The Cook, The Cops, His Wok & His Window

A double dose of me! It’s a great time to be alive, isn’t it?!

Well, after ten years of living in this hole, I seem to have finally become a target of bullying. I was kind of expecting this a lot sooner, I must say, but I guess now is as “good” a time as any. So I was in my curtainless kitchen last night after dark making a stir-fry, as I do, and I heard someone shouting outside. It sort of sounded like that neanderthal who’s moved in over the way, although “loud, obnoxious, northern chav” could be any number of people around here. I couldn’t quite understand what he was saying, but it sounded aggressive, and I remember thinking “I’m glad I’m not the person HE’S shouting at!”. Then, a few minutes later, things started hitting my kitchen window. I’m not sure what they were, but they sounded moist and heavy, so I’m guessing it was wet newspaper or toilet roll or something of the like. Who knows. Anyway, although I made sure not to react (that’s what they want!), it really did freak me out, so I called the police. After waiting a while on hold, I decided to just hang up and sat down to eat my stir-fry. This morning, I’ve found great streaks of white on my kitchen window, so goodness knows what they threw. Milk? The contents of their bedside spunk bucket? I have no idea, but it’s still left me shaken and upset.

I’m still wondering who did it. There is quite a distance between my building and the next, so it’d be some feat to lob something across. However, if it is that gorilla who keeps making all the noise on his balcony, I’m guessing he’s a well-built, muscular sort. I’m guessing guys who spend a lot of time working out don’t do a lot of book reading. It could also be kids, which makes sense for a Sunday (where they’re usually super-bored and wandering around in packs). There was a gang of boys playing football on the grassy patch below my kitchen window a couple of days ago, so maybe one of them saw me pottering about and decided to come back to harass me.

Sigh.

Well, booze is arriving around midday, so I’m going to pop out beforehand to post my prescription and get some energy meter top-ups. I’ll make a note of any odd things lying around on the ground below. This will also be the first time I’ve left the flat since that noisy guy moved in, so I’m anticipating some verbal abuse. Hopefully, after seeing that I’m a vulnerable, visually impaired white cane user, whoever’s responsible will leave me alone. Or, more likely, they’ll be offended by my frailty and turn up the heat. Either way, booze is arriving around midday.

The stir-fry turned out nice, by the way.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

P.S. You get a prize (my respect) if you can guess what this post's title is a vague, muddled reference to.