Earth, wind, fire… and METAL!

So some cunt burned down my favourite pub. Sigh. Why do these things always happen to ME?! I just logged onto Facebook for a second to check if they were opening at lunchtimes yet and, after getting initially excited due to seeing a long speech of a post, was horrified to find that they’ve been the victim of an arson attack. Whether it was a random thing or targeted, I have no idea, but it’s horrid. It’ a little community centre in there, basically. They’ve made a lot of lonely alcoholics homeless. Well, the same company has two other pubs in town, so maybe I’ll try one of those out whilst they’re rebuilding.

I’ve been back to the pub three times so far, the last was, coincidentally, the afternoon before the fire. I’m assuming any violent grudges are formed during the evening sessions, which I avoid. Everyone seems really sweet during the day. They had been opening at lunchtime on a Friday, so one of my three return visits was then. I’m not gonna lie, it’s felt damn good. Although, if I’m completely honest with you, it’s also felt a bit of an anticlimax. It turns out that life sucks anyway, regardless of deadly global pandemics. Oh well. I’m trying to find out if the ex wants to meet up for a pint, so I’m not too intimidated by establishments I’m not all that familiar with. We shall see.

I’ve been out of my diabetes medication since Thursday, but I’m not feeling any major side-effects. Yet. I actually felt “better” before I started taking them a couple of years ago, even though I was dying. Life, huh?! Anyway, I’ll trying picking them up either tomorrow or, should it turn into a pub day, Thursday.

I had to partially rebuild my bed yesterday as, believe it or not, the one the council gave me is a cheap piece of crap. In lieu of me applying for a new one, my unskilled DIY hands had to do. It just required me groping around on my disgusting carpet for the nuts and bolts. Literally. The thing was hanging together by, erm, magic, I think. I was actually starting to get back pains, so hopefully those will go away now the thing is sturdier.

I’ve still had no word about that custom build guitar. It’s a week away from their twelve-week ETA, so fingers crossed! I should really double check that the money left my account back in May, as I chose to prepay. I’m very on the ball.

That old colleague/guitar guru is still sort-of in touch. We emailed regularly for about a week, but now things have gone quiet. Maybe the arrival of that guitar will rekindle the conversation. At least contact with him has been more frequent than my old gaming buddy, who seems have gotten the message and is now leaving me alone.

My brother texted me the other day. I’ve not read it all, but judging by the opening few words (in the notification preview) he and mother are planning to turn up in town very soon. For some reason, my brain is telling me that it won’t happen if I just don’t read the text. I should just get it over and done with. I wish they’d take the hint that, while I love them and am happy to chat to them over text/emails or phone, I’m not keen to meet in person. They’re a lot of hard work and quite judgemental. And I’ve not aged well.

I’m such a warm fella, ain’t I?

I’m going through a bit of a dry spell in terms of my usual interest in music at the moment but, based on similar such periods in the past, it just means I need to try new stuff out. For some reason, I decided to give heavy metal my every-few-years-or-so try. I’m not a fan of metal, mainly because I find it takes the joy out of rock. It’s like the other extreme to progressive rock, which also takes the joy out of the genre. Where prog is dull and meandering, metal has TOO MUCH of the good stuff. Like a sugar overload. I prefer the instrumental/melodic restraint of alternative rock. Usually, that is. But, for some strange reason, I’m into metal right now. Like a pregnant woman with cravings for unusual foods (does that actually happen, or is it a myth created by sitcom writers?). I’m currently sticking mainly to “power metal”, which is more melodic than the usual stuff, plus it delves into speculative fiction themes, such as high fantasy. I can’t take any of it seriously, but the campiness and chugga-chugga riffs seem to be doing it for me. I’ve even started experimenting with high gain “metal” tones in my music nook. Crazy days.

If you have any heavy metal recommendations, then do drop me a line.

I’ve decided to try out some single player video games this week, since I’m short on gaming buddies. I’ve started the indie RPG Disco Elysium, which had its score composed by the band British Sea Power. Oh wait, sorry, they’ve recently changed their name to “Sea Power” due to Brexit. That’s not even a joke. It feels like a passive aggressive tantrum about four years too late. Anyway, I’ll be calling them British Sea Power until they finally pull their heads out of their arses. FFS. But, yeah, Disco Elysium is interesting so far. It's kind-of two dimensional, in terms of its graphics, and contrast between objects/areas is low, so I'm struggling a bit, visually speaking. It does look like somebody's hand-drawn and painted every inch of the map though, which is lovely. My eyes just bail on it. I guess I'm too used to the AAA lushness of games like Fallout and Skyrim. The change from my usual titles is enjoyable though.

