And the award for biggest drama queen goes to...

 Feeling really weird. It started late afternoon yesterday. Wondering if I’ve caught something. Not sure how, as I try really hard to avoid all human interaction these days. Been up for a few hours, but might just go back to bed indefinitely and listen to Mazzy Star.

If something happens to me, please let it be known that I regret EVERYTHING and that I want all my worldly possessions to go to the kitten orphanage AKA city recycling incinerator.

I think finding that mouldy jar of sauerkraut at the back of the fridge was the thing that finally broke me.

At least I managed some personal admin before succumbing to whatever this is.

I went out on a high.

Don’t bother trying to stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles… forever!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

So I did end up getting completely wellied on Monday, after posting that second story chapter. I’d basically found myself sitting alone in the living room crying over nothing, so anything felt like an up from that.. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a very pleasant drunk. I think the best rule of thumb is: don’t drink if you’re in a low mood. I got REALLY paranoid at one point. I just don’t seem to enjoy being awake during the day anymore. There’s nothing there for me! So, yeah, I doubt I’ll be doing that again.

Until the next time, that is.

Anyway, I’m back now and trying to figure out how to begin the third chapter of my story. I have some ideas, but I really need to get going today.

I’ve also, after pleasantly dusting off Pitch Black, started watching The Chronicles of Riddick. I’d not seen any of the Pitch Black sequels before, and was even surprised to find the boxset containing the animated short that was supposed to bridge 1 and 2. I don’t know how it does that tbh, as there isn’t much story progression in those 33 minutes. Well, I’m happy to report that all the money spent on Chronicles is right up there on screen. It looks GREAT. However, it doesn’t feel like it belongs in the same universe as Pitch Black at all. That first movie felt like “hard science fiction”, whereas these sequels are definitely “fantasy science fiction”. It’s like the difference between the Alien and Star Wars universes.

You REALLY didn’t get the impression during Pitch Black that the rest of the population of the universe wandered around in capes.

There should be NO CAPES in the Pitch Black universe!

So, yes, I’m treating these sequels as a whole different thing. This should also help somewhat with the heartbreaking discovery that they brought on a new actress to play “Jack”. You know things aren’t quite right in Hollywood when they decide to ditch one of the best things in the first movie, totally screwing-over the original actress playing that part in the process. Sadly, Rhiana Griffith suffered the indignity of being made to re-audition for her own part, which ended up going to Stock Dead-Eyed Bimbo No.54353. I suspect the producers had already made their decision, so any reasons they fed Griffith were just cheap excuses. They clearly wanted a Xena: Warrior Princess-type in there, but couldn’t figure out how to include Jack. They even retcon the story, by having the new Jack AKA “Kyra” claiming she was 12 years old during the events of Pitch Black.

Erm… No.

This all seems to have devastated Rhiana Griffith in real life, as she seems to have retired from acting altogether. A great tragedy this as, like I said, she was one of the best things in Pitch Black. The story potential in having this naive, plucky young tomboy going on adventures with a stoic beefcake could have been endless. But they threw it all away for a bit of T and A. Shame on them. Shame on all their houses!

Still, Chronicles is, mercifully, as camp and OTT as the first film, so it has that going for it. It is a bit of a slog though, and I keep having to take breaks. Like DAY-LONG breaks. I’m curious to see what transpires in the third film and the fourth that is currently in development.

Still, my heart goes out to Rhiana, and I hope she’s moved on and now better off without this silly nonsense.

Onwards!

Oh golly, mother has now officially been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. Perhaps I should have opened with this news. Hmmm. To be honest, she’s always been rather eccentric and, a few years ago, my brother reported she had started losing her marbles BIG time. I don’t think she even knew who I was the last time I called, to the point where I think she was actually trying to flirt with me. Bit weird that. It sounds like the life expectancy of someone with Alzheimer’s isn’t very long, so I’m expecting that dreaded phone call any day now. I’m guessing there will be a lot of family disputes over her estate once she’s gone, which I will stay out of. I won’t want anything. I’ll just want my mum back.

Cue palette-cleansing paragraph break.

Oh, I bought the first boxset of that One Piece anime series, which is apparently HUGE at the moment. I’m halfway through the first episode and finding it rather insufferable, but I shall persevere! It has some cute Miyazaki vibes to it, but the tone is so extreme that I just want to tell it to shut up. I’m wondering whether it was actually inspired by Miyazaki’s own Future Boy Conan series. In fact, they do share some of the same English voice over artists.

We shall see.

