Thursday, 1 February 2024

The Anxiety and the Conchiglie

My paranoia-infused anxiety attack has subsided somewhat since Tuesday, although the issues are still there. I think the negativity goblin living on the side of my head has just gotten tired of reminding me about them. Bless ‘im. I also keep having regular lapses into thinking about personal stuff, which I’m attempting to banish (except for when I post here).


Only creative thoughts shall pass here, from now on!


Speaking of which, I’m still managing to get some writing done. It seems to help having multiple stories on the go. There is one set in ancient Rome that I started a couple of years ago that needs dusting off, but I’ll need to read what I’ve thus far written in order to remind myself of what’s going on. I’m not sure whether to post the new stories here, as the material may get a little crude for current sensitive tastes. We’re living in very conservative times. We need another 60s-style counterculture explosion.


I’m currently watching Stanley Kubrick’s Spartacus, which I’m growing more and more fond of the older I get. It’s really Peter Ustinov’s show, who is just delightful to watch. Saying that, the chemistry between Kirk Douglas and Jean Simmons is adorable and, even in a film with energetic fight scenes, their quiet moments together are, by far, the most riveting. Overall though, I’d say my favourite moment is the one where Ustinov reveals to Lawrence Olivier that Olivier has already met Spartacus. Oliver’s reaction is priceless. It’s a moment that sends chills down my spine. Just wonderful! That’s drama at its very best, for you. Second to that scene, the Roman army taking formation for the final battle has to be one of the creepiest moments in cinema history. I’d have turned around and fucking legged it if I was on the other team.


I did end up completing The Agony and the Ecstasy, which is an odd little film. It is what you’d expect it to be - a simple story about a man painting a ceiling and having conflicts with his employer. That’s it. Quite why they needed to stretch that over two hours, I’ll never know. However, because of its unnecessary longevity, the film does have a sort-of formless, meandering quality to it, which I appreciate very much. Think Robert Altman, basically.


Oh that pasta I defrosted was just awful. Had to throw 95% of it out. Remind me never to do that ever again. The conchiglie itself had disintegrated, making it rather gritty. I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I’d cooked it just after making the decision to carry on with this whole life malarky last week, so I was a bit out of it.


I still haven’t gotten round to having a takeaway yet, although going to bed at midday makes such a thing rather tricky. I managed to sleep until 7 am this morning, so perhaps tonight will be the night. I really hope that’s the end of my skewed sleep pattern. I miss daylight!


I’ve made the perhaps-unwise choice to try another dating app. These things really attack my self-esteem, as you’re basically asking people to judge you. I die a little inside every time someone views my profile but doesn’t message me. Sigh. This app is also rife with nascence users trying to get you to move over to WhatsApp for some reason. I assume you can transfer money on WhatsApp. What the fuck is wrong with people?! I also got upset after taking my first selfie in about 6 years. I was all like “Who’s that fat old man and what the fuck is he doing in my flat?!”. I’ll get over it, I’m sure. At least I’m keeping up with the exercise bike thing every morning.

 

So, yes, that’s all for now, lovers. I’m wondering whether to get booze in for the weekend, but I’m actually quite enjoying my sober (minus that miserable trip out to the pub on Monday) routine at the moment.


Do stay in touch, darlings.


Toodles!

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