So, yeah, I turned the big four-oh the other day. I still don’t feel like a responsible adult yet, probably because I don’t have kids, a job, a house with two garages and a dog, but whatever. I prefer cats, anyway. I didn’t do much on the day as, well, there isn’t much one can do for fun at the moment, in terms of socialising. I’m not quite sure what I would have done had all the pubs and restaurants been open. Probably not a great deal different. It’s not like I enjoy parties. Hmmm, maybe I’ll make up for it once July/August swings around. But, yes, basically I’ve stayed in all week drinking heavily alone. Not a great idea, I know. For my actual birthday I mostly spent the time feeling sorry for myself, which was as fun as it sounds. The youngest of my two older brothers called, who I spoke to for the first time in ten years a few months ago. Our chat this time felt a little more chilled, possibly because I felt so rough that I couldn’t be bothered to feel self-conscious about anything. Still, it felt nice to connect with an old friend. I should really call him more often.
I got a few nice cards from people, plus a couple of £40 gift cards. Get it? Glad they weren’t rubbing in my age or anything, lol. I’ve used them to buy a DVD/Blu-ray player, which I mentioned I was thinking about getting in my last post. My PS Plus membership runs out tomorrow so, once the standalone disc player arrives, I’ll probably unhook my PlayStation indefinitely. To be honest, I’ll probably go crazy after a few days but, more than anything, I’m just curious to see how I cope without it. It has become sort of a social crutch for me, but that side of it has pretty much ended anyway. Like when I shut down my social media accounts last year, I think I need to force some changes. The internet has become a means for making myself feel more and more lonely the past few years, and I’ve had enough.
I’ll still post here though, so don’t you worry about that.
My old gaming buddy finally came online last week, which was nice. We had a pleasant little catch-up while playing a few games but, so far, that seems to be about it. I think it’s been a week now since we talked. I have another gaming acquaintance who only agrees to talk to me once a week, so I’m not having another. If they want to get in touch, they know where to find me. I think the usual only-once-a-week guy does it as a power/control thing, which I don’t appreciate. I think he has even less going on in his life than I do, so you do start to wonder. Maybe I’m being hard on people and paranoid, but I need more certainty in life. I can’t sit around waiting for people to find time for me. To be fair, they shouldn’t have to but, I dunno, it always feels so easy when we talk. Why wouldn’t you want more of that? Sigh, I’m really trying my best not to sound like a clingy nutcase here, so that’s probably why I’m making these changes – not to be melodramatic and cause a scene, but to get my life moving. I always feel like I’m running out of time. Probably because I am. We all are.
I turned my phone off for half a day last week, mainly because I was feeling hungover and didn’t have the energy to speak to anyone. This brief radio silence caused my ex to go into full-on panic mode and she called both the police and the ambulance service. Her anxiety had led her to believe I had done something to myself. Luckily, I turned my phone on and spoke to her before anyone turned up and started breaking the door down. I was rather annoyed, as I now feel like I have to communicate with her or else she’ll call the emergency services. Talk about creating a scene! I was texting our mutual friend (the one who took her to hospital last week because of my ex’s very real suicide attempt) and we discussed our shared frustration at how my ex has been acting. I know my ex doesn’t mean to upset anyone, but when your actions start affecting those who love you then, well, it’s time to start taking control of your life. I'm hoping that that mutual friend and I can combine our energies to lend greater support. I'll been struggling to give advice on my own, especially with my own depression issues. I managed to sort out my major life crisis ten years ago when I realised how much it was hurting the people around me. If I can do it, then my ex surely can. I’ve said I’ll help out with anything she wants to do in order to get better, but I can’t do it all for her. She has a really nice, intelligent, proactive group of friends ready to lend a hand. I think she just needs a plan of action. We shall see.
I started my annual Amazon Prime 30-day free trial yesterday, so I’m checking out some of the free stuff to watch online. I started off by making my second attempt to get into the American version of The Office, an attempt which has been a lot more successful this time around. I’m not a big into farce/embarrassment humour (which is the heart of The Office) but, like the UK version, I’m finding enjoyment in the cute love story that’s on the periphery. Jim and Pam are so adorable. I’ve definitely fallen in love with John Krasinski. I might buy the DVD boxset eventually, but I wanted to make sure I liked it first. I didn’t want a repeat of the Community incident.
I’ve also started watching the LGBT-themed show Transparent. Actually, I watched the first episode literally right before I started typing this post. Erm, I don’t know why you needed that detail. Anyway, I found the first episode very moving. Jeffrey Tambor is just so utterly wonderful. I remember having an adverse reaction to him in The Larry Sanders Show when I was younger, mostly because of how badly I felt for his downtrodden character in that, but Arrested Development completely turned me around on The Tambor. I initially didn’t think I’d get on with Transparent as, well, all the characters seemed so obnoxious. I was all like “Is this a show glorifying yuppy LA hipster baby-boomers?! Yuck!” but, thankfully, I soon realised that that was the point of the show. Tambor’s character even laments at one point how selfish and shallow his offspring are. I was very relieved, and got to the end of the episode wanting more. While watching, I kept thinking that I recognised the actress who plays Tambor’s daughter Ali, then I discovered it was Gabby Hoffmann, who I totally thought was cool when I was a kid, probably after seeing her in Sleepless in Seattle. I don’t think I’ve seen her in anything since then, so it was nice to find out she was still working. I think I responded to the tomboyish vibe she gives off. Speaking of which, The Office’s very own Melora Harding seems to be in the main cast as well, and her character is pretty fabulous. That’s kinda how I wish I looked but, sadly, I couldn’t be further from it. I try to explain to people that I’m “a man who identifies as a woman who identifies as a man”, but it usually just confuses them. I know the character of Tammy isn’t a ftm transgender (at least, I don’t think she is), but I’m talking more about the look. So I think I’ll watch a couple more episodes of Transparent this evening before, maybe, settling on a film or something. It might be bedtime by then, but I didn’t get to sleep until about 5am this morning, which was frustrating, so I’m not sure when I’ll be ready for bed tonight There’s nothing more annoying than the dawn chorus when you still haven’t gotten to sleep yourself.
Speaking of sleep, while attempting it last night I kept myself entertained with some audiobooks, as I do. I’ve started on some new ones, mostly about people visiting foreign places. That wasn’t a theme I specifically went for, it just seemed to happen. Yesterday I began Emile Zola’s The Belly of Paris, which is read by the gorgeous (but sadly no longer with us) Frederick Davidson. It’s about late-19th century life around a Parisian marketplace, which I thought would be fun, and it’s turning out to be just that. I was worried it might get a bit dark at one point, but those moments are generally fleeting and incidental. I think it’s going for something more casual. Last week I started on Down and Out in Paris and London, by George Orwell, which was wonderfully boozy and debauched. I haven’t continued with it yet, but it remains on my unofficial “now reading” list. Last night I began Death in Venice, which is quite short, so I’m hoping to maybe have that finished tonight or tomorrow. For a relatively short book, Thomas Mann does witter on. I did manage to get to his first few encounters with the boy, so at least I’ve made it past the introductory chapters. They can sometimes be hard on the weak minded, like myself. I’ve also started A Moveable Feast, which I did get quite deep into on ebook many years ago, but I thought I’d start from the beginning on the audiobook format. I think it’s going to be fairly similar to Down and Out, but my assumption is that Ernest Hemingway and George Orwell have different enough writing styles that I’ll be kept entertained by both.
Oh, I did watch The Rise of Skywalker again, and I was still pleasantly entertained by it. It’s a shame they resorted to the now-cliched “blue laser shooting up into the sky” finale, but up until that point it feels a lot fresher than the first two Star Wars sequels. I’m still amazed by how annoyed I wasn’t at them shoehorning Lando Calrissian into the one, but I guess the charisma of Billy Dee Williams knows no bounds. At 83, he’s still got it going on.
Speaking of things rehashed from the 1980s, along with the DVD/Blu-ray player I also ordered the Blu-rays of the original Evil Dead films and the complete 1-3 set of Ash vs Evil Dead. I already have the films and first season of Ash on DVD, but I thought I’d upgrade. They are old copies, and sometimes the newer Blu-rays aren’t as censored, which was the case with earlier releases of films like Predator and Die Hard with a Vengeance. Maybe I’ll cram the lot into an all-day marathon, once they arrive. Hmmm, then again, that might take too long, especially with three seasons of a TV show. I’ll have a think.