Sadly, I didn’t get a shout-out on the most recent episode of Astronomy Cast, now that I’m a patron. I think maybe I’m on too low of a tier for that honour. Alas! Oh well, I’m not donating for that reason. They’re just good people imparting amazing science knowledge!

I really need to get out of the flat today. Not only to take some stuff down to the wheelie bins, but I also need to post a prescription and buy some energy meter top-ups. I think the last time I left the building proper was when my power went out so had to go to the cornershop to buy some electricity credit. I’m wondering whether to tie this excursion in with lunch somewhere. The city centre is a building site at the moment (and seemingly has been for years now), so that’s ruled out. Maybe I could just go down to the reassuringly-pedestrianised train station and have a sandwich by the fountains.

Exciting, huh?!

Well, I best post this and go put the world to rights.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

P.S. Yes, I did actually have to double-check David Bowie’s song “Changes” to find out how many “ch”s needed to be in the title of this post.

Robopocalypse Now

Golly, my current sleep pattern sure is dragging the days out. I’m not even sure what time of the day I’m in when I wake up from one of my ten kitty naps of the day. I’m getting a fair amount of hobby stuff done though.

I had a sudden low mood attack yesterday morning but, luckily, managed to crash for a full eight hour sleep once I’d had some food. I felt much better after that. I guess my brain just couldn’t take the pattern anymore. You know you have clinical depression when you feel miserable whilst watching The Fifth Element. I mean, what the absolute fuck.

Oh, this morning I posted the second chapter of my new writing project. I did quite a few proof reading sweeps, finding quite a lot to change on each pass. I’m sure there’s still stuff to add/remove but, hey, sometimes you just have to set the bird free. I guess this would be where a second set of eyes, in the form of an editor, would really come in use.

Do check out my work in progress here:

The X41 Wave - A Story

I’m hoping my interest in this will last a while, at least before my cyclothymia changes the rules again. Sigh. I’m always in a race against my own brain.

While the last time I drank was Wednesday or Thursday, it feels so much longer since. I’m putting this feeling down to my weird sleep pattern. As I said above, the days are just dragging like a mofo! So, basically, I’m wondering whether to celebrate the posting of that second chapter with a booze run this afternoon. Got fuck all else to do, after all.

Hmmm…

Anyway, I just thought I’d chime in. Feeling a little lonesome today. Don’t mean to burden you peeps with that though.

I’ve been getting loads of views from Singapore, for some reason. Like THOUSANDS. Often on the same post. Not sure what I’ve done to piss off the Chinese. I guess Singapore is it’s own thing though. Oh well, close enough. I’m sure it’s a spybot or something similar. I genuinely don’t think I get any actual human readers, tbh.

Do stay in touch, darlingbots.

Toodles!

P.S. Oh I bought a private yaght in GTA Online, so yay! 

Jim goes viral!

 So I accidentally went viral on YouTube the other day. I drunkenly made a clip of a subtle little animation cue on American Dad, a moment which always makes me chuckle (when I notice it), and uploaded it to my channel. This was total drunk logic, as I have no social media accounts to post it on. Maybe my rationale was that, perhaps, someday I’ll make a brave return to Facebook and/or Twitter. I tend to do this sort of thing when I’m watching films or shows - I’ll take a screenshot with a joke in mind, but without the means to share it.

Remember, I had had most of a litre bottle of whisky by this time.

Anyway, I kinda forgot about it for the next couple of days while tending to my hangover, then noticed the video had not only had over two THOUSAND views, but notched up about forty likes, so the views were legitimate (and not just someone dead at their computer with their lifeless forehead pressing down on the refresh icon). So, yeah, I’m pretty pleased with myself as, after over a thousand videos posted, I finally get the attention we all crave so damn much.

I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED.

In other Me news, I’ve spent today going through and proof reading the second chapter of my new writing project. I’ll give it a spit-polish tomorrow then post it. I might try for a chapter every week for a year and, with any luck, I’ll have a novel ready by the end of 2024. If it doesn’t get any attention in blog form ,then I may seriously consider submitting it someone properly. But, woah, I’m getting WAY ahead of myself there. I guess I am a tedious fantasist, after all. I mean, the amount of times I’ve started a story then stopped after the second chapter is crazy. I just… I dunno… feel it’s time to commit to something other than a life of self-destruction. Perhaps this is what I’ve gotten out of my ex passing away: the realisation that I needed to choose between moving forward or leaving the race altogether.

Let’s try moving forward tor a bit, yes?

Just a bit.

