I'm really struggling today. Think I may have to go out and be around people. I've just got one delivery to stay in for, so hopefully that comes sooner rather than later. I guess I'm less at risk when I'm in the pub getting slowly drunker and drunker. It's all I'm really good for. It distracts the poisonous areas of my mind for a few more days. Just a few more days.
It's so quiet around here.
I’m just waiting for the pan to heat up so I can fry some burgers, so I thought I’d jot a few words down.
I’m feeling a little more upbeat than I was whilst writing my last post, but I’d hardly say I’m jumping for joy at the wonders of life. I didn’t go out to the pub in the end yesterday, instead staying in and heating up the last of that curry I made last week. It was very nice, and well worth missing the pub for. I might leave it until Friday to go out now, as the pub opens at noon then. Or just go out tomorrow for their 2 pm opening. We shall see.
I’ve played some guitar as well today, which is a positive sign. I’m listening to AC/DC at the moment, so I’m adding a solid, hard rock crunch to my guitar tone. Still no word about my custom built guitar, so I’ll assume maybe November will be the earliest it’ll arrive. Sigh. I’ve got that new-guitar itch again. It’s an addiction! Maybe I’ll just order a stock one from anywhere this time, as it’ll only take a day or so to arrive, rather than five FRIGGING months.
Oh, I can hear the oil sizzling. Just a moment…
While my new balcony sure does look smart, there does still seem to be water collecting out there. I’m guessing they would have listened to me yesterday when I told them it was probably a drainage problem, had they not been subcontractors who just wanted to charge the council for a new balcony. People suck. Anyway, I’ll ring the council at some point before things flood again.
The burgers are frying away nicely now.
I listened to a bit of progressive rock earlier this week, shockingly enough. I was generally looking for science fiction-themed music, and thought I’d dip my toe into the prog water that I’m usually so afraid of. I’ve discovered Nektar, basically. And I like them.
These are beef burgers I’m frying, so I’m guessing they don’t need too long to cook. Best quickly go turn them over. One second…
…sorted. I did want turkey burgers, as they’re actually a lot tastier, but they didn’t have turkey burgers. Life, huh?!
Still no word from the very few people in my life. Never has it been so quiet around here. I guess I should appreciate the peace but, well, perhaps this is just the calm before a people storm.
I’ve taken the burgers off the hob to let them stop angrily sizzling away. I’ll go have a bite and chat to you all later in the week.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
P.S. I’m back to proof read now. The burgers were very nice.
P.P.S. I have no idea why I'm naming these posts after the Porky's film series, which I've never seen. I'm very lonely.
So nobody from the council came in the afternoon to contradict the morning workmen, in the end. I’m assuming now, in the cold light of the next day, that the shift in time was due to my ringing the council back on Wednesday to beg them to come out sooner, even though I meant more like the following day. But afternoon to morning was fine. It just all took me by surprise.
The two guys repaving my balcony were there for the better part of the morning, and that stuttering guy actually sounded really cute. A gentle soul. He probably has a girlfriend who mistreats him. Sigh. His boss sounded just awful, like most alpha-male, blue-collar swine. Oh well.
NB: “Swine” is the plural form of “swine”, apparently. Which is news to me. I thought I’d just mentioned it so you didn’t think I made a mistake. In that instance, at least. Not that I’m saying you don’t know how to spell. I… erm… oh I don’t know.
I seem to have hit a rough patch this week, so my depression must be fighting through the medication. Maybe I should go out today, but booze never helps. It does cheer me up to see people though. I just… well… have nowhere else to go. The pub will be open at 2 pm, so all I need to do is stick around for a grocery order that’s due before then. I generally just get super-depressed on alcohol if I have a three day binge at home alone. I have no booze in the flat, so whatever I drink down there will be the end of it.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, my pub’s back open! It looks the same as usual, which was kinda the idea. They weren’t going to use the fire as an excuse to change anything. It was the Steel City Beer Festival over the weekend, so there were some strangers in there when I dropped by on Friday, but that’s ok. Here’s a brief video of me enjoying my first pint back:
No word from my guitar Yoda lately. I drunkenly messaged him on Friday to ask if he fancied a chat, to which he said he’d call me on Sunday. It’s now Tuesday so… erm… I don’t know what’s happening there. In line with my mood drop, I seem to have lost a bit of interest in guitar playing anyway, so I’m not sure what we would have talked about. I guess we do have other things to say to one another. I think.
