Zero motivation. Zero caring. Zero anything.
Well, apart from party boxes of booze, which get me through the day.
Having morbid thoughts, which I can never go through with. I’m very squeamish, therefore self-harm attempts always fail. If only society would help those willing die peacefully, painlessly, and with a modicum of dignity.
What cruel people I am surrounded by.
There is so much noise outside, which only serves to increase my sense of loneliness. Everybody else seems to find it so easy, yet I fail every time. It’s not worth the tragic end that ultimately comes. I am to friendship what a bull is to a China shop.
I have a new neighbour, although I have not met him yet. The last guy moved out because of the barking dog below him that the council can no longer do anything about. I just hope this new tenant isn’t noisy, although it’ll be just my luck that he is.
He certainly doesn’t know how to close doors quietly.
The temperature has risen today, so that’s sapping my joy even further.
I only find pleasure nowadays in the privacy of my own head, in the form of my detailed erotic fantasies. Some of them are so detailed that I never actually get to the erotic part. The buildings and characters are so vivid that I often drift off to sleep before the centrepiece love making.
Oh well, at least they keep me busy.
Dinner today will be Chinese takeaway leftovers that’ve been in the freezer for a few weeks. I’ve actually had Chinese takeaways delivered since, forgetting about what I have stored. Don’t worry, I get by on my looks. I had egg and chips before I passed out last night, which was nice.
Currently watching old episodes of MST3K. The Joel years. They warm my heart.
Anyway, I best go read Final Exit and see what advice it can provide. I just want to be at peace.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
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