Feeling a little bit lethargic today. Slightly down. Lacking the desire to achieve goals. Just want to slob about which I know isn’t good.
My girlfriend and I have been taking it easy over the last few days so I think that change of pace and intimacy has slowed me down.
We made love last night and it was very passionate. Very hot and sticky. Very fun. Gets me excited just thinking about it. We’re still turned on by each other a great deal. I love her so much.
I’m not sure when to go back down to Newmarket. I want to stay in Sheffield as long as I can but I need medication before the weekend.
I’ve put some bids in for council flats which I’ll hear about after Tuesday. Or not, I’m not sure how long it all takes really. I don’t know whether or not to be excited.
I played electric guitar earlier which was fun. I really want to record some songs but the logistics of getting it done is rather tricky. I need to do it soon though just in case everything has to go. Well, it does all have to go, but I want to record before that.
Feel like a slob but maybe that’s just because I’m hanging around in my underpants as my clothes have been in the wash, lol.
Just feel like taking it easy, but that scares me sometimes. We’re going to do more gardening and housework this week. I think. Weather and mood permitting, of course.
Monday, 14 June 2010
Monday, 7 June 2010
Collapse
I had a bit of a dicky tummy as I was setting off to bed last night and then in the middle of the night it was quite painful and I headed for the loo.
On the landing in-between my bedroom and the toilet I became dizzy and collapsed to the floor, then I wasn’t sure where I was for a few minutes.
I managed to get to my feet and carry on with what I was doing but was having cold sweats and shaking quite badly.
I’m not sure what it was all about. I had been travelling in the heat and rain a lot yesterday and was quite fatigued. Perhaps it was just a tricky bowel movement, I’m not sure.
I was worried it might be mild stroke or something.
On the landing in-between my bedroom and the toilet I became dizzy and collapsed to the floor, then I wasn’t sure where I was for a few minutes.
I managed to get to my feet and carry on with what I was doing but was having cold sweats and shaking quite badly.
I’m not sure what it was all about. I had been travelling in the heat and rain a lot yesterday and was quite fatigued. Perhaps it was just a tricky bowel movement, I’m not sure.
I was worried it might be mild stroke or something.
Monday, 31 May 2010
Bury bound
I’ve got to hop on the train to Bury St Edmunds tomorrow for an appointment. I don’t think I’ve been there before but I wish it was in Cambridge, which is sort of equidistance from where I live and more familiar.
I always get a bit nervous before I have to go to a new town or city and have no idea what to expect. I’ve been trawling Google Maps to make sure I know where I’m going.
Fingers crossed the savvy locals don’t enjoy hoodwinking young impressionable country boys such as myself... I don’t want to get mixed up with seedy sex traffickers or pill popping revellers.
I’ll make sure I stop off for a black coffee and an egg butty or two.
If I don’t make it back I want my collection of belly button fluff to be donated to medical research!!
I always get a bit nervous before I have to go to a new town or city and have no idea what to expect. I’ve been trawling Google Maps to make sure I know where I’m going.
Fingers crossed the savvy locals don’t enjoy hoodwinking young impressionable country boys such as myself... I don’t want to get mixed up with seedy sex traffickers or pill popping revellers.
I’ll make sure I stop off for a black coffee and an egg butty or two.
If I don’t make it back I want my collection of belly button fluff to be donated to medical research!!
Art or product… what’s in a name?
So when does a band no longer become that band? What defined them in the first place? Was it the frontman, the key musicians, the songwriter or simply the owner of the brand copyright?
The most recent Guns N Roses album was deemed by many fans and critics to be merely an Axl Rose solo album with the Guns name printed on it. Surely there’s no GNR without Slash? But then again Velvet Revolver was essentially GNR without it’s frontman and voice but nobody seemed to make a fuss about the name there… although there was a wry smile on the faces of those who knew.
Oasis had a constantly shifting rhythm section for over a decade but it didn’t seem to matter as long as you had Liam and Noel present… the voice and the “songsmith”. Was it the shambling original Defiantly Maybe members that endeared a nation or the seasoned professionals that joined later on? Did it matter? The last two of their albums were filled up with more and more non-Noel Gallagher songs, so was his input so crucial anymore?
