A midnight pond of zombies

 Well, I’m still here, although I’m not sure where else I should be. I’ve not felt like writing a post in a while, but who knows why. I suppose my video game streams have turned into a sort of vlog/podcast of late. I discuss stuff that’s probably way too personal for a stream, but it’s not like anyone actually tunes in.

You maybe unsurprised to learn that not a great deal has happened since September. Christmas was blah, and I think I passed out drunk before midnight on New Year’s Eve, so that was that. I haven’t actually drank in just over a month now, as I started to get really bored of the routine of getting drunk alone. I didn’t see that one coming. Anyway, I’ve starting to feel the urge again over the last few days, which is maybe why I thought I’d best fire up the old blog. You know, to try and sift through some feelings.

My old gaming buddy has kept his promise of spending more time with me, which has surprised me. I genuinely thought he was gone for good. I even stopped replying to his correspondence, in any form. I just needed closure. He ended up sending me a very heartfelt message, which I just couldn’t ignore. I was very honest, even down to saying I didn’t want him to feel forced to talk to me out of some sense of duty. Anyway, we’ve spoken regularly since, so that’s cool. I’ve not had a friend before or since my ex that I’ve spoken to so intensely for this long, so it was very sad feeling like that had ended. He’s now in an official relationship with a girl, which has apparently tipped over into the physical, so there goes my hope that he was gay. I’m still holding out, as all the signs are there. But, hey, even if he is, there’s no guarantee he’d like me in that way.

I started recording music again. I’ve not even entertained the notion of singing this time, as I kind of embarrassed myself last time. These will just be instrumentals. Short and snappy ones. I’ve posted two already, which you can find here: soundcloud.com/pondzombies

They’re a little rough around the edges, but it’s kept me busy. I forgot how stressful recording was. But it’s good stress. You know?

Oh, I’ve started separate Twitter feeds to promote both my musical and gaming outputs. They are @pondzombies and @midnightsarnie respectively, should you fancy saying “hello”. I had to turn the comments off this blog, as I was getting a fair amount of spam all of a sudden. I’m not getting into the social aspect of Twitter this time around, as that ended in disaster after ten years, although I will reply to people, of course. I just don’t want to hinge my social life on it, as that part of the internet died a while ago.

I’ve started watching The Larry Sanders Show, after I felt I needed more Jeffrey Tambor after getting into Arrested Development. I now see him as the genius he is. His dry wit should be rewarded with him being made an honorary Brit. I’m only a few episodes into Larry Sanders, but I’m hooked already. It’s interesting how this show and Parks & Recreation used the same cinematographer that shot This is Spinal Tap. They obviously felt they needed someone experienced with the mockumentary genre. I think he became the “go to guy” for that kind of thing.

I’ve got my vaccination next week, which I’m not looking forward to. Apart from the pain of the injection itself, it’s at a surgery that I’m not familiar with, so I’ll need to take a taxi there. I’ll have to make it clear to the driver that I have no idea where this place is, as they often ask you to help out with directions. It’s not like London, where you have to have “The Knowledge” to get your taxi license (although that may be an urban legend, I’m not sure). They get lost driving two streets over around here. Sigh.

My ex also warned me that I could be getting a letter in the post about having to shield, although she says a lot of things. She used to work in council housing, and still regularly reminds me that they’re planning to knock my building down, so I’ll have to move. I’ve asked her to stop telling me this, as it’s quite upsetting. I’ve yet to be told anything about it, but she still reminds me whenever she’s forgotten she’s already told me, like, a hundred times. Plus she hasn’t worked in housing in years, so I doubt she’s privy to updates. So, yes, I’ll hold fire until I actually see a letter. If she keeps bringing it up, I’ll ask her to back off a bit. Then she’ll forget and start telling me again, but whatevs.

Sod’s law I get a letter in the post tomorrow telling me I’m being evicted. Nothing would surprise me.

Hmmm, what else?

