A friend at peace

So they finally returned to redeliver my shopping at 8 pm. It was a lovely young man who came. I think he was expecting me to be ranting and raving, but I just blamed myself. Probably because I was to blame.

Anyway, I settled down to some beers and texting a mutual friend of my ex, who mentioned that my ex hadn’t been returning messages. I tried sending one and called her mobile and house numbers, but she didn’t answer. None of this was totally unusual behaviour, as she does usually have an annual meltdown around this time of year. These meltdowns often lead to friends having to go banging on her door, so we weren’t too worried. The next morning the mutual friend rang with the worlds “It’s not good news, I’m afraid”, at which point my stomach sank. Another mutual friend, a doctor, who I think had a key to my ex’s house, found my ex collapsed on the floor. It doesn’t look like suicide, apparently; more like one of the many medical conditions she suffered from. Being just the ex-boyfriend who hadn’t been in touch in a while, I assume I’ll be the last to know about anything from now on, but that’s ok. I don’t think I’d be able to cope with arranging anything. Her sister detests me, so I’m guessing that, should there be some sort of funeral, I’ll be strictly forbidden from attending. Public ceremonies aren’t really my cup of tea anyway, so I’ve started thinking about a way of saying goodbye on my own, maybe taking a trip somewhere we both visited together and laying some flowers. She liked flowers.

It's odd knowing she’s not around anymore. She cared a lot about so many things, and affected so many lives. The world just won’t be the same without her.

I hope she’s at peace now, as life always seemed so hard for her. She also missed her mother and grandfather, who both died over a decade ago. Her heart was always in the past, and her happiness was with people who were no longer here.

I hope she’s with them now, and finally happy.

Here's a picture of the two of us, I think taken around 2009ish. While I feature more prominently, I certainly didn't mean for it to be like that. It's cute though, right?