Oh I watched Pitch Black today for the first time in about twenty years. What a wonderful movie! Tragically, it is now old enough that I can officially say: “They don’t make films like this anymore!”. Damn kids with their superheroes and jump scares. But, yeah, it’s a very camp film, which I’m still not sure whether is intentional or not. It’s wonderfully crammed with awesome, ass-kicking tomboys, and so much homoerotic man-meat that I wasn’t quite sure where to look. I think I’ll bite the bullet and buy the boxset with the initial two sequels in it (apparently a fourth is in Vin Diesel’s pipe), although I’m not expecting miracles.

That first one though. Golly! It’s so well structured, with some great characters, hit-and-miss dialogue, heart-wrenching drama, and fantastic filmmaking. I just… urgh… I could just kick myself for putting it on my shelf for two decades. Oh well, we can’t all be perfect, right?

RIGHT?!

Erm… I’m ok.

Speaking of intellectual science, I’ve just become a Patreon donor for Astronomy Cast, which I’ve been getting back into a lot lately. I’m not listening to the audio-only version, but sitting down to the full, uncensored YouTube streams. Watching two people talking for hours about science with massive grins on their faces because they love the subject SO MUCH fills me with endless joy. I’m not sure how long I’ll contribute for, but at least I’m trying to give something back. Plus, hey, the economy is being weird post-covid, so I think non-profit people like this who rely on advertising and handouts need as much help as they can get.

Onwards!

My sleep pattern’s still a little off, but I’m not finding myself sleep-deprived. It’s just… well… hard to plan for life when you’re asleep and awake in bite-sized chunks.

Oh I finally invested in a Blu-ray copy of Raising Arizona, which I watched last night. It’s a film I really like but, for reasons that have never been completely clear to me, have never, ever owned a physical copy of. Not VHS, not laserdisc, not DVD, not even cuneiform clay tablet.  But what a wonderful film. Every time the camera cuts to Nicholas Cage, I just started laughing. Plus Holly Hunter is such a badass that I can’t even think. Hey, have you ever noticed how you never see Holly Hunter and Jodie Foster in the same room tog… oh wait, I did this joke a few months ago about Reece Witherspoon and Amy Poehler, didn’t I? Oh well, if it ain’t broke…

Hmmm, what next?!

Nah, I think that’s it. I might crash soon, so I think I’ll stick on the film Moon before my energy levels drop too sharply.

I hope your weekend is going well.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

Food for thought

 I’m just nursing the remnants of a hangover, which is probably something I say a lot. I finished the second chapter of my new story yesterday morning, so decided to celebrate. I still need to proof read and post it, but it felt good to be getting some work done. Also, my interesting new sleep pattern was starting to get to me, which booze certainly sorted out. Basically, I’ve been sleeping hard for maybe an hour and a half, getting up for three hours, then going back to bed for another hard hour and a half. This has been going on for a couple of weeks. So, yeah, after a few* beers I crashed for seven hours straight.

*six and two whiskies

As I’ve pontificated  before: say what you like about alcoholism, but at least you get your rest.

I’m also sensibly dealing with the DTs by watching the recent big monster/kaiju boxset. Bombastic, OTT, nightmarish, end-of-days destruction is PERFECT for a nasty headache. Godzilla took me a few days to get through (it’s a fucking expositional slog), so I’m finally onto Kong: Skull Island. I do love me some John Goodman, I must say. Although I fear he won’t be in it much.

I’m wondering what to have for my dinner, as there’s not much in the kitchen. Maybe I’ll order a takeaway, just as soon as I figure out what my tummy fancies. I was having horrible gastroenteritis earlier, which may have been booze-related, so I’m taking things slow.

Oh I decided to dig out The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension to watch on Tuesday, which is a film I don’t watch enough. Every time I do I’m all like “I should set up a separate Tv in my flat and screen it 24/7!”. It’s an utterly bonkers movie, which actually stimulates creativity in my brain. When you tear down the walls of convention, anything’s possible! I remember wanting to first see it when I was a teenager after they showed this clip right before airing it:

I mean, come on, why would you NOT want to see THAT movie?!

It’s also interesting how it was released a year before Back to the Future, but has some similar elements. Notably: a futuristic car that travels through dimensions powered by a three pronged science fiction device. It also has Christopher Loyd in there. Well, it has EVERYONE in there. The cast is incredible.

While we tragically never got the sequel the film promises, James Bond-style, they did release a comic book of its screenplay, which I have in sat front of me now. They also just published a novel version which, thankfully, has also had an audiobook made of it. Guess what I’ll be spending my Audible credit on THIS month?!