Oh, that woman I went for a walk with almost a year ago has now started doing deliveries for the local brewery she works for. I was kinda hoping there might be something between us, but she didn’t really respond to my texts after that one walk. I don’t want to pester anyone, so I decided to leave it. Well, she’s been to my home a couple of times now to deliver beer but, apart from a polite catch-up in the stairwell, she hasn’t shown much interest. I best go back to the drawing board. Finding love wasn’t easy for when we WERE allowed outside the house. Now, well, it’s something I’ve lost all hope about.

Well, this has been quite cathartic, so I’ll hopefully post updates more frequently. I’ve needed someone to talk to.

I hope you all have a nice weekend.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

 

 

Agony, ecstasy and egotism

It has just gone half past four in the morning as I write this first line. I’ve entered yet another unbalanced sleep pattern, which I am now trying to correct. A few late lie-ins due to alcoholic over-indulgence is usually the cause of this, and is certainly responsible this time. I got up at three in the afternoon yesterday, and my intention is to stay awake until as late as possible today. Sigh. Getting through these nocturnal periods is always an endurance test; however, I’m actually not that fussed about it this time as, to be honest, there’s nothing to get up for anymore. By the sounds of it, we’re approaching another lockdown so, hey, who cares whether it’s day or night anymore?! What’s out there to experience? Nothing.

My drinking increased a couple of weeks ago due to severe neck and back pains. The cause of these pains remained a mystery for almost a month, which were constant and left me nearly in tears morning, noon and night. Just to distract myself from the pain, it became standard practice just to get drunk until I passed out which, since I have nowhere to go and nothing to do, was quite easy. I have, I believe, discovered the root of the problem, which is my crappy council-issued bed. So far, the simple act of lying on it without pillows has allowed the pains to recede. I am very, very pleased by this turn of events. I could not live in such agony for much longer. A side-effect of my pain-induced emotional exhaustion (and subsequent liquid overconsumption) meant that I missed a week of my antidepressants, which caused some very ugly side-effects indeed. Thankfully, I managed to wander around to the chemist on Monday (or Tuesday, I’m still not sure), and get myself back on the medication wagon. Hurrah! I am feeling nearly human again, both mentally and physically. Relatively speaking, of course.

At the height of my withdrawal side-effects and boozing early last week, I did send some emotional texts about my family and friends to my ex. I can’t remember what I said, but it’s led me to want to keep my phones switched off ever since. My dad has tried to call me, but I’ve not answered. I assured them (just before my communications blackout) that I was recovering, so I hope I will be left alone. My ex, who also suffers from depression and knows the nasty side-effects of antidepressant withdrawal, will hopefully understand what I’m going through and respect my desire for privacy.

Well, as I’ve been feeling better this week, I’ve begun streaming video gameplay footage live on YouTube (with my verbal commentary/ramblings). I’ve been considering doings so for a while now, but never had the full confidence to do so. I think the effort I was putting into editing and posting short highlight clips, and the lack of views I was getting in return, forced me to want to try something else. I have no idea why I am striving for views, as such a thing usually leads to unwanted negative attention. I’ll probably just make all my videos private again soon, just to avoid trolls. I’ve mainly just had spam comments posted under my videos up until now, which is just tiring, to be honest. I’ve even had a couple of spam posts here, which is odd. That’s never happened before. I guess it's more disheartening than annoying.

My old gaming buddy is going through some standard life changes at the moment, so I’m guessing I won’t be hearing from or gaming with him for some time. It’s been sporadic this year, anyway. I’ve generally taken myself off the social, erm, radar altogether, apart from my streaming. Whatever one is to do in order to maintain close friendships in this life I am, well, at a loss to know. I truly believe I will be fossilised within these damned four walls. Alas!

So, what’s next? I have no idea. What scraps of dreams and ambition I may have had before are, like everything else right now, on permanent hold. I rise. I wash. I sit. I consume. I sleep. The echoes of invisible neighbours whisper through the dusty curtains. The curtains remain drawn. The whispers remain faint.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

Strange notions/dark potions

Golly, it’s been a while! I’ve sat down, over the past month and a half, to write some words on my recent goings-on, but I’ve just not had any creative energy. I can’t say anything out of the ordinary has happened, although something may spring to mind as I type. Who knows.

