I’m feeling a little lonesome today, so I thought I might drop by for a quick gossip.
My multiplayer gaming membership has expired at last, so I’m currently adjusting to it no longer being a social crutch. I’m not feeling much of a difference. Yet. That standalone DVD/Blu-ray player arrived, so I can now watch films without even being tempted to solo-game quite so much. It’ll be nice to keep the two separate. I’ve been concerned that gaming has been too good of a procrastination tool for me, to the extent that other hobbies and key chores around the house aren’t being done. Well, they definitely aren’t being done, but I was beginning to wonder whether lazy/passive gaming was part of the problem. I did get some stuff done today (instead of lounging in my armchair catatonically button-mashing the PS4 controller), so that’s something. It wasn’t a lot, just breaking down empty delivery boxes and creating space on a shelf in my bedroom to store film/TV boxsets. Simple tasks, but doing them made a difference and helped me to feel better about myself. Now I just need to haul all that cardboard down to the recycling bins.
Pain. In. The. Arse.
Oh well.
Rather embarrassingly, I had so many empty boxes piling up in the living room that I had failed to notice four unopened cans of beer sitting in one. Score! So I’ve just had those with my dinner. It felt like a nice little reward for my “hard work”. Still, I would have preferred to have found them on my birthday when I needed them, but hey-ho.
I made a simple curry yesterday out of some sausages that were going out of date. They were quite fancy pork, apple & black pudding ones too. I cut them up into little coin-shaped meatballs with the kitchen scissors and fried them, before adding in some leftover onions and chillies from the Chinese takeaway I had the other day (I carefully ate just the beancurd out of a “Salt & Pepper Tofu” dish, saving the veg for use later). I then added the usual chopped toms, peas and spices. It turned out to be a really hot one, so much so that I was genuinely concerned it may have been inedible. But it wasn’t. I downed that mofo over two days. It’s not my first time. I had it with some brown rice, which made a change from basmati, of which I’ve been working my way through a 4kg sack. It was the only quantity they had.
The ex sent a quick text the other day, but our conversation was very brief. I didn’t want to encourage a deep discussion. I’m really not capable of that right now. I’m finding it too hard to stay afloat (emotionally speaking) myself. I’ll check in at the weekend.
One of my aunts sent me a quick “hello” email, which was nice. I wasn’t even too sure she was still alive, as I had heard she was very ill a while ago. She’s also in her late 70s/early 80s. Around the time that I heard she wasn’t well, she ominously went quiet on social media and I was too afraid to ask anyone how she was. I don’t know why. Maybe it was just something I couldn’t face. If the worst had happened, that is. She’s a really fun person, who always reminds me of a Julie Walters creation. A proper Merseyside eccentric. I hope she stays around for many years to come.
Two of the women who live in this long block of three sets of six flats decided to have a private conversation outside last night. The only thing was, it was 3am and they were at opposite ends of the building. This didn’t stop them though. Oh no. They just shouted to each other for half an hour. I really should have recorded a video of it, as it was so surreal. I wouldn’t have had to go near the window to do it, just lying in bed holding my phone normally would have captured it clear as day. The funniest bit was when another neighbour got fed up of it and slammed his window shut, which caused the two women to complain about the noise he’d made. The hypocrisy was completely lost on them. Anyway, apparently one of them is currently having an argument with her boyfriend, while the other is out of weed. Jeremy Kyle hasn’t been cancelled around here, you only have to open your window to get a new episode. Sigh.
I’m still watching The Office, which means I’ll probably be buying the DVD boxset once my Prime trial is over. I’ve laughed out loud many times. The embarrassment humour still isn’t my cup of tea, but at least it’s not mean-spirited. All the characters, even the most dislikeable ones, get a moment of redemption and sympathy. I know that might seem like the quintessential American schmaltzy thing to do, but I’m totally fine with it. I like my light entertainment to be lightly entertaining. So sue me.
I managed to get six episodes into Transparent, which is very compulsive viewing. I mean, it’s hardly edge-of-your-seat stuff, so maybe I was just in the right mood. It’s a little soap opera-ish and familiar, but there’s enough charm to it to keep me interested. It's also not as predictable as I first thought it was going to be, indulging instead in slightly shifting where the audience thinks things are going to go. Not in a revolutionary fashion, but just enough to make you go "Huh. Ok. Interesting!". I really don’t like the character of Josh, but I guess I’ll just have to put up with him. I’m not sure whether it’s how he’s written or acted. Maybe it’s a bit of both. Anyway, everyone else is great. I think I caught what’s about to happen with the character of Ali, as I suddenly noticed about three episodes in that Gabby Hoffmann kept changing her hairstyle, almost to the point of confusion. I was all like “Is that Ali?”. But then I realised that her character might end up transitioning like Maura. I’ll try cracking on with it over the weekend.
Oh, I did actually manage to watch all three original Evil Dead movies in one go, which surprised me. I don’t know why it surprised me, but it did. Maybe it’s because they’re so familiar to me that I assumed that halfway through I’d get bored. Who knows. The new Blu-ray copies that turned up are very nice, especially Evil Dead 2. Even though I’m visually impaired and struggle with fine details, peripheral information and dark scenes, I was still able to notice the clearer image and more vibrant colours. I enjoyed the first film a lot more than I was expecting. I used to find its shabby, student-like quality too distracting, but I really got caught up in the drama yesterday. Actually, this time around, I felt real sadness for Ash as his friends were possessed one-by-one and he had to kill them. Erm, spoiler alert. Films can affect you differently at different points in your life. I remember not enjoying Withnail & I when I was in my mid-teens but, after I’d lived away from home for the first time and lived in similar drunken squalor, it finally connected with me. Good times. Anyway, yes, I didn’t regret rebuying the Evil Dead set. I was especially glad that the version of Army of Darkness was the American one, the ending to which ties in better with Ash vs Evil Dead. The action ending to the American Cut is just a lot more fun too, instead of simply echoing Evil Dead 2’s dark twist of a last scene, which the International Cut does.
I’m currently watching The Mysterious Cities of Gold before bed at the moment. It never gets old, and I’m always transported back to my childhood when I watch it. I’m trying to do about a disc per night. I wonder if anyone’s cut together the mini-documentaries that end each episode to form one long feature. I guess a quick check of YouTube would answer that but… you know… effort.
Right, I’m starting to get a bit hot sitting here typing over the laptop, so I best go cool down on the bed. I’m hoping to drift off to sleep earlier than 5am tonight. That’s really getting old. I guess turning night into day doesn’t really matter much at the moment. There’s nothing to look forward to at either end of the clock.
On that positive note…
Hail to the king, baby.
