They're back

Over the last few days I’ve come to realise that those horrid “adrenaline seizures” that occur during the hypnogogic phase of my sleep have returned. I had so dearly hoped that they were solely a side-effect of my antidepressants and, post-withdrawal, they would be gone for good. No such luck, I’m afraid. I was up until 4 am last night fighting them. I was in agony at one point. It usually takes getting out of bed, sitting in the lounge with the lights on, and doing something constructive (playing guitar or with myself) to stop them. I now feel utterly dejected. Is this me forever? Living in fear of sleep?! Sigh.

My only hope is to stop drinking tea, which is the only new factor in my life recently. If that doesn’t stop it, maybe I’ll go back to being a full-time alcoholic.

I downloaded and installed Audacity last night while I was struggling with sleep, so that’s something. I’ll give GarageBand one last try though. I’ll see if I can find some official how-to videos on YouTube for what I’m struggling with. I’ve come to realise that unofficial ones are dishonest and lure you in with their “click-bait” titles, but don’t actually give you the information they promise. They usually keep you hanging on just long enough to get your viewing statistic (thus monetisation). It’s a sad world we live in. Social media used to be about shy nerds trying to make friends, now it’s all about “LOOK AT ME AND GIVE ME MONEY”.

Where did it all go wrong, huh?!

At least the weather finally seems to be cooling into a moderate autumnal chill. It’s been cloudy for a couple of days now, and I think it’s even rained a bit. I can’t wait till I’m snuggled up in my armchair under layers and layers watching old cooking shows.

I really don’t ask for much.

I’m wondering whether to ring the chemist today to see if my medication is ready for pickup, that way, afterwards, I can ride this wave of low mood into an alcoholic ditch and stay there.

It’ll be the best thing for me, tragically.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!