I’ve still yet to tidy up after the furniture delivery last week. Well, I guess it’ll be more of a shuffle about, as I had to move some stuff out of the way to make room for the workmen. I just… I dunno… can’t be bothered at this point. My interest in guitar playing is quite at a low, so I’m not desperate to open up my music nook, which is currently crammed with junk. Oh well, maybe tomorrow.

I’m still not sure what cuisine I fancy. I’m preferring bland stuff at the moment, so I may order from a pizza place.

Right, time to crack on with Kong: Skull Island!

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

Blackout city

So I just had my first electricity meter blackout for the first time since I moved in twelve years ago. I did keep telling myself to check the balance, as it felt like it’d been a while, but I obviously left it too late. Then it turned out to be super-humid outside, so I was soaked by the time I got back from the cornershop. And it wasn’t even raining. Oh and I nearly got run over in thee street, as a van stopped to let me cross the road, which I never go for as it is very dangerous, but I was all like “Fuck it, I just want to get home and make a sandwich”. Dear All Drivers, if you see a blind person trying to cross the street, DO NOT stop to let them cross, as some impatient idiot behind you not paying attention will overtake you and kill said blind person. Trust me, if a disabled person is out by themself, they know what they’re doing. Love, Every Visually Impaired Person on the Planet x

To give myself a little credit, regardless of how low or high the balance was, I had intended to go out to get a top-up today anyway. I just wasn’t expecting the meter alarm to go off while I was still on my first coffee and watching The ‘Burbs, the DVD of which just turned up today, as I wanted to see Wendy Schaal AKA Francine Smith in real live action. She’s essentially playing the same character as she voices in American Dad: a ditzy housewife married to a gun nut who has an American flag on his lawn. Schaal’s most important contribution to… well… the universe is giving birth to her daughter Kristen, who is officially one of my all-time favourite people. I actually dug out the 2011 Muppets soft-reboot yesterday, as I found out Kristen was in it. I tried watching the film years ago, but the first ten minutes, with the whole Pee Wee-style Samlltown thing, put me off. If your film predominantly features a cast of talking puppets, then you need to keep everything else very grounded in reality. With MORE Kristen Schaal. And Rashida Jones.

Erm… where was I?!

Oh yes, so I nearly got run over, but didn’t, and now I’m safely back home typing this. I also had delivered the boxset of the recent Godzilla film series. I did watch the one with Bryan Cranston, but lost interest after that. If you’ve seen that film, you’ll understand why. YOU DON’T TEASE MORE BRYAN CRANSTON THAN YOU GIVE. Anyway, it kinda took me by surprise that they’ve made four sequels, so I’ll have to have a kaiju movie marathon one night this week. Or leave it until Halloween. Or New Year’s Ever.

Wow, there are A LOT of party nights I’m planning on staying in for, aren’t there?!

Hmmm, what else?!

Oh yes, the new cooker is still letting out a horrible smell. Apparently this is normal, and the user manual should mention this, but the two halfwits who brought the damn thing failed to include it. These people get paid, you know. Weird, isn’t it?

I’ve started writing the second chapter of my new creative writing project, so keep an eye out for that. I included a link to the story’s dedicated blog in my last post. Chapter Two should be up by the end of the week, unless I decide to get battered before then.

Right, I think I’ve calmed down now, after all this morning’s excitement/anxiety. I best go back to watching The ‘Burbs.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

P.S. The sandwich, on bagel, I made once I got home from the cornershop turned out to be very nice.

P.P.S. The title of this entry is a reference to this, the greatest song ever recorded by a conscious human:

Men NOT at work

Well, the furniture finally arrived. Unfortunately, one of the workmen was a total dick. Surprising, huh? I honestly can’t be bothered to list all the little passive-aggressive things he did to piss me off but, rest assured, they managed to take a simple job and make it agonising. I got VERY drunk afterwards. I actually need to ring the council today and organise some stuff they claimed to have forgotten. I think they actually had it with them, but just couldn’t be arsed to go get it. They had had enough for the day, and wanted to go home to get fed and burped.

Assholes.

So, yes, that was how all that panned out. At least my new stuff is pretty sweet. Not great. Just sweet. It’s nice to sit and lie and turn things on without them cracking and snapping. My new fridge is even chilling food. CHILLING it! I feel like I’m in a science fiction movie. Where’s Michael York and Jenny Agutter?!

Not much else has transpired since. Just a lot of sipping cheap whisky and staring at the TV screen. Good times.