Toodles!
Wednesday, 27 May 2020
Monday, 25 May 2020
Party of one
So, yeah, I turned the big four-oh the other day. I still don’t feel like a responsible adult yet, probably because I don’t have kids, a job, a house with two garages and a dog, but whatever. I prefer cats, anyway. I didn’t do much on the day as, well, there isn’t much one can do for fun at the moment, in terms of socialising. I’m not quite sure what I would have done had all the pubs and restaurants been open. Probably not a great deal different. It’s not like I enjoy parties. Hmmm, maybe I’ll make up for it once July/August swings around. But, yes, basically I’ve stayed in all week drinking heavily alone. Not a great idea, I know. For my actual birthday I mostly spent the time feeling sorry for myself, which was as fun as it sounds. The youngest of my two older brothers called, who I spoke to for the first time in ten years a few months ago. Our chat this time felt a little more chilled, possibly because I felt so rough that I couldn’t be bothered to feel self-conscious about anything. Still, it felt nice to connect with an old friend. I should really call him more often.
I got a few nice cards from people, plus a couple of £40 gift cards. Get it? Glad they weren’t rubbing in my age or anything, lol. I’ve used them to buy a DVD/Blu-ray player, which I mentioned I was thinking about getting in my last post. My PS Plus membership runs out tomorrow so, once the standalone disc player arrives, I’ll probably unhook my PlayStation indefinitely. To be honest, I’ll probably go crazy after a few days but, more than anything, I’m just curious to see how I cope without it. It has become sort of a social crutch for me, but that side of it has pretty much ended anyway. Like when I shut down my social media accounts last year, I think I need to force some changes. The internet has become a means for making myself feel more and more lonely the past few years, and I’ve had enough.
I’ll still post here though, so don’t you worry about that.
My old gaming buddy finally came online last week, which was nice. We had a pleasant little catch-up while playing a few games but, so far, that seems to be about it. I think it’s been a week now since we talked. I have another gaming acquaintance who only agrees to talk to me once a week, so I’m not having another. If they want to get in touch, they know where to find me. I think the usual only-once-a-week guy does it as a power/control thing, which I don’t appreciate. I think he has even less going on in his life than I do, so you do start to wonder. Maybe I’m being hard on people and paranoid, but I need more certainty in life. I can’t sit around waiting for people to find time for me. To be fair, they shouldn’t have to but, I dunno, it always feels so easy when we talk. Why wouldn’t you want more of that? Sigh, I’m really trying my best not to sound like a clingy nutcase here, so that’s probably why I’m making these changes – not to be melodramatic and cause a scene, but to get my life moving. I always feel like I’m running out of time. Probably because I am. We all are.
I turned my phone off for half a day last week, mainly because I was feeling hungover and didn’t have the energy to speak to anyone. This brief radio silence caused my ex to go into full-on panic mode and she called both the police and the ambulance service. Her anxiety had led her to believe I had done something to myself. Luckily, I turned my phone on and spoke to her before anyone turned up and started breaking the door down. I was rather annoyed, as I now feel like I have to communicate with her or else she’ll call the emergency services. Talk about creating a scene! I was texting our mutual friend (the one who took her to hospital last week because of my ex’s very real suicide attempt) and we discussed our shared frustration at how my ex has been acting. I know my ex doesn’t mean to upset anyone, but when your actions start affecting those who love you then, well, it’s time to start taking control of your life. I'm hoping that that mutual friend and I can combine our energies to lend greater support. I'll been struggling to give advice on my own, especially with my own depression issues. I managed to sort out my major life crisis ten years ago when I realised how much it was hurting the people around me. If I can do it, then my ex surely can. I’ve said I’ll help out with anything she wants to do in order to get better, but I can’t do it all for her. She has a really nice, intelligent, proactive group of friends ready to lend a hand. I think she just needs a plan of action. We shall see.
I started my annual Amazon Prime 30-day free trial yesterday, so I’m checking out some of the free stuff to watch online. I started off by making my second attempt to get into the American version of The Office, an attempt which has been a lot more successful this time around. I’m not a big into farce/embarrassment humour (which is the heart of The Office) but, like the UK version, I’m finding enjoyment in the cute love story that’s on the periphery. Jim and Pam are so adorable. I’ve definitely fallen in love with John Krasinski. I might buy the DVD boxset eventually, but I wanted to make sure I liked it first. I didn’t want a repeat of the Community incident.
I’ve also started watching the LGBT-themed show Transparent. Actually, I watched the first episode literally right before I started typing this post. Erm, I don’t know why you needed that detail. Anyway, I found the first episode very moving. Jeffrey Tambor is just so utterly wonderful. I remember having an adverse reaction to him in The Larry Sanders Show when I was younger, mostly because of how badly I felt for his downtrodden character in that, but Arrested Development completely turned me around on The Tambor. I initially didn’t think I’d get on with Transparent as, well, all the characters seemed so obnoxious. I was all like “Is this a show glorifying yuppy LA hipster baby-boomers?! Yuck!” but, thankfully, I soon realised that that was the point of the show. Tambor’s character even laments at one point how selfish and shallow his offspring are. I was very relieved, and got to the end of the episode wanting more. While watching, I kept thinking that I recognised the actress who plays Tambor’s daughter Ali, then I discovered it was Gabby Hoffmann, who I totally thought was cool when I was a kid, probably after seeing her in Sleepless in Seattle. I don’t think I’ve seen her in anything since then, so it was nice to find out she was still working. I think I responded to the tomboyish vibe she gives off. Speaking of which, The Office’s very own Melora Harding seems to be in the main cast as well, and her character is pretty fabulous. That’s kinda how I wish I looked but, sadly, I couldn’t be further from it. I try to explain to people that I’m “a man who identifies as a woman who identifies as a man”, but it usually just confuses them. I know the character of Tammy isn’t a ftm transgender (at least, I don’t think she is), but I’m talking more about the look. So I think I’ll watch a couple more episodes of Transparent this evening before, maybe, settling on a film or something. It might be bedtime by then, but I didn’t get to sleep until about 5am this morning, which was frustrating, so I’m not sure when I’ll be ready for bed tonight There’s nothing more annoying than the dawn chorus when you still haven’t gotten to sleep yourself.
