Adrift in sobriety

So the sun’s out, at last. I can still feel a little chill in the air, but I think the stop-start transition to spring is over. It’s all, like, sprung all over my ass.

Charming, huh?

Anyway, I’m really getting into the swing of not drinking, which has shocked me. It’s just not part of my routine anymore. I have the odd day where I feel like a binge but, generally, I’m sticking to my sober hobbies. I seem to have gone back to having a few coffee’s before I go for my shower, which I think has been caused by the lockdown. I mean, what is there to get showered for? I’m sure I’ll go back to a shower straight out of bed once the pubs are open again. Sigh. That day can’t come soon enough.

Yes, I’ll be drinking again once I don’t have to do it alone in my own home. That was getting really old. Although, maybe the later days might help. Getting drunk in the dark, for me, usually ends in disaster, which is why I only do day drinking in public.

Golly, I really do have problems, don’t I?! Oh well…

I haven’t gotten much further (farther?) with that writing project I’d started. I think not quite knowing where or when it’s supposed to be set is holding me back. Maybe I should just crack on with it and not worry about that. Nobody’ll end up reading it anyway.

Cue tiny violin.

I’m mostly gaming and tweeting a lot during the day, the latter to, mostly, nobody, as I’m sticking to my policy of not trying to make friends on there this time. I’ll let people come to me and start conversations. I find it doesn’t work the other way around anymore.

My daytime home video viewing is Family Guy at the moment. Being able to see the TV properly is helping, as a lot of Family Guy jokes are visual gags. Being halfway across the room from my bedroom TV and visually impaired means I usually miss a lot of funny stuff. I haven’t got a bedtime viewing right now, as I’m just not really in that kinda mood when I head off. I’m mostly just listening to audiobooks. I’m going through that Mary Beard book on Pompeii for the third time, as it seems to be my new comfort read. I have no idea why. I also started The English Patient the other day, which has only taken 25 years for them to release an unabridged version of. I’ve always feared it might be “supermarket trash”, which they just happened to make a great film out of but, so far, it’s solid.

Music-wise, I think I'm currently going through a transition period. I was listening to a playlist I'd made of Menudo's (the boyband Ricky Martin started off in) early albums, before their voices broke. They can't sing and the audio quality is pretty bad, but the songwriting is superb and it's just super cute and upbeat stuff.

I was going through a major East Asia phase, as I was listening to an audiobook on the history of China. I'm curious to find out if there's a country we British HAVEN'T screwed up. Sigh. Anyway, I'm moving away from that now and, like with music, am waiting to settle on a new "obsession".

My gaming buddy still seems to have a gf, so we’ve only chatted once in the past fortnight. It’s fine – “hos before bros”, I say.

See what I did there?

I’m just sat waiting for a grocery delivery. I wasn’t desperate for stuff, but I was about to run out of milk and a certain branded, sugar-free, caffeinated cola drink. As a treat, I also ordered two packs of sushi – one tuna & salmon, the other vegetable. This flat is gonna be rocking in an hour or so! Let’s just hope they were in stock.

I’m meant to be shielding for only another week or so, but the council did call me this morning to ask if I was coping. I said “yes” to all her questions. That’s about as exciting as that conversation was. Nobody ever wants to talk. Is that a sign of me getting old? Probably.

The other week, I had a day where my forearms were really itchy. It freaked me out, as it was completely out of the blue. Apparently, it’s a thing that people get sometimes, but nobody knows what causes it or how to permanently cure it. Sigh. I’ve bought some skin coolant gel, which is supposed to help. It cost £10, which was a lot but, hey, if it happens again, then I’m prepared! If it reoccurs often, then I’ll try to get it on prescription.

Well, I think that’s all for now. I’ll try to keep you more updated.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

Prick

Well, it’s not even 10am and I’m already making a curry. Crazy days. At least it’s more than I could manage yesterday, as I was in bed for most of the day with side-effects from my vaccination. The negative feelings didn’t properly hit me until, possibly, about first light; then my arm (the entry point) started to hurt, then I felt achy all over and rather drowsy. I could barely move until 3pm, which is when I finally managed to drag myself out of bed. I pretty much sat motionless gaming until 11pm. I’m mostly fine now though, however there is still a little tenderness in my arm. When I go back for my second jab, I’ll definitely have them do it in my left arm. It really was hard doing things.

