Either too much fluid... or not enough!

So my balcony is definitely filling up with water again. I’ve just managed to convince the council repairs line that my balcony flooding isn’t the same problem as water leaking into downstairs. In fact, them reflooring the balcony has only made the flooding worse. If you get me. It took some convincing, as the person on the phone line couldn’t quite understand what I was trying to convey. I should have used the example of: if a tile fell off my roof and hit my neighbour’s car, their car would be damaged, sure, but there’d also be a hole in my roof. If they get their car fixed straight away, my roof will still needs doing. The leak downstairs is the car, my balcony is the roof. Does that make sense? Yeah, I should have said that. Sigh. Anyway, she kept semi-sarcastically saying that she’ll send a bricklayer out, as they have the “sticks to poke it down the balcony”. She actually said that. I really don’t care who they send out. It could be Sooty and Sweep for all I care. I just want somebody from council repairs to look at my balcony and see how bad the flooding is. Maybe it was a bit of reverse sexism, in that she assumed that I’d be able to sort it out myself because I have a penis. How wrong she was. I’m pretty fucking useless at… well… everything. Apart from sitting still in a pub lifting a glass of beer up to my mouth. I'm pretty good at that. But, even then, I still manage to spill some down my bum crack.

Oh and I think my washing machine has finally died. The last two times I’ve tried to wash something, it’s taken a few plug-ins-and-plug-outs-and-jiggles to get it connecting to the electricity. I just tried a different outlet and, nope, the machine’s digital readout is still flickering. I have had it ten years now, and it was second hand in the first place, so it’s had a “good innings”, as they say. I’ll put a hold on buying my next guitar until I’ve ordered a replacement washing machine.

Know any good brands?

I seem to have shaken off my four-day binge completely now, and I think I’ll knock that kind of behaviour on the head for a while. I’m just getting a bit bored of it, plus it costs money. I’m not going on a health kick, but I have ordered lots of vegetables to make a soup with. I thought that’d be a good way of getting my “five a day”. So, instead of snacking on crisps, salted nuts and/or chocolate, I’ll have cold vegetable soup! I’m sure I’ll be back on the booze and ready to kill myself by the end of the week. Good times.

I’m already craving snacks. Maybe I’ll crack open a tin of chopped tomatoes. Those are usually nice as cold a snack.

My guitar Yoda emailed me. I think he saw that video I posted of the car fire outside my building and remembered I existed. I replied to his message but, again, things have gone quiet. I have no idea what’s going on there. Maybe I’ll post a video of the flood and see if that jogs his memory once again.

It feels really mild at the moment, plus the rain that’s just started is making things feel all humid. Not the kind of weather for slow-cooking soup, I must say. I’m guessing I’ll be pretty sweaty by bedtime. I was going to clean my sheets just before I started typing this but, erm, see the paragraph above.

I’ve still not opened my post, so maybe that’ll be an extra bonus problem to deal with. You know, people sending me things I have to deal with. Don’t they get that I don’t like doing anything?!

Oh, I saw the trailer for that new Matrix film. It looks like Lana’s directed it herself this time, so maybe Lilly was tired of the whole series. It kind of looks like a reboot, which wouldn’t surprise me, as pretty much everybody in the universe, even aliens who have no understanding of human behaviour, will agree that Reloaded and Revolutions were poo-pants. Well, there was that twenty minute fight and chase scene in Reloaded which was cool, but the rest was just awful. Maybe, in the years since the original trilogy, Lana has committed herself to coming up with a better story arc for a replacement trilogy. I hope so, as Reloaded and Revolutions did feel half-baked, and the return of both Neo and Smith just didn’t work. Their characters were done.

I was going to go for my shower after typing this, but I’ve bought Quentin Tarantino’s Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, so I might start watching that first. I never look forward to watching his new films but, once I do, I’m always glad. I find the dialogue scenes more thrilling than the violence. Although I certainly don’t mind the violence. If you can make Kurt Russell and Samuel L. Jackson quietly chatting in a stagecoach the most thrilling thing in a movie where somebody’s head explodes, then you’re a pretty good writer.