During my Wednesday-Friday binge last week, I did end up with some new people in my PlayStation friends list, which often happens. Their appearance usually being a surprise to me the following day. Nothing came from them though, as they were mostly people who don’t speak the same language, so text chats via Google’s translator was the only thing we could manage. Sexy, huh?
Hmm, what else? Oh, another sign that I’m in the midst of a low mood attack is me watching Will & Grace again. It’s my happy place. I was working through The Mysterious Cities of Gold, but I needed something lighter. The brutal rape of South America by the Conquistadores is hardly mood-lifting stuff. I haven’t watched any more of that Rome series, due to how grim it is. But I discussed all that in a previous post.
So, yeah, I’m not feeling very creative or interested in anything cultural, plus contact with people is still practically non-existent. I feel like I’m adrift in a lifeboat in the middle of an infinite ocean. Only with a television and fresh water. And a fridge. And the capacity to have takeaways delivered. And go out to the pub.
You get the idea.
Right… so… erm… yeah… I best go have a shower so that, should I decide to, I can head out to the pub straight after my shopping is delivered. I hope your week is fairing better than mine. Well, mine’s not fairing poorly, per se, it’s just my depression that’s causing issues.
Good times.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
Chance would be a fine thing.
I was awoken this morning at around 8 am by noise on the outside of my building. I think it actually managed to make its way into my final dream of the night. Anyway, I opened my living room curtains to find a ladder attached to the balcony. A bit confused, was I. The council are supposed to be coming out later on today to examine the leak/flood I mentioned in my last post, so the early hour of workmen actually there doing work without checking anything first seemed/seems a little off. I’m wondering whether to call the police, or if there is even anything to call them about. I tried ringing the council but, due to their super-high volume of calls, their motherfucking phoneline hung up on me. A robot put the phone down on me. What a world, huh?!
Basically, my concern is that, keen to get something done about the leak (understandably), my neighbour downstairs has hired workmen of her own. A guy did come to my door eventually with ID, but I assume such things can be faked. He also had a bad stutter, which seems to have gone now, as he is speaking to his colleagues quite clearly.
My possibly paranoid concerns are: why, when even their phoneline is hanging up on people, are the council able to come out so soon and actually get stuff done; why didn’t they ask to come in to examine my balcony first, instead deciding to repave it apropos of nothing; was the man at the door affecting a stutter to make me feel sympathetic so as to trust him; what’s going to happen if/when the council does turn up this afternoon?
I’m doubtful as to a council tenant being so desperate to get work done that they’d actually spend money on it themselves, unless I get a bill from a bunch of thugs connected to the dodgy cunts who live in and around this area. I can hear that loud cockney guy down there now, so it wouldn’t be too surprising if he was involved.
Well, I guess only time will tell. I don’t like being made a fool of but, then again, it’s very early, and I’m aware of how confused I am.
Sigh.
I’ll post again later on today/in the week to let y’all know what happens.
Wish me luck!
