For whatever reason, I have felt moved to write another post only a day or so after the last. Perhaps it’s because my low mood persists, so I need to get stuff off my chest. I haven’t really got anything emotional to open up about, as my depression is medical-related, but just talking to someone about random events might help.
I didn’t go out to the pub today, as sort-of/sort-of-not planned. Instead, I ate a lot of junk food and had two major naps. Most of the day has been spent lying on my bed either watching sitcoms or listening to history lectures. I listened to a lot of the ancient Mesopotamia one today. I’ve got so many lectures on the go that relate to ancient Mediterranean civilisations that it’s fun to find them overlapping. It’s actually a good way of jogging your memory about what you’ve already learned. But, yes, I was very low energy today and just couldn’t face the outside world. Who knows how I’ll feel tomorrow.
Due to my two naps, I’m not entirely sure what time I’ll get to sleep tonight. I had a strong coffee and two caffeinated cola drinks around 8 pm, so goodness knows. Maybe I should set up some music recording tracks. You know, curfew-friendly ones that don’t involve making ambient noise to upset sleeping neighbours. As if anyone cares about that sorta stuff around here anyway.
I’m just updating my grocery shopping cart for tomorrow morning’s delivery. I just put in an order when I’ve ran out of milk, basically. I’ve added booze, although that’s more to make staggering back from the pub a lighter task. I’m pretty sure I’ll be going down to one at some point this week. If you can believe it, I still haven’t quite figured out the logistics of all the crap on my personal admin to do list. Whatever I decide to do, I need to do it quick, as rubbish is piling up in my kitchen. It seems I need an excuse to go past the wheelie bins downstairs, as I’m too shy/scared to do it just randomly.
What a life.
The route I take may go something like this: first taxi > drop off prescription > same taxi > pub > second taxi > guitar shop > third taxi > home. There’s a reason why disabled people get paid for, erm, being disabled. I’m using buses less and less since I noticed my eye condition had dropped another major step. I’ve lost a lot of confidence, and having to stay in due to the pandemic certainly hasn’t helped.
Actually, with the amount of alcohol I’ve just added to my order, I may just stay in and skip the whole week entirely. I’ll see how I feel.
I’m finding I’m not able to play the video game I usually play at the moment. If you’ve seen my YouTube channel, you’ll notice I play a lot of Rainbow Six: Siege, which is a multiplayer game. Sadly, even though it’s meant to be a team versus team game, your biggest enemies are often players on your own team, which has finally gotten to me this week. The cruelty that people show to one another is also upsetting. I know it’s just a game and none of it is real, but it still gets me down when people are unpleasant, sometimes for incredibly petty reasons. So, yeah, I think I’ll take a break from playing until I feel strong enough to head “back in”. If I’m hungover, then I definitely won’t be playing.
You find me here nearly at my most self-destructive. I’m sure, if I left it, I’ll be fine in a day or two but, like Sherlock Holmes, boredom and emotional fragility drives me to substance abuse. Then again, Sherlock Holmes isn’t actually real, so I probably shouldn’t use that as some sort of justification.
Sigh.
Nobody’s been in touch today at all, but I’m pretty sure I’m to blame for that. It’s just been me and ancient civilisations. And what have I learned? That people have been crappy to one another. For millennia.
Some things never change.
At least my boiler is fixed now. Did I mention that previously? So, yeah, my boiler stopped working which, considering I’ve started having baths (that require hot water form the boiler), was a bit of a problem. I had to have showers for a few days, which just reminded me to keep having baths. It’s a grim experience standing there under a dribble of lukewarm water. Never again. Unless I can’t help it. Thankfully, the repair people came out within a couple of days. It was the water pressure, apparently. They were gone within about half an hour. A nice pair of lads.
Oh, as well as non-fiction history books, I’ve started reading the novel “A God Against the Gods”, by Allen Drury, which is a novel about the whole Akhenaten heresy in ancient Egypt. I thought I was alone in finding that whole era fascinating, even going so far as to plan my own fictional work, but it seems that there’s an ocean of stuff out there about it.
It's always nice to find out your ideas are about as unique as yet another new celebrity panel quiz show.
Did that work? It felt like it did. Oh well.
Anyway, for what feels like a forgotten work (none of the reference resources I’ve looked at recommend it), the book is actually very well researched and written, so I’m looking forward to continuing. It’s written in first person, from different points of view, sort of like the film All About Eve. Only a book. Erm… so yeah.
Righty, folks, I think I’ve ran out of things to say, and I didn’t have much to say in the first place. I’ll try and update you asap on my emotional rollercoaster. If I do get blind stinking drunk tomorrow, don’t expect another post for about a week. You probably get the drill by now anyway.
Good times.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
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