Not that, you naughty person!

Anyway, I’d already cancelled one appointment, as I’ve been so nervous (and drunk) that I just couldn’t cope with such a strange situation. Which it was. There was a signing-in tent outside the building, where you were asked a few questions before going into the actual medical practice. It must have been a major vaccination hub in the city, as there were loads of people queuing up. I was relieved to find all the staff to be super-helpful, especially with me being visually impaired. I’m actually tempted to email the practice (which isn’t my usual one) to thank them for their help. I dunno. I’ll have a think.

I just poured the contents of a teabag into the curry, just to experiment. Apparently that’s something you can do. I’ve tried fresh coffee before, but not tea. Oh and I emptied a can of premium American IPA in there too. Pretty sure this is going to be the most expensive curry ever. I genuinely think it’d be cheaper to order a takeaway. Hey-ho.

I’ve just put an Amazon order in [that started like the last sentence, sorry] for a few DVDs. I thought I’d reward myself for getting my vaccination done. I bought the first five seasons boxset of The Walking Dead, as my gaming buddy has been raving about it recently. I thought it’d be nice for us to have something more to talk about. I’ve managed to get him into Arrested Development, which warms my heart. I decided on only the 1-5 set as, well, the history of long-running TV shows doesn’t bode well for anything after that. I’ve still not seen a single episode to date.

It’s definitely gone cold again. Someone asked me, while I was waiting to get my jab, why I wasn’t wearing more. I put it down to my Canadian heritage. I’m just a daddy-bear by biology. The air’s nice and fresh, which is perfect for if you haven’t slept great. I’m not sure where my sleep pattern is right now. I feel like I can make it to this evening though, so hopefully things will be back on track after that.

I’ve started planning the writing project I mentioned in my last post. I don’t know where or when to set it but, like most of my creative writing, I’m not a fan of the modern age. I either prefer historical or futuristic settings. Not in terms of reading, but writing. I feel like one is too constrained by current affairs to truly write freely about the third decade of the twenty-first century.

It’s a significant birthday of a “real life” friend soon. She’s the one who rang me up that time to tell me my ex had attempted suicide. Anyway, I’ve got her new address and the date but, by golly, I have no idea what to buy her. This has sort of shed a light on how little I really know her. I know she’s into stuff, but I think that, when we usually meet up as a threesome, my ex just asks her about work, and that’s it. Work, work, work. I usually tune out when that stuff is raised. I haven’t worked in twelve years, so I can very rarely contribute to the conversation. I just try to sit there looking pretty.

Speaking of which, hopefully we’ll be able to do a combined belated birthday bash, once the pubs are open properly in May. I can’t wait. After last week’s disastrous solo binge session, I know I’ll definitely not drink again until I can do it in public where I can embarrass myself properly. That’s why I’m pouring expensive cans of beer into a curry this morning.

I’m watching The Mysterious Cities of Gold in bed at the moment, and I’ve got Ulysses 31 to one side ready for once Cities of Gold is finished. I added Thundercats to my Amazon order, which I’ve genuinely not seen since my age was in single digits. I’ve heard it doesn’t stand the test of time, but what does. MASK seemed fine when I started watching that again a couple of years ago. Why I didn’t finish it, I have no idea. Oh well, it just means I’ll have plenty to be getting on with.

Well, I best go stir the curry and continue the good fight.

I hope you are all keeping well.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

 

 

Love on a bin liner

 What a queer old life. Anyway, I’m sat here as the first busses of the day are going passed. Yes, my sleep pattern is disturbed again. I only have myself to blame, as my drinking binge last week served its “purpose” of reminding me why I hadn’t drank in over a month. What a bloomin’ farce! Nothing that bad happened, although a can of beer did spray pretty much all over my lounge. You may have gotten some on you too. I think I pierced it whilst opening the case with a pair of scissors and, after initially thinking it was just a standard ring-pull error, had to run to the kitchen with jets of booze squirting all over everything. Rather comical sure but, when you’re already dreadfully confused due to your drinking excess, you can have a bit of a freak out. Which I did. Well, I think that’ll be the last until the pubs, apparently, open for good at the end of May. We shall see.

