Intimate packages

Golly, I’ve had a day full of deliveries today! So many nice men coming to my door, but none of them staying. Alas!

The groceries came first thing, which I purposefully booked a very early slot for. The reason for this was to hopefully get everything delivered before the afternoon so I could go swimming but, while the groceries did indeed come on time, the others ended up being just a little too late for my swimming, erm, window.

I kept getting anxious too, as my next door neighbour’s going through a phase of popping in and out of the building constantly throughout the day and night (I have no idea where he goes), so he kept accidentally bumping into my deliveries. I think he’d coincidentally also ordered some groceries for this morning too, so when he heard mine coming, he rushed downstairs to meet the guy and was confused by the fact that it wasn’t his. The same thing happened with one of the later packages, but I think the courier mistook my neighbour for me. Luckily, while dishonest in other ways, my neighbour doesn’t seem to be a parcel stealer like 99% of the folk in this area. Well, suffice to say, everything got through without molestation.

The first of the two afternoon deliveries was a particularly personal item, so I was very glad it didn’t go astray. I decided to treat myself to a prostate massager/vibrator for the bedroom (of course). It came (no pun intended) in a very discreate DVD boxset-sized case and was very easy to set up. They even threw in a battery and some lube, both of which I already had, but I still thought it was nice of them to do it. I’d never used one of these before, but I struggled to believe it would be any more complicated than “just shove it up your arse and press ON”, which it wasn’t.

For me, I found the massager a bit too small. I’ve given it a quick go, but felt very little sensation. Maybe I should watch some porn first, just to get me going. I dunno, I guess I’m more used to larger dildos that totally destroy my ass and hurt like hell, which is kind of my thing. This massager is, by contrast, rather “cute”.

Well, the second afternoon delivery - and third overall today - were my two cases of beer (as mentioned in my last post). These arrived just as I was finishing up testing out the vibrator, so I was rather concerned my hands weren’t fully clean when I signed for it. I’m pretty sure they were. Mostly. Anyway, I was going to wait until after my Disney movie marathon tomorrow to start drinking, but I’m half tempted just to dive into them tonight instead. I’m waking myself up with a coffee as I type, so maybe I won’t need them.

I was surprised none of the bottles were broken actually, as the delivery company was the dreaded Yodel, who’ve become rather notorious over the years for their amateurish delivery skills. But, nope, everything was intact. The delivery guy was lovely too. He said: “I could do with one of these after lugging them up all these stairs!”, to which I should have said “You’re welcome to drop by after work, if you like!” but, of course, I just laughed and awkwardly mumbled something incoherent.

Maybe next time.

Oh, some weird news, my ex has landed herself in hospital. Apparently she has blood clots on/in her lungs, which could be caused by one or more of her medical conditions. The consultant has said she may be kept in for the rest of the week, but I don’t think I’ll go visit her. While I do, of course, care about her wellbeing and wish her well, I’m trying to tie our friendship up, and rushing to see her in hospital is something a boyfriend does. And I’m not that anymore. She’s got plenty of friends and relatives more mobile than myself, so I’m sure they’ll be visiting. I also think she needs a bit of a shock to the system regarding her health in general, so maybe being cooped up alone in a grim NHS hospital for the best part of a week will finally force her into action, rather than her just talking about it. Endlessly. Plus it’s my birthday, so I just don’t wanna go. She ruined enough of my birthdays in the past while we were still going out.

So, yeah, I'll probably go visit her tomorrow.

Anyway, I best go figure out what to do with myself for the rest of the evening.

Toodles!