Leftovers

There is a bit of Chinese takeaway left over from last night… I’m hoping if I do one of my “special” dances I might be able to consume it, yay!!

Think I might try to make my own chow mein, it hardly seems like rocket science. Noodles, bean sprouts, soy sauce, onion, mushroom and a meat if required? I reckon that’ll work.

Not sure what we’re having today. After the cost of the takeaway yesterday I think a basic pasta from the pantry will be in order.

Going to search for jobs in supermarkets today I think. I’m just worried whether or not my eyesight will allow cash handling.

There will be new houses listed on the council website so I’ll check them out.

I’m hot, watching A New Hope and still need a shower. Argh!!

Power cut!!!

I had a bad start to the day today. I woke up feeling quite low and depressed so I decided to shut the world out. I stayed in bed until what I though was late afternoon but it ended up only being midday. Once I was up and dressed I began checking my emails etc when the power went out. It seemed like the whole estate had gone under as there were burglar alarms going off everywhere. There was nothing I could really do apart from sit around worrying about the freezer defrosting so I jumped on the bus into town… which was full of loonies today, let me tell you.

I started getting paranoid that I smelt bad but it just turned out to be my cap… which I will not wear again until it is washed.

Anyway, I’ve returned back to the house to find the electricity back on so I am picking up where I left off.

I had a real urge to drink this afternoon and was worried I would give in to temptation whilst in town, but after a few sandwiches and cola I felt ok. It’s best just to do anything other than drink, even if it means binging on food a bit.

Hope I get plenty of hugs from my girlfriend tonight as I didn’t see her much yesterday. I wonder if we’ll end up doing the gardening. I fancy another bbq, eek. I think we’ll just have pasta though.

Marigolds and rock & roll

I’m feeling creative but miles away from doing anything about it. I wish I had a recording kit in every port. I shall dig out my dictaphone to make lo-fi aesthetic recordings. Was singing in front of my girlfriend using my lower voice last night and she didn’t say anything. I assume if it sounded awful she would have complained and asked me to stop. Not sure. We might try singing together soon. It is fun doing stuff with her.

We might be going out to the pub tonight to a pub quiz with some of her friends from work. I’m not sure whether or not to drink if I go. I might be able to handle it, I’m not sure. Could just spend the night on energy drinks. That’ll disorientate me enough. Plus I’m not sure how awkward I’ll feel with them asking me about my job situation etc.

Feel a bit worried about things today. I’ve left my phone off and I think it’ll stay that way. I need to go back to the doctor to talk about things, I’m worried that I’m burying my head in the sand again. A higher dosage of anti-depressants perhaps? Maybe.

I’ve got a big pile of dishes to do. At least that’s something positive and constructive.

Shall get me marigolds on.

A weekend of festivities and fire

We had a nice busy day yesterday in Sheffield town. We went to a “green” festival where they had stalls celebrating an environmental, vegetarian and politically liberal consciousness. My girlfriend got wankered on half a pint of 10% home-brewed cider, lol. I resisted the temptation since I’m trying to kick the booze. God bless it.

We then went to a small scale craft fair in a hotel that was nice. It gave my girlfriend lots of ideas for making crafts of her own.

Then onto a watercolour exhibition in the Millennium Gallery. It was so dark (to protect the paintings) that I couldn’t see any of the work and my girlfriend found it difficult too. I had to use my guide cane throughout.

My girlfriend then had to go to work in town and I headed back to the house. There was a drunk man on the bus with his very young daughter. She kept crying because her father’s behaviour was frightening her. I nearly called the police. It was sad to watch, but hopefully a one off… he’ll have a bad hangover and lots to explain today.

Me and my girlfriend are having a bbq today, once she goes and gets the bbq that is. Tee hee. We have the meat, just not the fire.

My guitar up here is really out of tune. I think the heat has warped the strings. I don’t know where my tuner is but I’ll use an online tuner or something.

Will it be the hottest day today? We’ll see.

Rock, the blues and heat wave

I’ve been trying to record “proper” vocals directly over the song templates. Not sure how it’s going as I haven’t listened back yet. There’s so much to do and it’s so exhausting that I thought I’d just blitz record and then edit what works after the fact.