I had a routine call from my new council housing officer today. He seemed like a nice chap, and we went through some standard questions about my tenancy. He did initially ring my ex, who is still my next of kin, as I wasn’t answering my phone last week. A bit dramatic, I’d say, but I guess things have been dramatic of late anyway. My ex texted me that he was going to call back, and mentioned that, for some reason, she had mentioned to him that I was thinking of moving and she had, on my behalf, inquired about getting priority on the housing register. First of all, I don’t want to move. I did. But I don’t now. These were conversations I had had in private with her long ago. This isn’t a nice place to live, but it’s my home now and, believe it or not, I’ve settled in slightly. Not totally, but enough to not be desperate to escape. I will somehow try to make it clear to her that discussing my tenancy with my landlord without my consent isn’t cool, but I’m not sure how exactly to go about it. I may send some flowers and, the day before the flowers arrive, send her a gently worded text explaining how I feel. Or I could just call her and have a go. I’m not good with confrontation.

My gaming buddy sounds like he’s getting serious with his new gf, as they’re planning on going to visit his father together. Alas! Oh well, I’ll come to my senses and give up on that romantic possibility. Not that there ever was one. That woman from the brewery dropped off my beer off on Wednesday but, after a short back and forth by text, she’s gone deathly quiet on me again. I’m guessing that this isn’t one of the signs of somebody liking you back. What’s wrong with me?! Anyway, I’ll move on regarding that too. One needs to be realistic as time goes on, after all.

I’m continuing with my hobbies, now that my week-long hangover is officially over. I watched another episode of The Larry Sanders Show today, which was great. Shandling and Torn really do have great chemistry on screen together. I still can’t quite figure Jeffrey Tambor’s character out though. Sometimes he seems very meek and sensitive, then he’ll be a slimy ladies-man. It’s an interesting mixture of traits, but I’m not sure that they quite gel. This is no fault of Tambor’s though, who is, as always, a complex delight.

I’ve just bought the audiobooks for The Two Towers and The Return of the King, as I wanted the Appendices at the end of the latter. They used to only sell the audiobooks by the book-within-a-book so, by the time you’d completed the trilogy, you’d have made six purchases. Bastards. Anyway, they’ve stopped that now, but I’d already bought one and a half books by then. Sigh. I’d left this as it was for a few years but, upon seeing that Unfinished Tales was finally being released on audio, I did the 3 Extra Credits thing on Audible and bought up what I didn’t have. I now have a digital copy of half of The Two Towers (on iTunes, I think), that’ll just have to be a lesson learned. I’m looking forward to going through the Appendices, which is something I never did when I read the books as a teen.

I’ve been listening to a lot of history reference books lately. The other day I started on A History of Japan. It’s a book from the 1970s, but I think it’ll work well as a primer to a country I know very little about. There are some Great Courses lectures on Japan too, which I feel might be more in-depth. It sounds like Japan took on a lot of its modernity from China, who I’m already listening to some lectures on. It’s not staying in my head much, but I do plan to listen to them again. I’ve already listened to two Mary Beard books on Ancient Rome twice. I think, had I been more realistic and had a more stable education as a kid, I would have gone into something to do with history or literature. Bit late now, I guess.

If you can recommend some good history audiobooks, then do drop me a line. I’ll see about getting the comments section of my blogs switched back on. I forget how you do it, and they change the format of the settings often enough to confuse us.

The weather’s definitely improving still, although I fear there was a slight dip back down this evening. I had to put the heating on, which I haven’t done since probably before my last post. Never mind, I still prefer it cold. It’s nice to hear the birds back in town for the dawn chorus. You kinda forget you miss it, after a while. Does that make sense?