Right, I think I’ve purged enough truth for one day. I best go back to my hobbies. Maybe I should start planning that belated birthday event too.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
Monday, 25 May 2020
Sunday, 17 May 2020
False starts, ends and promises
I was just sat in a website queue trying to put in a grocery order, so I thought I’d jot down a few quick thoughts here to kill some time. Once I left the queue, I found the site had cancelled my delivery slot and, when I went in to book a new one, all the available slots had gone. Oh well, I’ll try again tomorrow. I’m ok for basics, I just wanted to get in some fun stuff for my upcoming 40th birthday. My 30th party involved me sat alone at Cambridge train station eating an M&S egg sandwich. I kinda wanted something better for myself ten years leter. I guess not, but I’ll cope.
I had a bit of a shock yesterday when a mutual friend of myself and my ex rang using my ex’s phone. Once I’d answered, and gotten over the initial confusion, the mutual friend informed me that she was at my ex’s house and had found that my ex had overdosed on sleeping pills, antidepressants and alcohol. I initially thought she had found her too late, as she seemed to be holding back what state my ex was currently in. Turns out she was alive but, for some reason, they both felt it necessary to call me and ask what to do. I felt annoyed at this bizarre delay, but then calmly told them just to ring for an ambulance. As mentioned in my last post, my ex has recently been referred to the same mental health crisis team as myself, but I thought she was improving. As far as I know, this is the first proper attempt she has made to take her own life. I know she’s thought about it, but I don’t think she’s ever actually taken action. Anyway, she was driven to hospital and, well, I’m not entirely sure what happened there. All I know is that she was back home by the end of the day. I’m not sure what she’s been telling doctors as, surely, if she’s suicidal, they wouldn’t be prescribing her sleeping pills. They’re a classic checkout method, almost to the point of it being a cliché. Sigh. She won’t get help unless she’s more clear and concise about what’s upsetting her. I’m not convinced she’s even sure herself. Regardless, it sounds like more mobile friends than myself are now checking up on her throughout the day. I’ll give her a call tomorrow. I’d go over and keep her company, but I’m not sure how much trouble that would get me into right now, what with things being the way they are.
My old gaming buddy briefly got in touch yesterday to say, once again, that he’d be back online for a chat within 24 hours. He wasn’t. I’m not sure whether he’s doing this on purpose to keep me dangling or what. I don’t think he is, as he’s not that kind of person. I just don’t think he’s aware of how empty my life is right now. Alas! I replied, via text, that I was cancelling my online gaming subscription so, even if he did make a return to the PlayStation, I wouldn’t be able to game with him anyway. Which is true. I didn’t just say that to be dramatic. It’s been on the cards for a while. I’ve even been thinking about buying a DVD/Blu-ray player for the lounge and disconnecting the PS4 altogether. I’m just not playing that much anymore, mainly due to a lack of interest, so I was wondering whether focussing on watching movies might be more, well, mentally nourishing. My subscription runs out in just over a week so, unless I’m given a decent reason to stay, I think that’s the end of my gaming life. For the foreseeable future, at least. I really do miss my old gaming buddy’s daily company (and, let's face it, him in general), but I need to sort something else out if his absence turns out to be permanent. It certainly does look that way.
It’s all been so emotional around here!
Oh, those DVDs turned up in the post, so I’ve finally watched The Rise of Skywalker and The Man Who Killed Don Quixote. It’s been a regular Adam Driver-fest at my pad! The Rise of Skywalker was a lot better than I was expecting. It mercifully lacked the nostalgic cheese of The Force Awakens and embarrassment-factor of The Last Jedi, but it did replace both with a rather dull story. I guess final instalments in a series are usually just exercises in tying-up loose ends. Still, there were plenty of fun character moments and striking visuals, plus I actually felt quite moved by the end. Basically, it didn’t let me down as it seems to have let others down. Perhaps my expectations were so bedrock-low that my appreciation had nowhere to go but up. The scenes with Princess Leia were the only parts that jarred, for obvious reasons. I wonder whether I’d have noticed had I not been aware that Carrie Fisher had died prior to the film’s production. I guess we’ll never know. Would be funny to cut in moments of her from When Harry Met Sally in place of the unused footage from previous Star Wars films though. Erm, respectfully, of course. Although I'm sure she'd love it. So, yes, if you’re avoiding The Rise of Skywalker because you’ve heard bad things, then take it from me that it’s actually a solid, entertaining and often very funny science fiction adventure. Dare I say it - it could very well be the best Star Wars film we’ve had in forty years. Hmmm, I may have to retract that statement after my second viewing.
Moving onto The Man Who Killed Don Quixote, this week I found myself pleasantly relieved for the second time! I feel like I’ve won a prize. As planned, I did watch Lost in La Mancha again right beforehand, which I heartily recommend doing, as there are some amusing references to Terry Gilliam’s aborted 2000 production (the subject of Lost in La Mancha) in the final film. I was primed for the successful 2018 version by the time the DVD started. I must admit, I was expecting something grander, but the charm of this seemingly-modest production won me over. Jonathan Pryce didn’t quite look the part of Don Quixote but, gosh darned it, he made up for it with some great acting! I appreciated the fact that Gilliam probably wanted to cast a reliable long-time collaborator as Quixote, given the problems he had with Jean Rochefort on the original production. In fact, when I first heard that Pryce had replaced Rochefort, I smiled knowingly to myself, as I knew exactly why. Adam Driver continues to impress us, this time with his portrayal of a cynical film director who slowly begins to see the world through the eyes of the lovably barmy Don Quixote. Driver has a power that really leaps off the screen. He commands quiet, languid moments and violent, bombastic outbursts with equal aplomb. The film’s narrative is, unsurprisingly, a little on the confusing side at times, but I’m guessing a few more watches will fix that. Its habit of jumping back and forth between fantasy and reality is something that can’t really be avoided when dealing with Cervantes’ novel. I’m hoping to pick up the audiobook where I left off pretty soon. It’s notoriously long, and my attention span is short. After that, I just need to catch up on all the Terry Gilliam films I’ve not seen since Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. As with David Cronenberg’s oeuvre, I’m terribly behind, and I really have no excuse. But, back to the film, please do track down a copy and support the film as best you can. Well, if you’re able to find a copy, that is. As mentioned in my previous post, I had to settle on a German DVD due to distribution problems. I believe the curse of Quixote leapt on Gilliam again only after the film was completed, with someone involved in the 2000 production claiming they were owed money from this version. Probably best not to think about it. Just enjoy the movie! Oh and if you haven’t fallen in love with Joana Ribeiro by the end of the film then, erm, you’re a much stronger person than I.
Here’s the episode of my old podcast where I discuss Lost in La Mancha in, I assume, greater detail:
This week I also finished off my 1-5 boxset of King of the Hill, which I’m a bit sad about. It did pick up by the end, but I don’t think I’ll be pursuing any further seasons. Unless you can convince me otherwise, that is. I’m now watching a bit of Will & Grace in bed, as a placeholder, until I can settle on another comedy series to end each day on.
Right, folks, I think that’s all for my “quick” update. I needed to get a few things off my chest before bed, I think. I’ll either fire up the Don Quixote audiobook after the telly’s switched off or, as I have been doing recently, listen to a nonfiction history title. I’ve been working my way through one about ancient Mediterranean civilisations. It’s light, but still interesting. And long. Very, very long.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
I had a bit of a shock yesterday when a mutual friend of myself and my ex rang using my ex’s phone. Once I’d answered, and gotten over the initial confusion, the mutual friend informed me that she was at my ex’s house and had found that my ex had overdosed on sleeping pills, antidepressants and alcohol. I initially thought she had found her too late, as she seemed to be holding back what state my ex was currently in. Turns out she was alive but, for some reason, they both felt it necessary to call me and ask what to do. I felt annoyed at this bizarre delay, but then calmly told them just to ring for an ambulance. As mentioned in my last post, my ex has recently been referred to the same mental health crisis team as myself, but I thought she was improving. As far as I know, this is the first proper attempt she has made to take her own life. I know she’s thought about it, but I don’t think she’s ever actually taken action. Anyway, she was driven to hospital and, well, I’m not entirely sure what happened there. All I know is that she was back home by the end of the day. I’m not sure what she’s been telling doctors as, surely, if she’s suicidal, they wouldn’t be prescribing her sleeping pills. They’re a classic checkout method, almost to the point of it being a cliché. Sigh. She won’t get help unless she’s more clear and concise about what’s upsetting her. I’m not convinced she’s even sure herself. Regardless, it sounds like more mobile friends than myself are now checking up on her throughout the day. I’ll give her a call tomorrow. I’d go over and keep her company, but I’m not sure how much trouble that would get me into right now, what with things being the way they are.