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
I managed to get up and showered nice and early today, as I was expecting two knocks at my door. The first was supposed to be the supermarket, delivering tasty, tasty booze; while the second was supposed to be a delivery of some minor guitar accessories. Who actually knocked on my door first was a lovely man from the council, who was here to inform me that there was another leak from my flat to the one below. I rolled my eyes and calmly made an appointment for them to come out this coming Monday. After the man left, I went and peeked out my lounge window onto the balcony and was shocked to see a lake out there. From corner to corner to corner to corner, the recent rainfall had settled, rising to about four inches. Eek! Now being concerned that this may actually affect my property, I spent the next two hours out there with a bucket and dustpan very, very, very slowly siphoning the water off and pouring it down the toilet. Sigh. I legitimately don’t think I’ve done that much physical labour in my entire life. Well, it seems to be mostly gone now, and apparently it’s going to be clear and mild over the next few days so, hopefully, by the time another torrent comes, the council will have don’t something about it.
Time for a paragraph break, methinks!
It actually took me two hours to get through to the council, starting off at number thirty-five in the hold queue. The lady at the call centre said they’d request an “escalation” on her computer to, hopefully, get somebody to ring and come out before the weekend. But, I dunno, I get the feeling nobody’s gonna call.
Strangely enough, even though it was a stressful event and very hard work, having something different to do was actually quite nice. I genuinely haven’t been out on my balcony for that long in the ten years I’ve lived here, and it may have given me the confidence to finally sit out there casually. I’m making no promises though.
While I was busy in the cotton fields, my shopping and guitar accessory orders did arrive, so I now have a fair amount of booze to get through. I was going to wait until tomorrow, when my regular pub reopens, but I think I’ve earned a few jars.
So, basically, I’m now going to get drunk and watch some therapeutic Parks & Recreation.
If you believe in any invisible space wizards, please pray to them for me to ask for no rain to fall in Sheffield over the weekend. It might be nice to distract them from persecuting LGBT folk, for a change.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
I can’t tell you how great it is to have the temperature drop like it has. Well, I can: it’s really great! Sitting still and not sweating is a pleasure you don’t fully appreciate until it you can do it. As mentioned in my last post, the colder weather means that the local gobshites stay indoors, which also means my blood pressure has gone down considerably. It also-also means that I can start recording music again, which I may do this afternoon. I’ve got plenty of musical ideas to work with, so I just need to pick one.
That pain in the right side of my torso has completely gone now. Perhaps it was just something to do with how I’ve been sleeping. I keep forgetting to ring the council to ask them to provide me with a new bed. One that doesn’t fall apart. Maybe I’ll do that after I finish writing this. If the pain was to do with my liver, then I guess I’ll know when I have my next drinking session (binge). I was going to order some booze with the shopping that came yesterday, but I’ve just not been in the mood. My regular pub reopens in a couple of days, so maybe I’ll wait till then. We shall see.
There were a lot of emergency services vehicles around my area last night. I counted four separate sirens in total (I’m never sure which siren corresponds to which service). We also had a police helicopter knocking about above us, so something big must have happened. I’m hoping they’re finally cracking down on the gang activity that seems to have increased since the end of the lockdown, but that’s probably just wishful thinking. Plus, I think if they’re making planned “busts”, then they won’t march in with sirens blazing. Hmmm. I’ll keep an eye on the local news.
I spent the bulk of yesterday cooking, although I prefer to use the term “battling” when it comes to concocting one of my curries. I didn’t use a pack of preprepared stir fry vegetables this time. I actually chopped everything! Well, all except the tomatoes, as the supermarket didn’t have the size I wanted, so I had to cheat with a tin. I used two tins of coconut milk in this recipe, just to see what difference it made. It’ll probably mean my heart attack comes sooner. I also used lamb mince and paneer, as the “centrepiece”, or whatever you call it. I didn’t have a portion yesterday, as I find curries taste better after a night in the fridge; although, from what I tasted whilst battling, it’s a bloody fine one! I divided it up into three servings, so one’s gone in the freezer. Woo!
A guitar amplifier I really want is on sale secondhand at my local guitar shop. It’s quite a tempting price, although still quite a lot. It’s a coveted model, so it may have gone by now, which just means I won’t have to decide anyway.