Audioreading that book on Japan got me in the mood to write some fiction in a more, I don’t know, humid climate. I’ve got this vision of strikingly tall hills and deep valleys covered in a rainforest, where the clouds never part and everything is constantly wet.  I want to write about life in this outback place, where bureaucracy has to face off against, I don’t know, the realities of hard toil. I also want to pick up where I left off with my other writing project, but I fear I have left it to long and shall have to read it all from the start to remind myself of what has happened so far. Not that I wrote much. I wish I didn’t have such dips in motivation. I feel like I’d make a good ghost writer. I love writing, but I’m not necessarily great with ideas. They’re very abstract and aimless. I guess you have to have an English degree or something to be a professional writer.

I need to start recording music again, but first my lounge requires a tidy up. I’ve had quite a few courier deliveries of late and, well, my flattening of boxes hasn’t exactly been kept up to date. I’m scared to find out what music equipment that beer sprayed onto too. Hmmm, maybe it’s all dried out by now. Fingers crossed!

Right, I think I’ll call it a day there. I’m going to go back to listening to Howard Shore’s score for Lord of the Rings and playing video games.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

Zen and the Art of Sitting Around

 I’ve just got my letter about shielding. It’s all very vague and unhelpful. It sounds like I carry on as usual, but I might be able to get priority grocery and free prescription deliveries. The government are using too many wishy-washy phrases like “advised to”, “try to” and “where possible”, which has the effect of making things sound less severe than they really are. Apparently my supermarket is going to contact me, so maybe I should switch the ringer on my landline on. It doesn’t matter, I’ve been able to get slots anyway. For some reason, there’s always a bunch of openings posted around 7 and 8 pm every day (for the following day). I’m not sure whether that’s when they get confirmation of more casual delivery staff, or customers just tend to cancel their orders around that time. Who knows. Anyway, I’ll keep my shielding letter close at hand, just in case. I won’t tell anyone I know (unless I deem it necessary), as people seem to like to have opinions about all this and try to tell you what’s what, even when they don’t actually know anything. I’m finding it’s best to just read the government’s website and steer clear of news sources and social media.

I woke up at 1 pm this afternoon, which I hope isn’t a trend. I’ve got my vaccination appointment next week, so I could really do with a healthy sleep pattern. Maybe it’s just a blip. I’ve been good for a few weeks. My gaming buddy was messaging me around midnight, which didn’t help. Apparently there’s been some touching between him and his new gf, but he wasn’t fussed about being satisfied himself. I wonder if that means something. I’m quite passive, sexually, so am always happy just to be there for the other person. I’m always aware that I can have a wank in private at any time, so being with someone is more about the intimacy, for me. I love a good cuddle.

While the snow is gone, the weather is still rather drab. It’s very windy today, but that’s ok. I prefer colder weather, although the recent snow seemed endless. I think it only lasted a week, but it felt like longer. It’s the only time of year we’re all grateful for some rain. I only went out during it once, to take my rubbish down to the wheelie bins. It was event free.

I really miss the pub. Not just the beer, but standing at the bar talking to a bunch of racist alcoholics and trying hard not to wince in agony at some of their awful opinions. Bless. Who knows, maybe I’ll be back in there by the height of summer, but the letter I got today isn’t filling me with confidence. I think If you’d told me last March that this would all still be going on in a year’s time, I would have burst into tears.

I made an impromptu curry last night, which was very nice. I wanted it to be a meat one, but I had no fresh stuff, so I used a tin of chicken in white sauce, which worked really well. I’ve got loads leftover, but I’m going to have to eat it all today, as I don’t think freezing and reheating meat that’s been cooked twice already is particularly recommended. I’ll have it just with poppadoms, rather than with rice. I’ve found both is too much for me. Last night I had it with brown rice, which went down nicely.

I’ve been watching Wes Anderson films this week. I’ve needed some comfort viewing, and these work perfectly. I’m on The Life Aquatic today. I might do The Darjeeling Limited later. I’ve not been into movie watching much lately, which is a phase I often go through. I’ve mostly just been indulging in old sitcoms or gaming. I should probably flip through my five DVD carry cases and pick out discs at random and watch them. Just to have something to do.