Oh, I managed to finalise the first draft of the first chapter of that new story I’ve been planning recently. Actually, I’ve been planning it for about thirty years, but I’m a slow starter.

Anyway, here it is:

The X41 Wave - A Story

It’s weird how I only feel happy at the moment when I’m thinking about my stories. Sinking into an alternate reality seems to be doing it for me. I am getting very worked up about grammar and punctuation though, which I’m not very good at. Every comma stresses me the funk out. Alas!

It’ll be a living work, so chapters will probably get revised and thicken out regularly. At least, that’s the plan.

Well, I hope ya’ll have a good week.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

Where no Jim has gone before!

Just had a cursory clean behind the cooker, in preparation for the electrician turning up. I thought it was only polite. Plus I was just so damn morbidly curious. AND I’ve literally had nightmares about what might be lurking behind there.

It actually wasn’t as bad as my nightmares suggested, but it was still pretty gross. A lot of chicken nuggets that’d flown off the oven tray over the years.

I am a man now, my… erm… son. Son-man?!

Oh I dunno.

“Don’t wander about!”

I’m writing this at around 6 am, but I’ve actually been up since 3 am. I’ve been sleeping in very brief shifts since coming off my antidepressants, but those shifts are incredibly deep indeed. I’ll wake up after an hour feeling like I’ve been out for days. Falling asleep quickly and naturally once I find my eyes getting heavy is a rather odd experience, especially after thirteen years on insomnia-inducing brain medicine. I’m also incredibly weary once I get up, so have to be very careful not to tumble to the floor.

New ways of working, and all that!

I’ve spent these early hours watching the 1971 film Walkabout, which I haven’t seen in about twenty years or so, I reckon. It’s a film I first saw when I was quite young, and it’s stuck with me all these years. It’s more of a state of mind than a movie, I’d say. I think I’ll officially add it to my drama top ten. It feels as though it’s fused itself to my bones. Like it’s a part of me. Isn’t that strange?! It’s also a great post-apocalypse movie, even though it isn’t. The scene where Agutter and co. search and loot an abandoned house in the desert feels very Fallout 3.

It’s a very sensual movie too, with the unspoken lust between Jenny and David Gulpilil being palpable. Even though it’s not explicit, it makes The Blue Lagoon feel like an office health & safety instructional tape. Agutter’s character is perhaps the biggest cock-tease until Mimi Rogers’ in Someone to Watch Over Me but, hey, if you’re going to hang yourself from a tree over a woman, it may as well be Jenny Agutter.

Erm… spoiler alert.

Here’s a couple of shots I found particularly interesting:

Speaking of Ridley Scott, I do wonder whether this film inspired his visual style (he would have still only been making commercial shorts around 1971). Whilst the editor still focuses on the main series of events, there’s a distracted quality to the visual narrative, almost like the film has a terribly short attention span. It’s always cutting away to minor, incidental events happening all around the central ones. That’s classic Ridley, in my book.

I hope my energy levels don’t fade by the time the furnished accommodation people come to exchange my stuff. Perhaps I’ll squeeze in a nap before the afternoon (when they’re due to arrive). The electrician is due this morning to disconnect the cooker, but hopefully that won’t take too long. Whilst you could certainly say it usually is anyway, my flat has never felt so cluttered. I’ll leave it until the very last minute to take personal items off the furniture due for removal, as I do tend to use every inch of available surface space as storage around here. There’s usually a bag of toilet rolls on the sofa.

Classy, huh?!

Well, thanks to Walkabout, I’ve completely lost my appetite. There are some very candid wildlife shots (insects and rotting carcasses etc.) sprinkled throughout which, if you’re squeamish like me, will deter you from opening the fridge door for awhile. I may order a takeaway later, especially since the new cooker won’t be connected until tomorrow. And I have no microwave.

Excuses, excuses, right?

Hmmm, well, I best go have a walkabout [get it?!] and see what else needs to be prepared for later. I might even make a list. I’ve already hidden any and all masturbatory paraphernalia that was lying about. I don’t get many visitors. Priorities, and all that!

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

Suck it and can't see

So I’ve been trying to adjust to my cyclothymia setting out new rules for my personality (including likes and dislikes), which can take time. I did feel very low for a few days, before realising that that was what needed to be done. I seem to be back into science fiction now, whilst only able to eat very simple, bland food, listening to mostly instrumental music, and playing acoustic guitar. Not electric. Although these changes often occur mildly throughout the week, sometimes, like this, I have a major shift, which requires a fair amount of emotional energy and organising.