I’ve nearly finished my watch of the American Dad boxset. It’s still solid, and I’d really recommend it. The only thing I don’t like is how they’ve changed Roger over time. He initially worked as this camp, eccentric, alcoholic “guy” who lives in the Smith’s attic and SOMETIMES put on disguises. It was a treat! Now he’s the psychotic villain of the show and is always wearing a “wacky outfit”, regardless of whether he needs to or not due to his extra terrestrial status. Like metal music, it’s too much of the good stuff. They should have kept his character simple. Now I feel unsettled and frightened whenever he appears on screen. I even yelled “No, don’t let him anywhere near her!” at the screen when Hayley was unconscious for some reason and he slowly creeped into view. That’s not a positive reaction to a once-loveable character.

Sort it out, Seth.

Hmmm, what else? Oh yes, as well as rebuilding my bed, I started tidying up around it a few days beforehand. After bringing the last of my possessions over from the ex’s a few years ago, I just let stuff pile up in there. I’ve been able to get to and from my bed, but that’s about it. I can now just about get to the other side of the room. I need a few bookcases, is all, then junk won’t be just sat in boxes still.

Well, I think that’s about all for now, folks. I’ve got a tin of chilli on the hob, which I’m going to add cous-cous too once it’s heated. Fancy!

I’ll try to post more frequently.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

"Well, I'm back."

Dead Kettle Blues

So that was a little treat this morning - I staggered into the kitchen after just waking up and, much to my horror, my kettle didn’t come on. I tried mixing and matching plug sockets etc. but, alas, it seem to have died. I’ve ordered some fuses, just in case that that’s all it needs. It was quite expensive, I do recall. Plus, I have a small lamp (that takes the same fuses) in a cupboard that’s never worked (the lamp, not the cupboard), so maybe I can finally get that working too. Anyway, I ended up managing to wake myself up with some [branded caffeinated sugar free cola drink]s and a leftover mushroom foo yung from last night’s takeaway. I may need to jump straight in the shower tomorrow, as that usually guarantees a wake-up.

Oh, there was a follow up to that man from the council knocking on my door on Friday regarding a leak in the flat below. That cockney, alpha male gobshite over the way actually had the nerve to come a-knocking too. Apparently he’s friends with the people downstairs and, rather than them coming up and speaking to me themselves, sent their abrasive, threatening, douchebag mate. I wasn’t impressed. He asked if he could come in and have a look at what’s causing the leak, as if he was an expert in building repairs. I said “No” and “The council have been and looked at it, and they’re going to return to fix it”, to which he then believed there was going to be more to our conversation, so I just shut the door in his face. Damn, it felt good. I knew he’d eventually turn up on my door for some reason. Why can’t people just mind their own business?! I had water coming through my bathroom ceiling once, and the council just said “Put a bucket down”. I would advise them to do the same.

After that incident, I started to feel even less safe in my own home so, this afternoon, I finally cut sheets of the sticky, frosted plastic I bought, like, ten years ago (to do the this exact thing) and covered up the kitchen windows*. I can now, officially, prance around my kitchen naked while waiting for the toast to pop. It’s a privilege you don’t realise you’ll miss until it’s gone. I’m one of the least practical people in the world, so cutting three rectangular pieces of plastic was a nightmare. I prefer more abstract art, without straight lines. I feel threatened by rulers.

Moving on.

That chap did eventually turn up in person to deliver the guitar distortion pedal I bought off him. I did ask if he’d like to pop in for a cup of tea, as one does but, rather unsurprisingly, he had stuff to do. Oh well. It’s a very nice piece of kit, and a welcome addition to my bulging distortion pedal collection.