Speaking of sleep, while attempting it last night I kept myself entertained with some audiobooks, as I do. I’ve started on some new ones, mostly about people visiting foreign places. That wasn’t a theme I specifically went for, it just seemed to happen. Yesterday I began Emile Zola’s The Belly of Paris, which is read by the gorgeous (but sadly no longer with us) Frederick Davidson. It’s about late-19th century life around a Parisian marketplace, which I thought would be fun, and it’s turning out to be just that. I was worried it might get a bit dark at one point, but those moments are generally fleeting and incidental. I think it’s going for something more casual. Last week I started on Down and Out in Paris and London, by George Orwell, which was wonderfully boozy and debauched. I haven’t continued with it yet, but it remains on my unofficial “now reading” list. Last night I began Death in Venice, which is quite short, so I’m hoping to maybe have that finished tonight or tomorrow. For a relatively short book, Thomas Mann does witter on. I did manage to get to his first few encounters with the boy, so at least I’ve made it past the introductory chapters. They can sometimes be hard on the weak minded, like myself. I’ve also started A Moveable Feast, which I did get quite deep into on ebook many years ago, but I thought I’d start from the beginning on the audiobook format. I think it’s going to be fairly similar to Down and Out, but my assumption is that Ernest Hemingway and George Orwell have different enough writing styles that I’ll be kept entertained by both.
Oh, I did watch The Rise of Skywalker again, and I was still pleasantly entertained by it. It’s a shame they resorted to the now-cliched “blue laser shooting up into the sky” finale, but up until that point it feels a lot fresher than the first two Star Wars sequels. I’m still amazed by how annoyed I wasn’t at them shoehorning Lando Calrissian into the one, but I guess the charisma of Billy Dee Williams knows no bounds. At 83, he’s still got it going on.
Speaking of things rehashed from the 1980s, along with the DVD/Blu-ray player I also ordered the Blu-rays of the original Evil Dead films and the complete 1-3 set of Ash vs Evil Dead. I already have the films and first season of Ash on DVD, but I thought I’d upgrade. They are old copies, and sometimes the newer Blu-rays aren’t as censored, which was the case with earlier releases of films like Predator and Die Hard with a Vengeance. Maybe I’ll cram the lot into an all-day marathon, once they arrive. Hmmm, then again, that might take too long, especially with three seasons of a TV show. I’ll have a think.
Right, I think I’ve purged enough truth for one day. I best go back to my hobbies. Maybe I should start planning that belated birthday event too.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
I got a few nice cards from people, plus a couple of £40 gift cards. Get it? Glad they weren’t rubbing in my age or anything, lol. I’ve used them to buy a DVD/Blu-ray player, which I mentioned I was thinking about getting in my last post. My PS Plus membership runs out tomorrow so, once the standalone disc player arrives, I’ll probably unhook my PlayStation indefinitely. To be honest, I’ll probably go crazy after a few days but, more than anything, I’m just curious to see how I cope without it. It has become sort of a social crutch for me, but that side of it has pretty much ended anyway. Like when I shut down my social media accounts last year, I think I need to force some changes. The internet has become a means for making myself feel more and more lonely the past few years, and I’ve had enough.
I’ll still post here though, so don’t you worry about that.
My old gaming buddy finally came online last week, which was nice. We had a pleasant little catch-up while playing a few games but, so far, that seems to be about it. I think it’s been a week now since we talked. I have another gaming acquaintance who only agrees to talk to me once a week, so I’m not having another. If they want to get in touch, they know where to find me. I think the usual only-once-a-week guy does it as a power/control thing, which I don’t appreciate. I think he has even less going on in his life than I do, so you do start to wonder. Maybe I’m being hard on people and paranoid, but I need more certainty in life. I can’t sit around waiting for people to find time for me. To be fair, they shouldn’t have to but, I dunno, it always feels so easy when we talk. Why wouldn’t you want more of that? Sigh, I’m really trying my best not to sound like a clingy nutcase here, so that’s probably why I’m making these changes – not to be melodramatic and cause a scene, but to get my life moving. I always feel like I’m running out of time. Probably because I am. We all are.
I turned my phone off for half a day last week, mainly because I was feeling hungover and didn’t have the energy to speak to anyone. This brief radio silence caused my ex to go into full-on panic mode and she called both the police and the ambulance service. Her anxiety had led her to believe I had done something to myself. Luckily, I turned my phone on and spoke to her before anyone turned up and started breaking the door down. I was rather annoyed, as I now feel like I have to communicate with her or else she’ll call the emergency services. Talk about creating a scene! I was texting our mutual friend (the one who took her to hospital last week because of my ex’s very real suicide attempt) and we discussed our shared frustration at how my ex has been acting. I know my ex doesn’t mean to upset anyone, but when your actions start affecting those who love you then, well, it’s time to start taking control of your life. I'm hoping that that mutual friend and I can combine our energies to lend greater support. I'll been struggling to give advice on my own, especially with my own depression issues. I managed to sort out my major life crisis ten years ago when I realised how much it was hurting the people around me. If I can do it, then my ex surely can. I’ve said I’ll help out with anything she wants to do in order to get better, but I can’t do it all for her. She has a really nice, intelligent, proactive group of friends ready to lend a hand. I think she just needs a plan of action. We shall see.
I started my annual Amazon Prime 30-day free trial yesterday, so I’m checking out some of the free stuff to watch online. I started off by making my second attempt to get into the American version of The Office, an attempt which has been a lot more successful this time around. I’m not a big into farce/embarrassment humour (which is the heart of The Office) but, like the UK version, I’m finding enjoyment in the cute love story that’s on the periphery. Jim and Pam are so adorable. I’ve definitely fallen in love with John Krasinski. I might buy the DVD boxset eventually, but I wanted to make sure I liked it first. I didn’t want a repeat of the Community incident.
I’ve also started watching the LGBT-themed show Transparent. Actually, I watched the first episode literally right before I started typing this post. Erm, I don’t know why you needed that detail. Anyway, I found the first episode very moving. Jeffrey Tambor is just so utterly wonderful. I remember having an adverse reaction to him in The Larry Sanders Show when I was younger, mostly because of how badly I felt for his downtrodden character in that, but Arrested Development completely turned me around on The Tambor. I initially didn’t think I’d get on with Transparent as, well, all the characters seemed so obnoxious. I was all like “Is this a show glorifying yuppy LA hipster baby-boomers?! Yuck!” but, thankfully, I soon realised that that was the point of the show. Tambor’s character even laments at one point how selfish and shallow his offspring are. I was very relieved, and got to the end of the episode wanting more. While watching, I kept thinking that I recognised the actress who plays Tambor’s daughter Ali, then I discovered it was Gabby Hoffmann, who I totally thought was cool when I was a kid, probably after seeing her in Sleepless in Seattle. I don’t think I’ve seen her in anything since then, so it was nice to find out she was still working. I think I responded to the tomboyish vibe she gives off. Speaking of which, The Office’s very own Melora Harding seems to be in the main cast as well, and her character is pretty fabulous. That’s kinda how I wish I looked but, sadly, I couldn’t be further from it. I try to explain to people that I’m “a man who identifies as a woman who identifies as a man”, but it usually just confuses them. I know the character of Tammy isn’t a ftm transgender (at least, I don’t think she is), but I’m talking more about the look. So I think I’ll watch a couple more episodes of Transparent this evening before, maybe, settling on a film or something. It might be bedtime by then, but I didn’t get to sleep until about 5am this morning, which was frustrating, so I’m not sure when I’ll be ready for bed tonight There’s nothing more annoying than the dawn chorus when you still haven’t gotten to sleep yourself.