My mood has generally been good, although I have had a few low spells. The last couple of days have been quite bad but, as always, I am at a loss to know why. Being clinically depressed, you do start to wonder what the trigger has been. I don’t think there has been one this time.

I’ve had long spells of not drinking alcohol, then periods of debauchery, with the after-effects being severe enough to make me stay sober for a while. I’m such a fool.

Even though I did try to stop gaming, due to my old gaming buddy no longer able to hook up (which did affect me), I’ve been immersing myself in Rainbow Six: Siege, which I’m finally getting sort-of good at. Over the past couple of weeks, my old gaming buddy has managed to say hello, and we’ve had a few nice catch-up sessions. They usually provide some fun clips to post on YouTube. Here's one:

The weather has suddenly turned wet today, after a few weeks of intense heat and milder days. I’m wondering whether we’re now venturing into autumn. I’m glad the summer wasn’t too prolonged. Perhaps we’ll get a very snowy winter. I guess being snowed in won’t make much of a difference this year.

I was thinking of ringing up my regular pub and asking for advice about me making a return. Being visually impaired, I’m unable to read signs or often tell how close I am to people, so I was hoping they would talk me through the protocol for venturing into their establishment. I might do that today, actually. I hope a member of staff I know answers, as that would make discussing my concerns a lot easier.

I’ve bought quite a few new DVDs/Blu-rays lately, but have struggled to concentrate on anything until the end. I did manage to finish All the Money in the World which, for a latter Ridley Scott film, is shockingly good. I would highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys a good suspense-thriller. While I have no interest in the gossipy-drama surrounding the film’s production, or even desire to engage in the grotesque trial by media/hearsay that seems grimly popular at the moment, I would say that Christopher Plummer was a much better choice of actor in the roll of J. Paul Getty. Regardless of any other factors, which are, frankly, none of my business, I just can’t imagine Kevin Spacey in that role at all.

I also finally sat down to watch Toy Story 4, which I had low expectations for. It’s a solid film, but it does tiresomely tread the same path as the last two films. I stick by my theory that 1-2 compliment each other wonderfully, and 3 is a fine soft-reboot. If you’ve seen the first two, then you don’t need to see the third, and vice versa. Like the, apparently, tear-jerking ending to 3, I was thoroughly unmoved by Woody’s exit from the series in 4. Perhaps I’ll do some serious soul-searching and write a Whittling Post essay on why, but I don’t feel emotionally strong enough for that right now.

I have some deliveries arriving today, one from Amazon and one from the supermarket. The former is just some stuff for around the house, including a new toaster and a towel set, while the latter is just some groceries. I’ve ordered some booze, as I’m really struggling with this low mood attack. Not that booze will help, of course, but it might at least shock my system into feeling something, well, different.

I may head over to my ex’s for a few days at the weekend (apparently it’s a Bank Holiday), although I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. I’ll decide later in the week.

Well, I hope this has all made sense, and that you are all faring better that I.

Finger’s crossed my mental state will improve soon. This is rather unpleasant.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

On the edge of night

I’ve had a suspiciously upbeat week, which may very well be breaking finally. Maybe it’s because I haven’t drank in nearly a month, but I have felt more positive, and even my gaming has been improving. But, yes, in the last twenty-four hours, I’ve felt a little low again, so I’m concerned I’m about to crash.

My week has mostly been spent playing Rainbow Six: Siege multiplayer, which I used to only be able to play either drunk or with a “wing-man” AKA my old gaming buddy, so it’s quite shocking that I’ve felt brave enough to enter the often-unfriendly arena of multiplayer gaming by myself. I have turned the game’s party chat volume down, and changed my privacy settings so I can’t receive messages from people I haven’t friended on PSN, so that’s blocked the usual verbal abuse I get from people (and my fear of it), and I think my confidence has increased as a result. There have been a few incidents that have upset me though, but their impact usually fades after a good night’s sleep. Here’s an example of some of the unpleasant people you can encounter:



I’d literally just met that guy and already he was being awful to me. I had hardly said anything, and that’s what I got. You can tell he’s a classic school bully type, abusing others just so he can impress his mates. Sigh.