And what of the pop diva troupe Sugarbabes that has non of it’s original members in it’s current line-up? I assume non of them ever wrote songs and non of them are musicians (apart from their voices). So does the person fronting the group/band even matter so much if they can all be lifted out and replaced? Could you have had the Spice Girls with anybody involved just as long as they had catchy nicknames?
Queen are at least being fairly honest about the state of things and separating themselves in name from their new “voice”. They bill themselves as Queen + Paul Rodgers nowadays, which feels a little more respectful to the memory of Freddie Mercury.
In 1996 Guided By Voices split up and Robert Pollard continued the brand with a backing band consisting of an existing group called Cobra Verde. So was this the band Cobra Verde with a new frontman or a solo project by Pollard under the banner of GBV? But then again had GBV always been Robert Pollard with a constantly shifting backing band? Is he the heart and soul of the group?
A few British bands from the 80s have been fighting for ownership of their brand during the recent nostalgia craze. Cash has been available for old favourites from the past to reform but since a lot of them split for bitter money reasons they now have to slightly re-name themselves as if becoming their own covers band… just with actual original members.
In film you have a similar issue with the “auteur” director. Stanley Kubrick was drafted in to direct Spartacus at the last minute but his mark is nowhere to be seen. He was just a director for hire. Spielberg has a very distinctive visual style but has been working with the same composer and editor for most of his career, so how much of his craft is down to them?
There’s also the nagging issue of regional identity where a film is largely made in a certain country with local talent but will forever be know of as an American film due to the financing. Look at the first two Alien films, basically British films which always turn up on Top Greatest American Films charts. The same could be said about the rush of films made in Australia in the late 90s and early 00s. The Matrix and Star Wars prequels were handled by crews down under, are we to forget their imprint?
There is a central creative force in all these examples that makes a band or a film what it is. The writing and the inception often has a point of origin and is picked up by a trusted team to flesh out it’s creation. Mainstream media is a collaborative process after all, even great historical artists often had a group of assistants working for them while they simply directed the piece. In some instances though it is just a legal matter that defines a creative brand. These instances are often fairly cynical affairs and those dedicated to the purest form of that endeavour may not be convinced by an exercise in naked profiteering.
I suppose an individual who enjoys a piece of creative work must decide how it is defined… and whether it really matters. In the digital age the importance of cover art is shown up for what it is when a listener or viewer is left with just the music or film. Did it ever really matter how it was packaged, or were we just told it mattered?
The debate continues!!
The most recent Guns N Roses album was deemed by many fans and critics to be merely an Axl Rose solo album with the Guns name printed on it. Surely there’s no GNR without Slash? But then again Velvet Revolver was essentially GNR without it’s frontman and voice but nobody seemed to make a fuss about the name there… although there was a wry smile on the faces of those who knew.
Oasis had a constantly shifting rhythm section for over a decade but it didn’t seem to matter as long as you had Liam and Noel present… the voice and the “songsmith”. Was it the shambling original Defiantly Maybe members that endeared a nation or the seasoned professionals that joined later on? Did it matter? The last two of their albums were filled up with more and more non-Noel Gallagher songs, so was his input so crucial anymore?
And what of the pop diva troupe Sugarbabes that has non of it’s original members in it’s current line-up? I assume non of them ever wrote songs and non of them are musicians (apart from their voices). So does the person fronting the group/band even matter so much if they can all be lifted out and replaced? Could you have had the Spice Girls with anybody involved just as long as they had catchy nicknames?
Queen are at least being fairly honest about the state of things and separating themselves in name from their new “voice”. They bill themselves as Queen + Paul Rodgers nowadays, which feels a little more respectful to the memory of Freddie Mercury.
In 1996 Guided By Voices split up and Robert Pollard continued the brand with a backing band consisting of an existing group called Cobra Verde. So was this the band Cobra Verde with a new frontman or a solo project by Pollard under the banner of GBV? But then again had GBV always been Robert Pollard with a constantly shifting backing band? Is he the heart and soul of the group?