Speaking of sleep, while attempting it last night I kept myself entertained with some audiobooks, as I do. I’ve started on some new ones, mostly about people visiting foreign places. That wasn’t a theme I specifically went for, it just seemed to happen. Yesterday I began Emile Zola’s The Belly of Paris, which is read by the gorgeous (but sadly no longer with us) Frederick Davidson. It’s about late-19th century life around a Parisian marketplace, which I thought would be fun, and it’s turning out to be just that. I was worried it might get a bit dark at one point, but those moments are generally fleeting and incidental. I think it’s going for something more casual. Last week I started on Down and Out in Paris and London, by George Orwell, which was wonderfully boozy and debauched. I haven’t continued with it yet, but it remains on my unofficial “now reading” list. Last night I began Death in Venice, which is quite short, so I’m hoping to maybe have that finished tonight or tomorrow. For a relatively short book, Thomas Mann does witter on. I did manage to get to his first few encounters with the boy, so at least I’ve made it past the introductory chapters. They can sometimes be hard on the weak minded, like myself. I’ve also started A Moveable Feast, which I did get quite deep into on ebook many years ago, but I thought I’d start from the beginning on the audiobook format. I think it’s going to be fairly similar to Down and Out, but my assumption is that Ernest Hemingway and George Orwell have different enough writing styles that I’ll be kept entertained by both.
Oh, I did watch The Rise of Skywalker again, and I was still pleasantly entertained by it. It’s a shame they resorted to the now-cliched “blue laser shooting up into the sky” finale, but up until that point it feels a lot fresher than the first two Star Wars sequels. I’m still amazed by how annoyed I wasn’t at them shoehorning Lando Calrissian into the one, but I guess the charisma of Billy Dee Williams knows no bounds. At 83, he’s still got it going on.
Speaking of things rehashed from the 1980s, along with the DVD/Blu-ray player I also ordered the Blu-rays of the original Evil Dead films and the complete 1-3 set of Ash vs Evil Dead. I already have the films and first season of Ash on DVD, but I thought I’d upgrade. They are old copies, and sometimes the newer Blu-rays aren’t as censored, which was the case with earlier releases of films like Predator and Die Hard with a Vengeance. Maybe I’ll cram the lot into an all-day marathon, once they arrive. Hmmm, then again, that might take too long, especially with three seasons of a TV show. I’ll have a think.
Right, I think I’ve purged enough truth for one day. I best go back to my hobbies. Maybe I should start planning that belated birthday event too.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
Sunday, 17 May 2020
False starts, ends and promises
I was just sat in a website queue trying to put in a grocery order, so I thought I’d jot down a few quick thoughts here to kill some time. Once I left the queue, I found the site had cancelled my delivery slot and, when I went in to book a new one, all the available slots had gone. Oh well, I’ll try again tomorrow. I’m ok for basics, I just wanted to get in some fun stuff for my upcoming 40th birthday. My 30th party involved me sat alone at Cambridge train station eating an M&S egg sandwich. I kinda wanted something better for myself ten years leter. I guess not, but I’ll cope.
I had a bit of a shock yesterday when a mutual friend of myself and my ex rang using my ex’s phone. Once I’d answered, and gotten over the initial confusion, the mutual friend informed me that she was at my ex’s house and had found that my ex had overdosed on sleeping pills, antidepressants and alcohol. I initially thought she had found her too late, as she seemed to be holding back what state my ex was currently in. Turns out she was alive but, for some reason, they both felt it necessary to call me and ask what to do. I felt annoyed at this bizarre delay, but then calmly told them just to ring for an ambulance. As mentioned in my last post, my ex has recently been referred to the same mental health crisis team as myself, but I thought she was improving. As far as I know, this is the first proper attempt she has made to take her own life. I know she’s thought about it, but I don’t think she’s ever actually taken action. Anyway, she was driven to hospital and, well, I’m not entirely sure what happened there. All I know is that she was back home by the end of the day. I’m not sure what she’s been telling doctors as, surely, if she’s suicidal, they wouldn’t be prescribing her sleeping pills. They’re a classic checkout method, almost to the point of it being a cliché. Sigh. She won’t get help unless she’s more clear and concise about what’s upsetting her. I’m not convinced she’s even sure herself. Regardless, it sounds like more mobile friends than myself are now checking up on her throughout the day. I’ll give her a call tomorrow. I’d go over and keep her company, but I’m not sure how much trouble that would get me into right now, what with things being the way they are.
My old gaming buddy briefly got in touch yesterday to say, once again, that he’d be back online for a chat within 24 hours. He wasn’t. I’m not sure whether he’s doing this on purpose to keep me dangling or what. I don’t think he is, as he’s not that kind of person. I just don’t think he’s aware of how empty my life is right now. Alas! I replied, via text, that I was cancelling my online gaming subscription so, even if he did make a return to the PlayStation, I wouldn’t be able to game with him anyway. Which is true. I didn’t just say that to be dramatic. It’s been on the cards for a while. I’ve even been thinking about buying a DVD/Blu-ray player for the lounge and disconnecting the PS4 altogether. I’m just not playing that much anymore, mainly due to a lack of interest, so I was wondering whether focussing on watching movies might be more, well, mentally nourishing. My subscription runs out in just over a week so, unless I’m given a decent reason to stay, I think that’s the end of my gaming life. For the foreseeable future, at least. I really do miss my old gaming buddy’s daily company (and, let's face it, him in general), but I need to sort something else out if his absence turns out to be permanent. It certainly does look that way.
It’s all been so emotional around here!