Due to the very nature of them, these shifts are something I’ll never truly get used to and, as I’ve probably mentioned before, it stops me from really excelling at or achieving anything.

My low intelligence doesn’t help either.

I finally bit the bullet last week and rang the council to arrange some new furniture. My current stock started falling apart pretty much the second they dropped it off seven years ago but, due to their “five-year-life” rule and co-fucking-vid, I’ve been putting off upgrading. Plus the furnished accommodation inspector made a comment about my weight the last time he was over, so I’ve not been keen to engage with them since. Apparently it’s my fat bum’s fault the furniture they give me keeps breaking, not the fact that it’s cheap and shoddy and the department probably embezzle most of the money in their budget instead of handing out quality items. People are, officially, just the worst. Anyway, the fact that they’re coming tomorrow (Thursday) means that i’ve had to do some spring cleaning. Not to impress them with my housekeeping, but just so that they can physically haul the muthafunking old stuff out and the new stuff in.

I’m a bit of a hoarder.

This all meant that I got to try out my new vacuum cleaner, which has been sat in my entranceway for a few months. It’s a great machine, making vacuuming fun for the first time in… well… ever. I’ve still got some shuffling around to do before tomorrow afternoon, but I’ll be doing that in drips-and-drabs as the evening progresses. It actually started getting cooler yesterday (I lay UNDER my duvet for a change!) but, sadly, the temperature seems to be back up today, making any physical activity a rather sticky endeavour.

After beginning the spring cleaning last Wednesday, I ended up getting trashed for a couple of days. If you add on to this my cyclothymic confusion, then you have the excu… reason why I’ve only resumed tidying today. Plus I’m a fat, lazy, furniture flattening cunt so… you know.

Tell you what, I’m REALLY not looking forward to going behind the cooker for the first time in twelve years. An electrician is coming out first in the morning to disconnect it, so I’m expecting him to scream a fair amount. I’m sure, in his line of work, he’s seen worse.

I hope.

Due to my returning interest in science fiction, I’ve been planning a creative writing project. I didn’t get very far with the last one but, considering that that one was set in modern day, I understand that I probably wanted to not delve about in the here-and-now. Which is very me. It’s either past or present, baby! So, yeah, I might open a separate blog to post all that in, however briefly. It’s a story idea I’ve actually been workshopping in my head since I was a teenager, having never really found a good/inspiring jumping-off point.

I think I’m ready now.

I’ve been sitting around all day today waiting for an Amazon order, which has meant me having to wear.. urgh… CLOTHES. It’s not that I like being naked, it’s just that I DON’T like wearing clothes. The “Arriving Today” email didn’t appear until about an hour ago, so I’m not sure what they’ve been doing all day. I’m guessing they’ll be low energy and monosyllabic, making my attempts at being perky and sociable a waste of time.

Again, people are just the worst.

Anyway, my dinner’s ready, so I best go chow down on that.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

Blind Art 3

 LAKE HOUSE RITUALISTIC MURDER

HE WAS SOME KIND OF A MAN

Drive-by me love

I get the feeling there was just a drive-by shooting outside. I get this feeling because… well… there was just a drive-by shooting outside. A car screeched, a series of popping sounds akin to firecrackers going off, and then, a few minutes later, an emergency vehicle with sirens blaring went speeding by. Everything’s gone dead quiet again now though. Typical really. It’s “playground rules” around here. Nobody goes running to tell the teacher.

Well I fucking do.

Not that anybody will listen to me anyway.

I’ve had a very weird evening, emotionally speaking. I’m feeling very on edge. Not bad-tempered, just… oh I don’t know… out of sorts. I keep misplacing things too, then finding them in strange places. If I was an attractive young women, I’d blame my handsome arse of a boyfriend (who I’m inexplicable still with, instead of the schlubby nerd next door) by claiming he was “gaslighting” me. But I haven’t got a boyfriend. And I’m not an attractive young woman. I’m just me. So it’s probably just because I’m a forgetful halfwit.

No psychological manipulation here.

Just stupidity.

I’m wondering whether to buy some booze in tomorrow, as I’ve been really struggling with this heat. Sadly, my doctor wants me to monitor my blood pressure all week, so it’s probably not a good idea to get myself into a state. It’s almost as if they don’t want me to drink myself to death. Also, in my new state of mind, I doubt I’d know what to do with myself if I was inebriated. I’d probably just fall asleep where I sat. That’s what I’ve been doing sober.