My sleep pattern has generally been back on track and healthy, with me regularly waking up around ten in the morning. That’s the perfect time for me. I did get up after only five hours sleep on Saturday, but I really needed to go out to pick up my antidepressants and purchase a gas meter top-up. I’ve been without hot water for a few weeks, as I lost my top-up card. Well, after I went out to the shop, I managed to stay awake until ten that evening, thus tiring myself out with a seventeen hour day. Needless to say, it didn’t take me long to drift off to sleep that night. In fact, I was so out of it by the end of the day that I forgot to add to my creative writing project, which I’ve managed to stick to my “write something, even if it’s just a paragraph, a day” rule.

The weather was getting me down, as it just didn’t seem to want to stop raining, which is odd for July. Apparently, we’re due a heatwave this week, which I’m not looking forward to. Oh well, I’m sure it’ll be autumn soon enough. Never has a year gone so quickly as this one, I guess because we’ve hardly had anything to do. While life seems slow in the moment, days without incident do tend to fly by. If you cram your time with experiences, each day can feel like a lifetime. In a good way. 2020 has just been an agonising river of nothing.

My regular pub is finally opening back up but, after a perusal of the new guidelines they’ve published that customers have to abide by, I think I’ll hold off paying them a visit until this is all over for good. I was very downhearted. They’re not even opening in the afternoon during the week, which is when I prefer to go. I’d have thought that that would be the best time to test this all out, given how quiet it is during that period. It’s usually just single, middle-aged dudes like me who frequent the establishment, so why they want to start off with times where groups of people usually go is beyond me. There’s nowt so queer as folk. I was so disappointed by the new guidelines that I put in an order for a case of beer form that independent brewery I I’ve found during these quiet months. I think I’m about to take a break from sobriety. My sudden dip in mood certainly seems to be beckoning for a drink. You know, because alcohol really helps depression.

Oh, wait, I meant the other thing.

Anyway, yes, due to submerging myself back into gaming, the days have flown by. Shockingly so. I’ve not watched any new films as a result. Even my Planet of the Apes season has taken a backseat. I was only a few episodes into the TV series when I stopped. It was a pretty good run though, for me. I’m sure I’ll pick up where I left off soon enough.

I’m still working my way through the core first three seasons of Arrested Development which, when I’m in the right mood, is an absolute joy. I’ve even been trying to get my old gaming buddy into it, as I managed to get him addicted to Parks & Recreation. I think I’ve started annoying him though, so I’ve stopped my hard-sell tactic. I’ll forever be jealous of Ellen DeGeneres for bagging the truly wonderful Portia de Rossi. I can imagine even gay guys and straight women fall for her. She’s just that awesome.

So, yeah, that’s about it, culture-wise. No new films. No new books. No new music. Just sinking into pointless gaming. It’ll just be another one of my phases though, so I’m sure I’ll be back enthusing over new stuff soon enough. Never fear!

My old gaming buddy managed to get a television sorted, so he’s been back online. We’ve had a couple of chats, which has been nice. Here's one of my favourite moments from our recent sessions:



Mainly we’ve been texting though. I think he actually flirted with me the other day, which took me by surprise. I was describing the manager of my local chemist who I have a crush on, and my old gaming buddy was all like “Oh, that sounds like me!”, in a coquettish sort of way. I’ll try not to read too much into it, but it’s the first time that’s happened. Maybe he’d had a large bang on the head earlier that day. Who knows.

Well, folks, I think I’ll call it a day here. I’m sure I’ll post again once I’m back at the bottom of a bottle, where I belong. Fun, fun, fun.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

June, July and JETPACKS!

My mood and general interest in doing stuff has improved over the last week, which is a relief. It definitely must have just been one of my “fun” little mental phases that has now run its course. In fact, I’ve been so active with my hobbies that I’ve not gotten drunk in about two weeks. Impressive, huh? I’m sure there’s no connection. None at all. Not one.