Righty-ho, I best go nervously stare at my balcony, washing machine and pile of post.

Don’t wait up.

Do stay in touch.

Toodles!

A Song of Wine and Fire

Well, I did brave a trip down to the pub on Thursday, and it was still light by the time I got home, which was a bonus. I stayed long enough that my legs definitely started to get tangled up with my blind cane… and themselves. I had some nice chats with people, although one young lad kept making me self-conscious by pointing out to other people how many empty glasses were in front of me. Is nowhere safe?! I’m not sure what his deal was. Oh well. Sadly, I did end up resupplying my booze stock at home, so I’ve been in a drunken haze ever since. I’m guessing I haven’t missed much. My body is still tingling this morning, but I definitely feel on the road to temporary recovery. Good old alcohol! I wonder if I’ll feel any more or less inspired this week. Often a good binge helps reset my brain, although that would probably have happened regardless. It’s ok, I get by on my looks.

The ex wants to meet up, as it sounds like she’s been going through a rough patch too. She doesn’t drink, so her depression-triggered vice is just staying in bed. I wish mine was the same. Anyway, I think she suggested meeting up this Friday. We shall see. I haven’t seen her since our friendly Christmas get-together in December 2019, so that’ll be nice.

It hasn’t rained much here, but the clouds have stayed consistently present and heavy. I wonder what’s going on. Maybe it’ll snow. Apparently it’s going to do so somewhere in England around Halloween, so I best keep my cupboards/energy meters stocked and topped-up I’m not as into Halloween as a lot of people are these days. I guess I don’t like following trends in general. I might watch a horror film or two that evening, but I certainly don’t whittle on about it all month. I might even sacrifice a bottle of wine or three to some pagan space wizard. Crazier things have happened!

Oh, there was a fire outside last night. Fireworks have been going off around here over the weekend, so I didn’t react at first, but then a car alarm started and I could hear people shouting in an alarmed manner, so I tweaked my curtains and saw that a couple of vehicles were on fire. I assume it’s some gang-related nonsense, which has been getting worse of late. I’ve told the police I think something like that’s going on, so the ball’s in their court. Here’s my video of the event. It’s a bit long, but I do provide a running commentary:

And here’s the state the two vehicles were in this morning:

I was shocked and upset by such a violent thing happening so close to my home but, even more tragically, most of the scallies around here just seemed to find it amusing. Says it all really. Unfortunately somebody else won that £200M Euromillions jackpot on Friday, so I’m stuck here for a few more days. Sigh.

Pub?

Anyway, I best go have a shower and scrape off the last of the alcoholic sweat. Who knows what this week will bring. I definitely need to go through my post, as that’s been stacking up. Finger’s crossed there’s no bad news.

As if there won’t be.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

Where the hemlock grows

I'm really struggling today. Think I may have to go out and be around people. I've just got one delivery to stay in for, so hopefully that comes sooner rather than later. I guess I'm less at risk when I'm in the pub getting slowly drunker and drunker. It's all I'm really good for. It distracts the poisonous areas of my mind for a few more days. Just a few more days.

It's so quiet around here.

A Severe Banging's Revenge

I’m just waiting for the pan to heat up so I can fry some burgers, so I thought I’d jot a few words down.

I’m feeling a little more upbeat than I was whilst writing my last post, but I’d hardly say I’m jumping for joy at the wonders of life. I didn’t go out to the pub in the end yesterday, instead staying in and heating up the last of that curry I made last week. It was very nice, and well worth missing the pub for. I might leave it until Friday to go out now, as the pub opens at noon then. Or just go out tomorrow for their 2 pm opening. We shall see.

I’ve played some guitar as well today, which is a positive sign. I’m listening to AC/DC at the moment, so I’m adding a solid, hard rock crunch to my guitar tone. Still no word about my custom built guitar, so I’ll assume maybe November will be the earliest it’ll arrive. Sigh. I’ve got that new-guitar itch again. It’s an addiction! Maybe I’ll just order a stock one from anywhere this time, as it’ll only take a day or so to arrive, rather than five FRIGGING months.