My old gaming buddy keeps sending me messages and friend requests, even though I’ve decided to break contact. I feel very cruel, but I know nothing usually bothers him and, well, I wouldn’t have done such a thing if I wasn’t genuinely upset. If you’ve ever read the Discworld novels, then you’ll know what I mean when I say that I feel like his “dwarf bread”. I’m that food item in your satchel that you keep as the last of last resorts, because you know it’ll last forever and is pretty tough going. So you’ll wait until you’re snowed in on a mountainside, looking around the dimming campfire, wondering who’s going to eat who first. And, even then, you’ll still try a nibble of another friend’s arm before you think of resorting to me. Nah, I’m nobody’s dwarf bread.

I think my brief vegetarian phase has come to an end as, in the takeaway I mentioned above, there were a fair few meat products. Sadly, this Chinese doesn’t do any vegetarian starter combos, which is usually what I order. There’s a chicken Thai green curry reheating in the oven as I type.

No word yet from my regular pub on whether they’re going back to their old opening times. I did post a semi-anonymous comment on their Facebook site asking. I don’t “officially” have an FB account anymore, just a blank one in case I need to access a small company’s website (like for this situation). Which actually happens quite a lot.

I’ve been listening to a lot of Jimi Hendrix this weekend. I’ve been working on a playlist of his posthumously released songs for ages, which is about forty tracks long. He seemed to have such a sad life, and was a very shy, humble, thoughtful man. It’s a shame that nefarious rock journalists/historians try to paint him as a super-outgoing rock god. He wasn’t. It was all just a flamboyant stage act. If you read about his childhood, I swear you’ll never stop crying. Especially the thing about the broom. Go have a look.

I have been drunk over the last few days, but I think the hangover’s finally gone. My head will be a bit rough anyway from missing a week’s worth of antidepressants, so anything that feels like a lingering hangover probably isn’t.

Probably.

Oh, my old work colleague and “guitar Yoda” got in touch on Friday. We haven’t spoken since I shut my FB account down a couple of years ago. I think the last time we spoke I posted here that I thought he had been drunk at the time, and that he had subsequently forgot ever getting in touch. I think that’s just happened again**. Well, he was keen enough to dig out my email address, which I don’t think he’s used since we worked together fifteen years ago. Still, he’s a lovely guy (although a fucking pain in the arse to work with) and, very likely, the one chance I’ll ever have of being in a band. Maybe I’ll be his bassist. I do have a bass guitar. We shall see. I might ping him an email reminding him that we’re back in touch now. Sigh.

Right, I think my curry’s about ready to come out of the oven, so I best go prance around naked in my kitchen. Gosh, it really does feel good to say that!

Anyway, do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

*the council won’t put up curtains/blinds in tenants’ kitchens as, apparently, it’s a fire hazard

**I’m sat editing this post and an email notification just popped up from him, so he didn’t forget. I’ll read it once I’m done here and update you next time

A rainy day in hell

Rather shockingly, the air moved today. Like, there was an actual breeze. It rained too, but that had been forecast for a few days. I hear down south got it first, so it clearly took a while to mooch its way up north. Anyway, it was nice to not be sweating while sitting perfectly still for a change. The heavy rain meant that, just after dinner, there was a knocking at my door. Apparently, water started leaking from my balcony to the flat downstairs. I doubt it’s that big of a deal, as the deluge was very intense, so unforeseen leakages/floods/whatever were bound to happen. Basically, the council are going to turn up at random to repave my balcony, which I’m not too sure I like the sound of. Quite why I have to make appointments to see them, but then they get to turn up at my home whenever the fuck it suits them, well, it just creams my corn. Woah, I’ve never used that expression before. Think I’ve been watching too much American television. Anyway, it’s going to make my planned alcoholic binge tomorrow a little complicated. Maybe I should wait until the weekend. But I shouldn’t have to, right? Oh I don’t know. People suck.

I think I’ve now missed nearly a week’s worth of antidepressants. The hot weather has kept me indoors, plus my sleep pattern is, as always, rather all over the place. I’m wondering whether missing a load might actually help jumpstart their effect, as I’ve been having the major gloomies recently. Like, DEFCON 2 sorta stuff. It’s worked in the past. I believe Carrie Fisher used to have electroconvulsive therapy for the same reason. Bless. I’ll try and get out tomorrow to post my prescription, using taking my rubbish down to the wheelie bins as motivation. I’m not getting too dizzy yet, so I’ll feel safe walking, plus the cooler temperature will make it slightly more pleasant. The kids are off school though, so I may get picked on for using my white cane. Adults do it too though, so I might not notice much difference.

