Melancholic whispers at dusk

Dare I say it – the weather might be improving! If it snows tomorrow, I’ll be very upset. Actually, I do need to go out tomorrow, as I’ve just run out of antidepressants, so I need a clear path to post my repeat prescription request. Sigh, there must be a shorter way of saying “repeat prescription request”. If you know one, do let me know.

I haven’t drank over the weekend, by the way. I did initially put some booze on my supermarket order for Friday, a jolly good binging amount, but then took it all off at the last minute. I’ve really been struggling with my mood over the past week, so I initially felt like I deserved it. Anyway, I decided to white knuckle-it instead. I definitely feel better today, although I can’t really discern a particular reason why. I’ve been oversleeping (12 hours instead of the minimum-required 8 hours), but that’s better than undersleeping. I’ve not been listening to anything in bed, which I don’t think I’ve done for more than 1 night in about 25 years. I think it’s been 3 days now. I’m very confused. I’ve got so much audioreading to do! But, I don’t know, my hearing has just felt a bit sensitive lately, so I’ve been lying in relative silence listening to the noise of the estate (including my neighbour “Angry Game Boy”, but that’s 24/7). I still don’t feel overtly “unwell”, but something’s definitely up.

I cleaned the bathroom today, which I’m glad and proud of. It really needed doing. It had gotten very brown in there, and had started to smell like a boys’ changing room in a secondary school (trust me, men are disgusting). I have a theory that the latter isn’t my bathroom, but perhaps the pipes in general, but I’ll just have to wait and see if the aroma in there improves. I can’t remember the last time I actually cleaned the bathroom, which is usually a sign for me to get in there and do it. I’m not proud of my poor housekeeping but, well, it’s just me in here and nobody ever visits. Just a bit of vacuuming and tidying up and I can finally start propositioning delivery boys again. Woo! There was a cute one dropping off DVDs yesterday, but I didn’t feel inclined to flirt. Not that my “flirting” would result in any activity anyway.

Hobby-wise, I’ve still been sticking to foreign films of late. Not to be a snooty film buff but, well, I just don’t like hearing English voices at the moment. Maybe it’s because of social media and everybody having their say all the time about everything, but I’m just enjoying hearing people speak without knowing exactly what they’re saying. Anyway, I think I covered all this in my last post.

I finished off the Apu Trilogy, which had a sweet finale. Most of the final film, The World of Apu, I felt relied a little too heavily on imagery from the previous two, Pather Panchali and Aparajito, but it certainly wasn’t bad. I felt very much like a 21^st century boy watching it, as I spent much of its runtime picking out health and safety issues, like characters having casual conversations as they walk down train tracks. You could actually show it to a group of office workers on a H&S training day. They must be getting sick of those ones starring John Cleese by now, surely. Cleese gotta eat!

Golly, I just had a major mood dip while thinking what to type next. What’s wrong with me, I wonder. Perhaps it’s all the not getting out. Erm, cabin fever, I think is the appropriate term. I’m tempted to put another grocery order in tonight, this time keeping the booze on it. I don’t know why I think booze will cure all my ills, because it won’t, but I somehow manage to convince myself that it’ll “shake things up”, like electroconvulsive therapy. I’m just very lonely and very ill so, for a few days, I’d like to not feel either. Maybe I'll be lucky and not wake up the morning after. I cross my fingers every time.

I’m still working on my new writing project, which does actually boost my mood. I don’t add much to it each time but, when I do, I really feel like I’m achieving something. I hope it’ll be worth it. I’m just about to start the third chapter, with the first two being about 5-6,000 words each. Is that good? I don’t know. Anyway, it’s a first draft, and I’ve got plenty of ideas for revisions. I haven’t even got the intended plot going yet. It’s just, well, meandering stuff happening at the moment. But that’s ok, I like meandering stories. Let’s just hope a publisher will too.

My gaming buddy is back from his Easter holiday break, but I’m not sure how free he will be. He’s started going back home (he lives with his grandparents to be near college) in order to visit his new girlfriend, so that’s why I’ve not been hearing much from him. I’m happy just to take a backseat while the initial fire of their relationship burns, as they do. I know I’m low on his list of priorities, which is why I’m in self-imposed social isolation. I can’t take the stop-start nature of how things have been lately. Why do people start to slot you into their lives, after a while? I’m probably just being a diva. We all have our issues, I guess.

My Twitter and YouTube accounts are still either deactivated or stripped down to their bare-minimum. I doubt I’ll put things back to how they were, as I didn’t get much feedback when I announced, rather melodramatically (as I do), that I was calling it a day. A few people liked my goodbye tweet, which was grimly amusing in itself. There’s a good Family Guy joke about that sort of thing, but involving Facebook. I haven’t deleted my YT videos, just switched everything to private. In fact, I have been uploading gaming clips this week but, for now, they’ll remain private too. Maybe all this is for the best. Maybe it’s forcing me to get on with my writing. Who knows.

Golly, I can hear an ice cream van making its rounds. Those haven’t been about in a while, I’m guessing.

Well, lovers, it’s getting late, and I have a whole lotta nothing to be getting on with. It takes a lot of concentration, as you can imagine.

I’ll be sure to let you know whether or not I end up biting the alcoholic bullet.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!