Oh, I can hear the oil sizzling. Just a moment…

While my new balcony sure does look smart, there does still seem to be water collecting out there. I’m guessing they would have listened to me yesterday when I told them it was probably a drainage problem, had they not been subcontractors who just wanted to charge the council for a new balcony. People suck. Anyway, I’ll ring the council at some point before things flood again.

The burgers are frying away nicely now.

I listened to a bit of progressive rock earlier this week, shockingly enough. I was generally looking for science fiction-themed music, and thought I’d dip my toe into the prog water that I’m usually so afraid of. I’ve discovered Nektar, basically. And I like them.

These are beef burgers I’m frying, so I’m guessing they don’t need too long to cook. Best quickly go turn them over. One second…

…sorted. I did want turkey burgers, as they’re actually a lot tastier, but they didn’t have turkey burgers. Life, huh?!

Still no word from the very few people in my life. Never has it been so quiet around here. I guess I should appreciate the peace but, well, perhaps this is just the calm before a people storm.

I’ve taken the burgers off the hob to let them stop angrily sizzling away. I’ll go have a bite and chat to you all later in the week.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

P.S. I’m back to proof read now. The burgers were very nice.

P.P.S. I have no idea why I'm naming these posts after the Porky's film series, which I've never seen. I'm very lonely.

A Severe Banging 2: The Next Day

So nobody from the council came in the afternoon to contradict the morning workmen, in the end. I’m assuming now, in the cold light of the next day, that the shift in time was due to my ringing the council back on Wednesday to beg them to come out sooner, even though I meant more like the following day. But afternoon to morning was fine. It just all took me by surprise.

The two guys repaving my balcony were there for the better part of the morning, and that stuttering guy actually sounded really cute. A gentle soul. He probably has a girlfriend who mistreats him. Sigh. His boss sounded just awful, like most alpha-male, blue-collar swine. Oh well.

NB: “Swine” is the plural form of “swine”, apparently. Which is news to me. I thought I’d just mentioned it so you didn’t think I made a mistake. In that instance, at least. Not that I’m saying you don’t know how to spell. I… erm… oh I don’t know.

I seem to have hit a rough patch this week, so my depression must be fighting through the medication. Maybe I should go out today, but booze never helps. It does cheer me up to see people though. I just… well… have nowhere else to go. The pub will be open at 2 pm, so all I need to do is stick around for a grocery order that’s due before then. I generally just get super-depressed on alcohol if I have a three day binge at home alone. I have no booze in the flat, so whatever I drink down there will be the end of it.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, my pub’s back open! It looks the same as usual, which was kinda the idea. They weren’t going to use the fire as an excuse to change anything. It was the Steel City Beer Festival over the weekend, so there were some strangers in there when I dropped by on Friday, but that’s ok. Here’s a brief video of me enjoying my first pint back:

No word from my guitar Yoda lately. I drunkenly messaged him on Friday to ask if he fancied a chat, to which he said he’d call me on Sunday. It’s now Tuesday so… erm… I don’t know what’s happening there. In line with my mood drop, I seem to have lost a bit of interest in guitar playing anyway, so I’m not sure what we would have talked about. I guess we do have other things to say to one another. I think.

During my Wednesday-Friday binge last week, I did end up with some new people in my PlayStation friends list, which often happens. Their appearance usually being a surprise to me the following day. Nothing came from them though, as they were mostly people who don’t speak the same language, so text chats via Google’s translator was the only thing we could manage. Sexy, huh?

Hmm, what else? Oh, another sign that I’m in the midst of a low mood attack is me watching Will & Grace again. It’s my happy place. I was working through The Mysterious Cities of Gold, but I needed something lighter. The brutal rape of South America by the Conquistadores is hardly mood-lifting stuff. I haven’t watched any more of that Rome series, due to how grim it is. But I discussed all that in a previous post.

So, yeah, I’m not feeling very creative or interested in anything cultural, plus contact with people is still practically non-existent. I feel like I’m adrift in a lifeboat in the middle of an infinite ocean. Only with a television and fresh water. And a fridge. And the capacity to have takeaways delivered. And go out to the pub.