Anyway…

So, yes, I’ve managed to stick to my creative writing, having added some strict discipline to the process. I now write a chapter each night before bed (my most creative period), even if that chapter is just a paragraph explaining the general goings on, which will, inevitably, be fleshed-out in further drafts. Sometimes I surprise myself and write about a page, including dialogue, which is encouraging. I’m not putting any pressure on myself, which is what usually kills my motivation. The aim is just to get the bare-bones of a first draft written, with the basic series of core events outlined. Who knows, maybe I’ll have a novel written by the end of the year. Stranger things have happened.

I’ve also been listening to a bit more music, although nothing too new. I’ve gotten back into Arcade Fire, even though their second album comes with some emotional baggage (due to my circumstances when it was released back in 2007). I’m sticking to their first three albums, as Reflektor and Everything Now appear to represent a dip in quality. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten to the end of Reflektor, actually. It’s kind of depressing that Win Butler is the same age as me. He’s definitely achieved slightly more than I have, in the same amount of time. Oh well.

I finished watching the recent Planet of the Apes prequels, which was a wonderful experience. As I mentioned in my last post, movies about animals are not my favourite, which is why I’ve been putting off watching these, but I’m glad I finally bit the bullet. The second film, Dawn, is possibly the best, but War has a wonderful musical score and some great moments. It just feels a little aimless. It was fun having Woody Harrelson play the villain, even though he’s a very difficult man to hate. I wasn’t convinced I’d believe in his character, due to Woody’s likeability, but he worked hard enough to convince me of his dastardliness. Was he drunk at the end, or had he succumbed to the de-evolving virus? I wasn’t sure. I still think Caesar should have given him the doll, and not the gun, but whatevs. Steve Zahn was great as Bad Ape. Zahn was last on my list of actors I thought was doing the voice, so it was a nice surprise to find out that it was him. I always think Zahn is more famous than he actually is, which is a shame. I didn’t recognise much in his filmography. He seems like a nice guy. Fame seems pretty awful anyway, to be honest. So, as you can probably tell, I have a lot to say about War, even though Dawn is the better film. I’d recommend watching the whole trilogy. I actually found myself missing James Franco from the first film, which I didn’t think was physically possible. Life is full of surprises! Well, I’m now onto the short-lived 70s TV series, which is amiably naff. Roddy McDowell is superb though, and seems to be keeping the whole thing afloat. It’s apparently set before the Charlton Heston film, even though I think it’s actually after. I genuinely believe they just got the dates wrong. Fact-checking movie trivia wasn’t quite as easy back in the 70s as it is now but, even if it is wrong, it’s all I have to go by. There are only fourteen episode, of which I’m watching one a night. It’s actually quite a nice way to wind down before moving through to the bedroom.

I seem to be gaming a lot more at the moment, but it’s still nice having the standalone DVD/Blu-ray player for when I just want to switch off from the social aspect of modern gaming. I just bought a jetpack in GTA Online. Go me! My old gaming buddy still hasn’t gotten a new TV sorted, but we’re in daily textual contact. I’ve offered to buy him a new one, but he’s agreed to seek other options first. I’m fine with buying him one as, well, there’s nothing else to spend my money on at the moment (besides food and bills, of course).

I went for a walk on Friday to post my repeat prescription at the GP surgery, which seemed to be open again. Well, there were a lot more cars in the parking lot than there have been since March, but I’m not sure whether patients are allowed in yet. Apparently, this weekend is when hospitality business are allowed to reopen but, as I mentioned last week, my regular pub won’t be opening its doors until the lockdown easing guidelines are less restrictive. That first pint on my return will be a glorious thing indeed. I’ll be sure to take a picture.

I think I’m going to try to get out for a walk every day now, as my fitness level is perilously low. I have nowhere to aim for on my walk, so I’ll just do a circular plod to the nearby shops and back. Keep it simple. Any further and I’ll start having to deal with hills, which I’ll need to work up to. Everywhere in Sheffield is either uphill or downhill. It’s a thing.

I’ve started watching Arrested Development in bed at night, which I think is also helping to improve my mood. It’s such a funny show, and I’m glad it was short-lived. Long-running sitcoms in America just become depressing after a while. The first run of three seasons was just right. I’m not even going to bother with anything that came after.