I literally dusted off a cheap guitar [see picture below] the other day that I bought years ago, just to see if it was any good. I wasn’t impressed when I first bought it, impulsively, I must say, but it’s actually a really nice instrument. I had to put new strings on it, which was a pain in the arse, as they had completely rusted. It’s a Vintage (the brand, not the age) SG and, while certain parts of it certainly feel it’s £70 price-tag, I’ve been able to coax some lovely tones out of it. Using that tube amp I started reusing again helps. Everything seems to sound great through it. I did have an Epiphone SG a while back, but I wasn’t all that impressed with it. Maybe, after my first one finally arrives, I’ll put in an order with that custom guitar luthier for an SG-shape, which they do, erm, do. I’ve already started planning which colour and pickup configuration I want. This is also what’s putting me off buying that secondhand amp. I need the cash for more guitars!
Listening-wise, I’ve gone back to good ol’ Hard-Fi this week. Their third and, to date, final album has its iffy moments, but the first two are quite wonderful. The second one is definitely underappreciated. Hopefully they’ll release their long-gestating fourth album soon. I think they’ve been waiting for their guitarist to re-join the band. I actually appear in their Wikipedia entry, as I lamented in a Twitter post (when I was still on there) that they were no longer listed as on a hiatus, and had officially disbanded. While I didn’t mention this to them directly, they did respond, clarifying that they were still hiatussing [real word]. This brief back-and-forth is what appears in their Wikipedia entry, although my original tweet no longer exists. But I know it was me! That’s about as close to fame as I’ll ever get, methinks.
I tried out Glasvegas’ new album earlier today, which I couldn’t get through. Maybe I’ll try again. Their second album, Euphoric Heartbreak, isn’t quite as bad as I remembered. It’s certainly better than their last couple of releases. Their “sixth form poetry” is amusingly bad, but in an endearing sorta way. It’s like: “Aww, they’re really trying!”. Condescending, I know. But true.
I’m sure the music I produce is no better.
I’ve discovered the Rod Stewart/Ronnie Wood band Faces, which was active in the early 1970s. I don’t think I’ve heard much Wood-era Rolling Stones, but his work with Faces is something very special indeed. I’d love to know what guitar amp he’s using, as the tones he produces sound as if they’ve been sent down from heaven. I’ll have to do some research, although I’m sure it’ll turn out to be a model way out of my specification requirements (too loud, basically) and price range. Life, huh?!
Well, I don’t have much else to report. I’m just kind of existing at the moment, as one does. There’s still been little to no communication with anybody, which I guess is no bad thing. I have lots of DVDs and video games to keep me company, so at least that’s something. I’ve started replaying Dragon Age: Inquisition, which I gave up on not long after starting about four years ago. Turns out, it’s a lot of fun! I’m just roaming around doing quests, as and when I can be arsed. I’m finding it’s a good one to play just before I go to bed as a way of winding down. I’ve downloaded some other single player titles as, of course, my gaming buddies are non-existent at this point. It’s my own fault.
I’ve finally started watching that Rome series from 2005. It’s exactly what I feared – a show about horrible people doing horrible things to each other, with distractingly gratuitous sex and nudity thrown in for, I dunno, some reason. I think it’s the show that inspired things like Game of Thrones. I’m not a prude, as I watch quite a few peoples’ fair share of pornography, but I just don’t like it in drama. It’s like when the narrative of a musical stops to have a musical number. I’m all like “Why are they singing and dancing all of a sudden?! Just get on with the bloody story!”. I don’t dislike musicals quite as much as I used to, but that thought still runs through my head. So, yes, Rome is ok, I guess. I just don’t care about anything that’s going on, as all the characters are such douchebags. Plus, the show’s requirement for actors with visually-pleasing bodies means that the quality of performances is low. Down in the mud low. Tits though, right?! Sigh. People suck. Anyway, I’ll carry on for as long as possible. Maybe it’ll eventually give me something to give a crap about.