I’m still tempted to get some booze in, if only to remind myself why I’ve not drank in over a month. What terrible logic, right? Yeah, I think that’s part of being an addict. It’ll kill some time though, and take me out of this tedious flat. Mentally speaking, of course. Sigh.

A mutual friend of my ex has been back in touch today. She’s a very sweet tomboy lesbian, who I’d totally have a crush on if she weren’t gay. My brain seems to stop me even going there, which helps. I don’t know why I always fall for lesbians. Talk about being self-defeating! Oh well, I’m glad I’m bisexual, even though there's a lot of biphobia from both straight and gay people. I couldn’t imagine having that dividing line between the sexes. I just love everyone!

Right, on that amorous note, I think I’ll go heat up that curry. It’ll probably take about an hour on a low light. Yes, there’s really that much left.

Anyway, do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

A midnight pond of zombies

 Well, I’m still here, although I’m not sure where else I should be. I’ve not felt like writing a post in a while, but who knows why. I suppose my video game streams have turned into a sort of vlog/podcast of late. I discuss stuff that’s probably way too personal for a stream, but it’s not like anyone actually tunes in.

You maybe unsurprised to learn that not a great deal has happened since September. Christmas was blah, and I think I passed out drunk before midnight on New Year’s Eve, so that was that. I haven’t actually drank in just over a month now, as I started to get really bored of the routine of getting drunk alone. I didn’t see that one coming. Anyway, I’ve starting to feel the urge again over the last few days, which is maybe why I thought I’d best fire up the old blog. You know, to try and sift through some feelings.

My old gaming buddy has kept his promise of spending more time with me, which has surprised me. I genuinely thought he was gone for good. I even stopped replying to his correspondence, in any form. I just needed closure. He ended up sending me a very heartfelt message, which I just couldn’t ignore. I was very honest, even down to saying I didn’t want him to feel forced to talk to me out of some sense of duty. Anyway, we’ve spoken regularly since, so that’s cool. I’ve not had a friend before or since my ex that I’ve spoken to so intensely for this long, so it was very sad feeling like that had ended. He’s now in an official relationship with a girl, which has apparently tipped over into the physical, so there goes my hope that he was gay. I’m still holding out, as all the signs are there. But, hey, even if he is, there’s no guarantee he’d like me in that way.

I started recording music again. I’ve not even entertained the notion of singing this time, as I kind of embarrassed myself last time. These will just be instrumentals. Short and snappy ones. I’ve posted two already, which you can find here: soundcloud.com/pondzombies

They’re a little rough around the edges, but it’s kept me busy. I forgot how stressful recording was. But it’s good stress. You know?

Oh, I’ve started separate Twitter feeds to promote both my musical and gaming outputs. They are @pondzombies and @midnightsarnie respectively, should you fancy saying “hello”. I had to turn the comments off this blog, as I was getting a fair amount of spam all of a sudden. I’m not getting into the social aspect of Twitter this time around, as that ended in disaster after ten years, although I will reply to people, of course. I just don’t want to hinge my social life on it, as that part of the internet died a while ago.

I’ve started watching The Larry Sanders Show, after I felt I needed more Jeffrey Tambor after getting into Arrested Development. I now see him as the genius he is. His dry wit should be rewarded with him being made an honorary Brit. I’m only a few episodes into Larry Sanders, but I’m hooked already. It’s interesting how this show and Parks & Recreation used the same cinematographer that shot This is Spinal Tap. They obviously felt they needed someone experienced with the mockumentary genre. I think he became the “go to guy” for that kind of thing.

I’ve got my vaccination next week, which I’m not looking forward to. Apart from the pain of the injection itself, it’s at a surgery that I’m not familiar with, so I’ll need to take a taxi there. I’ll have to make it clear to the driver that I have no idea where this place is, as they often ask you to help out with directions. It’s not like London, where you have to have “The Knowledge” to get your taxi license (although that may be an urban legend, I’m not sure). They get lost driving two streets over around here. Sigh.