A few British bands from the 80s have been fighting for ownership of their brand during the recent nostalgia craze. Cash has been available for old favourites from the past to reform but since a lot of them split for bitter money reasons they now have to slightly re-name themselves as if becoming their own covers band… just with actual original members.
In film you have a similar issue with the “auteur” director. Stanley Kubrick was drafted in to direct Spartacus at the last minute but his mark is nowhere to be seen. He was just a director for hire. Spielberg has a very distinctive visual style but has been working with the same composer and editor for most of his career, so how much of his craft is down to them?
There’s also the nagging issue of regional identity where a film is largely made in a certain country with local talent but will forever be know of as an American film due to the financing. Look at the first two Alien films, basically British films which always turn up on Top Greatest American Films charts. The same could be said about the rush of films made in Australia in the late 90s and early 00s. The Matrix and Star Wars prequels were handled by crews down under, are we to forget their imprint?
There is a central creative force in all these examples that makes a band or a film what it is. The writing and the inception often has a point of origin and is picked up by a trusted team to flesh out it’s creation. Mainstream media is a collaborative process after all, even great historical artists often had a group of assistants working for them while they simply directed the piece. In some instances though it is just a legal matter that defines a creative brand. These instances are often fairly cynical affairs and those dedicated to the purest form of that endeavour may not be convinced by an exercise in naked profiteering.
I suppose an individual who enjoys a piece of creative work must decide how it is defined… and whether it really matters. In the digital age the importance of cover art is shown up for what it is when a listener or viewer is left with just the music or film. Did it ever really matter how it was packaged, or were we just told it mattered?
The debate continues!!
Sunday, 30 May 2010
Collected thoughts on Guided By Voices
I’m obsessed with GBV now.
I can’t work out whether it’s the vocals, the melodies, the lo-fi production or the energy and spirit that leaks out of every single song that’s captured me.
I love the confidence they had to just put out EVERYTHING. That even a track consisting of just a discarded bass line has made it to one record. Now that’s brave. I could never “rate” one of their albums like I would with another band as they seem to defy criticism. Part of the aesthetic and art of what they do is to put you on a rollercoaster of musical experiments… the fact that they fail is often why they work. It’s all part of the experience.
Some of the melodies feel like a throwback to a Beatles style simplicity which is quite endearing. Then they’ll chuck in a disturbing and hypnotic experiment which throws you off track.
I think Robert Pollard has the most perfect rock voice, I could listen to him just reading the phone book (actually that might appear on one album, lol). There’s a demo track where he introduces it and his lovely smooth Ohio drawl is just so yummy. It’s suck a nice moment as he laments “I’m not sure what’ll happen with this, but…” and then cracks on with singing it. Very nice.
I sometimes sit their listening to them wondering if it’s all just nonsense and I’m a fool for loving it so much. Are they just a crap pub band who got lucky or cult genius’ who will never get the mainstream recognition they deserve?
Probably a bit of both.
There’s just so much of it to listen to, so many albums, so many rarities collections. I’ve been listening to them for two years now and I’ve still only bought half their output… and I’ve got seven albums and a four disc rarities box set (the first of three).
That said, the fairly consistent set of original floating band members dissolved after their ninth album Under The Bushes Under The Stars and unofficial (and now seemingly rare) fanclub-only album Tonics & Twisted Chasers. After these releases the Guided By Voices brand seemed to lose it’s grounding and Robert Pollard even had the new line-up go into a proper studio with an experienced producer to record Do The Collapse where Teenage FBI features.
They recorded Under The Bushes Under The Stars in professional studios but those results sound a little more pure and retain the rough edge that makes them so interesting. Do The Collapse sounds like an eerily well produced thing with big silences and clean audio tracks. GBV albums are usually full of mistakes and atmospheric hissings and the sound of band members stumbling about the place drunk, lol. It’s a very weird listen, far too clean shaven for me.