No pub yet, but that one in town I think I mentioned in my last post has started opening at midday now. I tried to ring them yesterday to ask whether you had to unnecessarily adhere to social distancing inside, but nobody answered. They get a lot of cold callers.

I contacted a local amplifier repair guy to ask if he could build me a cute, retro-50s transistor amp, as such a thing doesn’t exist for under £1,500 at the moment. He said the idea was a bit too arts-and-crafts for him, which I totally understand, so I bought a distortion pedal off him instead, as I noticed on his website he’d started building and selling them independently. I thought that was a nice thing to do. He’s going to drop it off himself at some point, hopefully before I’ve started drinking. We shall see. I did find a new “boutique” amp range very close to the sort of thing I want, the Tone King Falcon Grande, but it’s waaay above my price point. And spec requirement. If kitschy retro styles are coming back, then maybe the mainstream brands will end up making some in my price range. You never know.

I’ve still not been in touch with my gaming buddy, which I’ve found very easy to do. I think I must have come to peace with him not being around anymore last year, when he first started disappearing for weeks on end. I don’t like being kept on a long leash. Be a close friend or a casual text-every-now-and-then friend. Not both. My heart just isn’t strong enough, and I don’t think he needs me in his life anymore. Sigh.

Oh, I’ve oddly drifted into vegetarianism this week. I have no idea why. Perhaps just for a change. I even ordered an Indian takeaway with no meat in any of the dishes. I half expected the delivery guy to ask if everything was ok with me. He didn’t. The food was still great though. If you’re ever in Sheffield and need a good curry house, I’ll ping you the restaurant’s name. Golly, lost my train of thought there. Veggie food, yes, that was it! So, yeah, I’ve got vegan cheese and the like clogging up my fridge at the moment. Meat-style sandwich slices are nice as a snack, but totally get lost in the flavour mix once they’re added to a sandwich… which is what you’re supposed to do with them. Oh well, live and learn.

My antidepressant withdrawals means my cultural interests are all over the place this week. I usually lie in bed at night listening to history reference books these days, but I’ve gone back to Discworld while I’m feeling weird. They’re my, like, emotional lifeboat, I think.

Speaking of which, I only got out of bed for a few minutes due to feeling felt restless, so I think I’ll quickly post this and head on back UNDER the duvet. Yes, you heard me, it’s now cool enough to climb under the sheets! Hurrah! It’s the little things.

Damn, it’s still too early to wish you a good weekend. Erm, have a good Thursday, or Friday, if you read this a day late. Or something. I dunno.

Can you tell my brain isn’t working right?

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

Beware of geeks bearing gifts

Well, as sort-of promised, here’s a calmer, more detailed report on my general goings on than my psychotic rant on Monday. I’m still mightily miffed though, so don’t think that that’s over. But, hey, I’m guessing everybody’s a bit confused about what to do, since the government misleadingly said “it’s over but not really”. Hopefully my regular pub will post this weekend that they’re back open again at lunchtime next week. If not, then there’s one in town that I used to go to which seems positive about such changes. I want so very little in life, but the universe seems intent on making that little thing difficult. Sigh.

So, apart from all that alcoholic drama, I haven’t posted anything in a few months because… well… I’m not sure why. I guess I’ve just not felt very creative. It happens. I’ve not been too busy or anything, so I can’t use that as an excuse. My birthday was as dull as you can imagine. It basically involved getting drunk and eating curry alone. No presents, apart from a £30 voucher from mum, which went on a few DVDs. Basically, I had to treat myself, so I put an order in with the Gordon Smith guitar company for a custom built Les Paul-style which, because they’re a British-based company, wasn’t as expensive as you’d expect (no import duty!). They estimated that it’ll be ready in twelve weeks, so I’ve got roughly another month to wait. You can’t imagine how excited I am! I’ll try and do a video gear review once it’s arrived, depending on how confident I feel about having my whole tubby form be on-screen. Speaking of guitars, the Rickenbacker I bought over Christmas actually works now. I don’t know whether it was because I bought it during winter and maybe it was stored improperly, but the strings seem to have risen on the fretboard, making it playable. Perhaps the wood contracted/expanded or something. Anyway, It’s a relief, as it’d been collecting dust for months and months while I waited for the music shop to open so I could get it repaired. Now there’s no need, and it sounds great!