My ex also warned me that I could be getting a letter in the post about having to shield, although she says a lot of things. She used to work in council housing, and still regularly reminds me that they’re planning to knock my building down, so I’ll have to move. I’ve asked her to stop telling me this, as it’s quite upsetting. I’ve yet to be told anything about it, but she still reminds me whenever she’s forgotten she’s already told me, like, a hundred times. Plus she hasn’t worked in housing in years, so I doubt she’s privy to updates. So, yes, I’ll hold fire until I actually see a letter. If she keeps bringing it up, I’ll ask her to back off a bit. Then she’ll forget and start telling me again, but whatevs.

Sod’s law I get a letter in the post tomorrow telling me I’m being evicted. Nothing would surprise me.

Hmmm, what else?

Oh, that woman I went for a walk with almost a year ago has now started doing deliveries for the local brewery she works for. I was kinda hoping there might be something between us, but she didn’t really respond to my texts after that one walk. I don’t want to pester anyone, so I decided to leave it. Well, she’s been to my home a couple of times now to deliver beer but, apart from a polite catch-up in the stairwell, she hasn’t shown much interest. I best go back to the drawing board. Finding love wasn’t easy for when we WERE allowed outside the house. Now, well, it’s something I’ve lost all hope about.

Well, this has been quite cathartic, so I’ll hopefully post updates more frequently. I’ve needed someone to talk to.

I hope you all have a nice weekend.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

 

 

Agony, ecstasy and egotism

It has just gone half past four in the morning as I write this first line. I’ve entered yet another unbalanced sleep pattern, which I am now trying to correct. A few late lie-ins due to alcoholic over-indulgence is usually the cause of this, and is certainly responsible this time. I got up at three in the afternoon yesterday, and my intention is to stay awake until as late as possible today. Sigh. Getting through these nocturnal periods is always an endurance test; however, I’m actually not that fussed about it this time as, to be honest, there’s nothing to get up for anymore. By the sounds of it, we’re approaching another lockdown so, hey, who cares whether it’s day or night anymore?! What’s out there to experience? Nothing.

My drinking increased a couple of weeks ago due to severe neck and back pains. The cause of these pains remained a mystery for almost a month, which were constant and left me nearly in tears morning, noon and night. Just to distract myself from the pain, it became standard practice just to get drunk until I passed out which, since I have nowhere to go and nothing to do, was quite easy. I have, I believe, discovered the root of the problem, which is my crappy council-issued bed. So far, the simple act of lying on it without pillows has allowed the pains to recede. I am very, very pleased by this turn of events. I could not live in such agony for much longer. A side-effect of my pain-induced emotional exhaustion (and subsequent liquid overconsumption) meant that I missed a week of my antidepressants, which caused some very ugly side-effects indeed. Thankfully, I managed to wander around to the chemist on Monday (or Tuesday, I’m still not sure), and get myself back on the medication wagon. Hurrah! I am feeling nearly human again, both mentally and physically. Relatively speaking, of course.

At the height of my withdrawal side-effects and boozing early last week, I did send some emotional texts about my family and friends to my ex. I can’t remember what I said, but it’s led me to want to keep my phones switched off ever since. My dad has tried to call me, but I’ve not answered. I assured them (just before my communications blackout) that I was recovering, so I hope I will be left alone. My ex, who also suffers from depression and knows the nasty side-effects of antidepressant withdrawal, will hopefully understand what I’m going through and respect my desire for privacy.

Well, as I’ve been feeling better this week, I’ve begun streaming video gameplay footage live on YouTube (with my verbal commentary/ramblings). I’ve been considering doings so for a while now, but never had the full confidence to do so. I think the effort I was putting into editing and posting short highlight clips, and the lack of views I was getting in return, forced me to want to try something else. I have no idea why I am striving for views, as such a thing usually leads to unwanted negative attention. I’ll probably just make all my videos private again soon, just to avoid trolls. I’ve mainly just had spam comments posted under my videos up until now, which is just tiring, to be honest. I’ve even had a couple of spam posts here, which is odd. That’s never happened before. I guess it's more disheartening than annoying.