My old gaming buddy briefly got in touch yesterday to say, once again, that he’d be back online for a chat within 24 hours. He wasn’t. I’m not sure whether he’s doing this on purpose to keep me dangling or what. I don’t think he is, as he’s not that kind of person. I just don’t think he’s aware of how empty my life is right now. Alas! I replied, via text, that I was cancelling my online gaming subscription so, even if he did make a return to the PlayStation, I wouldn’t be able to game with him anyway. Which is true. I didn’t just say that to be dramatic. It’s been on the cards for a while. I’ve even been thinking about buying a DVD/Blu-ray player for the lounge and disconnecting the PS4 altogether. I’m just not playing that much anymore, mainly due to a lack of interest, so I was wondering whether focussing on watching movies might be more, well, mentally nourishing. My subscription runs out in just over a week so, unless I’m given a decent reason to stay, I think that’s the end of my gaming life. For the foreseeable future, at least. I really do miss my old gaming buddy’s daily company (and, let's face it, him in general), but I need to sort something else out if his absence turns out to be permanent. It certainly does look that way.
It’s all been so emotional around here!
Oh, those DVDs turned up in the post, so I’ve finally watched The Rise of Skywalker and The Man Who Killed Don Quixote. It’s been a regular Adam Driver-fest at my pad! The Rise of Skywalker was a lot better than I was expecting. It mercifully lacked the nostalgic cheese of The Force Awakens and embarrassment-factor of The Last Jedi, but it did replace both with a rather dull story. I guess final instalments in a series are usually just exercises in tying-up loose ends. Still, there were plenty of fun character moments and striking visuals, plus I actually felt quite moved by the end. Basically, it didn’t let me down as it seems to have let others down. Perhaps my expectations were so bedrock-low that my appreciation had nowhere to go but up. The scenes with Princess Leia were the only parts that jarred, for obvious reasons. I wonder whether I’d have noticed had I not been aware that Carrie Fisher had died prior to the film’s production. I guess we’ll never know. Would be funny to cut in moments of her from When Harry Met Sally in place of the unused footage from previous Star Wars films though. Erm, respectfully, of course. Although I'm sure she'd love it. So, yes, if you’re avoiding The Rise of Skywalker because you’ve heard bad things, then take it from me that it’s actually a solid, entertaining and often very funny science fiction adventure. Dare I say it - it could very well be the best Star Wars film we’ve had in forty years. Hmmm, I may have to retract that statement after my second viewing.
Moving onto The Man Who Killed Don Quixote, this week I found myself pleasantly relieved for the second time! I feel like I’ve won a prize. As planned, I did watch Lost in La Mancha again right beforehand, which I heartily recommend doing, as there are some amusing references to Terry Gilliam’s aborted 2000 production (the subject of Lost in La Mancha) in the final film. I was primed for the successful 2018 version by the time the DVD started. I must admit, I was expecting something grander, but the charm of this seemingly-modest production won me over. Jonathan Pryce didn’t quite look the part of Don Quixote but, gosh darned it, he made up for it with some great acting! I appreciated the fact that Gilliam probably wanted to cast a reliable long-time collaborator as Quixote, given the problems he had with Jean Rochefort on the original production. In fact, when I first heard that Pryce had replaced Rochefort, I smiled knowingly to myself, as I knew exactly why. Adam Driver continues to impress us, this time with his portrayal of a cynical film director who slowly begins to see the world through the eyes of the lovably barmy Don Quixote. Driver has a power that really leaps off the screen. He commands quiet, languid moments and violent, bombastic outbursts with equal aplomb. The film’s narrative is, unsurprisingly, a little on the confusing side at times, but I’m guessing a few more watches will fix that. Its habit of jumping back and forth between fantasy and reality is something that can’t really be avoided when dealing with Cervantes’ novel. I’m hoping to pick up the audiobook where I left off pretty soon. It’s notoriously long, and my attention span is short. After that, I just need to catch up on all the Terry Gilliam films I’ve not seen since Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. As with David Cronenberg’s oeuvre, I’m terribly behind, and I really have no excuse. But, back to the film, please do track down a copy and support the film as best you can. Well, if you’re able to find a copy, that is. As mentioned in my previous post, I had to settle on a German DVD due to distribution problems. I believe the curse of Quixote leapt on Gilliam again only after the film was completed, with someone involved in the 2000 production claiming they were owed money from this version. Probably best not to think about it. Just enjoy the movie! Oh and if you haven’t fallen in love with Joana Ribeiro by the end of the film then, erm, you’re a much stronger person than I.
Here’s the episode of my old podcast where I discuss Lost in La Mancha in, I assume, greater detail:
This week I also finished off my 1-5 boxset of King of the Hill, which I’m a bit sad about. It did pick up by the end, but I don’t think I’ll be pursuing any further seasons. Unless you can convince me otherwise, that is. I’m now watching a bit of Will & Grace in bed, as a placeholder, until I can settle on another comedy series to end each day on.
Right, folks, I think that’s all for my “quick” update. I needed to get a few things off my chest before bed, I think. I’ll either fire up the Don Quixote audiobook after the telly’s switched off or, as I have been doing recently, listen to a nonfiction history title. I’ve been working my way through one about ancient Mediterranean civilisations. It’s light, but still interesting. And long. Very, very long.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
Monday, 11 May 2020
Life in a northern town
Well, I’m not feeling quite as negative as I was just before my last post. Perhaps having the mental health people ringing me each day last week to check on my wellbeing helped. What’s that scientific expression? “The act of observing something changes the thing being observed”? Something like that. Anyway, it worked. My GP also rang this morning to check on my progress, which was as riveting as a two minute telephone conversation with your homeworking doctor can be. At least he was on time for our appointment, for a change.
I just went out to the shops for the first time in three weeks, and I certainly felt it. I needed to pick up energy meter top-ups, antidepressants and, erm, some other “medication”. Apart from me nearly dying from lack of fitness, it was a pretty easy ride. It was a bit awkward at the chemist at first, as I didn’t realise I had to queue up outside. Nobody said anything when I entered the premises, even though I was using my white cane. I shouldn’t feel guilty as, well, it’s not like I can read signs or anything. There were two gossipy ladies in the queue, which was fun to listen in on. Everybody seems just as confused as everybody else about current outside behavioural rules, so I’m not in the minority. The grocery shop was smooth sailing too. It was pretty empty until, of course, I got to the till, then loads of people appeared behind me. I feel very self-conscious when I’m first in a long queue. Knowing people are watching what I’m doing makes me very anxious. At least I got plenty of booze in, which should speed time up nicely.
I’ve found some new gaming buddies to chat to this week, although they’re a little high energy. I’ve gotten so used to solo gaming recently that it’s been quite a shock to the system. I might appear offline while I regain my strength. My old gaming buddy got in touch last week to say he was going to be back online, but then realised his headset was broken, so that came to nothing. After buying him that stuff for his birthday, I’ve kinda stopped being bothered about him at all. It was a cathartic act. I’ve moved on.
My ex got in touch, as she’s hit rock bottom recently too. In fact, we both had the same crisis team on the phone. Separately, of course. We're quite the pair. Her anxiety has been so bad that she’s been noticeably stuttering over the phone, which isn’t like her. I seem to have managed to calm her down though. She’s a very sweet person, so it’s not nice hearing her so distraught. It’s been the usual stuff getting her down, so I’m not sure how long my calming influence will last. I’ll keep an eye on my phone, just in case.
I think I’m coming to the end of the good seasons of King of the Hill, so I’m glad I only invested in the 1-5 boxset. It’s now starting to feel like the later episodes of The Simpsons. The characters aren’t acting like how they did in the earlier seasons, and everything’s becoming, well, nice. You should be afraid for the Hill family that either Dale, Bill or Boomhauer will one day murder them all in a murder-suicide incident, but now they all go on wacky adventures each week and act loveably eccentric. Dale Gribble should not be loveable. He should be terrifying. The series did hit a high, though, with what I’m going to call the “Buckley Trilogy”. It includes the episodes: “Death of a Propane Salesman, Part One”, “Death of a Propane Salesman, Part Two” and “Wings of a Dope”. I’d be interested to see a version of these episodes cut together to form a mini-movie, as they almost form a strange art piece. I won’t spoil it for you, but “Wings of the Dope” had me in tears. Please do find these three episodes and watch them back-to-back, even if you’re not a fan of King of the Hill in general. They make an incredibly moving and profound work, and you will find yourself loving Luanne Platter as a character, even if you disregarded her as “kooky” before. Like the Hope storyline in Xena: Warrior Princess, the Buckley Trilogy was almost too good for the series. I would even go as far as to call it a “show-killer”, as I was left thinking “Wow, where do they go from here?!”. Which was a fair question, as “Wings of a Dope” felt like a finale. In some ways it was.
