Homo claudicationem

My illness is still lingering, which I’m now pretty sure is the flu. It feels too nose/snot-related to be, erm, the other thing. Still, I’m staying indoors and trying not to move about much, mainly because I can’t do much else. I definitely feel worse in the mornings, such as now as I type, but the evenings make me feel a pinch of positivity.

My lips are hurting today, but that may have more to do with the ambient temperature than whatever-it-is that has befallen my frail, but still bootylicious, body. It did finally snow the other day, but it was shockingly all rained away by sundown. Speaking of which, I think the clocks have gone forward, so that means I don’t have a pub curfew anymore. Well, once I’m strong enough to venture out to the pub, that is. I did actually get super-drunk at home on Tuesday, which made me feel a hell of a lot better. Well, until the next morning, of course. I started drinking so early that I ordered a Chinese takeaway delivery at lunchtime, which always feels weird to do. Takeaways just seem like an evening thing. I’ve done the same in the past, and always expect the delivery person to be all like “Dude, what is up with your life?!”. Hopefully, the sight of the council estate where I live should explain it al to them. Anyway, the hangover was over by the end of Wednesday, but I can hardly tell the difference. I’ve ordered some flu medicine with my shopping (that should arrive in an hour or so), so fingers-crossed that helps a little.

I’ve just realised I haven’t masturbated in almost a week, which I put down to my illness. It’s hard to feel sexual when you’re blowing your nose and coughing. Good times. I’ll probably break a window when I finally get round to it. There must be quite a build-up down there.

Aren’t you glad you visit here?

My old gaming buddy seems to be quietening off again, if that’s at all possible, so I’ve decided to delete him from my contacts. For his benefit, really, as I don’t want to pester anyone. Plus, if I do get drunk again soon, I’ll probably send a petulant text whinging about not getting enough attention. I don’t wanna be THAT person.

There’s been no word from my guitar guru either, so it’s pretty quiet around here.

The pigeons swoop down to my balcony every day for a chat though.

Sweet Jesus, has it come to that?

Did I mention they’d sorted the flooding problem out? That was February, so I must have. But, yes, they built a scaffold up to next door’s balcony to remove the collection of junk they’d thrown out there, thus unblocking the communal drain, thus stopping my balcony flooding, thus stopping the leak into downstairs, thus me not getting assholes knocking on my door about it anymore.

For someone who’s unemployed and has no friends and rarely speaks to their family, I just can’t seem to get a minute’s peace around here. Renting a council flat is nearly a full time job.

Slight exaggeration there, but you know what I mean.

Oh, actually, I forgot to mention that, on top of the flu, I managed to split my thumb open about a week ago. I was searching through my miscellaneous cutlery drawer for a spatula and discovered, the hard way, that my vegetable peeler is razor sharp. I was in the middle of doing, like, four things at once in the kitchen too, so I really could have done without my hand pouring blood at the same time. It seems obvious, but you’d be amazed how much primates use their opposable thumbs that set them apart from every other species on the planet. You really do miss one when you’re desperately avoiding contact with it. The biggest issue with this injury has been playing guitar. You don’t use your left thumb to hold down strings much (maybe the bass E now and then), but you do put a lot of pressure on it whilst pressing down with your other fingers, therefore I was unable to play for days. But, hey, what with the flu and all, I wasn’t in much of a mood to do so anyway.

I’m in a bit of a state.

Luckily, a misanthropic shut-in like myself still has the internet to vaguely keep them company. I went through and added to my library all the history lectures that are free with membership to Audible, so I’ve got those to work on (should my illness linger). Plus video games and movies blah blah blah. You know the drill.

I’m still enjoying Modern Family, although it’s definitely gotten a bit creaky. The thing with Phil and the ducks was just weird, and I’m surprised the writers of Friends didn’t sue. I got the feeling that even the actors were baffled by it all. The ducks are gone now though, so we’re moving on.

Is it just me, or does Phil only show houses for sale on his own street?! You’d think there’d be a broader scope of properties in the vast Los Angeles area, for goodness sake.

Well, I think I’m done here, folks. I just thought I’d drop a few words to lessen my sense of isolation. It’s not too fun being alone when you’re ill. Now I know why Dracula was such a cranky bastard. Is? I don’t know, I never finished the book.

Anyway, I best go listen out for the supermarket delivery person. I hope they send a cute boy today, just to brighten my mood. Wish me luck!

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!