Oh, those DVDs turned up in the post, so I’ve finally watched The Rise of Skywalker and The Man Who Killed Don Quixote. It’s been a regular Adam Driver-fest at my pad! The Rise of Skywalker was a lot better than I was expecting. It mercifully lacked the nostalgic cheese of The Force Awakens and embarrassment-factor of The Last Jedi, but it did replace both with a rather dull story. I guess final instalments in a series are usually just exercises in tying-up loose ends. Still, there were plenty of fun character moments and striking visuals, plus I actually felt quite moved by the end. Basically, it didn’t let me down as it seems to have let others down. Perhaps my expectations were so bedrock-low that my appreciation had nowhere to go but up. The scenes with Princess Leia were the only parts that jarred, for obvious reasons. I wonder whether I’d have noticed had I not been aware that Carrie Fisher had died prior to the film’s production. I guess we’ll never know. Would be funny to cut in moments of her from When Harry Met Sally in place of the unused footage from previous Star Wars films though. Erm, respectfully, of course. Although I'm sure she'd love it. So, yes, if you’re avoiding The Rise of Skywalker because you’ve heard bad things, then take it from me that it’s actually a solid, entertaining and often very funny science fiction adventure. Dare I say it - it could very well be the best Star Wars film we’ve had in forty years. Hmmm, I may have to retract that statement after my second viewing.
Moving onto The Man Who Killed Don Quixote, this week I found myself pleasantly relieved for the second time! I feel like I’ve won a prize. As planned, I did watch Lost in La Mancha again right beforehand, which I heartily recommend doing, as there are some amusing references to Terry Gilliam’s aborted 2000 production (the subject of Lost in La Mancha) in the final film. I was primed for the successful 2018 version by the time the DVD started. I must admit, I was expecting something grander, but the charm of this seemingly-modest production won me over. Jonathan Pryce didn’t quite look the part of Don Quixote but, gosh darned it, he made up for it with some great acting! I appreciated the fact that Gilliam probably wanted to cast a reliable long-time collaborator as Quixote, given the problems he had with Jean Rochefort on the original production. In fact, when I first heard that Pryce had replaced Rochefort, I smiled knowingly to myself, as I knew exactly why. Adam Driver continues to impress us, this time with his portrayal of a cynical film director who slowly begins to see the world through the eyes of the lovably barmy Don Quixote. Driver has a power that really leaps off the screen. He commands quiet, languid moments and violent, bombastic outbursts with equal aplomb. The film’s narrative is, unsurprisingly, a little on the confusing side at times, but I’m guessing a few more watches will fix that. Its habit of jumping back and forth between fantasy and reality is something that can’t really be avoided when dealing with Cervantes’ novel. I’m hoping to pick up the audiobook where I left off pretty soon. It’s notoriously long, and my attention span is short. After that, I just need to catch up on all the Terry Gilliam films I’ve not seen since Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. As with David Cronenberg’s oeuvre, I’m terribly behind, and I really have no excuse. But, back to the film, please do track down a copy and support the film as best you can. Well, if you’re able to find a copy, that is. As mentioned in my previous post, I had to settle on a German DVD due to distribution problems. I believe the curse of Quixote leapt on Gilliam again only after the film was completed, with someone involved in the 2000 production claiming they were owed money from this version. Probably best not to think about it. Just enjoy the movie! Oh and if you haven’t fallen in love with Joana Ribeiro by the end of the film then, erm, you’re a much stronger person than I.
Here’s the episode of my old podcast where I discuss Lost in La Mancha in, I assume, greater detail:
This week I also finished off my 1-5 boxset of King of the Hill, which I’m a bit sad about. It did pick up by the end, but I don’t think I’ll be pursuing any further seasons. Unless you can convince me otherwise, that is. I’m now watching a bit of Will & Grace in bed, as a placeholder, until I can settle on another comedy series to end each day on.
Right, folks, I think that’s all for my “quick” update. I needed to get a few things off my chest before bed, I think. I’ll either fire up the Don Quixote audiobook after the telly’s switched off or, as I have been doing recently, listen to a nonfiction history title. I’ve been working my way through one about ancient Mediterranean civilisations. It’s light, but still interesting. And long. Very, very long.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
I had a bit of a shock yesterday when a mutual friend of myself and my ex rang using my ex’s phone. Once I’d answered, and gotten over the initial confusion, the mutual friend informed me that she was at my ex’s house and had found that my ex had overdosed on sleeping pills, antidepressants and alcohol. I initially thought she had found her too late, as she seemed to be holding back what state my ex was currently in. Turns out she was alive but, for some reason, they both felt it necessary to call me and ask what to do. I felt annoyed at this bizarre delay, but then calmly told them just to ring for an ambulance. As mentioned in my last post, my ex has recently been referred to the same mental health crisis team as myself, but I thought she was improving. As far as I know, this is the first proper attempt she has made to take her own life. I know she’s thought about it, but I don’t think she’s ever actually taken action. Anyway, she was driven to hospital and, well, I’m not entirely sure what happened there. All I know is that she was back home by the end of the day. I’m not sure what she’s been telling doctors as, surely, if she’s suicidal, they wouldn’t be prescribing her sleeping pills. They’re a classic checkout method, almost to the point of it being a cliché. Sigh. She won’t get help unless she’s more clear and concise about what’s upsetting her. I’m not convinced she’s even sure herself. Regardless, it sounds like more mobile friends than myself are now checking up on her throughout the day. I’ll give her a call tomorrow. I’d go over and keep her company, but I’m not sure how much trouble that would get me into right now, what with things being the way they are.
My old gaming buddy briefly got in touch yesterday to say, once again, that he’d be back online for a chat within 24 hours. He wasn’t. I’m not sure whether he’s doing this on purpose to keep me dangling or what. I don’t think he is, as he’s not that kind of person. I just don’t think he’s aware of how empty my life is right now. Alas! I replied, via text, that I was cancelling my online gaming subscription so, even if he did make a return to the PlayStation, I wouldn’t be able to game with him anyway. Which is true. I didn’t just say that to be dramatic. It’s been on the cards for a while. I’ve even been thinking about buying a DVD/Blu-ray player for the lounge and disconnecting the PS4 altogether. I’m just not playing that much anymore, mainly due to a lack of interest, so I was wondering whether focussing on watching movies might be more, well, mentally nourishing. My subscription runs out in just over a week so, unless I’m given a decent reason to stay, I think that’s the end of my gaming life. For the foreseeable future, at least. I really do miss my old gaming buddy’s daily company (and, let's face it, him in general), but I need to sort something else out if his absence turns out to be permanent. It certainly does look that way.
It’s all been so emotional around here!