If it ain’t broke…

I’ve just finished going through the Rick and Morty 1-3 boxset, so now I need to pick out another comedy series to keep me away from the cliff’s edge. I might go South Park this time. Haven’t watched that one in a while. I’d buy more Rick and Morty seasons, but cracks were starting to form during season three. The law of diminishing returns seemed to have set in, with Rick’s apparent infallibility and increasingly arrogant behaviour making him less interesting. He seemed more like an avatar for the series’ coke-fuelled producers by three. Didn’t one of Parks & Recreation’s producers die from gargling too much Bolivian? And that series ended up being a science fiction show.

That must’ve been some good shit.

I’m also having an impromptu Mad Max marathon this week. I’m currently on Beyond Thunderdome, which is a lot of fun. It features some amazing visual flare by George Miller, who I think directed all the action stuff (to keep his mind off the recent loss of a close friend), while his pal directed the slow, emotional stuff with all the kids (that nobody likes). Did they ever figure out whether Bruce Spence is playing the same character from Mad Max 2? I know it’s left ambiguous. The kid he has with him could very well be the feral child from 2 all cleaned up.

I think we lost Tina Turner this year, didn’t we? Bless. Here’s to you, Aunty Entity! If they have Thunderdome in the next life, you know damn well that that chick’s gonna be the one leaving.

What else? Ummm… oh yeah, I’ve been attempting more sketching today, but I’ve started putting too much pressure on myself, so I might give it a rest for a few days. It’s almost as if getting completely trollied is exactly what I need right now. Funny that!

Yeah, I should probably go check to see if there are any supermarket delivery slots available for later on today/tomorrow/however you prefer to view things from just after midnight.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

Blind Art 2

CRAZY FOR YOU

 MAN HURT BY LIGHT

Balance of power

So my energy levels have been manically up and down over the past 24 hours. Not only did I voluntarily come off my antidepressants last month, but I missed about a fortnight’s worth of diabetes medication (because I couldn’t be bothered to go pick them up). Both withdrawals have left me almost passing out in my chair from tiredness, or feeling very frustrated and short-tempered. For example, I just couldn’t wait for yesterday to end. It was just agony. It did end, finally, and today has been much better. I’ve still managed to get myself worked-up over random things but, overall, my energy levels and mood have remained pretty balanced.

That bigger pad of drawing paper and some extra black markers have arrived, so hopefully I’ll be able to torture you all with more of my “art” pretty soon. I’m still having to re-learn my style, which is, in itself, quite an adventure. I’ll be struggling to get a sketch right then do some strokes that work really well and feel natural and I’ll be all like “Oh yeah! That’s how I used to do it!”.

I had a grocery order arrive too, with my usual flexitarian offerings. Some beef burgers and lamb steaks, along with a pack of tofu and cartons of soya milk. The picker/packer at the supermarket must think I’m two people.

Perhaps I am.

The summer has finally come, much to my chagrin. I mean, it’s flippin’ September for goodness sakes! It’s the month of the flying spiders, not the month of sweaty bums. Bah!

I’ve been making more playlists on Spotify. Last night I did one for Van Morrison. Just his first four albums for now, but you never know. I prefer his Moondance to Astral Weeks, even though the latter is considered his masterpiece. Even though he was (is?! I’m genuinely don’t know whether we’ve lost him yet) notoriously grumpy and mean to his session musicians, his music is very upbeat and ethereal. Maybe his endearing side is all spent by the time he’s finished writing an album. Who knows.

It’s been too hot today to do much music playing myself, although I did experiment with recording a simple acoustic demo on my phone so that I could play it back and figure out a vocal melody. Oh yes, I forgot to mention, I also emailed a music school enquiring about singing lessons. I’m fat, bald, and over 40, so they’ll probably not have much belief in me, but I’m not asking them for much. Just enough to make some recordings for fun. I’m not planning on opera singing at the Albert Hall.

Not yet, anyway.

Lol, can you imagine?!

Still no word yet from my guitar guru on whether he’s going to accept the gift I sent him or not. It doesn’t matter anyway. Combine this incident with the fact that he hadn’t replied to any of my messages for about a year, and you have me completely checked out of our friendship. It’s over.

He’s just one extra person who’s phased me out of their life.

Fuck it.

Dad hasn’t even said “Thank you” for the DVD I sent him. I paid extra for gift wrapping and wrote a nice little note for him too. Grumpy old fart. That’s officially the last time I try buying a present for him. He’s always been an ungrateful swine, even when I was a kid.

