Tension

I’m going to see the Citizen’s Advice Bureau on Thursday. It’s all coming to a head. I can no longer think about the future until I see them and they can give me advice. I don’t know what to say other than “it’s all a horrible mess, help me.”

I don’t know how to get the bills and paperwork etc from the house to show them the details, I’m going to see if dad can drive me over there tomorrow. Who knows.

I’m so scared and am beginning to feel a constant tightness in my head, almost like a great pressure is building up.

I hope my girlfriend still loves me. I’m going to see her at the weekend. I was thinking that if the house does get repossessed and somehow I walk away from this free to make a decision (of sorts) I might apply to that residential college and get free education and board for a year while my head settles.

Or perhaps I’ll be left in a dark hole filled with nothing but fear and regret.

I hope this tension goes away. It’d be nice to have counselling just to talk through all this with somebody.

I hope my brain doesn’t just shut down.