Oh, I found out that The Strokes have a new album out, which I’ve been listening to over the last few days. It follows the same melodic themes as their last two albums, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Julian Casablancas sounds as disinterested as always, but I guess there’s nothing we can do about that. His apathetic poetry about nothing-in-particular will avoid moving you as you may have come to expect. Oh well. Still, his backing band are as still perky and manage to inject a bit of life into the middling alternative rock genre. I shall continue my audio experiments!
I was pleased to discover Amy Poehler's new series Duncanville last week. It's an animated comedy about the comings and goings of a teenage boy and his family and friends. From what I just said, you can probably guess that it's not the most original thing in the world, but it's genuinely funny and entertaining. Plus, it's interesting to see a show centered around teens that has slightly more adult humour. It doesn't go to the foul-mouthed extremes of The Inbetweeners, but it certainly dares to be darker than something like Boy Meets World. Whether it's darker than the masterpiece that is Hey, Arnold! is another thing. So, yeah, go watch Duncanville. Now!
I’ve just put in an order for The Rise of Skywalker on DVD, so that’ll be interesting to finally see. I hear it’s “clusterfuck”, but I’m hoping it’ll at least be a fun one. I also ordered Terry Gilliam’s long-gestating The Man Who Killed Don Quixote, which still does not have a UK home video release. I’ve had to buy a German import. Sigh. Once it arrives, I’ll probably watch the Lost in La Mancha documentary again first, just to remind myself of the troubled initial production. Gilliam’s reaction when his assistant director quits makes you want to hug him. Bless.
Well, I think I’ve said all that needs to be said. I hope you are all well. It sounds like the pubs might be open in the next couple of months, so we’ll all benefit from that.
Until then, do stay in touch, darlings.
Chicken thigh!
I just went out to the shops for the first time in three weeks, and I certainly felt it. I needed to pick up energy meter top-ups, antidepressants and, erm, some other “medication”. Apart from me nearly dying from lack of fitness, it was a pretty easy ride. It was a bit awkward at the chemist at first, as I didn’t realise I had to queue up outside. Nobody said anything when I entered the premises, even though I was using my white cane. I shouldn’t feel guilty as, well, it’s not like I can read signs or anything. There were two gossipy ladies in the queue, which was fun to listen in on. Everybody seems just as confused as everybody else about current outside behavioural rules, so I’m not in the minority. The grocery shop was smooth sailing too. It was pretty empty until, of course, I got to the till, then loads of people appeared behind me. I feel very self-conscious when I’m first in a long queue. Knowing people are watching what I’m doing makes me very anxious. At least I got plenty of booze in, which should speed time up nicely.
I’ve found some new gaming buddies to chat to this week, although they’re a little high energy. I’ve gotten so used to solo gaming recently that it’s been quite a shock to the system. I might appear offline while I regain my strength. My old gaming buddy got in touch last week to say he was going to be back online, but then realised his headset was broken, so that came to nothing. After buying him that stuff for his birthday, I’ve kinda stopped being bothered about him at all. It was a cathartic act. I’ve moved on.
My ex got in touch, as she’s hit rock bottom recently too. In fact, we both had the same crisis team on the phone. Separately, of course. We're quite the pair. Her anxiety has been so bad that she’s been noticeably stuttering over the phone, which isn’t like her. I seem to have managed to calm her down though. She’s a very sweet person, so it’s not nice hearing her so distraught. It’s been the usual stuff getting her down, so I’m not sure how long my calming influence will last. I’ll keep an eye on my phone, just in case.
I think I’m coming to the end of the good seasons of King of the Hill, so I’m glad I only invested in the 1-5 boxset. It’s now starting to feel like the later episodes of The Simpsons. The characters aren’t acting like how they did in the earlier seasons, and everything’s becoming, well, nice. You should be afraid for the Hill family that either Dale, Bill or Boomhauer will one day murder them all in a murder-suicide incident, but now they all go on wacky adventures each week and act loveably eccentric. Dale Gribble should not be loveable. He should be terrifying. The series did hit a high, though, with what I’m going to call the “Buckley Trilogy”. It includes the episodes: “Death of a Propane Salesman, Part One”, “Death of a Propane Salesman, Part Two” and “Wings of a Dope”. I’d be interested to see a version of these episodes cut together to form a mini-movie, as they almost form a strange art piece. I won’t spoil it for you, but “Wings of the Dope” had me in tears. Please do find these three episodes and watch them back-to-back, even if you’re not a fan of King of the Hill in general. They make an incredibly moving and profound work, and you will find yourself loving Luanne Platter as a character, even if you disregarded her as “kooky” before. Like the Hope storyline in Xena: Warrior Princess, the Buckley Trilogy was almost too good for the series. I would even go as far as to call it a “show-killer”, as I was left thinking “Wow, where do they go from here?!”. Which was a fair question, as “Wings of a Dope” felt like a finale. In some ways it was.
Oh, I found out that The Strokes have a new album out, which I’ve been listening to over the last few days. It follows the same melodic themes as their last two albums, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Julian Casablancas sounds as disinterested as always, but I guess there’s nothing we can do about that. His apathetic poetry about nothing-in-particular will avoid moving you as you may have come to expect. Oh well. Still, his backing band are as still perky and manage to inject a bit of life into the middling alternative rock genre. I shall continue my audio experiments!
I was pleased to discover Amy Poehler's new series Duncanville last week. It's an animated comedy about the comings and goings of a teenage boy and his family and friends. From what I just said, you can probably guess that it's not the most original thing in the world, but it's genuinely funny and entertaining. Plus, it's interesting to see a show centered around teens that has slightly more adult humour. It doesn't go to the foul-mouthed extremes of The Inbetweeners, but it certainly dares to be darker than something like Boy Meets World. Whether it's darker than the masterpiece that is Hey, Arnold! is another thing. So, yeah, go watch Duncanville. Now!
I’ve just put in an order for The Rise of Skywalker on DVD, so that’ll be interesting to finally see. I hear it’s “clusterfuck”, but I’m hoping it’ll at least be a fun one. I also ordered Terry Gilliam’s long-gestating The Man Who Killed Don Quixote, which still does not have a UK home video release. I’ve had to buy a German import. Sigh. Once it arrives, I’ll probably watch the Lost in La Mancha documentary again first, just to remind myself of the troubled initial production. Gilliam’s reaction when his assistant director quits makes you want to hug him. Bless.
Well, I think I’ve said all that needs to be said. I hope you are all well. It sounds like the pubs might be open in the next couple of months, so we’ll all benefit from that.
Until then, do stay in touch, darlings.
Chicken thigh!
Tuesday, 5 May 2020
Lust for life
So the past couple of weeks have been a bit of a downer. My antidepressants really seem to be struggling to keep me afloat. I’ve definitely gone back to existing from day-to-day, barely achieving anything at all. I need to drop my prescription off soon actually as, much to my surprise, it’s been nearly a month since I last left the flat properly and I’m running out of meds. The days are slow but, somehow, they’re passing quickly. If all you really want out of life is to go down to the pub once or twice a week and converse with a bunch of sad weirdos like you, but you can’t, because they’ve shut all the pubs down, then you really start to lose focus. I mean, I’m into other stuff, obviously, but wandering down the hill for a few ales has been what’s gotten me out of the house for the past decade. Now it’s just gangs of kids out there who make comments about my disability. I just want a fucking pint, but that’s become too much to ask. Sigh.
I mentioned to my IAPT (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies) worker over the phone yesterday that I’ve been feeling morbid again. I should have known, from past experience, to just bottle that noise up as, of course, he had to cut our session short to go discuss what I’d told him with his supervisor. Now I’ve got a crisis team ringing me regularly to make sure I’m not swinging from my balcony. Maybe this means they’ll bump me up to a proper counsellor, rather than an admin bod who’s probably only been on a week-long mental health training course. Well, that’s a bit unfair, I’m sure they’re much more trained than that, but IAPT isn’t about them listening and giving advice so much as guiding you to help yourself. Basically, I think I need an actual psychologist, but we shall have to wait and see. I’m feeling a little better today so, when they ring later, I’ll try to get them off my back.
It was my old gaming buddy’s birthday the other day, so I bought him a bunch of stuff off his Amazon wish list. I spent over a hundred pounds. I didn’t think it was weird at the time, but now I’m regretting making such a grand gesture. I wasn’t trying to buy his affection or anything. I dunno, I guess I just wanted to say “thanks” to him for helping me stay sane the past few years. He’s been very appreciative about what he’s received, so I hope he leaves it at that and doesn’t feel under pressure to get back in touch. Silly me. I don’t like doing things out of obligation, so buying him all that stuff just because I wanted to felt pure and more honest than the usual reluctant gift-giving nightmare we all go through. Who knows where things will go now. I’ve probably made a fool out of myself, but that’s ok. It’s not my first time.
