Zen and the Art of Sitting Around

 I’ve just got my letter about shielding. It’s all very vague and unhelpful. It sounds like I carry on as usual, but I might be able to get priority grocery and free prescription deliveries. The government are using too many wishy-washy phrases like “advised to”, “try to” and “where possible”, which has the effect of making things sound less severe than they really are. Apparently my supermarket is going to contact me, so maybe I should switch the ringer on my landline on. It doesn’t matter, I’ve been able to get slots anyway. For some reason, there’s always a bunch of openings posted around 7 and 8 pm every day (for the following day). I’m not sure whether that’s when they get confirmation of more casual delivery staff, or customers just tend to cancel their orders around that time. Who knows. Anyway, I’ll keep my shielding letter close at hand, just in case. I won’t tell anyone I know (unless I deem it necessary), as people seem to like to have opinions about all this and try to tell you what’s what, even when they don’t actually know anything. I’m finding it’s best to just read the government’s website and steer clear of news sources and social media.

I woke up at 1 pm this afternoon, which I hope isn’t a trend. I’ve got my vaccination appointment next week, so I could really do with a healthy sleep pattern. Maybe it’s just a blip. I’ve been good for a few weeks. My gaming buddy was messaging me around midnight, which didn’t help. Apparently there’s been some touching between him and his new gf, but he wasn’t fussed about being satisfied himself. I wonder if that means something. I’m quite passive, sexually, so am always happy just to be there for the other person. I’m always aware that I can have a wank in private at any time, so being with someone is more about the intimacy, for me. I love a good cuddle.

While the snow is gone, the weather is still rather drab. It’s very windy today, but that’s ok. I prefer colder weather, although the recent snow seemed endless. I think it only lasted a week, but it felt like longer. It’s the only time of year we’re all grateful for some rain. I only went out during it once, to take my rubbish down to the wheelie bins. It was event free.

I really miss the pub. Not just the beer, but standing at the bar talking to a bunch of racist alcoholics and trying hard not to wince in agony at some of their awful opinions. Bless. Who knows, maybe I’ll be back in there by the height of summer, but the letter I got today isn’t filling me with confidence. I think If you’d told me last March that this would all still be going on in a year’s time, I would have burst into tears.

I made an impromptu curry last night, which was very nice. I wanted it to be a meat one, but I had no fresh stuff, so I used a tin of chicken in white sauce, which worked really well. I’ve got loads leftover, but I’m going to have to eat it all today, as I don’t think freezing and reheating meat that’s been cooked twice already is particularly recommended. I’ll have it just with poppadoms, rather than with rice. I’ve found both is too much for me. Last night I had it with brown rice, which went down nicely.

I’ve been watching Wes Anderson films this week. I’ve needed some comfort viewing, and these work perfectly. I’m on The Life Aquatic today. I might do The Darjeeling Limited later. I’ve not been into movie watching much lately, which is a phase I often go through. I’ve mostly just been indulging in old sitcoms or gaming. I should probably flip through my five DVD carry cases and pick out discs at random and watch them. Just to have something to do.

I’m still tempted to get some booze in, if only to remind myself why I’ve not drank in over a month. What terrible logic, right? Yeah, I think that’s part of being an addict. It’ll kill some time though, and take me out of this tedious flat. Mentally speaking, of course. Sigh.

A mutual friend of my ex has been back in touch today. She’s a very sweet tomboy lesbian, who I’d totally have a crush on if she weren’t gay. My brain seems to stop me even going there, which helps. I don’t know why I always fall for lesbians. Talk about being self-defeating! Oh well, I’m glad I’m bisexual, even though there's a lot of biphobia from both straight and gay people. I couldn’t imagine having that dividing line between the sexes. I just love everyone!

Right, on that amorous note, I think I’ll go heat up that curry. It’ll probably take about an hour on a low light. Yes, there’s really that much left.

Anyway, do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

A midnight pond of zombies

 Well, I’m still here, although I’m not sure where else I should be. I’ve not felt like writing a post in a while, but who knows why. I suppose my video game streams have turned into a sort of vlog/podcast of late. I discuss stuff that’s probably way too personal for a stream, but it’s not like anyone actually tunes in.