Since I ran out of anti-depressants at the weekend I’ve missed a couple of days so I’m worried that it’s already affected my mood. I have felt quite low over the last few days. I don’t think that would set in after missing so few though.

I’m off back up to Sheffield today. Not looking forward to the journey. It looks overcast so goodness knows how the weather will turn out. I’ll pack (heavily) for every eventuality I suppose.

I’ve been quite lethargic this week and not felt like facing much. That’s why I’m wondering if missing the medication has affected me. I’ve begun to feel despair again and morbid sometimes. Maybe being up with my girlfriend will make me feel positive about things. We both need each other.

Since it’s been so hot I’ve been staying in a lot and am worried I’ve put on weight. I do feel a lot bulkier. Oh well, it’ll cool off soon and I’ll be complaining about the cold.

The future feels uncertain again.

It burns

Heat… upon heat… upon heat…

I’m not enjoying this weather, where did it all go wrong? It’s making me very lethargic and insular.

I don’t think I’m getting enough fresh fruit and veg as my skin is getting a bit dry around the mouth. Shall stock up on me greens today.

I’ve not been facing things much this week. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve missed a couple of anti-depression or what. But I just want to hide in a bubble. Sleep forever. Be in my own high tower above the fire.

I’ve tried recording proper vocals directly over the song templates. Not sure how it’s going. My deeper voice sounds a lot more theatrical and immediate. Might not be musical though. I’ll plod on regardless.

My girlfriend’s been having problems but I’ve not been there to support her. There’s only so much you can do over the phone. She hung up on me yesterday when I was trying to give her advice. Sometimes it’s hard to get her to be constructive and positive rather than just going over the negative stuff in a circle.

Not heard anything about housing in Sheffield, might ring them and make sure I’m doing it right.

Maybe I should force myself out for a walk rather than staying in depressed. Face the sun. Face the sweat. Yuk.

Yes, I’m a little fed up with my lazy brain.

Tired and lonely

I’ve ended the day on a low but I’m not sure why. I feel aimless and lethargic, I just want life to roll over me. I could sleep forever.

Maybe I just need a nap, a shower, a shave and a few cups of coffee. So that’s what I’m heading for.

Ever have one of those days where you could just peel off your own skin and hide in a ditch? That’s where I am, folks. Icky-ville.

I should have got some stuff done today but, frankly, at no stage did I ever feel compelled to. I recorded some shit music tracks that will act as templates for better things… but since ultimately they will be deleted it was a pretty fruitless task.

Who knows, maybe sleep will do me good.

I just want to leave everywhere.

I’ve had enough.

Never mind, I’ll get over it… glass half full and all that.

Nighty night.

Making tracks

I’m back down in Newmarket and feeling lonely without my girlfriend. We parted this morning as she went to work, which was better because it meant she wasn’t alone after I’d gone.

The journey down wasn’t too bad as it wasn’t a Sunday (when I usually seem to travel) so I got back to dad’s house before 3pm. It helped that I left earlier, of course.

The weather has been a bit mental today and couldn’t seem to decide whether to be sunny or rainy. I got a good blast of both extremes.

My new cap is good for travelling on trains as it means I don’t get exposed to too much sun. No fainting this time.

I had a curry when I got in, a nice Beef Madras from Iceland. Dad hasn’t stocked up the fridge much but he is sticking to a healthier diet and avoiding ready meals and junk food.

I should do the same really.

I brought my recording gear down and did a test run earlier. I’ll record a basic “template” track of me running through each song on acoustic guitar and singing in my speaking voice then I’ll record a separate guitar only track and a separate proper vocal track. After I get all the songs recorded I’ll take the recording gear up to my girlfriend’s and do the electric guitar and bass parts. Not sure about percussion though, I could do with borrowing a drum kit and teaching myself some simple beats.

I just want a cuddle from my girlfriend. I wonder when we’ll see each other next. We have such a good time when we’re alone together. I hope this distance will shorten soon.

Burning bins, black pudding and performing arts

Our recycling bins were torched last night about 1am. The fire service came out but we slept through it. We phoned the police this morning and gave a statement. New bins have been ordered. My girlfriend is a bit shaken by it and is worried that she’s been targeted. I think it was just bored kids with matches.

I cooked up a nice black pudding, egg and cheese club sandwich for lunch and took one over for her at work. We had a nice chat and a cuddle. Hope she doesn’t get too anxious about things.

