energy meter top-ups. We shall see.

At least the takeaways are still delivering, so if I need the taste of fresh food (instead of tinned crap), I can just ring up one of them and order three days’ worth of junk. This isn’t panic buying, it’s just what I usually do when I order out.

I did start watching that Motown documentary, but I wasn’t in the right mood for it. I’ll circle back around to it eventually, but I’m still a bit off my music at the moment. I did finally watch Quentin Tarantino’s The Hateful Eight, which is a wonderful movie. As always, I found things got a little dull once the guns started firing, but that’s just a testament to how riveting Mr Tarantino’s talking scenes are. I really liked the fact that he seemed to be channelling Martin Scorsese for his narration. He got the jittery inflections down perfectly. I wasn’t too fussed about Jennifer Jason Leigh’s performance, for which she apparently won an Oscar, but she was solid as always. I do have a soft spot for her, even though she seems to have made a career out of mumbling for the past forty years. Not bad going.

I’ve just put a £90 Amazon order in for some more DVDs. You know – essential household items! I also added a disc cleaner to the basket, as my PS4 is struggling to load stuff. I had to switch over to my bedroom DVD/Blu-ray player halfway through The Hateful Eight, which meant a smaller television. I hope the cleaner sorts out the problem. I really don’t want to have to buy a whole new console. Sigh.

I’m still working my way through the Home Improvement boxset, which I’m still enjoying. They’ve noticeably reigned in Tim Allen’s ape-like grunting, which they kinda overdid in the first two seasons. I think I’m on the last disc of season three now. I’ll hopefully have King of the Hill arriving in the post soon, so I’ll start on that once Home Improvement becomes unwatchable. Most long-running sitcoms do after a while, usually around the fifth or sixth season.

I've fired up the motorbike stunt video game Trials Fusion, which I've had for years. It's both really fun and really infuriating. I guess all the best titles have that kind of variety in their gameplay. Here's me going crazy trying to get past one particularly annoying section:



I should give the follow-up game, Trials Rising, another go, but I found its lighting and colour pallet clashed with my eye condition, so I gave up after a few sessions. Shame really, but that does happen a lot. I'll have a think.

I rang my mum the other day, just to see how she was coping with all this in the news. Even though she lives alone, one of my two older brothers lives just around the corner from her. It sounds like she’s been able to get the booze in. At the end of our conversation I did say “I love you”, but she didn’t reciprocate. She has issues with intimacy, which is why I don’t get in touch very often. Think Leonard’s mother in The Big Bang Theory. She mentioned that my eldest brother did criticise her for dismissing him just as they were getting into a good conversation, which she does to me. She claims it’s an age thing, but old people aren’t generally known for having a problem talking for long periods of time. It’s something that obviously won’t change, so I won’t bother bringing it up. Still, it does create a distance between her and her loved ones.

Well, I best go find a film to finish the evening on. I did start on Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead on Saturday, so maybe I’ll crack on with that. I might move through to the bedroom to watch it, as it’s quite a soporific number.

I hope you are all managing to stay sane. Let me know if you ever fancy a chat, as I’m sure we’re all feeling a bit of cabin fever at the moment.

Regardless, do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!