The diva awakens

I’m feeling rather self-loathing this weekend. My weekly drinking binge ended Friday, but I was still suffering pretty badly yesterday (Saturday). Still, I think this dip in my mood is unrelated. I’m wondering whether stopping playing the lottery has really plunged me into a greater state of hopelessness, but I guess it’s better to be realistic and just accept I’ll never win. Or is it? When you’ve got nothing left to live for, perhaps a little false hope is ok.

See? Not one of my better moods.

I’m not sure how the near future is going to pan out. Everything has gone dark. I’ve lost all interest in playing guitar and writing and video games and movies and music. I went to bed early last night because I’d ran out of botheration. So, yeah, my sleep pattern is probably back to being weird. I had just about sorted it out too.

I finally ordered a new kettle, as the minor drip has turned into quite a heavy leak. Basically, I found a large puddle on the kitchen counter that was pouring onto the floor. Serves me right for putting off dealing with it. At least it’s done now. The local independent electrical shop I ordered it from said they can’t deliver until Friday, so I’ll be boiling water for my coffees in a pan until then. If I was more assertive, I’d probably have said to them: “What?! No. Get in your car right now and bring me my small items! Otherwise my feedback on your website won’t be positive this time!”. But I didn’t. I just said: “Oh, golly, ok, I guess I can make do until then”. Oh, I forgot to say, I ordered a microwave too. I’ve not had one in this flat at all since I moved in twelve years ago. I can’t explain why. I think maybe it’s because my ex trained me out of using one, thanks to her really swift gas cooker. Hmm, I guess I can explain. Anyway, I thought it was now time to invest in one, as I’ve just had one too many near-misses with my electrical cooker whilst drinking heavily. Well, these two new appliances will now have to count as Christmas presents to myself.

Whores will have their trinkets.

I’m just going through the Modern Family boxset which, when I’m in the wrong mood, can be insufferable. I’m currently on the episode where the titular middle-class white family is whinging about jetting off for a first class holiday in paradise.

Fucksakes.

I genuinely believe the “holiday episodes” were intended as team building getaways for the cast and crew, not for the enjoyment of the audience.

I don’t think my mood has been helped by watching a really depressing film during my booze session. I don’t know what possessed me. Trust me, DTs are only made worse by distressing movies that pull apart the morality of human society. It’s a really well-made film, but I won’t recommend it. It’s not a film anyone should subject themselves to. Actually, it should be used as a public service announcement or training video for social services staff.

Yeah, that depressing.

I’ve not found anything about that apparent stabbing on the local police’s website. There was a man in his forties found dead around the corner after concerns were raised for his safety, but that’s about it. Alas, that’s going to be the end of my story too, isn’t it? Perhaps that woman at the bus stop who told me about the stabbing was a fantasist. She did seem a bit off. I’m wondering whether that actual man dying had something to do with the tenant downstairs, as the police were banging on his door a few weeks ago, to no avail.

How sad.

There’s been a major storm outside all night. It’s one of those storms that makes you genuinely worry that your windows might get blown in. They’ve not though. Yet. Perhaps I should take out some contents insurance.

Well, I’m not sure what else to write about. Like I said, I’ve not been excited about anything, so there’s just nothing to report. Nobody’s visited. Nobody’s called. Nobody’s messaged. Maybe I should get drunk again. I’ve still not finished that blood pressure log, but I just don’t give a fuck. I just want to be left alone and not have to keep going to the surgery about all this fucking bollocks.

Just leave me alone.