I think Bob took the soul of GBV into his solo work which began after the old line-up said goodbye, so I might follow that instead. I’ve still got two Suitcase boxsets to chase up though, so my journey isn’t over yet… I hope.
I’m a geek for it all. But I know one day I’ll pass through it and move on, I’m not looking forward to that day.
I can’t work out whether it’s the vocals, the melodies, the lo-fi production or the energy and spirit that leaks out of every single song that’s captured me.
I love the confidence they had to just put out EVERYTHING. That even a track consisting of just a discarded bass line has made it to one record. Now that’s brave. I could never “rate” one of their albums like I would with another band as they seem to defy criticism. Part of the aesthetic and art of what they do is to put you on a rollercoaster of musical experiments… the fact that they fail is often why they work. It’s all part of the experience.
Some of the melodies feel like a throwback to a Beatles style simplicity which is quite endearing. Then they’ll chuck in a disturbing and hypnotic experiment which throws you off track.
I think Robert Pollard has the most perfect rock voice, I could listen to him just reading the phone book (actually that might appear on one album, lol). There’s a demo track where he introduces it and his lovely smooth Ohio drawl is just so yummy. It’s suck a nice moment as he laments “I’m not sure what’ll happen with this, but…” and then cracks on with singing it. Very nice.
I sometimes sit their listening to them wondering if it’s all just nonsense and I’m a fool for loving it so much. Are they just a crap pub band who got lucky or cult genius’ who will never get the mainstream recognition they deserve?
Probably a bit of both.
There’s just so much of it to listen to, so many albums, so many rarities collections. I’ve been listening to them for two years now and I’ve still only bought half their output… and I’ve got seven albums and a four disc rarities box set (the first of three).
That said, the fairly consistent set of original floating band members dissolved after their ninth album Under The Bushes Under The Stars and unofficial (and now seemingly rare) fanclub-only album Tonics & Twisted Chasers. After these releases the Guided By Voices brand seemed to lose it’s grounding and Robert Pollard even had the new line-up go into a proper studio with an experienced producer to record Do The Collapse where Teenage FBI features.
They recorded Under The Bushes Under The Stars in professional studios but those results sound a little more pure and retain the rough edge that makes them so interesting. Do The Collapse sounds like an eerily well produced thing with big silences and clean audio tracks. GBV albums are usually full of mistakes and atmospheric hissings and the sound of band members stumbling about the place drunk, lol. It’s a very weird listen, far too clean shaven for me.
I think Bob took the soul of GBV into his solo work which began after the old line-up said goodbye, so I might follow that instead. I’ve still got two Suitcase boxsets to chase up though, so my journey isn’t over yet… I hope.
I’m a geek for it all. But I know one day I’ll pass through it and move on, I’m not looking forward to that day.
Saturday, 29 May 2010
Home alone in a storm
Dad’s gone off to Paris for the weekend with his new girlfriend and I am, essentially house-sitting… even though I was going to be here anyway, lol.
The weather has finally turned and it’s now really grey and rainy and windy outside. A bit gloomy but at least the oppressive heat has gone.
I made some important calls on Friday to claim voluntary repossession of my house. Now I think I just have to sign some forms to that effect. Need to go over to my house to pick them up.
Financial problems are deepening but at least I won’t be in limbo anymore. Me and my girlfriend want our lives to move rather than be stuck in an uncertain fog.
Who knows where all this might lead.
I’m boiling rice for a curry. Not sure what the kormas from Iceland will be like but I’ll give it a go. I usually prefer slightly spicier ones, but I’m open minded.
Been listening to Guided By Voices a lot. My friend’s new band sounds like them, I am a little envious. I wish my throat would clear up so I can sing properly. I want to start recording again.
I’ve sent off a housing form to Sheffield to get a council place. I will also apply to a local residential college. Fingers crossed I’m not living on the street in a years time. It wouldn’t surprise me though.
My dad and I are chatting a bit more, I’m hoping he has relaxed a little and knows I am staying off the alcohol. The tablets must have kicked in and are doing my head good, I’m not getting such drastic lows. We’ll see.