You maybe unsurprised to learn that not a great deal has happened since September. Christmas was blah, and I think I passed out drunk before midnight on New Year’s Eve, so that was that. I haven’t actually drank in just over a month now, as I started to get really bored of the routine of getting drunk alone. I didn’t see that one coming. Anyway, I’ve starting to feel the urge again over the last few days, which is maybe why I thought I’d best fire up the old blog. You know, to try and sift through some feelings.

My old gaming buddy has kept his promise of spending more time with me, which has surprised me. I genuinely thought he was gone for good. I even stopped replying to his correspondence, in any form. I just needed closure. He ended up sending me a very heartfelt message, which I just couldn’t ignore. I was very honest, even down to saying I didn’t want him to feel forced to talk to me out of some sense of duty. Anyway, we’ve spoken regularly since, so that’s cool. I’ve not had a friend before or since my ex that I’ve spoken to so intensely for this long, so it was very sad feeling like that had ended. He’s now in an official relationship with a girl, which has apparently tipped over into the physical, so there goes my hope that he was gay. I’m still holding out, as all the signs are there. But, hey, even if he is, there’s no guarantee he’d like me in that way.

I started recording music again. I’ve not even entertained the notion of singing this time, as I kind of embarrassed myself last time. These will just be instrumentals. Short and snappy ones. I’ve posted two already, which you can find here: soundcloud.com/pondzombies

They’re a little rough around the edges, but it’s kept me busy. I forgot how stressful recording was. But it’s good stress. You know?

Oh, I’ve started separate Twitter feeds to promote both my musical and gaming outputs. They are @pondzombies and @midnightsarnie respectively, should you fancy saying “hello”. I had to turn the comments off this blog, as I was getting a fair amount of spam all of a sudden. I’m not getting into the social aspect of Twitter this time around, as that ended in disaster after ten years, although I will reply to people, of course. I just don’t want to hinge my social life on it, as that part of the internet died a while ago.

I’ve started watching The Larry Sanders Show, after I felt I needed more Jeffrey Tambor after getting into Arrested Development. I now see him as the genius he is. His dry wit should be rewarded with him being made an honorary Brit. I’m only a few episodes into Larry Sanders, but I’m hooked already. It’s interesting how this show and Parks & Recreation used the same cinematographer that shot This is Spinal Tap. They obviously felt they needed someone experienced with the mockumentary genre. I think he became the “go to guy” for that kind of thing.

I’ve got my vaccination next week, which I’m not looking forward to. Apart from the pain of the injection itself, it’s at a surgery that I’m not familiar with, so I’ll need to take a taxi there. I’ll have to make it clear to the driver that I have no idea where this place is, as they often ask you to help out with directions. It’s not like London, where you have to have “The Knowledge” to get your taxi license (although that may be an urban legend, I’m not sure). They get lost driving two streets over around here. Sigh.

My ex also warned me that I could be getting a letter in the post about having to shield, although she says a lot of things. She used to work in council housing, and still regularly reminds me that they’re planning to knock my building down, so I’ll have to move. I’ve asked her to stop telling me this, as it’s quite upsetting. I’ve yet to be told anything about it, but she still reminds me whenever she’s forgotten she’s already told me, like, a hundred times. Plus she hasn’t worked in housing in years, so I doubt she’s privy to updates. So, yes, I’ll hold fire until I actually see a letter. If she keeps bringing it up, I’ll ask her to back off a bit. Then she’ll forget and start telling me again, but whatevs.

Sod’s law I get a letter in the post tomorrow telling me I’m being evicted. Nothing would surprise me.

Hmmm, what else?

Oh, that woman I went for a walk with almost a year ago has now started doing deliveries for the local brewery she works for. I was kinda hoping there might be something between us, but she didn’t really respond to my texts after that one walk. I don’t want to pester anyone, so I decided to leave it. Well, she’s been to my home a couple of times now to deliver beer but, apart from a polite catch-up in the stairwell, she hasn’t shown much interest. I best go back to the drawing board. Finding love wasn’t easy for when we WERE allowed outside the house. Now, well, it’s something I’ve lost all hope about.

Well, this has been quite cathartic, so I’ll hopefully post updates more frequently. I’ve needed someone to talk to.

I hope you all have a nice weekend.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!