My old gaming buddy is going through some standard life changes at the moment, so I’m guessing I won’t be hearing from or gaming with him for some time. It’s been sporadic this year, anyway. I’ve generally taken myself off the social, erm, radar altogether, apart from my streaming. Whatever one is to do in order to maintain close friendships in this life I am, well, at a loss to know. I truly believe I will be fossilised within these damned four walls. Alas!

So, what’s next? I have no idea. What scraps of dreams and ambition I may have had before are, like everything else right now, on permanent hold. I rise. I wash. I sit. I consume. I sleep. The echoes of invisible neighbours whisper through the dusty curtains. The curtains remain drawn. The whispers remain faint.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

Strange notions/dark potions

Golly, it’s been a while! I’ve sat down, over the past month and a half, to write some words on my recent goings-on, but I’ve just not had any creative energy. I can’t say anything out of the ordinary has happened, although something may spring to mind as I type. Who knows.

My mood has generally been good, although I have had a few low spells. The last couple of days have been quite bad but, as always, I am at a loss to know why. Being clinically depressed, you do start to wonder what the trigger has been. I don’t think there has been one this time.

I’ve had long spells of not drinking alcohol, then periods of debauchery, with the after-effects being severe enough to make me stay sober for a while. I’m such a fool.

Even though I did try to stop gaming, due to my old gaming buddy no longer able to hook up (which did affect me), I’ve been immersing myself in Rainbow Six: Siege, which I’m finally getting sort-of good at. Over the past couple of weeks, my old gaming buddy has managed to say hello, and we’ve had a few nice catch-up sessions. They usually provide some fun clips to post on YouTube. Here's one:

The weather has suddenly turned wet today, after a few weeks of intense heat and milder days. I’m wondering whether we’re now venturing into autumn. I’m glad the summer wasn’t too prolonged. Perhaps we’ll get a very snowy winter. I guess being snowed in won’t make much of a difference this year.

I was thinking of ringing up my regular pub and asking for advice about me making a return. Being visually impaired, I’m unable to read signs or often tell how close I am to people, so I was hoping they would talk me through the protocol for venturing into their establishment. I might do that today, actually. I hope a member of staff I know answers, as that would make discussing my concerns a lot easier.

I’ve bought quite a few new DVDs/Blu-rays lately, but have struggled to concentrate on anything until the end. I did manage to finish All the Money in the World which, for a latter Ridley Scott film, is shockingly good. I would highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys a good suspense-thriller. While I have no interest in the gossipy-drama surrounding the film’s production, or even desire to engage in the grotesque trial by media/hearsay that seems grimly popular at the moment, I would say that Christopher Plummer was a much better choice of actor in the roll of J. Paul Getty. Regardless of any other factors, which are, frankly, none of my business, I just can’t imagine Kevin Spacey in that role at all.

I also finally sat down to watch Toy Story 4, which I had low expectations for. It’s a solid film, but it does tiresomely tread the same path as the last two films. I stick by my theory that 1-2 compliment each other wonderfully, and 3 is a fine soft-reboot. If you’ve seen the first two, then you don’t need to see the third, and vice versa. Like the, apparently, tear-jerking ending to 3, I was thoroughly unmoved by Woody’s exit from the series in 4. Perhaps I’ll do some serious soul-searching and write a Whittling Post essay on why, but I don’t feel emotionally strong enough for that right now.

I have some deliveries arriving today, one from Amazon and one from the supermarket. The former is just some stuff for around the house, including a new toaster and a towel set, while the latter is just some groceries. I’ve ordered some booze, as I’m really struggling with this low mood attack. Not that booze will help, of course, but it might at least shock my system into feeling something, well, different.

I may head over to my ex’s for a few days at the weekend (apparently it’s a Bank Holiday), although I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. I’ll decide later in the week.

Well, I hope this has all made sense, and that you are all faring better that I.

Finger’s crossed my mental state will improve soon. This is rather unpleasant.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!