I’ve been watching King of the Hill in bed a lot this week. I’ve really gotten into it. I genuinely forgot how funny it was. I just wish I’d bought the boxset sooner. Oh well. While my favourite character, in terms of laughs, is Dale Gribble, my overall favourite character is Luanne. She’s so unashamedly herself that she’s a joy to watch. Her blissful approach to doing everything is so inspiring, and her modest dreams (she doesn’t want to be a movie star, she just wants to be the makeup artist to a movie star) make her even more relatable. She’s not perfect though, as sometimes she does get angry and vindictive over things (don't we all?), but that just makes her more human. None of us are perfect, whatever “perfect” even means. We’re just people, and Luanne feels more like a person than anyone else on the show. I wish I could share her sweetly-naïve lust for life and be just as passionate about the little things as she is.
RIP Brittany Murphy.
Well, I think I’ve come to the end of today’s incoherent rant. I’m sure I say this at the end of every post now but, well, by my next post I hope things in the news will have changed and I’ll have more interesting adventures to report. Shit gets pretty crazy in a suburban real ale pub on a weekday afternoon with a bunch of elderly people. Cuh-ray-zee!
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
I mentioned to my IAPT (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies) worker over the phone yesterday that I’ve been feeling morbid again. I should have known, from past experience, to just bottle that noise up as, of course, he had to cut our session short to go discuss what I’d told him with his supervisor. Now I’ve got a crisis team ringing me regularly to make sure I’m not swinging from my balcony. Maybe this means they’ll bump me up to a proper counsellor, rather than an admin bod who’s probably only been on a week-long mental health training course. Well, that’s a bit unfair, I’m sure they’re much more trained than that, but IAPT isn’t about them listening and giving advice so much as guiding you to help yourself. Basically, I think I need an actual psychologist, but we shall have to wait and see. I’m feeling a little better today so, when they ring later, I’ll try to get them off my back.
It was my old gaming buddy’s birthday the other day, so I bought him a bunch of stuff off his Amazon wish list. I spent over a hundred pounds. I didn’t think it was weird at the time, but now I’m regretting making such a grand gesture. I wasn’t trying to buy his affection or anything. I dunno, I guess I just wanted to say “thanks” to him for helping me stay sane the past few years. He’s been very appreciative about what he’s received, so I hope he leaves it at that and doesn’t feel under pressure to get back in touch. Silly me. I don’t like doing things out of obligation, so buying him all that stuff just because I wanted to felt pure and more honest than the usual reluctant gift-giving nightmare we all go through. Who knows where things will go now. I’ve probably made a fool out of myself, but that’s ok. It’s not my first time.
I’ve been watching King of the Hill in bed a lot this week. I’ve really gotten into it. I genuinely forgot how funny it was. I just wish I’d bought the boxset sooner. Oh well. While my favourite character, in terms of laughs, is Dale Gribble, my overall favourite character is Luanne. She’s so unashamedly herself that she’s a joy to watch. Her blissful approach to doing everything is so inspiring, and her modest dreams (she doesn’t want to be a movie star, she just wants to be the makeup artist to a movie star) make her even more relatable. She’s not perfect though, as sometimes she does get angry and vindictive over things (don't we all?), but that just makes her more human. None of us are perfect, whatever “perfect” even means. We’re just people, and Luanne feels more like a person than anyone else on the show. I wish I could share her sweetly-naïve lust for life and be just as passionate about the little things as she is.
RIP Brittany Murphy.
Well, I think I’ve come to the end of today’s incoherent rant. I’m sure I say this at the end of every post now but, well, by my next post I hope things in the news will have changed and I’ll have more interesting adventures to report. Shit gets pretty crazy in a suburban real ale pub on a weekday afternoon with a bunch of elderly people. Cuh-ray-zee!
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
Sunday, 26 April 2020
It never rains, but it pours
Hello! Thought I might check in. Hope you’re all doing well. Can’t say I have a great deal to report but, well, do I really ever? Hmmm, I’ll let you be the judge of that. I shall just start typing and see what I come out with.
Believe it or not, I’ve ran out of booze. Shocker! But it’s ok, I managed to get another grocery delivery slot for this coming Thursday, so I’ll be back being well lubricated from then on. I’m hoping this delivery dude isn’t as intense as the last one. I understand the drill now, sort of, so fingers crossed it won’t get confrontational again. I keep ordering more than my usual amount of booze because I’m concerned I won’t be able to get my hands on some closer to my birthday next month. I guess I shouldn’t worry about it, as I seem to be doing alright. I might even reduce the amount I’ve put on this week’s order. I’m sure I’ll find some more within a few weeks.
On the hobby front, while I’m still lacking interest in music, I have gotten my nose stuck back into classic literature these past couple of weeks. I’ve managed to finish importing that box of Shakespeare performances and put them onto my MP3 player. I’ve been doing about five plays each night, with three discs a piece. It was a pain in the bum, but I’m finding my “hard work” to have been well worth it. The only problem with these recordings is that they’re lacking any stage directions so, while I’m getting some very good performances, I generally have no idea who is who and where is where. But that’s ok, I usually have to read the synopsis on Wikipedia before delving into each play anyway. I do struggle to pick up on what’s going on just by listening to Shakespeare’s work. Reading his plays as printed in the folio is a little easier, as you can pace yourself. Regardless of this issue, I was really amazed that I genuinely laughed at a Shakespeare joke for the first time in my life. It was this bit in As You Like It:
JAQUES
I thank it. More, I pr'ythee, more. I can suck melancholy out of a song, as a weasel sucks eggs. More, I pr'ythee, more.
AMIENS
My voice is ragged; I know I cannot please you.
JAQUES
I do not desire you to please me; I do desire you to sing.
I was all like "Hey, that was a joke! And it was funny!!". I guess it had to happen some time. I wonder whether it plays out as a comedy moment in other screen/audio adaptations.
The best retelling of any of Shakespeare's canon is, of course, Russ Abbot’s “Do the Richard the Third” musical sketch. I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say it’s the crowning achievement of Western culture, and should be preserved in a museum somewhere. Behold:
I’ve also restarted my Audible membership, as I felt I’d backed off for long enough. I spent my first credit on Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales. I know I can get free recordings of these waaay out of copyright works, but having tried listening to the amateur performances of the dedicated Librivox folk, I’m appreciating the training of professional actors who are actually being directed by someone. I don’t mind paying money for the privilege of not being distracted by the incoherent rantings of a bunch of crazy motherfuckers. Bless their cotton socks. They do put a lot of effort in.
I’ve also been looking into the writings of one of Shakespeare’s contemporaries – Ben Jonson. I’ve only been able to find the amusingly disastrous Librivox recordings of his plays, but it’ll do for now. Maybe they’ll release a Jonson boxset similar to the Shakespeare one I bought. The latter wasn’t the ONLY playwright around at that time, you know. Sheesh! Some people, huh?!
I did initially spend my first Audible credit on another of Dorsey Armstrong’s lecture series about the middle ages, but I was concerned that The Medieval World may tread too much of the same territory as Turning Points in Medieval History. Luckily, Audible have a swap system for if you’re not satisfied with what you’ve spent your credit on. I do like Dr Armstrong’s lectures though, so next month I may invest in one that promises to be a bit different - either one on King Arthur or one on the Black Death. Although, erm, reading about a major historical pandemic might not be great at this moment in time. I shall have a think!
Movie-wise, I’ve been trying to work my way through 1986’s Lady Jane, starring an adorably fresh-faced Helena Bonham Carter and Cary Elwes. It’s a historical piece about the short reign of the titular Lady Jane Grey, also known as "the Nine Days' Queen", who was executed by Mary I, also known as “Bloody Mary”, also known as “Queen Bitch of the Universe”. The last one was by me, but whatever. Lady Jane is proving to be somewhat of a struggle, as it is very much the work of a stage director with very little interest in the art of cinema. Methinks a textbook would prove to be more exciting and visual. However, it does have the inimitable Patrick Stewart in it, who is always a joy to watch. I mean, he’s the same in everything, but what else do you want?! IT’S PATRICK-BLOODY-STEWART! But, yes, I’m hoping things will liven up the deeper into the film I get. It is rather odd that the film sort-of restarts after half an hour. Not literally, but we get a second round of introductions to the same characters and multiple blasts of exposition. I wonder if they shot two openings and then decided to just chuck them both in. Who knows.
In other news, the pubs aren’t back open yet, so I’m still missing my weekly venture out into civilisation. I’m generally fine without it, but I do like to remind myself now and again why I prefer to stay in. I haven’t been on any more walks with that woman that helped me with my shopping the other week, so I’m guessing my personality worked its usual charm. Sigh.