That woman who works at my regular pub has gotten back in touch. She stopped texting me after we went for our friendly walk a few months ago, so I was worried I’d said something off but, no, apparently she’s just been stressed with some personal stuff. I’m glad, as she’s a very sweet person, and there always seems to be a nice vibe between us when we sporadically bump into each other at the pub. It’d be nice if a stronger bond develops, but I’m trying not to get my hopes up just yet. I probably will though. You know what I’m like.

Right, I best go practice my jetpack flying to impress nobody with. I’ll let you know if my current sobriety has ended in my next post. I haven’t stopped drinking as a rule, I think I just got bored of feeling like crap every day. Seems fair.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

Invasion of the Eyes of the Planet of the...

…oh I don’t know.

My low period of disinterest persists, which I’ve unwisely tried to “cure” with alcohol. I’m going to have to stop that though. I’m getting through each day in relatively good spirits, but having hope taken away from you by what’s happening in the news does, indeed, make it difficult to get out of bed in the morning. It sounds like my regular pub won’t be opening next week like many others, as the guidelines set out for hospitality services are too restrictive. Sigh. I wanted one thing.

I've done a little creative writing this week, which I always seem to run out of inspiration for. It's so frustrating. I know I have a novel or three in me, but my ever-changing mental state is such a handicap. What I started the other day is a fairly low-key drama, so maybe that'll be easy to stick too. I just need to make sure I write something each day, even if it's a paragraph. Self-discipline seems to be the key, but the one thing I'm lacking.

I’m talking more to my old gaming buddy, which is boosting my spirits, although he now says his TV’s died, which may just be a polite way of avoiding me. But that’s ok. I’m sure I’m just being paranoid, as we’re in text communication most days. I told those new gaming acquaintances that it’s best we don’t chat anymore, as our age difference has made me rather uneasy. I thought it wise to stick to people in my own age bracket. It’s a shame, as they’re a nice bunch and a good laugh, so making that decision depressed me for a few days. It’s definitely for the best though.

Apart from that, things have been pretty quiet. The bad weather has kept people indoors, so my street has been party free, thank goodness. Text communication with friends has been sporadic and brief, but enough to keep me buoyant. The only regular contact I seem to be having is with grocery or takeaway delivery people. Maybe I should ring a sex chat line just for a gossip. No kinky talk, just a friendly chin-wag. Maybe somebody’s already set something like that up – a lockdown chat line. Who knows. It’d be great if people were using hook-up apps like Grindr to meet up and stand within six feet of each other. No touching or nudity, just close proximity. At the moment that would be considered kinky.

I’ve not been reading much, but I have been buying in new DVD/Blu-rays to broaden my movie knowledge. This included Irvin Kershner’s The Eyes of Laura Mars, starring the fabulous Faye Dunaway. It’s a Hitchcockian thriller about a photographer who psychically sees through the eyes of a murderer as the murderer commits their crimes. It’s an entertaining film, but I just kept thinking how much better it would be if it was directed by Brian De Palma. Afterwards, I watched Dressed to Kill and sighed deeply at how wonderful it was. Kershner’s work on The Empire Strikes Back and Robocop 2 was fantastic but, yes, De Palma would have been more appropriate for Laura Mars. I actually guessed who the killer was early on, as they mention that the only people to have seen the crime scene photographs were the police. That kinda gave it away. Still, it’s worth watching, but a little more visual flare would have gone a long way. Oh, the late Raul Julia has a small role in it too, which automatically makes the whole thing better than 99% of other movies out there. Damn I miss that man.