Right, I best go pick out a drum beat to record a song to.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
P.S. The title of this post is a reference to it now being too cold to have the windows open at night, which is pretty mandatory during the spring and summer months. I didn't have anything more creative to use, I'm afraid. Please send your suggestions for a better title on a postcard to...
Well, after the usual stuttering start, the autumnal weather seems to be here to stay. Woo! I could do with a little more sunshine though, as the persistent rain over the past few days has started to get me down. Oh well, at least it keeps the scallies indoors and out of trouble. I haven’t had to call the police in, like, a week. Shocker!
My regular pub is finally reopening next week, after being firebombed a couple of months ago. I’ve been finding alternative drinking holes though. I paid a visit to the pub in the train station on Tuesday, which is actually one of the best pubs in town, believe it or not. A short and, if I may so, rather dull video of me sat drinking in there has, bizarrely, gone viral on YouTube. I’m really not sure what’s happened there. Either someone’s posted a link to it on social media, or someone died after pressing “repeat to infinity” on whatever device they were using. Go figure. Anyway, the video is below. If you can tell my which a hundred and forty (and counting) people would want to watch it, I’d be curious to hear.
That guitar luthier rang the other day to confirm the specs for my custom build. I emailed them to ask if everything was ok, as it was almost a month past their original ETA. Apparently it’ll be ready around the start of October, so…
I’ve been playing a lot of guitar lately, and even dusted off my tube amp. Transistor/power/solid-state amps sound better at low volume, which is good for me and my tiny council flat, but I thought I’d treat ma’self. Turns out, it’s only a 5 watt machine, so it sounds good at transistor level anyway. The popping/crackling problem returned today, which is why I stopped using it in the first place, but it only seems to be one particular guitar that causes it. I’ll run some tests.
I started getting pains in my tummy on Wednesday, roughly in the area that I believe my liver is. It wouldn’t surprise me if I have cirrhosis and, quite frankly, I deserve it. It’s been a long time coming. It seems to have eased off now, so perhaps it’s something else, but I’m keeping an open mind. Being disabled and clinically depressed, I’m not too keen on sticking around until old age so, if it is cirrhosis, I won’t be looking for medical treatment. I just hope it takes me in my sleep or, I dunno, while I’m watching Keith Floyd episodes drunk. That’d be nice.
I really need to do some housework, as some areas are getting rather, erm, brown. It’s good weather for it, as physical labour in the summertime isn’t pleasant. It can now be a cheaper alternative to putting the heating on. Although I’ll be using the boiler to heat the water anyway, so that doesn’t make sense. Sigh.
I’ll get my life together eventually.
Hobby-wise, I’ve not been into much apart from guitar practice. Oh, I did buy the South Park 1-5 boxset, so I’m slowly working my way through that. Very slowly. I remember watching it a lot first time around. It was that and Friends that teens in the 90s referenced the most. I also bought the Rick Moranis Little Shop of Horrors film and Ridley Scott’s G I Jane. I’ve only gotten through half of both but, so far, I’m not enjoying Little Shop as much as I expected (I watched it a lot on video when I was a kid), and I’m enjoying G I Jane more than expected (it’s one of the few Ridley Scott films I’ve never seen). What a strange world!
Speaking of friends, it’s all pretty quiet on that front. I’m texting the ex regularly, as she’s the only one I can hold a conversation with, but that’s about it. She usually complains about being tired, and I usually mention that I’m in the pub. We’re quite a pair.
I think I’ll order a takeaway tonight, although I’ll feel guilty about having someone deliver in this horrible weather. I guess they’ll be out anyway, plus I’ll give them a tip. Maybe I’ll double it today. I might go with a pizza/burger place. I haven’t done that in a while. I’ll have a vegetarian pizza to, you know, get my five a day.
I can’t imagine why I’m diabetic.
Fool of a Took.
Anyway, I just thought I’d fire a few words your way, so you know I’m still mooching around somewhere.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