My old gaming buddy has been back in touch though, as he’s apparently fallen out with my replacement. I think my gaming buddy will be back on his old console within a week or so for a chat. I’m not sure how I feel about being someone’s consolation prize, but I’ll take it. I can’t really be too fussy at this point in my life. Well, I can, and I am, but whatever. It's fine. He's actually very sweet. Coincidentally, while he was texting me about his friendship crisis, I was on the phone to my ex trying to talk her down from her weekly anxiety ledge. Counselling two people at once isn’t the easiest thing in the world to accomplish, I must say. How come nobody contacts me for weeks and then – boom! – all of a sudden I’m rushed off my feet. Crazy days. Oh well, I do enjoy the attention, and I’m very flattered that people find me easy-ish to talk to. Who’d-a-thunk-it?
Right, what next? Oh, I definitely need to take a trip to the recycling bins downstairs, as my living room is cardboard city at the moment. It hasn’t built up like this in quite a while. I’ll probably find a few homeless people making a home in there somewhere. Stranger things have happened.
Well, folks, I think that’s all for now. I best go find… I dunno… something to do. With any luck, I’ll have more to report in my next post. That’ll be nice, won’t it?
Ok, less of that, you.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
Believe it or not, I’ve ran out of booze. Shocker! But it’s ok, I managed to get another grocery delivery slot for this coming Thursday, so I’ll be back being well lubricated from then on. I’m hoping this delivery dude isn’t as intense as the last one. I understand the drill now, sort of, so fingers crossed it won’t get confrontational again. I keep ordering more than my usual amount of booze because I’m concerned I won’t be able to get my hands on some closer to my birthday next month. I guess I shouldn’t worry about it, as I seem to be doing alright. I might even reduce the amount I’ve put on this week’s order. I’m sure I’ll find some more within a few weeks.
On the hobby front, while I’m still lacking interest in music, I have gotten my nose stuck back into classic literature these past couple of weeks. I’ve managed to finish importing that box of Shakespeare performances and put them onto my MP3 player. I’ve been doing about five plays each night, with three discs a piece. It was a pain in the bum, but I’m finding my “hard work” to have been well worth it. The only problem with these recordings is that they’re lacking any stage directions so, while I’m getting some very good performances, I generally have no idea who is who and where is where. But that’s ok, I usually have to read the synopsis on Wikipedia before delving into each play anyway. I do struggle to pick up on what’s going on just by listening to Shakespeare’s work. Reading his plays as printed in the folio is a little easier, as you can pace yourself. Regardless of this issue, I was really amazed that I genuinely laughed at a Shakespeare joke for the first time in my life. It was this bit in As You Like It:
JAQUES
I thank it. More, I pr'ythee, more. I can suck melancholy out of a song, as a weasel sucks eggs. More, I pr'ythee, more.
AMIENS
My voice is ragged; I know I cannot please you.
JAQUES
I do not desire you to please me; I do desire you to sing.
I was all like "Hey, that was a joke! And it was funny!!". I guess it had to happen some time. I wonder whether it plays out as a comedy moment in other screen/audio adaptations.
The best retelling of any of Shakespeare's canon is, of course, Russ Abbot’s “Do the Richard the Third” musical sketch. I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say it’s the crowning achievement of Western culture, and should be preserved in a museum somewhere. Behold:
I’ve also restarted my Audible membership, as I felt I’d backed off for long enough. I spent my first credit on Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales. I know I can get free recordings of these waaay out of copyright works, but having tried listening to the amateur performances of the dedicated Librivox folk, I’m appreciating the training of professional actors who are actually being directed by someone. I don’t mind paying money for the privilege of not being distracted by the incoherent rantings of a bunch of crazy motherfuckers. Bless their cotton socks. They do put a lot of effort in.
I’ve also been looking into the writings of one of Shakespeare’s contemporaries – Ben Jonson. I’ve only been able to find the amusingly disastrous Librivox recordings of his plays, but it’ll do for now. Maybe they’ll release a Jonson boxset similar to the Shakespeare one I bought. The latter wasn’t the ONLY playwright around at that time, you know. Sheesh! Some people, huh?!
I did initially spend my first Audible credit on another of Dorsey Armstrong’s lecture series about the middle ages, but I was concerned that The Medieval World may tread too much of the same territory as Turning Points in Medieval History. Luckily, Audible have a swap system for if you’re not satisfied with what you’ve spent your credit on. I do like Dr Armstrong’s lectures though, so next month I may invest in one that promises to be a bit different - either one on King Arthur or one on the Black Death. Although, erm, reading about a major historical pandemic might not be great at this moment in time. I shall have a think!
Movie-wise, I’ve been trying to work my way through 1986’s Lady Jane, starring an adorably fresh-faced Helena Bonham Carter and Cary Elwes. It’s a historical piece about the short reign of the titular Lady Jane Grey, also known as "the Nine Days' Queen", who was executed by Mary I, also known as “Bloody Mary”, also known as “Queen Bitch of the Universe”. The last one was by me, but whatever. Lady Jane is proving to be somewhat of a struggle, as it is very much the work of a stage director with very little interest in the art of cinema. Methinks a textbook would prove to be more exciting and visual. However, it does have the inimitable Patrick Stewart in it, who is always a joy to watch. I mean, he’s the same in everything, but what else do you want?! IT’S PATRICK-BLOODY-STEWART! But, yes, I’m hoping things will liven up the deeper into the film I get. It is rather odd that the film sort-of restarts after half an hour. Not literally, but we get a second round of introductions to the same characters and multiple blasts of exposition. I wonder if they shot two openings and then decided to just chuck them both in. Who knows.
In other news, the pubs aren’t back open yet, so I’m still missing my weekly venture out into civilisation. I’m generally fine without it, but I do like to remind myself now and again why I prefer to stay in. I haven’t been on any more walks with that woman that helped me with my shopping the other week, so I’m guessing my personality worked its usual charm. Sigh.
My old gaming buddy has been back in touch though, as he’s apparently fallen out with my replacement. I think my gaming buddy will be back on his old console within a week or so for a chat. I’m not sure how I feel about being someone’s consolation prize, but I’ll take it. I can’t really be too fussy at this point in my life. Well, I can, and I am, but whatever. It's fine. He's actually very sweet. Coincidentally, while he was texting me about his friendship crisis, I was on the phone to my ex trying to talk her down from her weekly anxiety ledge. Counselling two people at once isn’t the easiest thing in the world to accomplish, I must say. How come nobody contacts me for weeks and then – boom! – all of a sudden I’m rushed off my feet. Crazy days. Oh well, I do enjoy the attention, and I’m very flattered that people find me easy-ish to talk to. Who’d-a-thunk-it?
Right, what next? Oh, I definitely need to take a trip to the recycling bins downstairs, as my living room is cardboard city at the moment. It hasn’t built up like this in quite a while. I’ll probably find a few homeless people making a home in there somewhere. Stranger things have happened.
Well, folks, I think that’s all for now. I best go find… I dunno… something to do. With any luck, I’ll have more to report in my next post. That’ll be nice, won’t it?
Ok, less of that, you.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
Thursday, 16 April 2020
Supply and demand
There are two things that, generally speaking, I really do not enjoy, these are: mass public melodrama and social trends. These dislikes are possibly irrational and triggered by my clinical depression, so bear with me while I maniacally vent spleen. Now, I know that what is going on right now does not technically constitute a social trend, but it FEELS like one. It has all the irritating hallmarks, so that is where my brain is filing it. The melodrama, I assume, I am mercifully avoiding, having removed myself from social media last year. I'm glad that people are taking positive action and not just wallowing in misery about it all; in fact, there's a real "Dunkirk spirit" taking hold, which is encouraging. However, a mildly creepy commercialisation and a sort-of “pandemic chic” has arisen and is seeping through to me, no matter how much I attempt to shut the world out. At the risk of sounding like a hypocrite by having a rant myself, all this is giving a lot of people the opportunity to make speeches, usually by email. Each day, I have to wade through paragraph after paragraph of pontificating bollocks that’s merely a regurgitation of what we already know, just to get to the point of what the sender (retailers, service providers etc.) is messaging their customers about. Sigh. But it’s ok, I’ve been managing to get my hands on some booze.