You get the idea.

Right… so… erm… yeah… I best go have a shower so that, should I decide to, I can head out to the pub straight after my shopping is delivered. I hope your week is fairing better than mine. Well, mine’s not fairing poorly, per se, it’s just my depression that’s causing issues.

Good times.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

Woken early by a severe banging

Chance would be a fine thing.

I was awoken this morning at around 8 am by noise on the outside of my building. I think it actually managed to make its way into my final dream of the night. Anyway, I opened my living room curtains to find a ladder attached to the balcony. A bit confused, was I. The council are supposed to be coming out later on today to examine the leak/flood I mentioned in my last post, so the early hour of workmen actually there doing work without checking anything first seemed/seems a little off. I’m wondering whether to call the police, or if there is even anything to call them about. I tried ringing the council but, due to their super-high volume of calls, their motherfucking phoneline hung up on me. A robot put the phone down on me. What a world, huh?!

Basically, my concern is that, keen to get something done about the leak (understandably), my neighbour downstairs has hired workmen of her own. A guy did come to my door eventually with ID, but I assume such things can be faked. He also had a bad stutter, which seems to have gone now, as he is speaking to his colleagues quite clearly.

My possibly paranoid concerns are: why, when even their phoneline is hanging up on people, are the council able to come out so soon and actually get stuff done; why didn’t they ask to come in to examine my balcony first, instead deciding to repave it apropos of nothing; was the man at the door affecting a stutter to make me feel sympathetic so as to trust him; what’s going to happen if/when the council does turn up this afternoon?

I’m doubtful as to a council tenant being so desperate to get work done that they’d actually spend money on it themselves, unless I get a bill from a bunch of thugs connected to the dodgy cunts who live in and around this area. I can hear that loud cockney guy down there now, so it wouldn’t be too surprising if he was involved.

Well, I guess only time will tell. I don’t like being made a fool of but, then again, it’s very early, and I’m aware of how confused I am.

Sigh.

I’ll post again later on today/in the week to let y’all know what happens.

Wish me luck!

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

The Great Flood

I managed to get up and showered nice and early today, as I was expecting two knocks at my door. The first was supposed to be the supermarket, delivering tasty, tasty booze; while the second was supposed to be a delivery of some minor guitar accessories. Who actually knocked on my door first was a lovely man from the council, who was here to inform me that there was another leak from my flat to the one below. I rolled my eyes and calmly made an appointment for them to come out this coming Monday. After the man left, I went and peeked out my lounge window onto the balcony and was shocked to see a lake out there. From corner to corner to corner to corner, the recent rainfall had settled, rising to about four inches. Eek! Now being concerned that this may actually affect my property, I spent the next two hours out there with a bucket and dustpan very, very, very slowly siphoning the water off and pouring it down the toilet. Sigh. I legitimately don’t think I’ve done that much physical labour in my entire life. Well, it seems to be mostly gone now, and apparently it’s going to be clear and mild over the next few days so, hopefully, by the time another torrent comes, the council will have don’t something about it.

Time for a paragraph break, methinks!

It actually took me two hours to get through to the council, starting off at number thirty-five in the hold queue. The lady at the call centre said they’d request an “escalation” on her computer to, hopefully, get somebody to ring and come out before the weekend. But, I dunno, I get the feeling nobody’s gonna call.

Strangely enough, even though it was a stressful event and very hard work, having something different to do was actually quite nice. I genuinely haven’t been out on my balcony for that long in the ten years I’ve lived here, and it may have given me the confidence to finally sit out there casually. I’m making no promises though.

While I was busy in the cotton fields, my shopping and guitar accessory orders did arrive, so I now have a fair amount of booze to get through. I was going to wait until tomorrow, when my regular pub reopens, but I think I’ve earned a few jars.

So, basically, I’m now going to get drunk and watch some therapeutic Parks & Recreation.

If you believe in any invisible space wizards, please pray to them for me to ask for no rain to fall in Sheffield over the weekend. It might be nice to distract them from persecuting LGBT folk, for a change.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!