Drifting through December

So, Christmas Day turned out to be what it seems to have become – a solo affair with a trip down to the pub for gallons of guffaws. There was a lovely atmosphere throughout the afternoon down at my local, which included some regulars and some randoms, the latter of which seemed surprisingly behaved. The guy I kinda like was in there twice (popping home in between to his paternal family for lunch, methinks) but, as usual, I didn’t get to have a proper chat with him. He seems to like conversing with everyone but me. Maybe he senses I like him. Or he just finds me dull. Either way - oh well. I did get a free bottle of premium-strength beer from the manager for being a dependable regular. That actually cheered me up. This time of year has begun to be rather a struggle for me, which it never has done until now. It’s a long time since I was a kid and Christmas was a mind-bendingly exciting and magical time of year. Now it has become something else entirely.

After the pub, I came home and, I think, just passed out on my bed. Yes, I’d had that much. Around six o’clock I came to and ordered a curry, which was only ok. Compared to last year, there really wasn’t much open on the day. That took me by surprise.

Around midnight, I got quite a treat. Basically, my neighbour below was turning her flat into a nightclub, as usual, but her direct next-door neighbour took exception to this. He’d clearly had enough. I’ve also had enough recently, so I totally understood, but I had stopped hoping that others would support me. That night, they did! I hadn’t said or done anything, but this other neighbour went and pounded on her door, shouting at her to turn the music down/off. She came out and argued with him for a bit then, after they had both retreated into their own homes, turned the music back on and – get this! – went out into the stairwell and sung at the top of her voice. It was the behavior of a crazy person. Well, she’s had me banging on my floor in frustration, which is very against my character, and now this other bloke has snapped, so maybe now she’ll take the hint. Who knows. The type of person who plays music at wall-rattling volume in a communal block of flats is not usually the perceptive type though, unfortunately.

Since Christmas Day, things have been rather quiet. I suppose it has only been two days, though. Time seems to be passing so damned slow at the moment. I’m not sure what’s changed. Perhaps it’s me. I did just finish off the Blandings TV series, which I heartily recommend. It’s only two seasons long and stars the wonderful Timothy Spall and Jennifer Saunders. The real find, however, is Jack Farthing. He’s like a more charismatic, talented and funny Hugh Grant. I’m rather smitten, actually. The feel of the show is a little too cartoony in the first season, but they noticeably tone that down for season two. Sadly, however, the writing isn’t as strong in the second season, so it’s a mixed bag. I laughed out loud so many times during the first season. That's not to say that two is bad. They're both very fun. Spall is also far too animated in the second season, losing the genius of his spaced-out drunkard that made the first so wonderful. Sometimes, they would only need to cut to him looking confused and I'd be roaring with laughter. That's all lost in the second season. Farthing is perfect throughout, however. He can “jack” MY “farthing”, any day! Get it?! Sticky wicket!

Anyway, moving on…

I was a bit upset the other week at the general election turnout but, as discussed in my "The end of an era" post, I have found society to be very reactionary and conservative of late. Who knows what's going on. Youngish folk between 20 and 40 seem to have a preoccupation with hatred, fueled by self-righteousness and an enjoyment of the adrenaline produced by rage, and an almost fetishistic desire to be outraged by something new every day. Their tactics for dealing with such feelings have become worryingly extreme and hypocritically intolerant. I consider myself very politically correct, but things have gone to a weird extreme. It's safer just to keep your head down and not to say anything these days, which is frightening. I dread where this is all leading, more than I fear anything else. Maybe the next generation will be a little more chilled-out. It sounds like most of them are stoned anyway, which is a positive start.

Oh, I’ve just treated myself to the Shakespeare audio recordings collection that I’ve had my eye on for a while. It’s a bit spendy, but I fancied a pick-me-up. I’ve got the BBC DVD set, but I’m finding I quite like such a thing just to listen to in bed. You know – without the telly on. Also, since Shakespeare’s dialogue is so tricky to keep track of, having it pumped directly into my ears with headphones helps a great deal. Otherwise, I’d have to have the telly on far louder than I’d like. I don’t want to turn into her downstairs! Well, that should be arriving later in the week, perhaps after New Year’s Day. We shall see. I’m not in a rush.

I’m still in regular contact with my ex after deciding to patch up our friendship and have another voice in my life. I’m not sure why, but they’ve been mostly texting me this week, instead of the daily phone calls. I’ve not fancied talking much anyway, so maybe it’s for the best. Perhaps they’ve felt the same way. It is a funny time of year, after all.

my deciding to get back in touch is looking rather timely, as I’m a little concerned that another friend may be moving on. It’s not a terrible surprise, but it’s still a little jarring. It could just be a dry spell coupled with my usual paranoia, but I'm sensing something new. They've just done the equivalent of a businessman asking an old colleague, with whom he has had a regular casual lunch for years, to suddenly start making formal appointments to see him through the first businessman's secretary. I’ll persevere, but I’m preparing myself to make some changes. They’ve not been about much this year anyway, so it’ll be fine. I’m experienced at having to let go.

As yet, I’ve still no plans for New Year’s Eve. My sleep pattern has been so inconsistent of late that I’m not entirely sure whether I’m coming or going. I woke up at three o’clock this afternoon, so that should give you an idea of what’s going on. I’m just sipping a coffee now, as of midnight, and may break into the box of lager that arrived today, in an attempt to keep myself awake until late tomorrow. This never works, but I’m feeling so low that some alcoholic oblivion might make a welcome change of headspace.

Oh, I’m just awful.

Well, that’s about all for now. I hope you’re all doing well and coping during this strange period. If you’re struggling and fancy a chat, then do drop me a line. I’m usually pottering about somewhere.

Toodles!