Which leads us to…
I’ve managed to get my hands on some booze! LOADS OF IT! It’s nearly all gone now, but it sure has sped up the last couple of weeks. Last Wednesday, that woman who works at my local pub and I went for a walk to the local shops together. Don't worry, we were both safely enclosed in our own lead-lined, 12-feet in diameter social distancing exercise balls. You know, like guinea pigs have. I was getting really anxious about dealing with the public, especially with my visual impairment and my obvious inability to read instructional signage outside shopfronts. And they are out there. It was the first time I’d been out in a few weeks and we had a lovely chat. She even helped me carry my beer home – all 24 cans of it! I think I’m probably eligible for some obnoxious lads’ mag award for having an attractive woman carry a crate of lager home for me. But I wouldn’t accept it, of course. I’m not that kind of guy. While in the shop, I did keep forgetting to stay within the black lines that the staff had laid out on the floor for customers, but nobody freaked out. It was a surprisingly drama-free experience. Once we got back to mine, I said I’d take over all the carrying duties outside the building, as my flat’s in too much of a messy state for people to come in and, erm, experience. Which is the truth, although I think she would have been happy to come all the way up. I don’t think she likes me in THAT way, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like her. Anyway, I think she has a boyfriend, so I’m happy to wait for her to make any moves in that direction. I’m a pretty passive fella.
The next four days passed by in a boozy blur, believe it or not. My memory starts to return around Sunday. This was quite a good day, actually, as I finally managed to get a grocery delivery slot! It genuinely felt like I’d won the lottery. I didn’t panic buy, but I did have a backlog of things I desperately needed. I usually spend about £60, but this week I spent double that. Odd really, as there really wasn’t anything out of the ordinary that turned up. I’m blaming my general household needs. Still, it’s been really great having some fresh food in the flat and some of my favourite snacks (most importantly: Cofresh’s Balti Cashews, which I heartily recommend!). The delivery guy was a little aggressive with his social distancing anxiety. I wasn’t sure what the drill was, so he kept shouting “Stay back!”. I was all like “Yeah... ok, dude... I’m cool”. He even mentioned that his wife had cancer, like to guilt-trip me or something. I didn’t think that was necessary. I was so glad when he left. He’d made me really anxious. See? This is why I hate all this – not for the fear of catching something and dying, but having to deal with society differently, which I’m not great at even on a good day. Especially having to deal with a society that’s reveling in melodrama (faux or otherwise) which, having experienced it ad nauseum on social media, I’m now fighting to avoid “off the grid” and at my very front door.
And this weekly clapping thing can get lost. Sheep, the lot of them.
Please be patient with me, I need to get all this frustration out. Growing up in a military family has left me feeling, well, rather disconnected from society. I struggle with empathy, sometimes.
Oh, I forgot to mention, the day after I went on that platonic walk, those three cases of beer turned up from that online supplier, so I had EVEN MORE booze to work through! Woohoo! So, yes, that’s definitely kept me busy. I best not have any tonight, as I really need to pick up my medication tomorrow. Why does it always run out just before the weekend?! Alas!
Actually, I have noticed that, since these new antidepressants have kicked in, my noisy neighbours haven’t been bothering me as much. One of them actually shouted down the stairwell to the other today to get them to turn their music down but, I dunno, it’s just not been getting to me. I’m seeing that as a positive change. I mean, why not? Still, that did make me laugh earlier.
Oh, I watched the 1987 biopic Prick Up Your Ears the other day. It’s directed by Stephen Frears and stars Gary Oldman and Alfred Molina as romantically entangled but sort-of-competing writers. I wanted this for my “movies about creativity” collection, but it also fits neatly into my LGBT collection. Hmmm, I’ll decide later where to slip it in. Most importantly, the film also stars Julie Walters and Vanessa Redgrave – two of my favourite people in the universe ever. Redgrave is actually a lot like that woman I went for a walk with last week, so you can see why I’m smitten. Prick Up Your Ears actually has some minor similarities to Withnail & I, which was released the same year. Both films are about two creative types of differing skill and potential living together, with one being very flamboyant and self-doubting, while the other is more sedate and quietly self-confident. Obviously, the homoeroticism in Withnail & I is purely subtext, while in Prick Up Your Ears it is text. I recommend a double bill, perhaps a triple, if anyone can think of a third film with similar themes. That can be your homework for this week, lovers.
Righty, I best go, as I’ve got a curry on the hob. Homemade, of course! Yay! I haven’t had to order a takeaway for “fresh” food in a week and a half! Amazing!
Anyway, I hope you are all keeping well and succeeding in not tearing your hair out with boredom.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
Which leads us to…
I’ve managed to get my hands on some booze! LOADS OF IT! It’s nearly all gone now, but it sure has sped up the last couple of weeks. Last Wednesday, that woman who works at my local pub and I went for a walk to the local shops together. Don't worry, we were both safely enclosed in our own lead-lined, 12-feet in diameter social distancing exercise balls. You know, like guinea pigs have. I was getting really anxious about dealing with the public, especially with my visual impairment and my obvious inability to read instructional signage outside shopfronts. And they are out there. It was the first time I’d been out in a few weeks and we had a lovely chat. She even helped me carry my beer home – all 24 cans of it! I think I’m probably eligible for some obnoxious lads’ mag award for having an attractive woman carry a crate of lager home for me. But I wouldn’t accept it, of course. I’m not that kind of guy. While in the shop, I did keep forgetting to stay within the black lines that the staff had laid out on the floor for customers, but nobody freaked out. It was a surprisingly drama-free experience. Once we got back to mine, I said I’d take over all the carrying duties outside the building, as my flat’s in too much of a messy state for people to come in and, erm, experience. Which is the truth, although I think she would have been happy to come all the way up. I don’t think she likes me in THAT way, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like her. Anyway, I think she has a boyfriend, so I’m happy to wait for her to make any moves in that direction. I’m a pretty passive fella.
The next four days passed by in a boozy blur, believe it or not. My memory starts to return around Sunday. This was quite a good day, actually, as I finally managed to get a grocery delivery slot! It genuinely felt like I’d won the lottery. I didn’t panic buy, but I did have a backlog of things I desperately needed. I usually spend about £60, but this week I spent double that. Odd really, as there really wasn’t anything out of the ordinary that turned up. I’m blaming my general household needs. Still, it’s been really great having some fresh food in the flat and some of my favourite snacks (most importantly: Cofresh’s Balti Cashews, which I heartily recommend!). The delivery guy was a little aggressive with his social distancing anxiety. I wasn’t sure what the drill was, so he kept shouting “Stay back!”. I was all like “Yeah... ok, dude... I’m cool”. He even mentioned that his wife had cancer, like to guilt-trip me or something. I didn’t think that was necessary. I was so glad when he left. He’d made me really anxious. See? This is why I hate all this – not for the fear of catching something and dying, but having to deal with society differently, which I’m not great at even on a good day. Especially having to deal with a society that’s reveling in melodrama (faux or otherwise) which, having experienced it ad nauseum on social media, I’m now fighting to avoid “off the grid” and at my very front door.
And this weekly clapping thing can get lost. Sheep, the lot of them.
Please be patient with me, I need to get all this frustration out. Growing up in a military family has left me feeling, well, rather disconnected from society. I struggle with empathy, sometimes.
Oh, I forgot to mention, the day after I went on that platonic walk, those three cases of beer turned up from that online supplier, so I had EVEN MORE booze to work through! Woohoo! So, yes, that’s definitely kept me busy. I best not have any tonight, as I really need to pick up my medication tomorrow. Why does it always run out just before the weekend?! Alas!
Actually, I have noticed that, since these new antidepressants have kicked in, my noisy neighbours haven’t been bothering me as much. One of them actually shouted down the stairwell to the other today to get them to turn their music down but, I dunno, it’s just not been getting to me. I’m seeing that as a positive change. I mean, why not? Still, that did make me laugh earlier.
Oh, I watched the 1987 biopic Prick Up Your Ears the other day. It’s directed by Stephen Frears and stars Gary Oldman and Alfred Molina as romantically entangled but sort-of-competing writers. I wanted this for my “movies about creativity” collection, but it also fits neatly into my LGBT collection. Hmmm, I’ll decide later where to slip it in. Most importantly, the film also stars Julie Walters and Vanessa Redgrave – two of my favourite people in the universe ever. Redgrave is actually a lot like that woman I went for a walk with last week, so you can see why I’m smitten. Prick Up Your Ears actually has some minor similarities to Withnail & I, which was released the same year. Both films are about two creative types of differing skill and potential living together, with one being very flamboyant and self-doubting, while the other is more sedate and quietly self-confident. Obviously, the homoeroticism in Withnail & I is purely subtext, while in Prick Up Your Ears it is text. I recommend a double bill, perhaps a triple, if anyone can think of a third film with similar themes. That can be your homework for this week, lovers.
Righty, I best go, as I’ve got a curry on the hob. Homemade, of course! Yay! I haven’t had to order a takeaway for “fresh” food in a week and a half! Amazing!
