Against doctor's orders

Well a couple of weeks ago I thought I had come down with flu, complete with a nasty sore throat. Two weeks later the sore throat persisted and I could feel lumps down there, so I thought it might be a good idea to see the doctor.

The morning before setting off to Sheffield to stay with my girlfriend for me birthday the doctor said I had a “quinsy” which is a pustule infection (not the crime solving dead person poker as seen on telly) that could inflame and close off the throat, eek!

He tried to refer me to a local hospital for surgery and spoil my travel plans as apparently it was a “same day emergency” but I said, much to his annoyance, that I didn’t know where the local hospital was but did know where the Sheffield one was which is where I was on my way to.

He said ultimately it was up to me and so I gambled on not dying within the next few hours and jumped on the train up north.

I met my girlfriend and we went to the hospital together where I was told I only had tonsillitis and was given some antibiotics and advised to get painkillers (good idea).

So I spent my birthday weekend shoving pills down my aching throat and not being able to kiss my lovely girlfriend (we did sneak a couple though, complete with disclaimer from me just in case she caught it).

Then, as if that wasn’t enough, on my birthday I had diarrhoea which has yet to cease. Yay!

Maybe next year will be less painful.

It was all worth it just to see my girlfriend for a few days though, so there was a plus side.

On the "Nebraska" cutting-room floor

I’ve been struggling with Bruce Springsteen for a while now. I think it’s because the sound of the E Street Band and him together is quite campy and a little too “big band” for my tastes. His great early works almost seem to have the flavour of Broadway musicals. I think that’s how I shall approach them from now on: as pieces of pure theatre rather than rock and roll. A bit like Rufus Wainwright, who I adore.

Anyway, the one Springsteen album I have really warmed to is “Nebraska” which is stripped down acoustic fare. It’s an immensely beautiful album and undeniably powerful in it’s simplicity. Well I read that a demo of “Born In The USA” had been recorded at the same time as the other “Nebraska” tracks and in the same style. So I went looking for it.

On Springsteen’s b-sides and rarities collection “Tracks” is this acoustic “Born In The USA” and what a gem it is. Shorn of it’s later keyboard and gruff ugliness, this acoustic (although there is a little electric guitar in there too) demo is simply another beast altogether. A lot more dignified than the album/single version (that we all know) would come to be.

Marvellous...

The negative Robin Hood reviews

The bad reviews I keep reading for this Ridley Scott/Russell Crowe version of the Robin Hood myth are just making me want to go and see it more.

The problem most American critics seem to have is that it isn’t the “classic Hollywood” treatment of the tale… with tights, pointy shoes and stick fights over rivers. The problem with that is that there never was a set story to betray and I think what Rid and his team have tried to do is show us what did happen back then and from that work out where the legend came from.

But since the now rather tired series of events that is apparently the “set” Robin Hood legend is all that is fixed in the American consciousness it ain’t going down too well over there.

I get the feeling British reviewers sick of the same old plot mechanics will favour this retelling.

Support

Just been in touch with a local charity who support people with visual impairments. I thought we were going to just talk about job searching but she ended up asking me about my entire situation. I got quite emotional whilst explaining everything but she was very good at understanding the details considering how complicated the whole mess is.

She said they will get in touch in a couple of weeks, I just hope I have that much time.

Flu

I have not been well since Friday. On top of everything else I seem to have been struck by a nasty bought of flu. Aches all over, dizziness and loss of appetite ruled over the weekend. The last couple of days I’ve had headaches and a sore throat.

I feel like staying in to keep out of the sun because I’m worried that it might inflame my headache. So I’m cowering inside like Gollum eating raw fish… well, baked ham and noodles, lol.

Dad has been too busy to take me over to my house. I need to pick up my post from there to find out what financial state the property is in so I can get advice from the CAB. Until I can get over there the future is fairly uncertain.

I miss my girlfriend and need a cuddle, especially after feeling unwell for so many days. We both seem to wilt when we are not together. I have a picture of us two on my desktop and it makes me smile, but the fact that we are apart geographically makes it somehow a sad picture.

I hope I recover fully and can get more help from my dad. I do keep asking him but he seems too busy. I’m not sure what to do on that front. He is always tired and short-tempered when he gets home so I’m never to sure whether to ask him things.

I feel more and more morbid the more I am here. The light is up north with my girlfriend and there my head feels clear and calm. She inspires me and makes me feel whole. She is a good person and I love her so much.

Fading

Just wondering if a calm loss of hope is falling over me. Like all the lights are finally being switched off. There’s no great furore, no cries of sadness, just a quiet resignation that this is the state of things.

I can’t feel any happy future because I don’t think this will ever end. It is such a madness at the heart of the matter.

But I don’t feel panicky or anxious, just tired and lethargic. I just want to shut my eyes and recoil into my mind, hide there while everything falls into the sea. Wash away.

Or maybe it’s just the anti-depressants messing with the chemicals in my brain, playing around with levels. I do feel strange, like something is buzzing inside me, something faintly electric pushing my head. Who knows.

"Radio Wars" alternate version

I’ve been working on an alternate tracklisting for the Howling Bells’ second album “Radio Wars” for a while and I think I’ve finally settled on a running order.

When I first bought the album my reaction was mixed and I felt that there was a stronger, more coherent work hidden beneath a confused tracklist.

The original was:

Treasure Hunt
Cities Burning Down
It Ain't You
Nightingale
Let's Be Kids
Ms. Bell's Song
Radio Wars Theme
Golden Web
Into the Chaos
Digital Hearts
How Long
To LA (bonus extra track)

I felt that there were some weak songs that could do with being removed and some challenging songs that languished unfairly towards the end of the record. My gut instinct told me that “Radio Wars” was a little “top heavy” and that the subtle science fiction concept could be brought to the foreground with the following tracklist:

Radio Wars Theme
Treasure Hunt
To LA
It Ain’t You
How Long
Digital Hearts
Nightingale
Breaking My Back
Cities Burning Down
Into The Chaos
Ms. Bell’s Song

When I initially moved To LA to the first half of the album I didn’t realise it was meant as a “hidden track” and thought it was part of the official running order, but I’ve warmed to it as part of the piece.