Mist over a mill pond

I’m feeling a strange stillness today. It’s like the universe is holding its breath, for some reason. I didn’t get up until three o’clock this afternoon, which is frustrating. I initially didn’t sleep very well, to the point where I had to ring up and rearrange an eye check at the hospital but, after a bacon sandwich, I managed to get more than my minimum eight hours sleep.

I had a nice gaming session last night with a different gaming buddy. They usually can only manage coming online once a week, but it was still nice to talk with someone. It cheered me up greatly. My other gaming buddy, the one I used to get together with nearly every day but has now changed consoles, said during a brief text message chat last night that they find it “weird” not playing with me anymore. I’m not sure what “weird” is supposed to mean, but I feel different too. We didn’t always get on that well, but having a friend in your life so consistently, then having them suddenly go, is quite a shock to the system. I’m not sure how much it has been affecting me. I don’t want to actually tell them that I miss them, as it might seem, well, too intense. I’m trying to be as casual as I can about it.

I have an appointment with my doctor in the morning, at which I’ll bring up the fact that my new antidepressants don’t seem to be improving my mood. Afterwards, I might go down to the pub. I’ll see how I feel. I hope I don’t have to rearrange this appointment too.

I’m currently watching The Sky Crawlers, a 2008 anime by the director of Ghost in the Shell. It has his signature mill pond calmness, which is very haunting. There are short bursts of adventure but, overall, it’s a very sombre affair. It’s not what I was expecting, for some reason (given that I’m familiar with the director’s work). I’m not exactly sure why I should care about what’s going on, as the film deals with an alternate history where humans have bloody air battles just for the hell of it. There’s no war, so society engages in these tournaments just to satisfy its innate bloodlust. Since there’s no real outcome from the war games, the whole thing feels passionless. The focus is more on atmosphere and building up a mystery. I’m admiring its stubborn pace, but it’s not helping my state of mind. I’ll try and get it finished by the end of the night though.

I’ve got a bowl of egg mayonnaise in the fridge that I made earlier. It’s very nice. I added some paprika this time, just as an experiment. I can’t taste much difference. I used four eggs. I also added some oregano, ground black pepper and olive oil, as well as the mayo, of course.

That person I gave my PSN ID out to in the pub the other week still hasn’t sent me a friend request. They mentioned, on a different day, that they will add me eventually, but I don’t know what’s taking them so long. Nobody’s that busy, surely. I’ll take the hint and stop waiting for it. Sigh.

I’m wondering whether to put an Amazon order in. There’s a few boxsets I fancy having in my collection. I’m not that bothered though. My passion for my hobbies is pretty low at the moment. I’m really just existing from day to day. I’m not sure how much longer I can last like this.

Perhaps the universe will take a deep breath soon. Who knows. Anyway, I shan’t keep you.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!