We’re still going to the theatre tonight but she might cancel at the last minute. It all depends on how she feels after work. She might just want to stay in and keep an eye on the house. I don’t mind staying in, I’ve got a long journey ahead of me tomorrow.

I’ve phoned the Jobcentre about a couple of jobs… one’s through an agency (sigh) and one is only two mornings a week. I’m not sure whether to bother. I’ll ask my girlfriend and see what she thinks.

Queues, cues, dvds and melting sausages

Queued up for tickets to the Alice dress rehearsal at the Crucible this morning. There were more people there than I expected… some taking it a little too seriously and barking into their mobile phones. All pointless of course because the rehearsal was cancelled and we were offered discount tickets for upcoming previews. Shall be going tomorrow in scruffs... might polish me tatty trainers though, hehe.

Having another barbeque tonight. Hope the weather holds as it keeps getting cloudy. I’ve taken sausages out of the freezer and left them in a bag outside to defrost. Not sure if that was a good idea, eek.

Went to the Jobcentre today to look up vacancies using their snazzy touch-screen terminals. There was an irate customer in there who had to be escorted out. A bit of drama. I found a few jobs to phone up about, so we’ll see.

I bought a hat to wear in the sun. I’ve been meaning to get one for a while as it helps me to shield the sun out of my eyes. My girlfriend likes it but wants one for herself and keeps trying to pinch mine, lol. It’s like a baseball cap but not so, erm, townie. Not that I’m clued up about such things.

I bought Spielberg’s War Of The Worlds and Michael Mann’s Collateral on a twin dvd for £5 from HMV today which was a pretty good deal. Charity shop price, that. WOTW isn’t supposed to be great but I like Spielberg and am amazed I haven’t seen it yet. There must be something half decent in there.

Onwards!!

Spices etc

Had a heavy curry last night which knocked me out for the rest of the evening. Spent last few hours of the day leaden on the sofa listening to me iPod.

My girlfriend wanted an early night after last night’s activities but things got a bit overheated again. A fingers only session. It felt nice taking it slow which I found easy as I was fairly tired but knew I wouldn’t get to sleep straight away. She got very talkative afterwards and it seemed to cheer her up. She gets worried that she isn’t sexy anymore but doing things like that boosts her confidence. She is so sweet and doesn’t need to worry about her appearance.

Got to go into town today to pick up a guide cane as my last one broke. They’re very handy with a roller-ball tip.

Going to meet my girlfriend after she finishes work as she’s stationed in town today.

Hope it’s not too hot outside, I’m not in the mood for humidity again.

Up north, lethargy, music and sex

Feeling a little bit lethargic today. Slightly down. Lacking the desire to achieve goals. Just want to slob about which I know isn’t good.

My girlfriend and I have been taking it easy over the last few days so I think that change of pace and intimacy has slowed me down.

We made love last night and it was very passionate. Very hot and sticky. Very fun. Gets me excited just thinking about it. We’re still turned on by each other a great deal. I love her so much.

I’m not sure when to go back down to Newmarket. I want to stay in Sheffield as long as I can but I need medication before the weekend.

I’ve put some bids in for council flats which I’ll hear about after Tuesday. Or not, I’m not sure how long it all takes really. I don’t know whether or not to be excited.

I played electric guitar earlier which was fun. I really want to record some songs but the logistics of getting it done is rather tricky. I need to do it soon though just in case everything has to go. Well, it does all have to go, but I want to record before that.

Feel like a slob but maybe that’s just because I’m hanging around in my underpants as my clothes have been in the wash, lol.

Just feel like taking it easy, but that scares me sometimes. We’re going to do more gardening and housework this week. I think. Weather and mood permitting, of course.

Collapse

I had a bit of a dicky tummy as I was setting off to bed last night and then in the middle of the night it was quite painful and I headed for the loo.

On the landing in-between my bedroom and the toilet I became dizzy and collapsed to the floor, then I wasn’t sure where I was for a few minutes.

I managed to get to my feet and carry on with what I was doing but was having cold sweats and shaking quite badly.

I’m not sure what it was all about. I had been travelling in the heat and rain a lot yesterday and was quite fatigued. Perhaps it was just a tricky bowel movement, I’m not sure.

I was worried it might be mild stroke or something.