Oh, those DVDs turned up in the post, so I’ve finally watched The Rise of Skywalker and The Man Who Killed Don Quixote. It’s been a regular Adam Driver-fest at my pad! The Rise of Skywalker was a lot better than I was expecting. It mercifully lacked the nostalgic cheese of The Force Awakens and embarrassment-factor of The Last Jedi, but it did replace both with a rather dull story. I guess final instalments in a series are usually just exercises in tying-up loose ends. Still, there were plenty of fun character moments and striking visuals, plus I actually felt quite moved by the end. Basically, it didn’t let me down as it seems to have let others down. Perhaps my expectations were so bedrock-low that my appreciation had nowhere to go but up. The scenes with Princess Leia were the only parts that jarred, for obvious reasons. I wonder whether I’d have noticed had I not been aware that Carrie Fisher had died prior to the film’s production. I guess we’ll never know. Would be funny to cut in moments of her from When Harry Met Sally in place of the unused footage from previous Star Wars films though. Erm, respectfully, of course. Although I'm sure she'd love it. So, yes, if you’re avoiding The Rise of Skywalker because you’ve heard bad things, then take it from me that it’s actually a solid, entertaining and often very funny science fiction adventure. Dare I say it - it could very well be the best Star Wars film we’ve had in forty years. Hmmm, I may have to retract that statement after my second viewing.
Moving onto The Man Who Killed Don Quixote, this week I found myself pleasantly relieved for the second time! I feel like I’ve won a prize. As planned, I did watch Lost in La Mancha again right beforehand, which I heartily recommend doing, as there are some amusing references to Terry Gilliam’s aborted 2000 production (the subject of Lost in La Mancha) in the final film. I was primed for the successful 2018 version by the time the DVD started. I must admit, I was expecting something grander, but the charm of this seemingly-modest production won me over. Jonathan Pryce didn’t quite look the part of Don Quixote but, gosh darned it, he made up for it with some great acting! I appreciated the fact that Gilliam probably wanted to cast a reliable long-time collaborator as Quixote, given the problems he had with Jean Rochefort on the original production. In fact, when I first heard that Pryce had replaced Rochefort, I smiled knowingly to myself, as I knew exactly why. Adam Driver continues to impress us, this time with his portrayal of a cynical film director who slowly begins to see the world through the eyes of the lovably barmy Don Quixote. Driver has a power that really leaps off the screen. He commands quiet, languid moments and violent, bombastic outbursts with equal aplomb. The film’s narrative is, unsurprisingly, a little on the confusing side at times, but I’m guessing a few more watches will fix that. Its habit of jumping back and forth between fantasy and reality is something that can’t really be avoided when dealing with Cervantes’ novel. I’m hoping to pick up the audiobook where I left off pretty soon. It’s notoriously long, and my attention span is short. After that, I just need to catch up on all the Terry Gilliam films I’ve not seen since Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. As with David Cronenberg’s oeuvre, I’m terribly behind, and I really have no excuse. But, back to the film, please do track down a copy and support the film as best you can. Well, if you’re able to find a copy, that is. As mentioned in my previous post, I had to settle on a German DVD due to distribution problems. I believe the curse of Quixote leapt on Gilliam again only after the film was completed, with someone involved in the 2000 production claiming they were owed money from this version. Probably best not to think about it. Just enjoy the movie! Oh and if you haven’t fallen in love with Joana Ribeiro by the end of the film then, erm, you’re a much stronger person than I.
Here’s the episode of my old podcast where I discuss Lost in La Mancha in, I assume, greater detail:
This week I also finished off my 1-5 boxset of King of the Hill, which I’m a bit sad about. It did pick up by the end, but I don’t think I’ll be pursuing any further seasons. Unless you can convince me otherwise, that is. I’m now watching a bit of Will & Grace in bed, as a placeholder, until I can settle on another comedy series to end each day on.
Right, folks, I think that’s all for my “quick” update. I needed to get a few things off my chest before bed, I think. I’ll either fire up the Don Quixote audiobook after the telly’s switched off or, as I have been doing recently, listen to a nonfiction history title. I’ve been working my way through one about ancient Mediterranean civilisations. It’s light, but still interesting. And long. Very, very long.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
Monday, 11 May 2020
Life in a northern town
Well, I’m not feeling quite as negative as I was just before my last post. Perhaps having the mental health people ringing me each day last week to check on my wellbeing helped. What’s that scientific expression? “The act of observing something changes the thing being observed”? Something like that. Anyway, it worked. My GP also rang this morning to check on my progress, which was as riveting as a two minute telephone conversation with your homeworking doctor can be. At least he was on time for our appointment, for a change.
I just went out to the shops for the first time in three weeks, and I certainly felt it. I needed to pick up energy meter top-ups, antidepressants and, erm, some other “medication”. Apart from me nearly dying from lack of fitness, it was a pretty easy ride. It was a bit awkward at the chemist at first, as I didn’t realise I had to queue up outside. Nobody said anything when I entered the premises, even though I was using my white cane. I shouldn’t feel guilty as, well, it’s not like I can read signs or anything. There were two gossipy ladies in the queue, which was fun to listen in on. Everybody seems just as confused as everybody else about current outside behavioural rules, so I’m not in the minority. The grocery shop was smooth sailing too. It was pretty empty until, of course, I got to the till, then loads of people appeared behind me. I feel very self-conscious when I’m first in a long queue. Knowing people are watching what I’m doing makes me very anxious. At least I got plenty of booze in, which should speed time up nicely.
I’ve found some new gaming buddies to chat to this week, although they’re a little high energy. I’ve gotten so used to solo gaming recently that it’s been quite a shock to the system. I might appear offline while I regain my strength. My old gaming buddy got in touch last week to say he was going to be back online, but then realised his headset was broken, so that came to nothing. After buying him that stuff for his birthday, I’ve kinda stopped being bothered about him at all. It was a cathartic act. I’ve moved on.
My ex got in touch, as she’s hit rock bottom recently too. In fact, we both had the same crisis team on the phone. Separately, of course. We're quite the pair. Her anxiety has been so bad that she’s been noticeably stuttering over the phone, which isn’t like her. I seem to have managed to calm her down though. She’s a very sweet person, so it’s not nice hearing her so distraught. It’s been the usual stuff getting her down, so I’m not sure how long my calming influence will last. I’ll keep an eye on my phone, just in case.
I think I’m coming to the end of the good seasons of King of the Hill, so I’m glad I only invested in the 1-5 boxset. It’s now starting to feel like the later episodes of The Simpsons. The characters aren’t acting like how they did in the earlier seasons, and everything’s becoming, well, nice. You should be afraid for the Hill family that either Dale, Bill or Boomhauer will one day murder them all in a murder-suicide incident, but now they all go on wacky adventures each week and act loveably eccentric. Dale Gribble should not be loveable. He should be terrifying. The series did hit a high, though, with what I’m going to call the “Buckley Trilogy”. It includes the episodes: “Death of a Propane Salesman, Part One”, “Death of a Propane Salesman, Part Two” and “Wings of a Dope”. I’d be interested to see a version of these episodes cut together to form a mini-movie, as they almost form a strange art piece. I won’t spoil it for you, but “Wings of the Dope” had me in tears. Please do find these three episodes and watch them back-to-back, even if you’re not a fan of King of the Hill in general. They make an incredibly moving and profound work, and you will find yourself loving Luanne Platter as a character, even if you disregarded her as “kooky” before. Like the Hope storyline in Xena: Warrior Princess, the Buckley Trilogy was almost too good for the series. I would even go as far as to call it a “show-killer”, as I was left thinking “Wow, where do they go from here?!”. Which was a fair question, as “Wings of a Dope” felt like a finale. In some ways it was.
