Dry

I feel joyless and empty. I feel trapped by the snow and by everything that is happening. I have nothing to look forward to today other than falling asleep and being unconscious. I hope the weather doesn’t stop me going to Manchester on Sunday, I can’t bear not seeing my girlfriend. I hope she still loves me.

I just want to not be myself. I just want to drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink until I hover above my head and feel happy out of my body. But I don’t do that anymore. I just want to be free.

Why did the snow have to come now? Are we cursed forever?

I want to go now. I just want to go.

Shall I type until I feel better. I’m not really thinking anything. I can hear a dog barking outside but I don’t think he should be out there. I think the neighbours are playing in their back garden, I’m sure he’s being looked after.

I think Come Dine With Me is on the telly, maybe I should watch it. Some group conflict and social discomfort might brighten my day. Who knows.

Gone now. Gone, gone, gone.