I’ve decided to have a big ape binge for some reason, so I’ve invested in the 9-disc Planet of the Apes film boxset (which includes the recent reboot/prequel trilogy) and the short-lived 70s TV series. Apart from Franklin J. Schaffner’s 1968 original and Tim Burton’s blah remake, I’ve not seen any of these films. Actually, along with prison dramas and gangster biopics, films about animals generally count as one of my least favourite genres. I always make an exception for Schaffner though, including his great prison drama Papillon. So, yeah, I watched Rise of the Planet of the Apes yesterday, which I really enjoyed. I did watch the first half an hour of it years and years ago, but the laboratory stuff at the beginning annoyed me. It’s such an unrealistically fictitious environment, and nobody talks like I’m sure real pharmaceutical laboratory people talk. It’s a very silly place. But, no fear, after we move away from those opening scenes and James Franco takes Caesar home, things improve drastically. Why isn’t John Lithgow just in every movie ever made? Wouldn’t that make the world a much better place? I guess he’d get pretty tired after a while though, like that Treehouse of Horror episode of The Simpsons where Krusty’s forced to be on television 24/7. Anyway, I’ll be watching Dawn of the Planet of the Apes later on today, which I hear is very good.

I also bought Philip Kaufman’s version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, which actually seems to have inspired Shaun of the Dead more than Dawn of the Dead did. It’s a marvellously creepy film with great sound editing, and everybody’s wonderful in it. I was trying to work out who Brooke Adams reminded me of while I was watching it, then it came to me… Dredd’s very own Judge Anderson – Olivia Thirlby! It’s almost uncanny, like Jessica Harper and Ellen Page. But, yes, I’m glad I now have Kaufman’s film in my collection, as I remember catching it on telly probably when I was a teenager and loving it. Now it’s mine. Forever! Mwahahahaha! I shall include it in my collection of films featuring Veronica Cartwright screaming a lot. It’s quite a large collection, as you can imagine. She’s one of my all-time favourite people.

I finally got around to watching the LGBT drama Carol on Sunday, which I wasn’t too impressed with. Everybody, both cast and crew, are trying their asses off, except for the dull-as-a-plank-of-wood Rooney Mara. She’s so tragically miscast. Her character should have been bright eyed and full of youthful energy, invigorating Cate Blanchett’s titular Carol during her difficult divorce but, no, she’s a blank slate. There’s one scene where she shows some passion and it really stands out. Not because it’s good, but because it seems like such an effort for her. I’m not sure who I would have cast, but she brings the whole thing down, which showed when I realised I just didn’t care whether she and Carol got together at the end. You really should be rooting for your star-crossed lovers. But I didn’t. What a shame.

Well, I think that’s all for now. I best go watch talking apes having crazy adventures in the post-apocalypse. If you can think of something better to do, I’d like to hear it.

You can’t, can you? Didn’t think so.

Do stay in touch, you damned dirty apes.

Toodles!

Shrouded in blah

I’m feeling rather apathetic this week. Not depressed, per se, just lacking interest in doing, well, anything. This is rather worrying, especially for someone with such an eclectic range of hobbies such as myself. Maybe I should try picking up one of my guitars. I need to trim my nails first. Last night I just went and laid on my bed from around seven and stayed there until I fell asleep. I had hoped that, at some point, I’d have a second wind and get back up again but, nope, I remained in bed for twelve hours straight. Not bad going, for me. Lying there was nice, actually, as there was a major rain shower and thunderstorm, which are always nice to snuggle up to. There seemed to be a lot of people out and about, which is unusual for British people in wet weather. A bit of rain has been known to stop riots in London. Anyway, I had The Mysterious Cities of Gold to keep me company. I think I’m on the last episode now. Or second to last. The introduction of the alien-like Olmec characters is very bizarre, but that’s fine. I might try watching the new series again, as I’ve only gotten a few episodes in until now. My appreciation of the original 80s series is based more on nostalgia, I think. And, perhaps, the performance of the actor Shiraz Adam, who plays Esteban. He’s very energetic and endearing. Somebody actually managed to track him down recently and did an interview with him. It’s a frustratingly short interview (one wonders whether the interviewer doesn’t care much for the series), but it’s nice to know “Esteban” is still out there and doing well for himself.

I’m trying to think what else I’ve been up to. Even my brain seems to have given up on being interested in remembering things. Sigh. Oh yeah, I picked up my medication last week after finally getting my sleep pattern back on track. It’s been raining on and off for quite a while now, but the summer warmth is still in the air so, erm, you can imagine what that’s doing to the humidity levels. Luckily for me, humidity is my least favourite type of weather, so I’ve now got even more of an excuse not to go outside. Seriously, poop could be raining from the sky, but I'd still be all like "Well, at least it's not humid".

