So I checked my electricity meter this morning and found I only had two pounds left on it, which was likely to run out within 24 hours or so. Even though I’d, if you can possibly believe it, planned to spend the day inside on my arse, I obviously had to get moving and visit the shop for some top-ups. Unfortunately, it seemed like everyone else on the estate, and their kids, had the exact same idea. Sigh. I went to the new shop just over the road, which is lovely and close but, alas, it’s incredibly dark and cramped. Throw in a bunch of disorganised families with prams and you get me on the verge of a nervous breakdown. While the kids just stood there staring at me waddling about with my cane, the adults did their best to get me to the checkout. I’m glad I wasn’t hungover or anything, as I really would have had a proper panic attack and cried in a corner. But, praise Crom, I made it back home alive and topped up my electricity meter. Now all I need to do is crawl inside the kitchen cupboard and do the same with the gas. I’m surprised it’s not gone off already, to be honest.
Last night I ordered a Chinese takeaway, as I was feeling rather glum. Preempting a full depressive slump, I thought it best to just get some fancy food in and see where that took me. I wasn’t particularly hungry for it, but the gesture was enough to buoy my spirits.
I’ve been watching the Charlton Heston Ben-Hur since yesterday. I’d say it’s taken me this long because of my short attention span but, no, it is just a really long film. I’m not religious, so I’m into the story more for the recreation of that era, which I’ve been reading up a lot about lately. You kinda have to put up with the religious stuff if you want a good historical epic. I think it’s only in the recent couple of decades that they’ve tried to make them more secular. I know religion was an unquestioned part of life two thousand years ago, but my eyes still can’t help but roll at some of the spiritual pontificating. Oh well.
I’ve also been working my way through the animated Around the World with Willy Fogg series, which I saw as a kid. The ex and I were watching it over at her place whenever I popped round, but we never got to finish it. I’m determined to this time, although it is brining back some sad memories. I’ve been thinking about going for lunch at some of our old haunts, but I’m not sure whether that’s such a good idea. Maybe it’ll give me some closure. Maybe it’ll make my grief worse. Who knows.
Oh, I forgot to say, I’ve decided to come off my antidepressants, which I’m sure will only be temporary. I need to make some sort of change, plus give my brain a bit of a kick. This is what I came up with. Also, the insomnia that comes with being on them is just getting too much for me. Not only is it physically painful (I have what I call “adrenaline seizures” as I enter the hypnogogic phase of sleep), but it also encourages my alcoholism. Say what you like about boozing, but at least you get your rest! I’m coming off the tablets gradually, going down from 150mg to 100 and now 50, so I’m not feeling the usual dizziness that comes with cold-turkey withdrawals. I am curious to see how I get on without any brain medicine but, from past experience, I know I won’t get on very well. We shall see.
Speaking of insomnia, I’ve gone back to listening to some podcasts in bed. I’ve mostly been on audiobooks the last few years (having gone off podcasts for some unknown reason), but it seems I’m dipping my toe back in. My favourite at the moment is Blurry Photos, which is about urban legends and superstitions and the like. Some episodes are a bit too spooky for nighttime listening, but most are fine. The two guys who do it are so funny although, sadly, one of them left a few years ago. I’m guessing the new incarnation is a little more organised and straight-laced. So, yes, I alternate between podcasts, audiobooks and music while I’m lying there for hours not falling asleep. I really hope this sleeplessness will change soon, but at least it gives me time to learn new stuff, what with all the reference audiobooks I’m gobbling up.
Crazy days.
Anyway, I best go back to watching a bunch of pasty-faced white guys pretend to be arabs.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
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