Fading

Just wondering if a calm loss of hope is falling over me. Like all the lights are finally being switched off. There’s no great furore, no cries of sadness, just a quiet resignation that this is the state of things.

I can’t feel any happy future because I don’t think this will ever end. It is such a madness at the heart of the matter.

But I don’t feel panicky or anxious, just tired and lethargic. I just want to shut my eyes and recoil into my mind, hide there while everything falls into the sea. Wash away.

Or maybe it’s just the anti-depressants messing with the chemicals in my brain, playing around with levels. I do feel strange, like something is buzzing inside me, something faintly electric pushing my head. Who knows.