On that note...

I texted my ex yesterday, as we haven’t spoken much since all that drama last month. It sounds like she’s still off work and in touch with a crisis team. I’ve been keeping in touch with that mutual friend of ours, with whom I agree that there’s nothing much we can do for my ex right now (especially since we’re prone to depression ourselves). We’re still here if she needs help, but we can’t solve her problems for her.

There’s been no change regarding my gaming situation. I’m still appearing offline whenever I do switch on the PS4. My despondency has affected even playing the solo games I enjoy, so I think my new standalone DVD player is about to get a good workout. My old gaming buddy did text me over the weekend about some random stuff, but the conversation was pretty brief. At least he’s not annoyed with me because of my flirtatious behaviour the other week.

I cooked a nice curry the other night, which was an event because I used pork instead of beef, chicken or lamb. Shocking revelation, huh? I was looking into the history of the vindaloo, which is derived from a Portuguese dish called “Carne de vinha d'alhos”. The curry version often mistakes the “aloo” part of “vindaloo” as meaning “potato”, but it actually comes from the word “d’alhos” in the Portuguese name, which means “garlic” (with “vinha” meaning “wine”). Carne de vinha d'alhos sounds more like a sharing dish that’s served at Christmas, where you marinate some pork in white wine, garlic and chillies and serve it relatively dry with bread, which is very different from the Anglicised version of vindaloo, which is a sauce-based dish. I basically made something somewhere in between these two versions, by frying off the pork, then making a curry sauce out of red wine, garlic and chopped tomatoes. Along with this, I also added my usual vegetables and spices, but it’ll take a while to list all of those. It was very nice, I must say, and I’m now sold on using pork in curries. It just never occurred to me, before. If I do the dish again, I may use white wine instead, as I think that’s what the original Portuguese dish uses.

Oh, those nineteenth century Shakespeare books arrived, and I was very impressed. Their condition Is wonderful, relative to their age. The covers are slightly different to the one I’ve had for years, but I’m wondering whether it’s an extra layer that was removed from mine. I’ll have a play about. Still, it’s nice to have them altogether. It’s just a shame the one I’ve had for years is in such poor condition. Oh well. I also can't read any of these books now, thanks to my deteriorating eyesight, but that's another story.

I think I’m going to take a break from The Office, as my interest is starting to waver a bit. I’ve just started season four, and was a little let down by how uneventful it was when Jim and Pam finally got together. They kinda messed that one up. All the actors are starting to look a bit bored now. I know that’s the point of the show, but they really are. It’s a shame Rashida Jones left (I'll just pretend Karen Filippelli changed her name to "Ann Perkins", moved to Pawnee and became a nurse) and they kept that horrid Ed Helms guy. They’ve really pared his involvement down though, to the point where he now says about two lines per episode. No bad thing.

I bought the Blu-ray set of Stanley Kubrick’s key works. This is the third time I’ve bought them now – the first was the Region 1 set (back when Kubrick was refusing to release A Clockwork Orange in the UK), and then the Region 2 set, which also included Eyes Wide Shut and the A Life in Pictures documentary. This Blu-ray set omits Dr Strangelove, which is a shame, but it’s nice to have new copies. Those two older DVD sets are about twenty years old now too, and Warner Bros were pretty negligent with their early DVD releases, in my experience.

It sounds like the fourth of July might very well be the day the pubs open back up, which I’m really looking forward to. Pub culture is an integral part of British culture, so taking that out of everyone’s lives has had a bigger effect than has been let on in the news. Hopefully the humidity will have dissipated by then. The valley where I live has been shrouded in fog for a week now, which is only adding to my sense of isolation.

Well, I think I’ll leave things on that positive note. I hope you fine people are faring better than myself. Maybe by my next post my motivation will have returned. We shall see. I have enjoyed writing this though, so that’s something.

Do stay in touch, droogs.

Toodles!