The agony continues, which I have now had enough of. A disinterested nurse was unable to help, even though I kept saying I was in constant pain. So, what now? Well, the mysterious illness, possibly tonsillitis, I suffered at the start of the year brought me so low that I ended up deciding to stop feeding and watering myself. This had the unexpected effect of killing the illness. Unless it was a coincidence, of course, but I doubt that.
Anyway, I’ve chosen to try this method again. I guess it’ll either be the beginning or the end of me, but I can’t take the pain any longer.
It’d be something if all this pain was worth it, but I have nothing in my life left to fight for. I’m very lonely and very disabled. My mental illness badgers me all day every day. Things keep breaking around my home, as if they too have given up. I have bags of recycling piling up, but not the means to get rid of them. Where I live is like a madhouse, with lunatics screaming nonsense at invisible persecutors and people fighting in the street.
And here I sit, tears streaming down my face, no longer able to bear much more of it.
The tonsillitis subsided after a few days of fasting, so let’s hope the same works with whatever this is. I no longer have any fresh food in the kitchen, so I won’t have that to get anxious about. I’ve put in a grocery order, but I’ll probably push the delivery date back a few days. I just need a spit cup in each room now, as I obviously won’t be able to drink water in order to clear my throat. I learned that from the last time. Who knows, maybe the dizziness from an empty tummy will help me get a good night’s sleep.
For a change.
Being diabetic, I suppose doing this could always put me in a coma, but that’s the sort of merciful thing that only happens to other people. My body likes to torture me in the worst of ways. Not that I hold the paranoid believe that it has its own sentience or anything.
Well, I’ll try and keep you updated, if the pain cools off enough for me to type words.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles
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