My gas supply has gone off again. Bit weird. Usually, I go through about three electricity top-ups for every gas top-up. I don’t have the heating on much, basically. A campaign letter from the British Humanist Association mentioned a “cost-of-living crisis”, so perhaps I’m experiencing that. Sigh. This gas issue means I’ll have to risk crossing the road to visit the local shop. I just wish this hadn’t happened at the weekend when there’ll probably be kids mingling about. They tend to make comments about my disability.
Adults around here do to, tragically.
I had a storm warning from the national power company thing, although I believe the storm has now passed. It was rather windy, I must say. I can’t hear any rain, so hopefully that’ll make my venturing outdoors slightly easier.
I’m experiencing an intense feeling of dread, which I wish would pass. Maybe I should go to bed and slip into a calming fantasy. That’s where I spend a lot of my time these days. I guess it’s a form of meditation, only with more groping. It really is sad that I can’t find much happiness in this reality anymore. I just don’t belong here, and boy-oh-boy do people let me know it.
And my own body, of course.
I watched the RiffTrax version of Samurai Cop earlier, which is a lot of fun. I’m also still working my way through that eerie Russian coming-of-age drama, although I’m once again unsure about whether that one character is a boy or a girl. I did think there was going to be a tastefully-innocent full-frontal moment, which would have cleared up the matter, but they ended up keeping their underpants on. Regardless, I’m now veering towards “girl”, even though I prefer my belief that the film is maybe a coded-LGBT film.
I dunno, I think everyone’s gay.
Just wish I could shift this feeling of dread. I hoped writing this would help, hence you reading it. The headspace I’m in is very strange indeed. All I want is a sense of normality and peace. You know, not the inescapable sensation that something horrible is about to befall me.
I’d usually insert booze, but there’s that appointment on Monday that I want to stay clear-headed for.
I had a burger w/ blue cheese on it earlier, which was delicious. I shall have to have that combination again. Just don’t tell my diabetes. Saying that, it seems to punish me no matter what i consume.
Life is pain. Please free me.
That’s all I want.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles
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