Oh I also treated myself to the fifteenth anniversary boxset of British Sea Power’s debut album, The Decline of British Sea Power. It was around the £100 mark, but it was totally worth it. There are some nice vinyl editions in there, which I won’t be able to play until… you guessed it!... I sort out a vinyl record player. Let me know if there are any brands/models you can recommend. Here’s my little video tour of the boxset, with commentary:

I’ve gotten into American Dad recently, as I ran out of Family Guy episodes in that boxset. The quality of American Dad is far more consistent than Family Guy’s, but it obviously doesn’t have Stewie Griffin in it, which will hamper even the best television show. Roger was fun at first, but he seems to have become the show’s antagonist now, so I feel unsafe whenever he’s on-screen. A far cry from the loveably camp alcoholic he started out as! Steve’s great, and it’s amusing how the creators like to get him and his friends naked as much as possible. Not awkward at all. I watched the first Critters film last night, having bought the 1-4 set years ago. I’d forgotten how adorable Scott Grimes, the voice of Steve, was in it. Shame about his grotesque mullet in Critters 2, but hey-ho. So, yes, apart from the brief break I’m taking at the moment, I’m really enjoying American Dad and hope to crack on with it asap.

I’ve not been into films much recently, although I think that’s about to change. I’ve dug out a pile of discs to watch, so maybe my sitcom-only viewing schedule will diversify over the weekend. The boxsets for the Rome and Spartacus TV series just arrived, so I’ve got those to work through. I’ve been meaning to watch these two unrelated shows for a while, but was concerned they’d be a bit too macho for me. We shall see.

It’s been super-hot this week, but that’s no surprise for this time of year. I’m having to sleep without a duvet, but with a pile of towels beneath me instead (to soak up the perspiration). I’m not a fan of the sun, needless to say. An additional negative side-effect of such weather is that all the locals become noisier than usual. As they say, “Only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the noon day sun”. It’s true. It’s really, really true. Although dogs are usually better behaved than the scum who live around me. Harsh, but true.

I’ve finally had enough of my gaming buddy, who I’ve removed from my phone and console friends list. He’s been a pretty rubbish friend over the past year and a half, and things don’t seem to be improving. He claims to be too busy at the moment, but he still lives at home, isn’t paying rent, doesn’t have a job and has no other hobbies besides gaming. So I’m dubious. I think I’ve become “that mate who doesn’t mind being blown off, so he’s at the bottom of the priority list”. Nah, not on my watch. He finally noticed today that I’d unfriended him and messaged me about it, but I’ve not responded. I’m done. I foresee a lonely life ahead of me, but I’m finally coming to peace with that. Just so long as the frigging pubs open properly.

Well, I think I’ve come to the end of this post. There’s little to look forward to at the moment, so my send-off will probably be pretty muted. I sincerely hope that my next post will include a photograph of my first pint back in the pub, but I’ve said that quite a few times over the past year and a quarter, I’m sure.

Oh wait, I think it is my Audible credit day today, so at least I’ll be able to download a new audiobook. There. See? It’s not all negative. I think I’ll spend my credit on the eighty hour translation of Plutarch’s Parallel Lives of the Noble Greeks and Romans, which guarantees to be a hoot.

Anyway, do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

 

Hell hath no fury like a lonely alcoholic scorned

If you can’t hear from where you are, I’m screaming right ow. But you probably can.

So the government’s said that it’s all over, and we can now (Monday 19 July 2021) put our lives back to normal but, for reasons that will forever baffle me, they’ve dropped a note on their website basically saying: “But if you can just carry on with the restrictions anyway, just to piss off Jim, then that’d be great”.

And companies, including my regular pub which I haven't been able to go to for a year and a third, are ACTUALLY doing it.

The government LIED TO US. Halting at Stage 3 for another month was about being cautious. WHY ARE THEY LYING TO US?!

Fuck old people. Fuck the sick. Fuck kids. Fuck everyone. I want to go to the pub at 11:30am and not have to suffocate myself with face coverings. I want to be free and, while we are now “allowed” to, people are still going along with it. And why? Because social distancing has become everybody’s little project and a way of controlling those around them, and being “cool about covid” is chic. Well, chic can kiss my fat fucking ass.