The weather has finally turned and it’s now really grey and rainy and windy outside. A bit gloomy but at least the oppressive heat has gone.
I made some important calls on Friday to claim voluntary repossession of my house. Now I think I just have to sign some forms to that effect. Need to go over to my house to pick them up.
Financial problems are deepening but at least I won’t be in limbo anymore. Me and my girlfriend want our lives to move rather than be stuck in an uncertain fog.
Who knows where all this might lead.
I’m boiling rice for a curry. Not sure what the kormas from Iceland will be like but I’ll give it a go. I usually prefer slightly spicier ones, but I’m open minded.
Been listening to Guided By Voices a lot. My friend’s new band sounds like them, I am a little envious. I wish my throat would clear up so I can sing properly. I want to start recording again.
I’ve sent off a housing form to Sheffield to get a council place. I will also apply to a local residential college. Fingers crossed I’m not living on the street in a years time. It wouldn’t surprise me though.
My dad and I are chatting a bit more, I’m hoping he has relaxed a little and knows I am staying off the alcohol. The tablets must have kicked in and are doing my head good, I’m not getting such drastic lows. We’ll see.
Wednesday, 26 May 2010
A summary of sorts
left my job after eight years in August after being off sick with stress and depression for a year. They weren’t too keen to find me a new job internally and I wasn’t too keen on returning to work in London and didn’t like being tied to a job I no longer wanted.
During being off I tried to sell my house in Cambridgeshire but, because of a small print problem, nobody can get a mortgage on it and, apparently, I shouldn’t have been able to get one for it either.
I was staying with my girlfriend up in Sheffield between 2008 and 2009 whilst trying to sort things out but, because of money drying up and issues with where she’s living, I’ve been having to stay with my parents since December. Mum first, now dad.
Since the house sale fell through this February I was planning on moving back in and finding a job locally but work hasn’t been particularly forthcoming and, to be honest, I want to be back in Sheffield with my girlfriend.
The next mortgage payment will be the third I’ve missed and all the other bills are having to wait. I’ve decided to let the house get repossessed as, well, it won’t sell, I can’t afford it and I don’t want it.
I’m hoping to get a council flat up in Sheffield so that me and my girlfriend can be closer together. I might have to be declared bankrupt because of all this but, after nearly two years of living in a state of limbo not knowing what’s going to happen to me, I want an end to this stage of my life and to start afresh.
I’ve been talking to the CAB about all this and I’m getting good advice and support. Plus I’ve just told my dad what’s going to happen so hopefully he can offer help where he can.
I’ve been practically homeless since December and am looking forward to finally moving my life forward, rather than just floating in an uncertain mist.
I just want to be where I feel at home with the person I love, even if it means everything else is taken away.
During being off I tried to sell my house in Cambridgeshire but, because of a small print problem, nobody can get a mortgage on it and, apparently, I shouldn’t have been able to get one for it either.
I was staying with my girlfriend up in Sheffield between 2008 and 2009 whilst trying to sort things out but, because of money drying up and issues with where she’s living, I’ve been having to stay with my parents since December. Mum first, now dad.
Since the house sale fell through this February I was planning on moving back in and finding a job locally but work hasn’t been particularly forthcoming and, to be honest, I want to be back in Sheffield with my girlfriend.
The next mortgage payment will be the third I’ve missed and all the other bills are having to wait. I’ve decided to let the house get repossessed as, well, it won’t sell, I can’t afford it and I don’t want it.
I’m hoping to get a council flat up in Sheffield so that me and my girlfriend can be closer together. I might have to be declared bankrupt because of all this but, after nearly two years of living in a state of limbo not knowing what’s going to happen to me, I want an end to this stage of my life and to start afresh.
I’ve been talking to the CAB about all this and I’m getting good advice and support. Plus I’ve just told my dad what’s going to happen so hopefully he can offer help where he can.
I’ve been practically homeless since December and am looking forward to finally moving my life forward, rather than just floating in an uncertain mist.
I just want to be where I feel at home with the person I love, even if it means everything else is taken away.
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