The Last Temptation of Jim

I’m having quite bad alcohol cravings this morning, so I thought I’d put pen to paper in an attempt to work through it.

I’ve been doing very well in staying off the old sauce but, for some reason, my brain is coming up with a million and one fun scenarios where I get totally blasted. I keep reminding myself of how bad I’ll feel afterwards, which doesn’t seem to be enough right now. I keep snacking, which has been helping a lot. I’ve had some almonds and cheese with my morning coffee, plus a bowl of chopped tomoatos with seasoning. All very nice! I might put some instant noodles on to steep, which should be ready by the time I finish this.

I think I’ll make the train station my new pub of choice. Urgh. See?! My mind just wanders to booze. But, yeah, while I’m taking an indefinite hiatus from my old pub, I’ll go to the station instead. It’s nice and anonymous down there, plus I can watch people scrambling desperately for trains while I sit sipping ales.

But a trip to the pub isn’t on the cards at the moment. Or is it?! My main goal is to keep off the whisky, which is a deep, deep, deep kind of alcoholism that takes forever to shake off. Beer and wine is a day’s hangover. Tops

Anyway, my cupboards are well-stocked after Saturday’s grocery delivery, so I have no excuses. I bought this fancy tray of Swedish meatballs, which was very nice. The sauce was surprisingly creamy and sweet (I’ve never been to Ikea), which I may try to emulate in my own cooking. I do like breaking down taste boundaries!

Hobby-wise, my guitar playing has reached a bit of a brick wall. I’m still not keen on learning other artists’ songs, but I need to do something. My own chord progressions just aren’t challenging me anymore. I’m currently enjoying listening to Hawaiian folk music, which I may try to learn. I made a playlist on Spotify of different Hawaiian artists, which is very nice to just chill to. The musicianship is actually very impressive (I don’t know why my expectations were so low), which I don’t think Hawaiians get enough respect for. It’s a very guitar-driven sound, which is great for me.

I’ve not heard from anyone in a while, although I am purposefully cutting myself off from society at the moment. An old school friend has gotten back in touch, so we’re communicating via text messages. He seems to have a dark, perverted sense of humour like myself, which most people my age have had surgically removed. I guess I’ll never grow up properly.

I did meet up with a mutual friend of my ex’s the day my old pub had that depressing chat with me (which actually made for a nice excuse to leave early). I met my friend at a veggie/vegan restaurant in town, which was, as you might expect, overpriced and kinda depressing. Still, it was nice to see her again for the first time since before Covid and my ex passing away. My friend was the one who rang me last year to give me the terrible news. Sigh. She’s an angel. We did agree to meet up weekly for a coffee but, as of yet, this hasn’t happened. She’s very busy and only comes to town once a week, having moved out to the east coast with her girlfriend a few years ago.

Everybody keeps leaving! It’s like when I had my meltdown back in Cambridgeshire.

Hmm, that’s a bit worrying.

Anyway….

Since my diet at the moment is top-heavy, in terms of the timing of my eating, I’m usually not particularly hungry by the end of the day. I think that’s the way around you’re supposed to do it. I guess this is a good thing, as it means I’m not hungry by the time the takeaways open, which means I’m saving a little money. I bought loads of bags of stir fry vegetables, which I’m having at random points throughout the day. I figure the important thing is that I just get something healthy into my system, even if it’s not part of a meal. I prefer grazing anyway, rather than the formality of timed meals. I must have been a farmyard animal in a previous life!

Makes sense.

I really need to check on my energy meters, as I’ve been indoors for about two months. The only fresh air I get is when I go down to the wheelie bins. I had over a hundred pounds on my electricity meter, the last time I checked, so I’m hoping that’ll last a little longer. I’m expecting my gas meter to go any moment though.

Well, I best put the kettle on to prepare those noodles. Maybe I’ll start buying the fresh ones instead, just to shake things up. Saying that, the whole point of having instant food is that I don’t put off eating due to the effort of cooking from scratch. And if I don’t eat - I get sad. And if I get sad - I drink.

All good fun.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!