But, anyway, apart from the above INFURIATING news, I’m a bit blah at the moment. Creativity is so-so, drinking alone is high, gaming is neutral, relations are next to nothing.

The light at the end of the tunnel got switched off, this afternoon. Everyone sucks, and I’m sick of not saying it anymore.

Fuck everything.

Don’t stay in touch, I’ve had enough of the lot of you.

Toodles!

P.S. A more positive, detailed, sane post should drop in a few days, once I’ve stopped screaming. Or will it? I'm probably just saying things will be back to normal, then backtrack.

 

 

Binge banter before bedtime

So, yeah, I got drunk for a week after getting upset at some local pranksters/bullies who threw things at my kitchen window and tampered with my front door (I’m still not sure what they did to the latter). Was it worth all the hangovers? I dunno, but it took my mind of external assailants for a while. I was teetering on the edge of the wagon anyway, and the harassment just nudged me off. I’m still not 100% sure who it was that did those, I assume, connected things, but there’s been no follow-up incidents. Yet. I’m keeping an ear open though.

Anyway, it’s Friday night and I’m cooking a bedtime burger. I peaked too early today, food-wise, by having my signature tuna and bean, erm, thingy for lunch. The ham sandwich I had for dinner was a huge anti-climax. Basically, I feel as though I should make amends and go to bed on a happy tummy.

I’m feeling less creative in a writing way, post-binge, but I don’t think the two are related. I did seem to be going through a transitionary stage beforehand and, well, to cut a long story short, I have a new electric guitar. It wasn’t a drunk purchase, more of a still-awake-at-5am purchase. It’s a Fender Jazzmaster, which is a model I’ve never owned before. I’ve owned just about every other type. Jazzmasters are usually associated with the alternative/indie/shoegazing scene. It’s just a Flying V I’d like to try out next. We shall see. But, yes, I’m slowly being pushed out of my one-bedroom flat by guitars. I’m not sure what I’ll be doing with my revived interest in playing, but I hope it’ll be some intense recording. I’ll try to do something heavier this time, rather than my usual sub-Coldplay melodic prancing. Keep watch on the Pondzombies page on SoundCloud! Actually, I may change my artist name. I’ve got a few ideas. Mouse Rat? Nah, I think that’s been done.

You'll be amazed to hear, although not quite as amazed as I, that I mopped my kitchen floor yesterday. Along with the bathroom clean the other week, I think I'm feeling rather domestic at the moment. I also cleared the living room so I could get to my music nook. What's happening to me?! Oh well, it all needed doing. Desperately. I don't even wanna try to describe the colour of the bucket water I poured down the toilet after the kitchen was all done. Yuck! That horrible damp smell in the bathroom seems to go every time I shut the window in there, so I'm content now that it's coming from outside. In fact, after it rained the other day, I can't smell it at all now, so perhaps the bad weather washed whatever-it-was away.

Speaking of bad smells, I've not felt very sexual this week. I'm making sure to masturbate daily, but I just can't find anything to watch to "get me going". I'm finding the fantasy of being a girl filling in a boy sandwich just about gets me across the finishing line, but only just. Maybe I'll feel more amorous over the weekend. I've nothing planned, I just know what I'm like with always changing inside.

I had one of those really intense alternate life/relationship dreams last night. I lay stunned and on the verge of tears for ages after waking up. There were actually two partners in the dream, but I felt equally as strong about both. I'll never forget them, even though they never truly existed in the first place. Sigh. Why does my brain do this to me?! It feels like cruelty.

It’s been pretty quiet on the social front of late, apart from a few texts with the usual peripheral friends. We’re marching ever closer to the pubs reopening, which will make my schedule a little more interesting.

I’ve not added to my new creative writing project in a couple of weeks. You’ll never guess why. But I’ll try to carry on tonight or tomorrow. I don’t want to leave it too long so I get out of the habit.

Oh golly, I think that’s about all I have to say. I’m really feeling uninspired. Not depressed (at least, no more than usual), just not in a chatty mood. I just thought I’d check in.

Well, I hope you’re faring better, avid reader!

Right, my burger’s ready. Must dash!

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!