The beast within and without

I’m really struggling today. Despite taking medication which should lower my blood pressure, I find myself losing my tempter constantly. Just the littlest thing sends me over the edge. For instance, I dropped the TV remote control on the floor and had to move some furniture to retrieve it, screaming “I don’t care if you don’t want to be moved, life is pain, okay?!”. Who was I yelling at? Uhhh, I have no idea. It didn’t help that half my shopping order didn’t turn up. I was about to complain to the supermarket but, after checking the receipt, I found that the website just hadn’t added stuff to my basket properly. Sigh. I’m going to have to go back to doing a final once over before checkout. I thought those days were over, but clearly not.

So I’m missing a loaf of bread, shower gel, and a whole load of sushi. i can take most knocks in life, but my damn sushi not turning up is not one of them. Well, I guess technically it didn’t, erm, not turn up, I simply never bought it in the first place. Which is my fault, which makes it even worse. More self-loathing. Ah yes, that’s what I need in my life right now.

At least I’m feeling physically stronger, otherwise these petulant temper tantrums wouldn’t occur.

Think I prefer me when I’m on death’s door.

Oh I bumped into “Angry Game Boy” on the stairs, while I was taking stuff down to the wheelie bins. He apologised for losing his shit over the dog barking downstairs. I just said “Don’t worry about it”, but I think he thinks I complained to the council or something. To be fair, I did used to do that, but I’ve stopped bothering now. Plus I’ve grown to like him. I’d actually miss him if he moved out, rather than living in fear of him beating me up in the stairwell.

Speaking of which, you know you’re living in semi-squalor when the cancerous stink of cigarette smoke actually improves the smell of your building.

I started watching Fiddler on the Roof before bed last night. I can’t express in words how much I adore Topol and everything he does. I worship at his feet. I’m only 1 hour into a 3 hour movie and there’ve already been so many songs I know through cultural osmosis. I also didn’t realise Leonard Frey was in it, who’s portrayal of Harold in the 1970 adaptation of the play The Boys in the Band is so memorable, that they basically got Zachary Quinto to pay homage to it in the second adaptation in 2020. He also has one of the greatest entrances in cinema history.

Behold!

Even as I type this, I find my rage swelling. What’s wrong with me?! Perhaps I should go on the bike today, even though every bone in my body wants to say “FUCK YOU!” to anything I feel obligated to do.

I don’t usually combine capital letters with italics and exclamation marks, believing the capitals speak for themselves, but that’s how angry I feel.

Holy fuck do I want to suck Angry Game Boy’s dick. I don’t know how he keeps so lean for somebody at home all day like me. I guess he is up and down those stairs five times an hour. I just wish he could be up and down my cock instead.

Maybe I should have a wank, but that’ll only make me more unsteady on my feet thus more bad tempered.

Yeah, the bike might burn off some of this energy. Where’s it all coming from?! Goodness knows.

Oh matchmaker, matchmaker, send me a twink with a tight asshole.

Do stay in touch, darlings, at your own peril.

Toodles!