Anyway, I hope you are all keeping well and succeeding in not tearing your hair out with boredom.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
Sunday, 5 April 2020
Another day, another nothing
Big news! I’m considering turning my refrigerator off. Exciting, huh?! The thing is, all that’s in there at the moment are some condiment sauces and half a tub of margarine. I’m sure it’s chewing up a lot of electricity, and my meter credit is now down to £23. It generally equates to about £1 a day, give or take. I’ll probably be okay for another couple of weeks, but I’m sure I’ll start getting anxious about it soon. I’ll have to actually go out to get a credit top-up, but I’m really not keen to go into any shops at the moment. I’m not fused about catching anything, it’s just not knowing how I’m supposed to act when I’m in there is what’s getting me worked up. I just want things back to normal. If I do turn off my fridge, then I won’t be able to store takeaway leftovers (should I order enough for a few days, as usual). Hmmm, is it worth it? Three day old pizza is pretty good eating. I’ll have a think.
Maybe all this will be over by the time my meter dries up and the lights go out. Or I’ll find I can survive on just cold water baths and staring out the window at nothing for entertainment. Sounds fun.
I managed to put an order in a for a few cases of beer earlier today. I was quite surprised I was able to. I don’t know why I was so surprised, as beer is hardly an essential. Well, maybe for some. The cases are from a place I’ve ordered from before (who do mixed bottle gift boxes). I ordered three. I’m wondering whether to drink them once they arrive or wait until my birthday next month. It’s a big round number, so I should celebrate. I guess I could order more cases should these arrive quick enough.
I made a curry yesterday out of tinned vegetables and meat. Very posh. It’s kinda what I do anyway, so it was no big change. I ran out of rice last week though, so I had it with pasta. It actually wasn’t too bad. There’s something in rice that makes me happy though, so running out is very bothersome. I need my fix! Today I stirred in a tin of new potatoes as I heated it up. It was fine. Rice would have been better. Just saying.
I watched a couple of films directed by Karel Reisz and lensed by Freddie Francis this week – The French Lieutenant’s Woman and Saturday Night and Sunday Morning. They’re both films I’ve been meaning to catch for years but, for some reason, have just never gotten around to it. Freddie Francis is my favourite cinematographer, having worked on The Elephant Man, Dune and Cape Fear, so I was keen to check out more of his work. He seems to like creating layers of similar colours, which gives a pastel-quality to his scenes. He was quite a genius.
The French Lieutenant’s Woman is rather an oddity, as it jumps back and forth through time from the Victorian era to modern day, where Meryl Streep and Jeremy Irons play actors working on a film version of the Victorian scenes. It’s a rather pointless device, to be honest. I think they did it to fit in the multiple endings that the source material has, but they could have done it a better way. The film Clue did it best, I’d say. Regardless, The French Lieutenant’s Woman is a very moving study of depression, a subject which is close to my heart. Streep’s character is in a very confused state throughout most of the film, and just wants to isolate herself in order to recover. I can relate to this. She emotionally wounds people, but not on purpose. Depression creates so much doubt in one’s mind, and can make the sufferer see the world not for what it really is. Sometimes people around them inadvertently get caught up in that. It’s really nobody’s fault. Just the illnesses.
Saturday Night and Sunday Morning was very interesting. It’s fascinating seeing English life as it was sixty years ago. I think it’s a film that helped kick-off the British new wave, adding grit to motion pictures, rather than the soft fantasy world of films from and before the 1950s. Albert Finney is very compelling as the loutish main character, although his loud line delivery gets a bit irritating after a while. Rachel Roberts gives a very moving performance as the married woman Finney’s character is having an affair with. I nearly teared up myself as she broke down while confiding she was pregnant. I need to check out more British films from this period. Let me know if you have any recommendations!
The rest of that bulk Amazon order I put in hasn’t even been dispatched yet. Apparently they’re prioritising essential items, which is fine. I wonder which will come first – my beer cases or box of DVDs. We shall see.
I’m still doing a lot of solo video gaming at the moment, although I did have a catch-up session with my once-a-week gaming buddy. I’ve been venturing into playing with randoms on certain titles, with mixed results. Still, it’s nice to have some company, even if they never turn their mic on.
I’ve started fantasy house hunting again, which is a nice bit of escapism. I looked for houses around Lyme Regis last night, which is a town on the south coast. It was featured prominently in The French Lieutenant’s Woman and looked rather pleasant. I didn’t find much though. I’m searching for properties under the assumption that I’ll win the lottery next week so, basically, plenty of bedrooms and a big garden are a must! I’m sure I’ll be packing my bags by the end of the week. Just when I’ll be able to actually move is another thing. Your guess is as good as mine.
Well, I must dash. I have a whole lot of nothing to be getting on with. Hopefully I’ll be writing my next post from the bottom of a bottle. Good times.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
Maybe all this will be over by the time my meter dries up and the lights go out. Or I’ll find I can survive on just cold water baths and staring out the window at nothing for entertainment. Sounds fun.
I managed to put an order in a for a few cases of beer earlier today. I was quite surprised I was able to. I don’t know why I was so surprised, as beer is hardly an essential. Well, maybe for some. The cases are from a place I’ve ordered from before (who do mixed bottle gift boxes). I ordered three. I’m wondering whether to drink them once they arrive or wait until my birthday next month. It’s a big round number, so I should celebrate. I guess I could order more cases should these arrive quick enough.
I made a curry yesterday out of tinned vegetables and meat. Very posh. It’s kinda what I do anyway, so it was no big change. I ran out of rice last week though, so I had it with pasta. It actually wasn’t too bad. There’s something in rice that makes me happy though, so running out is very bothersome. I need my fix! Today I stirred in a tin of new potatoes as I heated it up. It was fine. Rice would have been better. Just saying.
I watched a couple of films directed by Karel Reisz and lensed by Freddie Francis this week – The French Lieutenant’s Woman and Saturday Night and Sunday Morning. They’re both films I’ve been meaning to catch for years but, for some reason, have just never gotten around to it. Freddie Francis is my favourite cinematographer, having worked on The Elephant Man, Dune and Cape Fear, so I was keen to check out more of his work. He seems to like creating layers of similar colours, which gives a pastel-quality to his scenes. He was quite a genius.
The French Lieutenant’s Woman is rather an oddity, as it jumps back and forth through time from the Victorian era to modern day, where Meryl Streep and Jeremy Irons play actors working on a film version of the Victorian scenes. It’s a rather pointless device, to be honest. I think they did it to fit in the multiple endings that the source material has, but they could have done it a better way. The film Clue did it best, I’d say. Regardless, The French Lieutenant’s Woman is a very moving study of depression, a subject which is close to my heart. Streep’s character is in a very confused state throughout most of the film, and just wants to isolate herself in order to recover. I can relate to this. She emotionally wounds people, but not on purpose. Depression creates so much doubt in one’s mind, and can make the sufferer see the world not for what it really is. Sometimes people around them inadvertently get caught up in that. It’s really nobody’s fault. Just the illnesses.
Saturday Night and Sunday Morning was very interesting. It’s fascinating seeing English life as it was sixty years ago. I think it’s a film that helped kick-off the British new wave, adding grit to motion pictures, rather than the soft fantasy world of films from and before the 1950s. Albert Finney is very compelling as the loutish main character, although his loud line delivery gets a bit irritating after a while. Rachel Roberts gives a very moving performance as the married woman Finney’s character is having an affair with. I nearly teared up myself as she broke down while confiding she was pregnant. I need to check out more British films from this period. Let me know if you have any recommendations!
The rest of that bulk Amazon order I put in hasn’t even been dispatched yet. Apparently they’re prioritising essential items, which is fine. I wonder which will come first – my beer cases or box of DVDs. We shall see.
I’m still doing a lot of solo video gaming at the moment, although I did have a catch-up session with my once-a-week gaming buddy. I’ve been venturing into playing with randoms on certain titles, with mixed results. Still, it’s nice to have some company, even if they never turn their mic on.
I’ve started fantasy house hunting again, which is a nice bit of escapism. I looked for houses around Lyme Regis last night, which is a town on the south coast. It was featured prominently in The French Lieutenant’s Woman and looked rather pleasant. I didn’t find much though. I’m searching for properties under the assumption that I’ll win the lottery next week so, basically, plenty of bedrooms and a big garden are a must! I’m sure I’ll be packing my bags by the end of the week. Just when I’ll be able to actually move is another thing. Your guess is as good as mine.
Well, I must dash. I have a whole lot of nothing to be getting on with. Hopefully I’ll be writing my next post from the bottom of a bottle. Good times.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
-
I must say, sticking to wine and beer is giving my alcoholism a fine longevity indeed! I’d usually be questioning every decision I’ve ever m...
-
I can’t tell you how great it is to have the temperature drop like it has. Well, I can: it’s really great! Sitting still and not sweating ...
-
Well, after the usual stuttering start, the autumnal weather seems to be here to stay. Woo! I could do with a little more sunshine though, a...