Oh, I found out that The Strokes have a new album out, which I’ve been listening to over the last few days. It follows the same melodic themes as their last two albums, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Julian Casablancas sounds as disinterested as always, but I guess there’s nothing we can do about that. His apathetic poetry about nothing-in-particular will avoid moving you as you may have come to expect. Oh well. Still, his backing band are as still perky and manage to inject a bit of life into the middling alternative rock genre. I shall continue my audio experiments!
I was pleased to discover Amy Poehler's new series Duncanville last week. It's an animated comedy about the comings and goings of a teenage boy and his family and friends. From what I just said, you can probably guess that it's not the most original thing in the world, but it's genuinely funny and entertaining. Plus, it's interesting to see a show centered around teens that has slightly more adult humour. It doesn't go to the foul-mouthed extremes of The Inbetweeners, but it certainly dares to be darker than something like Boy Meets World. Whether it's darker than the masterpiece that is Hey, Arnold! is another thing. So, yeah, go watch Duncanville. Now!
I’ve just put in an order for The Rise of Skywalker on DVD, so that’ll be interesting to finally see. I hear it’s “clusterfuck”, but I’m hoping it’ll at least be a fun one. I also ordered Terry Gilliam’s long-gestating The Man Who Killed Don Quixote, which still does not have a UK home video release. I’ve had to buy a German import. Sigh. Once it arrives, I’ll probably watch the Lost in La Mancha documentary again first, just to remind myself of the troubled initial production. Gilliam’s reaction when his assistant director quits makes you want to hug him. Bless.
Well, I think I’ve said all that needs to be said. I hope you are all well. It sounds like the pubs might be open in the next couple of months, so we’ll all benefit from that.
Until then, do stay in touch, darlings.
Chicken thigh!
I just went out to the shops for the first time in three weeks, and I certainly felt it. I needed to pick up energy meter top-ups, antidepressants and, erm, some other “medication”. Apart from me nearly dying from lack of fitness, it was a pretty easy ride. It was a bit awkward at the chemist at first, as I didn’t realise I had to queue up outside. Nobody said anything when I entered the premises, even though I was using my white cane. I shouldn’t feel guilty as, well, it’s not like I can read signs or anything. There were two gossipy ladies in the queue, which was fun to listen in on. Everybody seems just as confused as everybody else about current outside behavioural rules, so I’m not in the minority. The grocery shop was smooth sailing too. It was pretty empty until, of course, I got to the till, then loads of people appeared behind me. I feel very self-conscious when I’m first in a long queue. Knowing people are watching what I’m doing makes me very anxious. At least I got plenty of booze in, which should speed time up nicely.
I’ve found some new gaming buddies to chat to this week, although they’re a little high energy. I’ve gotten so used to solo gaming recently that it’s been quite a shock to the system. I might appear offline while I regain my strength. My old gaming buddy got in touch last week to say he was going to be back online, but then realised his headset was broken, so that came to nothing. After buying him that stuff for his birthday, I’ve kinda stopped being bothered about him at all. It was a cathartic act. I’ve moved on.
My ex got in touch, as she’s hit rock bottom recently too. In fact, we both had the same crisis team on the phone. Separately, of course. We're quite the pair. Her anxiety has been so bad that she’s been noticeably stuttering over the phone, which isn’t like her. I seem to have managed to calm her down though. She’s a very sweet person, so it’s not nice hearing her so distraught. It’s been the usual stuff getting her down, so I’m not sure how long my calming influence will last. I’ll keep an eye on my phone, just in case.
I think I’m coming to the end of the good seasons of King of the Hill, so I’m glad I only invested in the 1-5 boxset. It’s now starting to feel like the later episodes of The Simpsons. The characters aren’t acting like how they did in the earlier seasons, and everything’s becoming, well, nice. You should be afraid for the Hill family that either Dale, Bill or Boomhauer will one day murder them all in a murder-suicide incident, but now they all go on wacky adventures each week and act loveably eccentric. Dale Gribble should not be loveable. He should be terrifying. The series did hit a high, though, with what I’m going to call the “Buckley Trilogy”. It includes the episodes: “Death of a Propane Salesman, Part One”, “Death of a Propane Salesman, Part Two” and “Wings of a Dope”. I’d be interested to see a version of these episodes cut together to form a mini-movie, as they almost form a strange art piece. I won’t spoil it for you, but “Wings of the Dope” had me in tears. Please do find these three episodes and watch them back-to-back, even if you’re not a fan of King of the Hill in general. They make an incredibly moving and profound work, and you will find yourself loving Luanne Platter as a character, even if you disregarded her as “kooky” before. Like the Hope storyline in Xena: Warrior Princess, the Buckley Trilogy was almost too good for the series. I would even go as far as to call it a “show-killer”, as I was left thinking “Wow, where do they go from here?!”. Which was a fair question, as “Wings of a Dope” felt like a finale. In some ways it was.
Oh, I found out that The Strokes have a new album out, which I’ve been listening to over the last few days. It follows the same melodic themes as their last two albums, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Julian Casablancas sounds as disinterested as always, but I guess there’s nothing we can do about that. His apathetic poetry about nothing-in-particular will avoid moving you as you may have come to expect. Oh well. Still, his backing band are as still perky and manage to inject a bit of life into the middling alternative rock genre. I shall continue my audio experiments!
I was pleased to discover Amy Poehler's new series Duncanville last week. It's an animated comedy about the comings and goings of a teenage boy and his family and friends. From what I just said, you can probably guess that it's not the most original thing in the world, but it's genuinely funny and entertaining. Plus, it's interesting to see a show centered around teens that has slightly more adult humour. It doesn't go to the foul-mouthed extremes of The Inbetweeners, but it certainly dares to be darker than something like Boy Meets World. Whether it's darker than the masterpiece that is Hey, Arnold! is another thing. So, yeah, go watch Duncanville. Now!