I made a simple stir fry with that tofu this evening. It was a recipe I caught whilst watching Keith Floyd’s series on the Far East. IT was very simple, just spring onions, green beans, beansprouts, tofu, and a couple of fried eggs. I was surprised how fast the green beans cooked, as I was expecting to have to part-boil them first. Crazy days!

Right, I think that’s all for now. I keep having to stop typing in order to waft myself with a hand fan. I hope it’s cooler wherever you all are.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

Blind Art 1

While I’ve never excelled at it, like I’ve never really excelled at anything, I’ve always had a passion for drawing. I backed out of going to art school as a teenager when I realised that my hereditary, incurable, deteriorating eye disease was going to make visual expression rather difficult. I still remember that moment at secondary school when, while looking down at something I was drawing, I noticed I couldn’t see details that were merely an inch apart, thereby making it impossible to establish symmetry.

The state education system at the time had also declared that drawing could not be deemed “art”, so my labour of pencilled love had to be relegated to “prep work”. I ended up half-heartedly cobbling together a collage in about a day, giving me a GCSE grade of C. Who on Earth gets a C in art?! Me, that’s who.

Since having my artistic bubble burst by two nasty pricks, I generally stuck to a looser sense of reality. Not exactly abstract or expressionistic, but drawing a world without straight lines. I suppose more Vincent van Gogh than Edward Hopper.

Between leaving school in 1996 and leaving society about ten years ago, my drawing was confined mainly to doodling in the office. Until, that is, my eyesight predictably made even those low amitions almost impossible. Well, I’ve been experimenting recently with implements of artistic expression that will work for me, such as charcoal pencils and felt-tipped pens. It turns out that the thickest black marker pen I can possibly find is the way forward. Now all I need is a pad of paper larger than A5.

So, ladies and gentlemen, here are my first two efforts. Drawing something from my imagination is preferred, as I can hardly screw up a subject that isn’t there. And I would screw it up. Exaggerated landscapes and houses seem to come naturally to my busy fingers.

I shall endeavour to acquire a larger canvass and thicker markers but, for now, this is what I’ve got as a trial run.

Or “prep work” as those state fascists would deem it.

See you at the exhibition opening, darlings.

Toodles!

Stop, drop, and rock 'n' roll

Well I just walked into a door, so I think I know how this day is about to go down.

To be fair on myself, I have only just started unstopping my living room door for when I play guitar, in the hope that the deafening sound of my incompetence doesn’t resonate down the building’s stairwell. New ways of working, and all that! Also, I’m legally blind, so go fuck yourselves (if you’re laughing, that is).

I’ve started about ten new playlists on Spotify this week, so my musical thirst is definitely keeping me busy. I discovered the band Mazzy Star last night. Wow. I now know where Howling Bells got their inspiration from. Mazzy Star is one of those “Where have you been all my life?!” bands. I’m very excited.

I love that I’m always finding new bands to listen to. It’s an ocean of creativity out there, just waiting to be… erm… swam in. I can’t drink from the ocean to quench my thirst, obviously, as it’ll be salt water. Wait, can you get fresh water oceans? Isn’t there an ocean in the Near East that used to be salty but then a tsunami made it fresh. Or maybe it was the other way around. I can’t remember now.

I’ve also been going through more Guided by Voices. There’s pretty much an infinite amount of their stuff to listen to, so you’ll never get bored. Did you know frontman Robert Pollard was an elementary school teacher for fourteen years before becoming a full-time rock star? Can you IMAGINE how AWESOME it would be to turn up to class one day and find Robert FRIGGIN’ Pollard there with a piece of chalk in his hand waiting to impart knowledge to you?!

That would be a good day.

And I would totally have had a crush on him.

Oh I’ve discovered two downsides to my coming off antidepressants: a) my energy levels have dropped considerably so, while it’s making me sleep better at night, I am struggling to get my shit together in the morning, and b) my temper is now much shorter, so I tend to lose it at fairly minor things. I’m noticing I’m having to press/click/push buttons twice all the time. You know, like they don’t work the first time, but then decide to work the second. This is really getting on my wild side. Perhaps this happens all the time, but I don’t usually notice it. I dunno. But it’s pissing me off, basically.

I also seem to be making a lot more mistakes on guitar. Only I can get worse at something I practice every day at.

Only me.

I’m also finding that my eyesight has dropped a considerable step recently, which I don’t think is helping my unstable mood. I’m sure I’ll adjust to the extra loss of vision and get used to my post-medication state of mind, but it’ll take some time.

I ordered a burger last night, by the way. I think I mentioned I was going to takeaway the shit out of Saturday night. It was, indeed, a tasty burger.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!