Doom?

What a waste of a weekend.

The weather was bad so it was more of a temptation to stay in. We ate mostly takeaways each day and only left the house to go to the local shop.

We had an argument yesterday over my girlfriend’s anxiety about going away on holiday and her getting into an awkward situation with our housemate whilst negotiating the housemate looking after the house for a week.

Ridiculous.

More trouble has been caused and I feel more stressed.

I ended up going out for a walk last night and buying a Chinese takeaway to clear the air and cheer us both up. The mood hardly changed though. I sometimes wonder why I bother to do nice things.

I told my girlfriend that I don’t want her to cause problems with our housemate again like last year because that’s why I left in December… because she couldn’t handle her and I was stuck watching her being manipulated and harassed but unable to do anything about it due to the house ownership situation.

I hope I get my college placement as I am worried things will ditereate around here fairly soon. I’m glad I’m staying off the booze, but my temptation is up. I just need to keep eating to treat myself.

I am worried that this week will be a nightmare and we’ll end up cancelling the holiday. If that happens then I think I’ll admit defeat and go away to college and say my goodbyes.

I can’t live under this oppression forever.

I wish I felt more inspired in life. At the moment I just don’t feel much like doing anything at all. I should write more songs and stories, but I just don’t feel moved to. I need to get exercise as I’m fast putting on weight again.

I hope I don’t end up dreading weekends as that seems to be the time my girlfriend stressed out the most. She can’t seem to handle time off, even in the evenings. Most people are happy to leave work and get home so that they can chill out, but she seems to fall into a pit of despair and misery.

Maybe things will get better once the autumn and winter sets in… maybe they’ll get worse.

Who knows.