I’ve just put in an order for The Rise of Skywalker on DVD, so that’ll be interesting to finally see. I hear it’s “clusterfuck”, but I’m hoping it’ll at least be a fun one. I also ordered Terry Gilliam’s long-gestating The Man Who Killed Don Quixote, which still does not have a UK home video release. I’ve had to buy a German import. Sigh. Once it arrives, I’ll probably watch the Lost in La Mancha documentary again first, just to remind myself of the troubled initial production. Gilliam’s reaction when his assistant director quits makes you want to hug him. Bless.
Well, I think I’ve said all that needs to be said. I hope you are all well. It sounds like the pubs might be open in the next couple of months, so we’ll all benefit from that.
Until then, do stay in touch, darlings.
Chicken thigh!
Tuesday, 5 May 2020
Lust for life
So the past couple of weeks have been a bit of a downer. My antidepressants really seem to be struggling to keep me afloat. I’ve definitely gone back to existing from day-to-day, barely achieving anything at all. I need to drop my prescription off soon actually as, much to my surprise, it’s been nearly a month since I last left the flat properly and I’m running out of meds. The days are slow but, somehow, they’re passing quickly. If all you really want out of life is to go down to the pub once or twice a week and converse with a bunch of sad weirdos like you, but you can’t, because they’ve shut all the pubs down, then you really start to lose focus. I mean, I’m into other stuff, obviously, but wandering down the hill for a few ales has been what’s gotten me out of the house for the past decade. Now it’s just gangs of kids out there who make comments about my disability. I just want a fucking pint, but that’s become too much to ask. Sigh.
I mentioned to my IAPT (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies) worker over the phone yesterday that I’ve been feeling morbid again. I should have known, from past experience, to just bottle that noise up as, of course, he had to cut our session short to go discuss what I’d told him with his supervisor. Now I’ve got a crisis team ringing me regularly to make sure I’m not swinging from my balcony. Maybe this means they’ll bump me up to a proper counsellor, rather than an admin bod who’s probably only been on a week-long mental health training course. Well, that’s a bit unfair, I’m sure they’re much more trained than that, but IAPT isn’t about them listening and giving advice so much as guiding you to help yourself. Basically, I think I need an actual psychologist, but we shall have to wait and see. I’m feeling a little better today so, when they ring later, I’ll try to get them off my back.
It was my old gaming buddy’s birthday the other day, so I bought him a bunch of stuff off his Amazon wish list. I spent over a hundred pounds. I didn’t think it was weird at the time, but now I’m regretting making such a grand gesture. I wasn’t trying to buy his affection or anything. I dunno, I guess I just wanted to say “thanks” to him for helping me stay sane the past few years. He’s been very appreciative about what he’s received, so I hope he leaves it at that and doesn’t feel under pressure to get back in touch. Silly me. I don’t like doing things out of obligation, so buying him all that stuff just because I wanted to felt pure and more honest than the usual reluctant gift-giving nightmare we all go through. Who knows where things will go now. I’ve probably made a fool out of myself, but that’s ok. It’s not my first time.
I’ve been watching King of the Hill in bed a lot this week. I’ve really gotten into it. I genuinely forgot how funny it was. I just wish I’d bought the boxset sooner. Oh well. While my favourite character, in terms of laughs, is Dale Gribble, my overall favourite character is Luanne. She’s so unashamedly herself that she’s a joy to watch. Her blissful approach to doing everything is so inspiring, and her modest dreams (she doesn’t want to be a movie star, she just wants to be the makeup artist to a movie star) make her even more relatable. She’s not perfect though, as sometimes she does get angry and vindictive over things (don't we all?), but that just makes her more human. None of us are perfect, whatever “perfect” even means. We’re just people, and Luanne feels more like a person than anyone else on the show. I wish I could share her sweetly-naïve lust for life and be just as passionate about the little things as she is.
RIP Brittany Murphy.
Well, I think I’ve come to the end of today’s incoherent rant. I’m sure I say this at the end of every post now but, well, by my next post I hope things in the news will have changed and I’ll have more interesting adventures to report. Shit gets pretty crazy in a suburban real ale pub on a weekday afternoon with a bunch of elderly people. Cuh-ray-zee!
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
I mentioned to my IAPT (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies) worker over the phone yesterday that I’ve been feeling morbid again. I should have known, from past experience, to just bottle that noise up as, of course, he had to cut our session short to go discuss what I’d told him with his supervisor. Now I’ve got a crisis team ringing me regularly to make sure I’m not swinging from my balcony. Maybe this means they’ll bump me up to a proper counsellor, rather than an admin bod who’s probably only been on a week-long mental health training course. Well, that’s a bit unfair, I’m sure they’re much more trained than that, but IAPT isn’t about them listening and giving advice so much as guiding you to help yourself. Basically, I think I need an actual psychologist, but we shall have to wait and see. I’m feeling a little better today so, when they ring later, I’ll try to get them off my back.
It was my old gaming buddy’s birthday the other day, so I bought him a bunch of stuff off his Amazon wish list. I spent over a hundred pounds. I didn’t think it was weird at the time, but now I’m regretting making such a grand gesture. I wasn’t trying to buy his affection or anything. I dunno, I guess I just wanted to say “thanks” to him for helping me stay sane the past few years. He’s been very appreciative about what he’s received, so I hope he leaves it at that and doesn’t feel under pressure to get back in touch. Silly me. I don’t like doing things out of obligation, so buying him all that stuff just because I wanted to felt pure and more honest than the usual reluctant gift-giving nightmare we all go through. Who knows where things will go now. I’ve probably made a fool out of myself, but that’s ok. It’s not my first time.
I’ve been watching King of the Hill in bed a lot this week. I’ve really gotten into it. I genuinely forgot how funny it was. I just wish I’d bought the boxset sooner. Oh well. While my favourite character, in terms of laughs, is Dale Gribble, my overall favourite character is Luanne. She’s so unashamedly herself that she’s a joy to watch. Her blissful approach to doing everything is so inspiring, and her modest dreams (she doesn’t want to be a movie star, she just wants to be the makeup artist to a movie star) make her even more relatable. She’s not perfect though, as sometimes she does get angry and vindictive over things (don't we all?), but that just makes her more human. None of us are perfect, whatever “perfect” even means. We’re just people, and Luanne feels more like a person than anyone else on the show. I wish I could share her sweetly-naïve lust for life and be just as passionate about the little things as she is.
RIP Brittany Murphy.
Well, I think I’ve come to the end of today’s incoherent rant. I’m sure I say this at the end of every post now but, well, by my next post I hope things in the news will have changed and I’ll have more interesting adventures to report. Shit gets pretty crazy in a suburban real ale pub on a weekday afternoon with a bunch of elderly people. Cuh-ray-zee!
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
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